SNUFF

by Bonny Capps

  I’ve yet to discover if he has a heart. If he does, it’s cold and black at best.

  What made him turn into a bloodthirsty, volatile monster is beyond me—and I’m not even sure if he was ever different. Maybe monsters like him are born with a relentless thorn in their side; a nagging that never lets down … a hunger that can never be satisfied.

  When I look up into his eyes, I want to find out. I want to open him up and see what makes him tick. He’s psychotic, yet magnificent. He’s a conundrum, and I will make it my mission to solve him … to uncover his truth. Though I’m sure it’s riddled with cobwebs and lies and deceit.

  As he stands before me, I allow my eyes to trace every inch of his milky skin. From his hooded eyes, to his narrow nose, to his lush lips. His broad shoulders show me his strength, and his muscular arms evoke memories that I should be ashamed of. Those arms have trapped me, yet they have held me close as he’s claimed me in so many ways.

  From there, my eyes drift to his hard chest just before they linger over his abs where a thin trail of dark hair leads to the place that I’ve forbidden myself to think about, though I can’t say the same for my dreams. He’s always haunting them, and when I wake, my core is throbbing and the moisture between my thighs is a stark reminder of my sick attraction to him.

  I sit up on my elbows, causing my breasts to push upwards from the restraining white corset that I wear. Reaching in front of me, I grab the silk ribbon that holds the corset together before pulling each strand from the bodice. His eager eyes watch each, slow movement as my lungs become unrestrained.

  Dimitri begins removing his belt as he watches me, and I find myself watching him with the same voraciousness. We each want to consume each other. The evident desire is thick as it travels between our two bodies.

  When I open the corset, a strangled growl escapes him as he holds his massive length in his hand. He strokes himself as I lie on my back once more before hooking my thumbs through my panties and pulling them over my legs.

  I spread my legs wide and he watches as I reach between my thighs and run my middle finger between my wet folds. His head tilts to the side as I begin slowly circling my clit, my eyes staying locked on his face so I can see the desire written into his features.

  Dimitri’s grasp tightens around his cock as he stops himself and crawls onto the bed. He grasps my wrist before pulling my hand to his mouth. My fingers are still wet from my desire as he runs them across his bottom lip, his tongue darting out to taste me.

  I sigh as I watch him run his tongue along each of my fingers like they’re a delicacy. His body falls over me and I lean forward to capture his lips, but he pulls away, staring into my eyes intently as the head of his cock nudges my opening.

  I moan as his width stretches me … slowly … tauntingly. I scratch at his back, eager for him to fill me, but he only smiles, stopping as he’s only about halfway inside of my aching pussy.

  His hands slide over my curves as he sits up on his knees. Grabbing my hips, he lifts my lower body and slams into me. I gasp and my back arches as his fingers squeeze my hips harshly. I look up into his eyes, and they shimmer with a primal need as he claims me. I grip the fur below me in my fists as I tighten around his length.

  I remain tangled in the blankets as Dimitri stands. My eyes travel over his muscular back as he kneels down and grabs his pants from the floor.

  He reaches into the pocket and retrieves a tiny bag before dropping the pants and walking back towards the bed. He opens the bag and leans over, dumping little piles of white dust onto the nightstand. He uses a card to form each bump into a thin line before rolling up a rectangular piece of paper.

  He presses the rolled-up piece up paper to one nostril and pinches his other nostril shut with his index finger. The snorting sound fills the room as he sucks one line up his nose. He sits up and leans his head back as he stares at the ceiling.

  “Come here,” he mutters, reaching for me.

  I sit up, holding the blanket to my chest as I scooch towards him. Dimitri wraps his arm around my waist before running his nose along the crook of my neck.

  “I want you to try, mouse,” he whispers against my flesh, holding the piece of rolled up paper in front of us.

  I stare down at it. My conscience is obviously screaming at me as sober Sofia watches from afar with fearful eyes, not saying a word. My dead mother’s face flashes in my mind as I reach for the paper.

  Holding it in my hand, my eyes travel to the three remaining lines of cocaine.

  “Just one,” he whispers as he grabs my hips and nudges me closer to the table. “Don’t think. Just suck it up your nose.”

  I purse my lips as I lean over the table, and Dimitri positions himself behind me as he pulls my hair over my shoulder.

  “Go on,” he says, his hard chest pressing against my back.

  I hold the paper up to my nose and do exactly as Dimitri did earlier when he snorted the line. The cocaine is bitter, but surprisingly, it doesn’t burn my nose as badly as I’d thought it would. The sensation is unlike any other as the numbness coats the back of my throat. I can’t feel my teeth as I lean my head back on his shoulder and allow the paper to fall from my hand. Pure, unadulterated euphoria courses through my veins, and I smile.

  “How do you feel?” Dimitri whispers against my cheek.

  I turn my head slightly and stare into his eyes, wondering if mine look black like his.

  “Amazing,” I murmur, placing my hand over his cheek. “I want to do another one.”

  “How are we looking?” my father mutters as he looks over the screen of his laptop.

  I smile. “Much better than we were. The videos are in high demand. The need has grown immensely since we changed direction.” I smirk at Vadim and he glares at me.

  “This is very good news, Dimitri. I’m glad you’re finally becoming invested in our family’s business,” the Pakhan says as he eyes me from over his laptop. “How are you and Sofia getting along?”

  I sit back in the armchair and smile as my eyes travel to the window. “We are getting along just fine, papa. I must say, she is quite an amazing girl. We share more interests than I’d originally thought.”

  Vadim scoffs and my eyes snap to his. “If you have something to say, Cousin, then by all means—say it.”

  His jaw tenses as he runs his hand down his face.

  That’s what I thought.

  “And Vadim, how is Boris getting along?”

  Vadim looks toward him and sighs before slumping down in his chair. “He’s doing fine. Better than I thought he would.”

  My father nods slowly as his desk phone begins to ring. He presses the speaker button. “Yes?”

  “We have a visitor. David Dmitriev has come with his entourage. They’re here to speak to you.”

  My father smiles deviously as his eyes travel between Vadim and I. “Pat them down and send them to my office.”

  It’s been years since I’ve seen David Dmitriev and, unlike before, I catch myself observing his features—searching for any resemblance to Sofia.

  She has his golden hair and brown eyes. She got the rest of her looks from Lidiya. He’s accompanied by his son, Sofia’s half-brother, and three of his men.

  “Where is she?” David seethes, clenching his fists at his sides as his men stand behind him.

  My father smirks at him. “All in due time,” he says, before leaning forward. “We’ve had our differences in the past, David, but I’m hoping that we can mend the bridges. We are family now, after all.”

  David sighs in defeat. “She is married already then?”

  My father nods pointedly to me. “Dimitri is to be the next Pakhan, and she is his wife. I can assure you that she has been well taken care of.”

  David glares at me. “Have you been good to my daughter?”

  “Absolutely,” I say sardonically. “And she has been good to me. Very, very good.”

  “You motherfucker,” he growls, taking a step towards me.

&nb
sp; “I wouldn’t do that, David,” Vadim says, calmly. “We are here to discuss our alliance with each other. Sofia is a beautiful, talented girl. I wouldn’t want her to get caught up in unnecessary feuds between our families. As you know, they never go well.”

  A strangled growl escapes David as he hangs his shoulders slightly. “I want to see her.”

  “You will see her soon enough. First, we need to talk business,” my father says, leaning back in his chair and steepling his fingers. “We would like a twenty-five percent cut of your bratva’s earnings from here on out. We would also like for you to stay away from our clientele.”

  “Twenty-five percent?” Sofia’s brother, Alexei, spits out. “You’re insane.”

  David holds his hand up. “Done.”

  Alexei’s wide eyes snap to his father and David gives him a stern look. “I will do whatever it takes to ensure that my daughter is safe.” He looks towards my father. “Now, I would like to see Sofia.”

  I run my fingers along the spines of books as I walk the bookshelves of the library, waiting for Vadim to show. He’s later than usual.

  When I hear the door open, I smile. “Nice of you to finally show. I thought I was being stood-up.”

  When he doesn’t respond, I turn, and the breath feels as though it’s been sucked from my lungs.

  It can’t be. No. This is a dream. It must be …. It’s either that, or this man eerily resembles a dead man.

  The dead man being my father.

  I place a hand flat on my abdomen as I stumble backwards, blindly reaching behind me to locate something to steady myself. Breathe. I can’t. I can’t will my lungs to function. All I see are memories dancing at the forefront of my vision. Memories that I’ve pushed so far back, that I swore to never recall again.

  The mind is a funny thing, locking away visions to keep them from haunting you, only to unleash them once you’re triggered. I’d like to keep them buried forever.

  “Sofia,” he murmurs, taking a step towards me.

  I hold a hand up as the tears flood my vision. “Who-who are you?”

  My gaze drifts over his shoulder and I see another man. He must be several years older than me, but something about him makes me sense recognition … a bond of sorts as he looks at me solemnly.

  “It’s me,” the older man whispers as he begins approaching me. “It’s me, Sofia.”

  I hurriedly step around the armchair that Vadim usually occupies in an attempt to put something between us. “I don’t know you.”

  “You do. I’m your father.”

  I shake my head emphatically. “No, you’re not.” I breathe out. “Don’t say that!”

  Hurt morphs his features. “Listen to me, Sofia. I am your father, and this is your brother Alexei.”

  I laugh like a mad woman as I continue to shake my head, tears streaming down my cheeks. “No.”

  “It’s true. Sofia, I’ve missed you so much. If you only knew. I didn’t have a choice.”

  “No!” I scream, glaring at him. “My father is dead. He–he died when I was four. He had a brain aneurism … he … he ….”

  “No,” he whispers, shaking his head slowly as a pained look spreads across his familiar features. “I didn’t. That isn’t the truth.”

  My jaw tenses as I look at him. There isn’t any denying who he is. He is my father.

  “You lied?” I choke out, staring up into his brown eyes, hoping and praying that this encounter isn’t real, because if it is, it means that my entire life has been a lie. Who allows their child to believe that they’re dead? So many nights, I would cry into my pillow, and I would talk to my dead father’s soul. I was convinced that he was listening; that he was watching after me from heaven.

  “I had to. To keep you and your mother safe.”

  “Safe?” I spit out, my fingers curling around the back of the armchair. “Safe?” I scream as I push the armchair to its side before approaching him.

  “You lied. All of these years, you lied to me! You lied to mom!”

  “I did not lie to your mother, Sofia! She knew the cost of being with me. I tried to change for her, but I couldn’t change who I was! I gave her a choice!”

  I blink several times as I stare up into his eyes. “What are you saying?”

  He sighs and hangs his head before tucking his hands deep into the pockets of his suitcoat. “She knew. She knew that I wasn’t dead. When my father died, it was time for me to take his place. I would have deceived my family if I did not. When it was time for me to go, she gave me an ultimatum—I either stay, or I never see you or her again.”

  I lick my lips as my gaze drifts to the window. She knew the entire time.

  “I didn’t want to leave you, Sofia. There would have been bloodshed if I would have stayed. Your brother was only ten. They would have killed him along with the rest of my blood. I was sure that Lidiya would have kept you safe. She was a good mother. She loved you more than anything in the world.”

  I look over his shoulder and frown at Alexei … my brother.

  “How is it that I have an older brother? Mom said that I was an only child,” I whisper, though I’m not sure if I want to hear the answer.

  “Alexei was born six years before you. He’s your half-brother. His mother died during child birth.”

  I place my fingers on my temples in an attempt to alleviate the headache that’s crept up on me. My father reaches out and takes a step towards me.

  I step back. “I want you to leave,” I growl as I narrow my eyes at him.

  His hand drops to his side as he purses his lips. “Sofia—”

  “Get out!” I shriek, causing him to back away. “Stick to your promise, Papa! You had the option! You’ve made your bed, now you have to lie in it.”

  I shove my way past a group of men as I go searching for Dimitri. My chest heaves as rage courses throughout my body. I’m seeing red. I’m not hurt, I’m livid.

  Once I reach the door of Dimitri’s office—the place where he houses dead animals—I turn the knob and swing open the door.

  He’s meeting with another man, but stops when he sees me. Dimitri nods for the man to leave, and I move out of the way to let him before slamming the door shut and approaching my husband.

  I slowly walk toward him with my fists balled at my sides. I want to scream. I want to yell, but I have to be cautious with Dimitri. Things have been going well, regardless of the circumstances. When he married me, I practically became royalty. He has even regarded me differently. Still, I don’t know if I can reel myself in if he tells me what I think he will … what I hope he won’t.

  He watches me as I approach his desk and sit in the chair across from him. His amber eyes dance like fire as they survey me. It’s an unspoken challenge.

  Know your place, Sofia, or he’ll remind you.

  “How long did you know?” I whisper, my fingers tightening around the armrests of the sleek, leather chair.

  He leans back in his chair as his eyes remain locked onto mine from across the desk. “The entire time,” he says, nonchalantly.

  My chest collapses as a long, rough breath tumbles from my lips. To be frank, I should know better. I shouldn’t expect anything good from this man, yet I can’t keep the disappointment from creeping into my mind and my heart.

  “You knew that he was alive, yet you allowed me to believe that he was dead?”

  He nods, his stoic expression remains unchanged.

  “Why was I made to marry you?”

  He shrugs. “To secure an alliance.”

  “An alliance?”

  Dimitri leans forward and places his elbows on the desk. “Between my family and yours.”

  My eyes travel to my lap as I slowly shake my head. Well, there you have it Sofia. The Dmitriev name is tainted. My family is no better than the Vavilovs.

  “My family, they’re in the mafia?”

  “They are,” he says as he stands and walks around the desk. He leans against it and stares down at me as he grips the ed
ge. “The Vavilovs and Dmitrievs have been feuding for decades. Vadim didn’t know who you were when he took you. I am afraid that was a matter of fate … destiny if you will. He didn’t know who that crazy old man was either when he shot him in the head. We only found out who you were when we found this. You had it in your pocket when Vadim took you.”

  Dimitri hands me a folded piece of paper, and I automatically know what it is.

  “She left me with so many lies,” I whisper as I stare down at her letter. “She wanted me to come here. Why? Why would she want this for me?”

  He kneels down and places his hands on my cheeks. “Appreciate that I found you, Sofia. Appreciate that I saved you. Your father, he abandoned you—but me? I will never leave.”

  My blades cut through the ice as I glide aimlessly around my personal rink. I don’t have the drive anymore. My will is lost. My heart is hollow, and my soul is bruised … my mind riddled with questions that I know I’ll never get the answers to.

  The person that I looked up to most in life, the person that I trusted more than any other … she lied, and I can’t even ask her why. She died with her secrets, leaving me with her façade.

  I collapse to my knees in the center of the rink and allow the tears to fall. My life was nothing but a travesty. The tears are seemingly the old me escaping from my tainted soul, dripping from my chin and landing onto the ice below. That’s where the old me belongs, not the new me. Not anymore.

  Nothing would be more of an injustice to my mother like giving up my dream, and that’s exactly what I plan on doing. I do not owe her my success. Not after what she did.

  I clench my teeth and pull at my hair as a growl escapes me.

  Once I’m sure that my tear ducts have shriveled up from overuse, a raspy breath escapes me. My eyes travel to the window across the way, and I see Boris. His eyebrows pinch together as he looks at me gravely.