by Bonny Capps
“Now!” I snapped, causing him to jump into action.
Once I wrapped the blankets around her, I stripped out of my own clothes, stopping every now and then to rub my hands up and down her body. Her lips were blue and her skin was the palest I’ve ever seen it, but she was breathing; her heart was still beating. She was alive.
I held her close until her body loosened up in my arms and her profuse shivering began to die down as she warmed up.
I sit in the darkness of the foyer as the smoke from my cigarette swirls before drifting toward the ceiling. I take another swig from the bottle as the door nearly splinters open. Dimitri’s eyes go traveling before they snap to me.
“What the fuck, Vadim? Tell me she’s okay, or so help me God I will have your head on a platter.”
I smirk before taking a drag. “A head on a platter? That should be in one of your videos, cousin.”
He eyes me momentarily before his gaze travels to the stairs. “Tell me that my wife is alive.”
I sigh as I place the bottle beside me and stand. “She’s alive. It was a close call.”
Approaching him, I snuff my cigarette out in the standing ashtray. “You act concerned, but I wonder if it’s due to her well-being or for your alliance with the Dmitrievs.”
His eyes snap to mine. “Both. Believe it or not, I care for her.”
I laugh as I run a hand down my face. “Well, I suppose that’s good to know.”
“What are you getting at?” he sneers, narrowing his eyes.
I shrug and he takes a step toward me.
“Cousin, I would recommend that you learn your place. You are my council now per my father’s wish, but don’t think for a second that that will not change. I thank you for going to her and stopping the inevitable from happening, but watch your tongue when it comes to me and my wife.”
I clamp my teeth together as I stare into his crazed eyes. If only I could speak the truth, tell the asshole everything that he needs to hear, but I won’t. I’ll bite my tongue, and I’ll continue to do so until I can come up with a plan. One that involves two people—not three.
It’s a peaceful place below the ice. There, my life flashed before my eyes … memories. More good than bad. Those memories are all that I have left. I wanted the cold to claim me. Yet again, my choices were stolen from my grasp.
I’d underestimated myself long ago—when I swore that I’d never consider taking my own life. I didn’t know how unrelenting life could really be. Suicide wasn’t an option when my life was ripe with happiness. When that happiness was suddenly removed, disdain became my existence.
The fight left me once the ice cracked. It didn’t take long for my supposed destiny to convince me. The fear that I’ve been plagued with left me when the lake swallowed me. The tunnel of light held me as the freezing water carried me below. The memories flickered like an old film as the cracked hole that pulled me under drifted farther and farther away.
I didn’t fight it. I didn’t want to. I didn’t run a razor over my wrists or press the barrel of a gun to my temple, but not fighting for life is one in the same. I craved death and the closer that it got, I embraced it.
Vadim did me no favors when he dove in and saved me. He was only prolonging the torture. He was selfish in doing that. If he cared, he would have let me be.
My skin has thawed out for the most part. Vadim situated me in a large, cozy chair in front of the fire. He reassured me that Dimitri would be home soon. I don’t know if he actually thought that was supposed to comfort me. Dimitri has already killed me a thousand times. If he wants a soulless robot, then he’s doing a good job of creating one.
The idea of continuing to live this hell is brutal. I thought that I was finally being called home when the ice cracked below my feet, and I’d accepted it. I came to peace with saying goodbye to the cruel world that I’ve come to know.
The bedroom door cracks open, but I don’t bother looking. My eyes stay trained on the dancing fire as it crackles, and I hear Dimitri’s heavy breaths by the doorway where he stands.
“Sofia?” he croaks.
I frown at the pain in his tone. No, he can pretend to care … to love me, but the reality is plain as day. He’s sick, and I’m the one that he wants to heal him.
I can’t heal anyone when I, myself, am broken into a million tiny fragments.
His footsteps are hurried as he approaches and drops to his knees in front of me. Leaning forward, his bloodshot eyes glisten as he runs his fingers over my cheek. “Are you okay?” he rasps, the potent smell of vodka escaping his lips.
I stare blankly into his eyes as I nod my head slowly.
“Say something,” he whispers as his eyes implore mine, but I can’t.
My lips part, but I can’t conjure up any words. They’re just nonexistent.
“Sofia,” he warns.
My lips snap shut. I’m emotionally and mentally spent. All that’s happened over the past year is catching up. My fight is diminished—my soul is drained. I have nothing left to give. No words … no actions.
Dimitri places his hands on each side of my face and his eyes glimmer with that familiar anger that I’ve come to know well. He wants a moment. He wants my words, just like he wanted my desire … this man has taken everything from me, and he won’t stop. He’s relentless in that way.
I simply shake my head as my shoulders slump farther. I’m not tense because I’m not afraid anymore, and that angers my husband. More than anything, he wants my fear.
“Say. Something,” he grits out, but again, I have nothing to say. His hands slip away from my face as his chest begins moving up and down rapidly from his hurried breaths. I can tell he is trying to control his madness, but he can’t. Madness defines Dimitri. It isn’t something that he can control.
When he rears back and strikes me across my face, I don’t make a sound. Not one whimper … not one tear. When he picks me up and tosses me onto the bed, I allow it. I don’t cower, and I don’t fight. When he yanks my pants over my hips, I stare lifelessly at the ceiling.
When he slams into me with his length, my world spirals out of control. It’s a reaction that I can’t control. Where Dimitri cannot control his madness towards me, the same can be said about my desire towards him.
He tangles his fingers in my hair as he stares into my lust drunk eyes. “See, mouse? We have something that cannot be ignored. You can try, and I know you do. But remember, ty moy.”
You are mine.
Dimitri hasn’t allowed me to leave his side.
I think he and Vadim are aware that I had tried to allow the icy depths to claim me. I haven’t been the same since that day. I barely eat or sleep. I’m depressed. My only friends are the shadows that dance across the walls waywardly as Dimitri sleeps beside me.
I stand at the window as Dimitri types away at his computer, twisting the intricately carved letter opener in my hands. He didn’t see me swipe it from his desk earlier. If he did, he would’ve taken it by now.
I consider doing the worst as I glance down at the letter opener. Attempting to kill myself wouldn’t do any good. Dimitri would stop it at once; putting me back together before I could wilt and die. But … the embryo that is steadily growing in my womb, I can save him or her.
Glancing over my shoulder, I see Dimitri is still busy working and my grip tightens around the handle of the letter opener. I cannot willingly bring a baby into this home. I cannot give Dimitri an heir to his sick, twisted throne. This decision wasn’t a hard one to make, as sick as it may sound. Was it a painful decision to make? Most definitely, but it wasn’t difficult to come to the realization that having a baby with this man isn’t logical. I’ve gotten to this point—the point where shoving a letter opener into my womb is the only solution. Dimitri would be a cruel father, just like he’s a cruel husband and person. A child wouldn’t change a thing.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I position the pointed end of the letter opener above my womb. Taking in a breath, I say a little prayer
for the child that I’ll never know … but then, a knock sounds from the door, halting me.
I quickly turn and hide the letter opener behind my back as Dimitri says, “Yes?”
Vlad peers in through the door and eyes me momentarily before his gaze snaps to Dimitri. “Alexei Dmitriev is here to see Sofia.”
Dimitri’s lips curl into a devious smile. “Is that right? I’m sure that he does not have an appointment. Any visits between Sofia and the Dmitrievs are to go through me.”
My heart picks up the pace when I see Alexei’s soft brown eyes peer through the door behind Vlad. “I was in the area, and I wished to see my sister. I didn’t realize that an appointment was necessary.”
Dimitri glares at Alexei as he enters the office behind Vlad.
“You’re a huntsman? We should get together sometime. I do love a good hunt,” Alexei says, crossing his arms over his chest as he leans against the doorframe.
Dimitri smirks at him as he sits back in his chair. “How long do you need? We have a lunch date today with my sister and stepmother.”
My brother shrugs. “Thirty minutes to an hour.”
“I need her back by one o’clock sharp,” Dimitri snaps.
Alexei nods. “As you wish.”
I walk alongside Alexei silently as we make our way down the hall to the library. He’s a handsome man, and he’s much taller than me. He has our father’s features, and I have my mother’s, other than my father’s blond hair. We do kind of look alike, though, and I find myself stealing glances at him.
Once we make our way into the library, I’m caught off guard when he swiftly shuts the door behind us and turns to face me. My shoulders curl in as he approaches me and places his hands on my cheeks.
“Has he been good to you, Sofia—and do not lie to me.”
I stare up into his eyes, so much like my father’s. “Would I be any safer with your mob, Alexei? The Dmitrievs are no better than the Vavilovs.”
His eyes glimmer as he surveys my features … studying me … regarding me. “You know nothing of the Dmitrievs, sister. We are not heartless, and we are not brutes. These men … if you knew the half of it you would not have married Dimitri Vavilov.”
I scoff at his statement. “You can’t be serious. I didn’t choose to marry him. I was taken. They killed my uncle—my mother’s brother—and they took me. They were going to use me for one of their videos, but Dimitri decided to keep me for himself. I was forced to marry him to secure an alliance between our families, and now….” I pause, diverting my eyes.
“Now what, Sofia?” Alexei implores.
My eyes travel up to his as I swallow the lump in my throat. “I believe that I’m pregnant with his child.”
Alexei releases me abruptly and takes a step back, running his fingers through his blond hair. “Are you certain?”
I nod. “I haven’t seen a doctor, but I’m pretty certain.”
“That bastard,” he sneers as he begins pacing back and forth. “Papa and I … we thought that you married by choice. They sent us the video and you didn’t seem to be in a state of despair.”
My lips part as I think up a response, but Alexei’s phone buzzes interrupting my thoughts.
“Da, Papa. YA s Sofiyey sikh por. YA budu na moyem puti v blizhaysheye vremya.” He presses the button to end the call and his eyes snap to mine. “I need to go. I’ll talk to Papa and see what needs to be done.”
I reach out towards him as he approaches, before he wraps his arms around me in an embrace. Shockingly, it’s comforting.
This is my blood.
This is my brother.
“What happens now?” I whisper against his shoulder, causing him to squeeze me tightly against his chest.
“You play the part, Sofia. You stay alive. At least until we can figure something out.”
I heave one last time before wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.
“Are you alright?”
I startle at the sound of Dimitri’s voice, and turn to face him after flushing the toilet. “Yes. I haven’t been feeling well.”
He cocks his head as he regards me. “You have not been feeling well for a while, Sofia. Is there something that you’d like to tell me?”
I twist my hands nervously in front of me. I’m still holding onto the hope that I can somehow terminate this pregnancy. Under different circumstances, I would never fathom an abortion—but these are not normal circumstances. I am a captive, and my husband is my captor. If I am to escape, a baby would make it all the more difficult.
“Mouse,” he says as he steps closer and grasps my arms. “Are you with child? Are you to have my baby?”
I shake my head as I stare into his eyes. “I’m just not feeling well.”
His jaw tenses, and his fingers tighten around my arms. “I’m afraid that your brother let the cat out of the bag. He thought that I already knew. Imagine my surprise at having that idiot disclose something that I should have been the first to know.”
Tears fill my eyes as my gaze drops to his chest. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t entirely sure. I was waiting for the vrach to come visit me. I was going to tell you when I was certain.”
He sighs and his fingers loosen around my arms. “I’ve called the vrach, and she will be here shortly. Leaning down, he presses his lips to mine. “I wasn’t ready for a child, mouse. But the thought of my child growing inside of you … I’m ready now. I’m ready to show you that I am more than capable of being the father that my father never was.”
“Based on your last menstrual cycle, I’d say that you’re three to four weeks. The pregnancy test was positive.” The doctor smiles as she stands. “Congratulations.”
Dimitri’s smile actually reaches his eyes as he stares down at me. The same can’t be said about me as I force a smile to spread across my face. I’m even more stuck than I was before, it seems. Now, I’ll also have a baby to protect from this venomous man.
Once the doctor leaves, Dimitri lifts me into his arms. “We must tell the world, mouse. You are my queen, and now you are to have my prince.”
5 Months Later
“How are you feeling?” Alina asks as we make our way through the garden.
It’s the middle of summer, so it’s warmer than usual. The garden is gargantuan, and the vegetables that grow feed us most of the time.
I sigh as I run my hand over my belly. “I’m okay. Tired most of the time, but okay. The baby is active. It never stops moving.”
“And you are not sure of the sex, yet?”
I shake my head. “No, not yet. Dimitri wants to wait until the baby is born. He’s convinced that it’s a boy, but I have a feeling it’s a little girl.”
She chuckles. “Of course he thinks it’s a boy. My brother is too proud. But you … you wish for a girl?”
My gaze snaps to hers. I hadn’t really thought about what I want. At first, the terrifying realization of being pregnant was more than I could bare. It almost made me do the unthinkable, but now that this baby is growing inside of me … I can feel her. I think I already love her.
“Yeah. I guess I kind of do hope it’s a girl.”
She smiles. “Well, then I hope it’s a girl too.”
“Alina, do you think that your brother is ready for a child?”
She stops walking and I turn to face her. “I know that Dimitri isn’t the easiest person, Sofia,but there are many reasons why he is the way that he is. You’ve softened him. I’ve never seen him care about anything until you. He would move mountains for you and that baby.” She pauses as she continues walking, and I follow. “My father was always cruel to Dimitri. He killed our own mother, and Dimitri saw it all. Even after all of the beatings, he never changed until that moment.”
I gasp. “The Pakhan? He murdered your mother?”
Alina nods. “He not only killed my mother, but he also killed a part of Dimitri; the part where he could love and show affection. That died with Mama. I know this doesn’t mean much, Sofia, but you are reviving
him. You are bringing out something that I’ve not seen since he was a little boy.”
I blink several times. How I feel for Dimitri, it’s from one extreme to the other. My emotions are like a pendulum; back and forth they swing. One moment I’m fulfilled, and the next I’m dangling by a string. I see what she’s saying. I can also see little glimmers of hope when he kisses and talks to my belly … the sheer excitement in his eyes when he talks about becoming a father. However, that doesn’t keep him from making his videos. It doesn’t keep him from harming others. For now, it keeps him from harming me, but what is going to happen once the baby is born? Dimitri is only hesitant to strike me now because I’m with child. Eventually, he’ll want me to partake in his perverse videos, and that alone makes my skin crawl. I can’t do what he does. We’re a different breed of person.
“You know, you are going to do well here if you please my brother. I can see the disdain in your eyes. I can see hatred too. You can hate my family all you want, but the fact is that you’re now part of it.”
My eyes snap to hers as I stop in my tracks. “I keep being told that it’s up to me, but it isn’t. Dimitri is a ticking time bomb. It takes nothing to anger him. What kind of world do you people live in to think that what he does is remotely okay?”
I watch in horror as her eyes change. So much like her brother’s, they come alive when the rage courses through their veins. “This is the bratva. Here, women are not respected. We are tools. That is it. Why else do you think that I am being made to marry Alexei Dmitriev—your brother? My father would roll in his grave if he knew what my brother has done!”
I take a step back as my eyes grow wide. “Why would he have you marry Alexei?”
Alina scoffs. “Because your father is not a stupid man. He spoke with my brother, threatened to wage a war if the stakes weren’t evened out. He figures if Dimitri has you, that they are to have me. I’m to become a Dmitriev. Something that I swore to never become.”