by Bonny Capps
“There isn’t anything to understand, Dimitri. I will do what you want, and I’ll do it solely to survive,” I say, turning the doorknob and pushing the door open.
I step into the room, and he stays on my heels as he follows me inside. I’m not sure what he thinks he’s going to gain out of all of this. He already has me under his thumb, which means that his alliance has been secured with my father. Now, it seems that every one of his actions regarding me are merely for his entertainment.
This man isn’t capable of caring. The fact that he’s trying to convince me that he does is nothing more than a cruel joke. When I was in the cage earlier, his eyes were convincing. They showed remorse, even humanity for a split second. I suppose even the cruelest can feel for their victims.
Dimitri wraps his fingers around my arms and squeezes them gently. “You may not love me, Sofia, but I do have feelings for you. Perhaps it is love, but how am I to know? How am I to know what this is?”
My lips curl into a sad smile. “I know about love, Dimitri. You don’t love me. You don’t care for me. You simply want to own me … control me … render me soulless. That isn’t love. Love is beautiful. It isn’t pinning down someone’s wings—it’s setting them free.”
His fingers tighten around my arms momentarily, but then he releases me and walks to the bathroom. I change into some cozy pajama pants and a tank top before climbing into bed. I curl up and watch the flames lick the top of the fireplace as Dimitri showers.
I slide my hand over my stomach and sigh when I think of the tiny speck that’s steadily growing in my womb. For a man that watches my every move, it’s surprising that he failed to realize that I had missed an entire period. Somehow, I was one of the small percentage of women who actually conceive while on birth control. The vrach has yet to check me out, but I can feel it. My body is changing.
When the door opens, my eyes follow his masculine form as he walks to the dresser with a towel wrapped around his waist. I would be lying if I said that I hated him or that I didn’t have feelings for him, because I do. Each time his front cracks open, I see a sincere man. A man that’s probably been through a lot … a man that has a heart.
His constant change of demeanor is enough to give me whiplash. At times, I wonder if he’ll be pushed far enough to the brink to end me once and for all. Yet, moments like these, I wonder if he’ll change for the better. If I could get him to love me … to cherish me. Maybe a baby will do that. Maybe a child would be the stamp that would seal his madness out of our lives once and for all.
When he climbs into bed, he wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me to him. A chill shoots down my spine when he buries his nose in my hair.
“I am not every man, Sofia. I do not plan on allowing you to be free because you’re mine. You’re my wife. I have never wanted anything as much as I wanted you when I first looked into your eyes. For me, that was all that I needed. That was all that I needed to know that there was something very special in you. Pinning down your wings? Yes, and I’m afraid that will never stop, but freeing you? Absolutely not. I never said that I was not a selfish man, because I am. I may not know about love, mouse, but I know what you do to me.”
“What are you saying?” I rasp, squeezing my eyes shut as I await his answer.
He rolls me onto my back, and his cognac eyes look straight through me. They show a softness that he displays to me rarely; when he cracks open his frigid heart to show me the valves that still pump occasionally—the piece of him that is human.
“I do love you, Sofia. In my own way, yes, but there is no denying my feelings for you.” His mouth snaps shut as he stares down into my questioning eyes. His eyebrows pull together when I remain silent. “Say something,” he whispers, circling his thumb over my cheek.
My lips part as I try and sort my thoughts. He said it. He loves me, but he doesn’t plan on that changing a thing. He doesn’t know me. He only knows the captive that I’ve become. What would he think of the real Sofia Dmitriev? The one that was driven. The one that never gave up. The one that chased her dreams and made them a reality.
His goal is to crush my aspirations—to render me useless and dependent until I see him as a god. He likes the idea of love. He likes the idea of marriage, but his ideologies are so incredibly skewed.
I watch in astonishment as his eyes morph; caring cognac irises turn into hard, hot burning embers as his pupils swell. Reaching up, I grab his face and press my lips to his. Silence invokes violence with Dimitri, but while I’m working up the nerve to spit out the words, perhaps a kiss will help him simmer down.
I pull away and look into his eyes. “I love you Dimitri.”
I lie, yet the smooth words that roll off my tongue are convincing enough to cause a slight smile to curl his lips.
A hard body against soft, female curves. Slow movements, soft kisses, and whispered words. As Dimitri makes love to me, it’s hard to overrule his declaration. Not one inch of skin has gone uncherished. Not one kiss has been meaningless. Every now and then, I’ll allow my eyes to flutter open to see him staring down at me with his bottom lip clamped between his teeth.
His gaze is true and unsettling.
I can’t see anybody else … I can’t think of anything else.
All I know is him—and once more, the lie that tumbled from my lips drifts further, and further to the truth each time I whisper, “I love you.”
“You have not been skating,” Vadim states as I stare out the window.
The month is May, yet snow still clings to the tree branches. It doesn’t look much different out there than it did in the middle of winter.
“When does the snow melt?”
“A heat wave is expected later this week, but I’m afraid if you’re looking for warmth, you will not find it here. The average temperature during summer is around thirty degrees.”
I sigh. “So basically this place is a cold, bottomless pit.”
Vadim laughs. “Well, considering what you’re used to in America—yes. You could say that.”
My stomach lurches and I place my fingers over my lips. Vadim rushes to my side. “What is it?”
I shake my head. “It’s nothing. I haven’t been feeling well.”
“How long have you been feeling unwell? You were fine yesterday.”
My eyes travel to his. “I need your help.”
Vadim shakes his head slowly. “It depends on what you need, krasavaya.”
I swallow hard as I look into his eyes intently, working up the courage to spit the words out. “Vadim, I’m pregnant. I haven’t told Dimitri. I need you to somehow take me to a doctor.”
His eyes grow wide as my secret soaks in. “Why would you need me to take you to a doctor? And why have you not told Dimitri? The vrach that he hired for you is one of the best. She will ensure that you have a healthy pregnancy.”
I shake my head slowly, and his wide eyes sober as he practically reads my mind. “Sofia, are you asking me to help you terminate this pregnancy?”
I huff as my gaze falls to my lap. “I cannot consciously bring a child into this life, Vadim. It would be wrong.”
Vadim walks away from me and stares out the window, placing his hands on top of his head. “I cannot, Sofia. I will not.”
“It’s the least you could do!” I snap, glaring at his back. “Can I have at least one choice? If I can do anything for this unborn child, I would save him or her the heartbreak.”
“You intend on murdering your husband’s child without uttering a word to him about it? Sofia, I have come to know you well, and the girl that I know would never consider doing something like this. I refuse to help you.”
I leap up and ball my fists at my sides. “I’ve never asked you for anything. Not once. Considering what you’ve done, Vadim—you owe me your life seeing as you’ve ripped mine to shreds.”
He whips around and shoots daggers at me. “Do you not think that I suffer every day? Do you not think that I’ve thought of a million ways to turn back time?
” He takes several steps towards me. “Do you think that I wouldn’t have taken you for myself? That I wouldn’t have claimed you before he did?”
I sigh as his lips hover inches from mine. “You could have, but you didn’t. You killed my uncle, drugged me, and then threw me in a cage. You sprayed me down and left me in a puddle of freezing water and tears. You barely fed me. You had every intention of dragging me into a room and having me brutally raped and murdered for someone’s viewing pleasure.”
His eyes flutter shut as I lean forward and brush my lips against his. “I wanted you to touch me. I wanted you there, but you stopped. Even after everything, I needed your touch more than anything. You refused me, and now you’re refusing me again.”
“If I could, I would. But I can’t. If we’re caught, he’d kill us both.”
“So that’s it,” I whisper, stepping away.
Vadim tilts his head as he looks at me solemnly. “That night, when you slid my hand between your thighs, you were confused. You didn’t know what you wanted. You were afraid, and you still are afraid—but eventually, you will learn that I’m not your hero. I cannot be your hero. I am a Vavilov, and you are too. You need to accept what is. You are family, and now you are to give birth to the Pakhan’s child. Dimitri will continue to treat you well if you continue to keep him happy. Don’t do something that will change that.”
I shake my head. “You’re wrong. I didn’t put your hand on my pussy because I was afraid. I did it because I wanted you.” Running my hand through my hair, I look into his keen eyes. “Dimitri is leaving in several days to go to the Ukraine. If you change your mind, please let me know.”
I crave her. Her lips, her skin … her absolute determination. Even now, with Dimitri’s child growing inside of her—I want her. More than anything, I wish that I could help her, but that’s impossible. Even if I did decide to take her, there are guards swarming the dacha and standing guard around the perimeter.
When she first came here, I didn’t care. She was a product. Nothing more than flesh and bone, but then I discovered her soul. I discovered that there was an inner beauty that matched the exterior.
As I stand before the door, my heart threatens to beat through my chest. I want her to know that she’s thawed my icy heart; a heart that’s been frozen from the inside out ever since that fateful day. What I never conceived was that a life of crime would eventually seep over onto the ones that I held closest to my heart—my wife and my child.
When Sasha died, Galina did too. I never wanted to admit that I was the root cause of her death. Sasha was only twelve years old and, when a business deal went bad, she became a lesson. One that I will never forget.
She was raped and left for dead on the shore of The Black Sea. Her coal black hair surrounded her sweet face like a halo and her eyes were shut. I was at least grateful for that. I don’t know how I would live with myself if I had to look into her lifeless, dead eyes.
Galina was never the same, but I wasn’t either. She turned to a life of drugs, and I traded my existence for a life of apathy. I not only failed my daughter, but I failed my wife, too. When she left, I didn’t utter a word … I didn’t ask her to stay. I wanted to forget about those happy times. I wanted to forget about everything.
I open the door and peer inside.
Sofia sits on the bed as she stares at the fire. Her long, blonde hair hangs over her shoulder, and the robe that she wears is practically see-through. I can see her beautiful round breasts through the fabric.
I clear my throat and her soft eyes travel to mine.
“Vadim,” she whispers as she stands.
I take note of her wobbly legs as she leans on the bed for support. She appears drunk.
“Sofia,” I growl as I enter the room, quickly closing the door behind me. “Have you been drinking?”
She giggles as her feet drag against the floor. “I thought that I’d have a couple of drinks. What’s wrong with that?” she slurs, falling into my arms. Her brown eyes latch onto mine. “I was hoping that you’d come for me. I want you.”
“It is foolish for you to drink Sofia, and you know why.”
She lazily presses a finger to my lips. “I don’t want to talk about that. I want you to take me to the bed, and fuck me.”
Sofia lowers herself to her knees before me, clumsily unbuckling my belt before unzipping my pants.
“What are you doing?” I rasp as she pulls my dick out and begins running her hand up and down my shaft. She smiles at me deviously before her lips part and she takes me into her mouth. I sigh as she slowly works her way up and down, her eyes never leaving mine.
“Stop it,” I murmur, causing her lips to curl up as she sucks me. “Stop. Now!” I sneer, grasping her arms and pulling her to her feet. I back her to the bed, grasping her waist and sitting her down on the edge of the mattress. “What are you doing?”
Sofia reaches in front of her and pulls at the belt of the robe. When she pulls the robe open, I suck in a breath. Her beautiful body is bare before me as she rocks back and forth with her legs spread wide, welcoming me. Her pussy is glistening from her desire and my hard cock is merely inches away, aching to be inside of her.
Her gaze remains locked onto my pained face as I stare down at her opening, wanting nothing more than to have her—to use her to quiet the voices of the past—but the feasible part of my mind screams in resistance.
This is your cousin’s, the Pakhan’s, wife. She is pregnant with his child.
I reach forward and grasp her jaw, pulling her face close to mine. “You are treading in dangerous waters. Who is to say that I will not tell Dimitri of your transgressions? That you tried and failed to fuck his own cousin?”
“That’s where you’re wrong Vadim,” she whispers, reaching between us and grasping my length before running the head of my cock along her slit. “I won’t fail. You want this as much as I do.”
I allow my hand to loosen around her neck as I look into her eyes. “You’re drunk. Tomorrow, meet me in the library. The usual time.”
I turn, tucking my throbbing length back into my pants and walk towards the door.
“You can’t keep leaving me like this Vadim,” Sofia seethes, making me stop in my tracks.
I look over my shoulder into her hurt face. I’m disappointing her, and tomorrow it won’t be any better I’m afraid.
“Go to sleep, krasavaya,” I whisper, continuing on my way out the door. Once it’s closed, a blunt object hits the wood followed by her scream.
Tucking my hands in my pockets, I sigh as I walk down the narrow hallway to my bedroom.
As I sit in the library, I check the old clock that hangs from the wall every few minutes. She’s late … or she’s just decided not to come. She’s either embarrassed or pissed; maybe both. She doesn’t hide her stubbornness from me like she does with Dimitri. Then again, he scares the shit out of her.
He scares the shit out of me.
When he was younger, I would put a swift boot to his ass and he’d listen. When he began getting older, I started becoming concerned. His father always thought that there was something wrong with the boy, and he was right to worry.
A fight between the two of us would be a good one; he’s strong, and I am too. He frightens me because he holds the fate of this family in his grasp. I could try to overthrow him, but what would that do? His painting has yet to be completed and hung in the hallway, yet his tyrannical rule lingers in the air—it’s suffocating. I’d always hoped that his fucked up determination would end up being a good thing. That it would frighten our enemies and keep us ahead of the race. However, he lacks something that his father had: a level head.
Now he’s got our biggest rival’s daughter under his thumb. Not only that, he’s obsessed with her. I am too. I’m afraid that it’s only a matter of time before I snap … when he hurts her again, I can’t see myself being able to stand by and watch it happen.
I hear commotion outside and walk to the window. Looking out, I smile as I w
atch Sofia yank her arm from Boris’ grip as she stomps to the frozen lake. He hangs his shoulders, defeated. He likes her. I could tell when I first saw him go to her that night.
She pulls the skates on, forcefully yanking the laces before tying them. Then, she’s off; soaring over the ice and holding her arms out like the beautiful swan that she is. I’m entranced, and my eyes never leave her—not even when I hear the ice crack, or when the lake opens up and swallows her whole.
“Sofia!”
I keep hearing her name being shouted, and I realize that it’s me hollering frantically as my feet pound against the hard wood.
When I reached the lake, I thought that I’d already lost her. Below the surface of the slushy water, my eyes locked onto hers as the tiny bubbles rose to the surface. I didn’t think twice when I dove in for her.
I ignored the overwhelming sensation of being frozen alive as the precious seconds ticked by. I didn’t have long until hypothermia claimed us both, yet I wasn’t concerned about my well-being. I couldn’t allow another to die at my hands. I’ve cheated death dozens of times, but I couldn’t allow her to slip through my fingers.
I kicked frantically, chasing her into the darkness as she descended further into the depths of the lake. Once I reached her, I held her close as I kicked back to the surface, hoping and praying that she wasn’t lost to the one thing that she loved like no other.
We coughed in unison once we emerged from the water. Boris helped pull her out before grasping my forearm and dragging me across the ice. The cold air breathed across my flesh, and it stung like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
I ignored my excessive shivering. It seemed like my own lungs had begun to succumb to the chill as my body worked feverishly to function. I carried her small, frozen form back to the dacha refusing to look at her. I was angry. I was angry because I was afraid. If she died, so help me I would end myself.
Once I got her inside, I laid her on the couch in the study before stripping her out of her clothes. Her skin was raised with goosebumps as I demanded that Boris retrieve blankets, towels—anything to wrap her in. He stood there like a statue, his face ghost white as he stared at her naked form.