by Bonny Capps
I brush my cheek against his as I find his eyes. “She is,” I murmur, pulling out my breast and helping her nurse. “She’s perfection.”
Vadim tightens his arms around me as I feed my child. His face rests against mine as a solitary tear creeps down my cheek.
She won’t mean anything more than I do in Dimitri’s eyes. She’s weak, because she’s like me.
My heart hurts for my daughter, in the worst way.
“Skazhite mne, kak tsifry,” I murmur into the phone as I look outside.
Sofia is rocking our baby beneath a tree. Eva just turned two months old, and she’s the perfect combination of her mother and me. Her hair is light brown, and her big brown eyes look so much like her mother’s.
Sofia is a good mother. I was initially worried when she began acting mental, but she’s doing an incredible job. She and Eva are like glue and, unfortunately, that has stolen precious time from my wife and me.
Never did I think that I would be jealous of my own child. Perhaps it is because she’s a girl. If I had a son, I could teach him so many things; hunting and taxidermy … crafting. But lo and behold, Sofia has suddenly become infertile. We’ve tried and tried many times since the birth of our daughter to no avail.
I’ve asked the vrach why, but she has no answers other than, “Keep trying. Good things come to those who wait.” She thinks that I’m insane for wanting another child so soon. I’ve considered putting her back on birth control since that seems the only way for her to become pregnant.
I make my way back to my desk and write down the numbers that Anatoly, our main drug dealer, says into the phone. I nod hastily as I plop into my chair and allow the pen to roll across the desk.
Hanging up the phone, I toss it onto my desk before relaxing in my chair. Just as I’m allowing myself to doze off, a knock sounds from my office door.
“What,” I grit out, annoyed.
The door creaks open and Alina pokes her head in. “I wanted to come by and say hello to my dear brother.”
I smile as she slinks her way in, closing the door behind her before sitting on the edge of my desk. “How is married life treating you, sister?”
Annoyance flashes across her face as she purses her lips. “Unlively. My husband is handsome, but he doesn’t ever want to fuck.”
Cocking my head, I regard my beautiful sister. When we were younger, I knew that it was wrong—but she was irresistible. I couldn’t stop myself from going to her room at night … from using her.
“It’s a shame,” I murmur and her eyes flit to mine. “How can he not fuck you?”
Her spine straightens at my words, and lust immediately fills her cognac eyes. “He hates me.”
“You’re easy to hate,” I retort, and she rolls her eyes.
“So are you.”
I growl as I stand and approach her, sliding my hands up her thighs and taking her skirt with them. “Did you come here to berate me, little sister? I know you’re angry that I had you marry him.”
“Angry is an understatement,” she rasps as I part her thighs, my lips hovering above hers.
“Tell me. Tell me how angry you are,” I whisper, slipping my hand between her thighs.
She gasps when I begin circling her clit. “I–I….”
“Go on,” I taunt as I pick up the speed. “Tell me how much you hate me.”
A hushed moan escapes her lips when I slip a finger inside of her, slowly moving in and out, causing her back to arch. She grips my wrist and attempts to lead my movements, but I grasp her hand and pull it away.
“I’m going to fuck you one last time, Alina. Because the thought of fucking a woman who belongs to another man—to my enemy—it’s enough to make my cock painfully hard.”
Moving her panties aside, I free my erection before slamming into her, clamping my palm over her mouth to keep her quiet as I fuck her hard.
It doesn’t take long for us to find our release. It never did. Because this is forbidden. This is wrong.
Resting my forehead against hers, I slowly pull out of her dripping pussy, but stop when I hear the door creak open. Alina’s wide eyes lock onto the door behind me, and I slowly turn to see my younger cousin, Boris, frozen in place. I tuck my cock into my pants and take a step towards him.
“Hello, cousin.”
He doesn’t say a word. He turns and runs with all of his might, but I’m right on his tail, capturing him at the head of the stairs.
“Curiosity killed the cat,” I whisper, before snapping his neck and slamming my foot into his back, sending him tumbling down the stairs.
“Dimitri,” Alina whispers from behind me.
I shrug. “Some secrets are meant to be kept.”
“Vadim! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” Alina exclaims as she enters my bedroom unannounced.
I’ve just stepped out of the shower and still have a towel wrapped around my waist.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” I respond, noting her disheveled appearance.
“Boris, he fell down the stairs,” she whimpers before she begins sobbing uncontrollably.
My back straightens. “Well? Is he alright?”
She shakes her head slowly. “I’m so sorry, Vadim. Boris is dead.”
“The trauma to his neck isn’t consistent with a fall. It’s almost as if his neck was snapped clean in half.”
My eyes grow wide as I look down at my little brother’s cold, lifeless body. “So you’re saying that he didn’t fall down the stairs?”
The pathologist shakes his head as he rips the gloves from his hands before tossing them into the trash. “Oh, he fell down the stairs. Accidental? I wouldn’t say it was accidental.”
I frown. There is only one person that is capable of killing one of his own. There is only one person whose blood runs so cold.
“As usual, let’s keep this between us,” I murmur, slipping him a wad of rubles. “I’ll figure out who did this to Boris.”
He purses his lips as he snatches the money from my hand. “I’ll take it that this won’t be the last body that I’ll see?”
I cover my brother with the sheet and sigh, running a hand down my face. “You know the deal, Igor. No questions.”
I stop outside of the examiners office and light a cigarette. The loss of my brother hurts. I’ve witnessed too many people that I loved die because of the bratva. My daughter … my brother …. When does it become too much? Why can’t I shed tears for my brother’s demise? I’ve asked myself that question a thousand times on my way to speak to the examiner. I knew that Boris didn’t trip down those stairs and die as a result. I felt it when I saw his twisted body at the foot of the stairs, and I knew that familiar look in Dimitri’s eye.
It was the same look that he had when Dyadya Albert died. He doesn’t know of my relationship with the examiner, about our understanding. I know the truth about what happened to Dyadya Albert.
Dimitri is arrogant. He likes to think that he’s sneaky, but he isn’t. I learned how to read him a very long time ago—when he began to worry me. Now, I’m afraid that the next cold body I’ll be staring down at will be Sofia’s. I need to find out what Dimitri is trying to hide.
There are only two reasons why he’d want Boris dead: revenge or to keep a secret.
And I’m going with the latter.
“Hello, my little ray of sunshine,” I whisper as Eva’s little eyelids peer open. “You were sleeping so well, but you need to eat.”
Lifting her from her crib, I pull out my swollen breast. Eva immediately latches on, and I sway back and forth as she nurses.
“Your grandmother would be swept away with your beauty, little one.”
I hear Dimitri clear his throat and turn to face him. “I’m almost done feeding her if you’d like to hold her.”
He nods and sits in the rocking chair, watching me as I continue to hum to Eva.
“Boris is dead,” he murmurs, and my eyes snap to his.
“Dead? What happened?”
; Dimitri sighs, running a hand down his face. “He took a bad fall down the stairs and broke his neck.”
I shake my head slowly as the tears rise in my eyes. The boy from the village … the one with curious eyes … dead. He was never like the others. Like me, he never belonged in this place.
“Is Vadim okay?”
Dimitri scoffs. “Not a single tear from him. The man wouldn’t know sorrow if it bit him.”
“That’s not true,” I retort, and Dimitri’s eyes snap to mine.
“Is she about done? I need to get some more work done.”
I nod and pull her from my breast before burping her and handing her to her father.
She looks so small wrapped in his muscular arms. She’s never cracked a smile in his presence, not once. I’m hoping that will change soon.
“She always frowns at me,” Dimitri mutters as he stares down at her. “Why won’t she smile?”
I smile slightly as I approach them and kneel down at his feet. “Play with her. Sing to her. She likes that.”
His brow furrows. “That’s a mother’s job.”
“And a father’s,” I whisper, placing a hand over his.
His gaze flits to mine momentarily before it snaps back to her. “In Russia, mothers will sing songs to their children to warn them of death, starvation, and wolves.”
I watch him as a slight smile curls his lips, his index finger runs gently over Eva’s soft cheek.
“Why do you stand, swaying oh slender birch tree, with your head bent to your very stem? But across the road—across a wide river—similarly lonely, stands a tall oak tree. How can I birch tree, clamber over to the oak tree? I wouldn’t bend and sway as I do now, I wouldn’t bend and sway as I do now. With my slender branches, I would lean against him. And with his foliage, I would whisper day and night.”
My heart soars when I see Eva’s toothless smile as she stares up at her father. Dimitri’s eyes fill with tears for a split second, but then they’re gone. A tiny glimmer of hope, that’s all he ever gives me. That is the most hope that he’s ever given Eva. Just like that, her smile turns into a frown and I watch them stare into each other’s eyes with such misunderstanding. It’s more than I can take.
“That was beautiful,” I whisper, snapping Dimitri out of his daze.
“I must go now,” he murmurs, leaning forward and placing Eva into my arms before his lips find mine. “Tonight, me and you. I need you.”
I nod as he swiftly stands and leaves me and our daughter alone once more.
“This is really nice,” I murmur as I stare across the intricately decorated table. Dimitri is handsome as ever, wearing a perfectly tailored black suit, no tie, and several buttons left unbuttoned to display his collarbone. His hair is unkempt as usual, but that only adds to his allure.
“I am glad that we’ve found time to be alone. I’ve missed you, mouse.”
I shake my head as he pours me some cabernet. Pushing it away, my eyes meet his. “I can’t drink. The baby, she’s still nursing.”
He cocks his head. “And?”
“Well,” I begin hesitantly, “What I consume, she consumes.”
I divert my eyes when I see that familiar fire glow in his gaze.
“Sofia, drink the wine,” he snaps, and I blink several times.
“But—” I jump when his fist slams into the table.
“Drink. The. Wine.”
I nod hastily as I pick up the glass with my trembling hand before taking a small sip. Dimitri’s fist is still balled tightly atop the table, but it begins to loosen.
“I hate having that tone with you. You need to start listening.”
“You seem tense,” I whisper, avoiding his eyes.
“Do I?” he states, sarcastically. “Funny you should say that, because I am a little tense. I’m a little tense because it seems that my wife has forgotten her husband when she became a mother.”
“I–I didn’t. I’m sorry that you feel that way. I’m trying,” I whisper, my eyes finding his as they brim with tears. “I’ll try harder.”
He lets out a long sigh as he relaxes in his seat. “I’d like for us to have a night alone, Sofia. Let the nanny take care of Eva. Let us be together. Let us drink and fuck.”
“She’s never been with the nanny. She’ll be terrified,” I whisper, but I know that I can’t go any further. I know it will do no good as I watch his fist tighten once more. “But you’re right,” I say hurriedly. “We do need to spend time together. I’m sure Eva will be fine.”
“Good,” he says nonchalantly. “I’m looking forward to it.”
I nod slowly before pushing my food around with my fork. “I liked seeing you and her together today. It was nice.”
He exhales sharply before stabbing the meat with his fork. “Enough about Eva.”
My nostrils flare and the blood in my veins runs hot at his words. Enough about Eva? How dare him. How dare he ignore the sweet angel that somehow rose from the ashes of my soul and brought me back to life. Eva is the only thing that holds my heart. She’s the only thing keeping me alive. She is the only thing that makes me happy. I’d forgotten what happiness was until I saw her smiling face. I’d forgotten how beautiful life can be after everything.
Those last months of my pregnancy chained to the bed sunk me into the lowest depths of depression. I never thought that such sadness was possible. I couldn’t comprehend ever finding happiness again … until her. It’s becoming clearer each day that Dimitri despises my happiness. He feeds off of my sadness, just like he feeds off of my fear. It ignites the demon in him. It nourishes his chaotic mind.
“Why don’t you love our daughter?” I snap. “She’s just a baby. You’ve never given her a chance!”
Dimitri bares his teeth, and his eyes shimmer with ill will. He leans forward, his face distorting into absolute hatred, causing a cold shiver to run down my spine. “Understand this—and I refuse to sugarcoat it for you, my love—but you are mine. I chose you. You chose me, remember? Do you remember our vows? Do you remember your promise to me?”
“And she’s your daughter,” I retort, rising to my feet. “We made her. I thought that’s what you wanted. I thought that you wanted me in every way—your wife, your submissive, and your frightened little mouse … the mother of your child! What else can I give you? Tell me!”
He grips the table as he slowly stands, growing taller and more intimidating by the second. I scream when he knocks the dishes from the table and stalks towards me.
“Don’t hurt me,” I whisper as I cower, the remnants of my soul shrivel at the sound of my pleading voice.
“You fucking bitch,” he sneers. “I should have left you below, in the cage. I should have let you die.”
“Dimitri,” I whisper as he backs me against the wall.
“You make me so angry! How do you do that? How do you get in my head, Sofia?” he hollers, tapping his temple with his index finger.
“I–I don’t know. I don’t try to, Dimitri. Please—”
My words are cut off when he wraps his fingers around my neck, squeezing tightly and cutting off my oxygen. The blood rises to my face as my fingers try to pry his hand away. My eyes are wide as tiny stars dance in front of my vision, the pressure from the lack of oxygen is unbearable. All I can see is Eva. And to think, months ago I wanted nothing but to leave this earth.
When I think that my eyes will pop out of their sockets as a result of the pressure, he releases me. I crumple to the floor and cough excessively as I grab at my throat. Dimitri grabs a handful of my hair before yanking me to my feet and slamming me onto the table. He grasps my shirt and yanks it from my body effortlessly before doing the same to my bra. My engorged breasts are sore. Eva should be feeding right now.
He squeezes them harshly, and I writhe as the breastmilk leaks from my nipples Leaning down, he takes my nipple into his mouth before biting down, causing me to cry out. Then he begins sucking. I try to push him away, but it’s no use.
“Please. Pleas
e stop, that’s Eva’s!” I cry out between sobs, but he doesn’t stop.
I feel my breast drain of my daughter’s nourishment before he moves on to the other and does the same. Time ticks by slowly, and my tears never let up when he yanks the yoga pants down my legs before shoving into me. I scream from a mixture of pain and frustration as he grips my wrists above my head and holding me down as he once again uses my body.
I kick and slap as Dimitri once again chains me to the bed. I don’t have any leeway like before. Before, I could freely move about the room, but not anymore. The worst part, I haven’t a clue where my daughter is. She won’t survive without me.
“Eva!” I cry out when he turns and begins walking from the room. He stops momentarily before continuing on his way, leaving me alone.
I curl into a ball, holding my knees against my chest as each uncontrollable sob bubbles from my chest.
I’m starving to death. I’m barely clinging on. My breasts have dried out. I haven’t seen my daughter in …. I’ve lost count of the days, the hours, the minutes. I’ll die here, and that means that she’ll die, too.
I watch the dancer circle the pole to a song that I swore I’d never listen to again.
I’m losing the battle between right and wrong. I don’t know where I go from here. Sweet Sofia … or the family that I’ve known through every hardship.
The dancer crawls towards me as I take a deep drawl from my cigarette. Her bottom lip hangs down as she slinks towards me like a kitten. She’s far too skinny. Her hip bones protrude, threatening to break through the skin, and her ribs cannot be missed. Her face is pretty, though it’s rather skeletal. She lacks Sofia’s soft curves … her inner indecisiveness that I crave like nothing else. This dancer is a shell. Sofia is the entire package. Pure perfection.
Mine.
“The car is waiting.”
The whisper in my ear doesn’t catch me off guard. I know where I’m to go. I know what I’m to do.
I slide into the back of the car and look towards the shadow that sits across from me. “My snova vstrechayemsya.” We meet again.