All the Difference

by Edward McKeown

  She walked over and lay down next to me. I looked at her, uncertain of what to say or do.

  “I want to experiment,” she whispered, then kissed me and there was something new in this kiss.

  I nodded slowly and lay there as she slid me out of my underwear, unsure of where this as going. Maauro began to run her hands over my body, slowly, and in frank and curious manner. I felt my breath quicken, and she turned to face me, her eyes ancient and deep, seeming to draw me in. Then we were again kissing slowly. Our hands roamed over each other’s bodies. I was pleased when her nipples hardened under my attention. Her skin felt like any woman’s, but I was careful to only touch her where she invited me. This chance called for exquisite care and gentleness.

  I drew in the spicy ginger cookie scent of her hair. She began to trail her kisses down the front of my body, the effect was immediate. She drew her hand over my erection stroking it carefully, then slowly took me in her mouth. I ran my hand down her back as her tongue caressed me.

  It didn’t take long for Maauro to have me arching and rolling my eyes back in my head. I lay back gasping afterwards.

  She turned her face to me with what I swore was a sly smile. “Nice?”

  “Yes,” I managed. “Though I am curious as to where you picked up that particular piece of knowledge. Not to mention the fantastic technique.”

  “One finds interesting things around the net,” she said, sliding up to kiss me again. “I also have the advantage of having neither a gag reflex, nor the need to breath. I was hoping you wouldn’t think about my serrated teeth.”

  “I actually was incapable of thinking about anything, which is good, because if I had thought about those, it would likely have killed the impulse.”

  We held each other stroking and kissing. In a little while, I was again showing the sort of erection you get after a long abstinence.

  “Lay back,” Maauro said. She carefully maneuvered herself above me and equally carefully guided me into her.

  “Another new improvement,” I said, teasing gently. I could feel myself sliding into her, her hips rocking forward and back. More like a human woman’s than Jaelle, perhaps different from Olivia in how regular her movements were, how precise. I teased and toyed with her breasts again running my hands over her body. This time, when I climaxed into her, I pressed her hard against me, overcome by the power of it, then was instantly concerned I might have gripped her too hard, and almost as quickly realizing how absurd that was.

  We lay together her on top, my breathing coming fast and shallow for a minute.

  “Equally nice?” she asked.

  “Even better,” I replied, stroking her black fine hair. “Though how is it that you are laying atop me and I can barely feel your weight?”

  “Ah, because I am carefully and cleverly balanced on elbows and knees in a fashion that would likely be regarded as torturous by your merely human females. All of which I can do with no distraction to my primary mission.”

  I smiled. “Well, mission accomplished, you sexy, killer android.”

  “Smile when you say that.”

  “Oh, I am smiling,” I replied.

  But a serious mood came over me. “I wanted this, but I wanted it to more mutual. For me to give you what you are giving me.”

  She shrugged slightly. “Our different bodies give us different needs. I have a need to be loved, to be valued as a living person, to have my emotional connection to you be both clear and deep. You have these things as well, but you are a young biological male. The needs of your body cannot be denied forever. And I find that I do not want to cede this part of our relationship to another female. You are mine, now.”

  “Is that why tonight?” I asked. “You noticed me looking at that girl? That really meant nothing. I swear it.”

  The ancient and deep eyes considered me. “I am by nature and artifice a logical and practical being. I had been content to leave your sexuality to others before. It was not important to me then. But that has, in your words, complicated our orbit. It will be complicated enough, even with the one less variable. It is less that emotion that you call jealousy and more the simple fact that there are things I will never be able to do for and with you. If I leave this place between us open, who knows who could fill it, and perhaps fill it too well.”

  “Still, I want to give you all the things I am feeling now,” I said, running my hands through her hair.

  “When we are romantic and sensual with each other, I feel something, a pleasant something that is spontaneous, not generated by my manipulation of my own body as is my breathing, or the firming of my nipples. It is a sensation, a warmth from no identifiable source and sense of peace and belonging. As best I can explain this to you, when I am damaged, there are sensations, but they are not pain. Still they serve as my analog for pain. This then seems to serve as my analog for sexual pleasure.”

  I held her close. “I want to give you more.”

  She laughed gently. “I do not believe the physical sensation of orgasm, an out-of-control muscular contraction, would be very safe for you. My Creators could not have anticipated this need. While I could simulate the experience, I prefer to have no such fakery between us. What you do to me, I enjoy, whether it is stroking my hair or now, penetrating my body. The fact that I can have an interior sensation that I do not create is a marvel. I do not think you truly appreciate how unprecedented and special that is.”

  I nuzzled her. “All I need to know is that you’re happy.”

  “I am. We are now lovers in name and in deed.”

  “Well you certainly relieved my tensions. I still wish I could do more for you.”

  “Who says that in time you will not? The sensations I felt in this were the strongest I have ever felt. We are only at the beginning of our journey together, you and I. Who can say where it will take us in time?”

  “Love will find a way?”

  She rested her head on my chest and closed her eyes. “Love will find a way.”

  I lay back. I could barely credit what had happened or understand its true import. We were together, and maybe it wasn’t the way it had been with a human woman, but neither had it been so with Jaelle. Still Maauro was an order of magnitude further away than even that experience, unusual as it had been.

  Sleep took me as I lay in the carefully regulated warmth of her body, in arms that would not move a millimeter in the hours until morning. I would awake in one sense in a strange new world, but one that promised much.

  Is this the afterglow that is so often referenced in the literature of humans? I wonder, looking down at my sleeping lover. How marvelous, how rare and subtle a thing. I, made as an engine of war, lying atop a person who loves me, his arms warm about my hips, his breath on my chest. Could the engineers who cast my metal and ceramic parts, who labored in absolute zero to create the circuitry and databanks that are the basis of my quantum brain ever imagined this? No, how could they, when I myself couldn’t have envisioned it only months ago? Has this ever happened before and elsewhere? Surely in all the vastness of space-time some artificial intelligence awoke and looked into other eyes and felt love? It could only be a form of hubris to imagine that I am so unique, such a chosen one. Yet, there is no way to reach out to whoever came before me, if there was anyone. No way to profit from the wisdom of any who trod this path before.

  Deep thoughts roll around me in my new and fantastic existence. I have leisurely hours to consider the meaning of this deepening of my life and relationships. As I said to Wrik, lovemaking brought me sensations that did not originate in my mind. I cannot fathom how this can be so, or what mechanism brought this about. Whenever it was in my long sojourn on the asteroid that I developed ego, I had no chance to exercise it until Wrik found me. Having only had ego and selfhood for mere years, it is perhaps not surprising that libido eludes me now.

  So I think and wonder, listening to the
deep, regular breathing of Wrik and watching his unlined, relaxed face. It is foolish to wish that a moment in time could last forever, yet I find myself wishing it could be so. But for now, I will just enjoy the quiet hours and marvel that I found the courage to cross this bridge.

  The world rotates and brings the sun over our horizon. Wrik stirs under me and his eyes open. He looks at me, and his mobile face is a playground of different expressions.

  “So,” he says slowly, “it did happen. I didn’t dream it.”

  “No,” I said, smiling. “It was real.”

  “Are you ok?”

  “Why should I not be?”

  “I guess no reason. Still it was your first time.”

  “And a fine time it was.”

  “Well I’m glad of that.”

  I decide to tease him. “So, did you do all those things with Jaelle?”

  He wags a finger at me. “Now perhaps you didn’t read this in your field guide to human males, but previous relationships are supposed to be off-limit topics. You don’t ask me about mine, and I won’t ask you about yours.”

  I arch an eyebrow. “An arrangement that profits you far more than me, as I have no lascivious past. Where as you…”

  Wrik leans forward and kisses me.

  “That,” I say, “is a transparent attempt to avoid or change the subject.”

  He nods. “The first of many, doubtless.”

  “Doubtless,” I agree.

  He considers. “I’m thinking of showers and breakfast.”

  “I’ll wash your back,” I say.

  He grins. “No rusting?”

  I pretend to bite his nose.

  “Enough, I surrender,” he says laughing.

  We make our way into the bathroom and enjoy a shower. My ceramic and metal bonded chassis is so smooth that water simply sluices off me but I do enjoy washing Wrik’s back. I towel off first and go down to see what is available for breakfast. I will powertap later, but for now I will enjoy the ritual of preparing a meal.

  Wrik comes down and helps me, but despite his assistance, the food is well-prepared and the kitchen returned to a state of cleanliness far superior to what Delt left it in. We gather our breakfast and go upstairs. There is a veranda on the second floor that we have not had occasion to use. It is early, but the sun has made the morning air pleasant, though it will bring considerable heat later. Wrik is delighted with the coffee I made. I remind him it was a present from his mother and doubtless out of Rena’s supply of Terran coffee. This beverage seems to have a marked hold on humans, particularly in the mornings, for something that has such minor addictive properties. I must be certain to ensure that adequate supplies are kept to hand. While expensive, it is only a minor matter for Lost Planet.

  We sit shoulder to shoulder and again I find myself longing for some form of stasis. I am happy. Not as much as on that first wonderful night at the dance, but happy in a deep and contented way. The shades of joy are a new territory for me. In a way, they are like differing forms of power. The complexities of the chemical combinations of the food I ingest, which will be converted to energy, are so different from the raw, pure power that I might draw from a nuclear reactor or the somehow thinner and less robust energy I will get when I plug into the local power grid.

  Well, why should they not be? The biological world is nothing if not diverse, and it lends itself far less to easy categorization.

  Wrik puts down his coffee cup next to the empty plate, then he reaches for my hand, raises and rotates it, and kisses my wrist. The casual, yet intimate nature of this, for I would allow no one else to touch me so, sends strange sensations thrilling through me. I reach across and stroke the face opposite me.

  Yet, I feel a frisson of fear at this moment. This other being, who now so dominates my thoughts, is but a brief creature, with a life span of 150 years or so. The frailty of his body, which only hours ago was joined to mine, is terrifying. He could be whiffed out of existence by a million dangers, and then what would become of me? In joining the dance of love, have I doomed myself to bitter days ahead?

  “Are you all right, Sweetheart?” he asks. “You kind of froze there for a second.”

  I smile. “I am fine, though I have so much that is new and exciting to think about. It’s all my first time. Every day since you found me is my first time.”

  He leans over now and kisses me with full intent but his hands are very careful and gentle. I savor the sensation and appreciate the gentleness, as in this case, the hands reveal the soul.

  As I look at him, I realize that, perhaps for the first time since we met, his face is completely open and unshadowed. He too is happy. I put away any thoughts and fears. If I were to cease operating in the next second, I would still have lived an existence richer than any other artificial being known. But I will not cease, not for as long as I can manage.

  I am loved, and this is worth living for.

  Chapter 24

  Maauro raised her head from my shoulder. “Friend Delt is approaching and at an excessive rate of speed for a two-wheeled vehicle on roads of such questionable quality.”

  I didn’t bother to look. Maauro would have sensed him from farther than I had any chance of doing. “I assume, you wonderful, thoughtful and logical person, that when you brewed coffee—”

  “I made more than enough for all of us. It was merely a matter of noticing which mug he uses, as he habitually uses the same one, often without cleaning it, and figuring at least 2.5 cups for our outsize friend.”

  I laughed. Now, I saw a spot moving in the distance and heard the faint roar of the Bush Rebel. Behind Delt, approaching at a more moderate pace was a car of the same bilious green as the one I rented to see Rena. I vaguely recalled that his Morok foreman owned it. Oh well, no accounting for taste across species.

  Delt eventually sped up to the house, the auto lock on the gate recognizing the IFF signal from his cycle. He pulled off his helmet, looked up and gave a broad grin at seeing us. “Don’t you two look comfy. I hope you took advantage of being unchaperoned last night.”

  “We did,” Maauro piped back. “But I was careful of your furniture.”

  Delt laughed, but with an uncertain note as if he was not quite sure if she was kidding or not. He caught my eye, but I simply smiled.

  “You want to get your butt up here before I drink all the Terran coffee Maauro so carefully brewed for us?”

  “Terran!” he said, and scrambled for the door.

  “I left a plate of food for you in the warmer,” Maauro called. My ears rang slightly as she made sure he could hear her through the house. She gave me an apologetic smile.

  Delt, plate piled high with pancakes and sausage, appeared at the door. “You guys can visit anytime.”

  Maauro handed him a mug of steaming coffee, she’d presumably microwaved it in her hand. He took it and gave a greedy slurp. “Oh man. I am going to start crying if this morning gets any better.”

  “Good to see you too,” I said.

  Delt stuck a fork in the pancakes and sausage. “Bah, who cares about seeing your ugly mug? It’s our beautiful Space Princess that I’m glad to see.”

  “Space Princess,” Maauro said, with a dreamy expression. “I like that. It’s so much better than Space Zombie.”

  I groaned. “Are you ever going to let me forget about that?”

  “No,” she replied. “But don’t worry. I couldn’t leave you for a man who slurps his coffee no matter how smooth a talker he is.”

  Delt winked at her and slurped some more. “Damn, shot down again.”

  He thumped a large fist on my shoulder. “Ok buddy, make with the story. I need intel.”

  As Delt devoured the heroically-sized breakfast Maauro and I’d made him, I filled him in on all the developments since I left. He was visibly relieved to hear things went well with Mom and listened inte
ntly to all that was said about Rena and Grieg.

  Delt was mixing his second mug of coffee by the time I finished. “Good. It sounds like things worked out about as well as they could, and frankly better than I expected with Rena. She seems to have changed a lot from the hellion she was as a kid.”

  I nodded.

  “The stuff about Grieg is interesting. Especially now.”

  My ears perked up.

  “Something is going on,” Delt said, his face going grim. “There’s a lot of talk about people going missing in the old Rebel circles. I’ve stayed out of that kind of thing, but my Dad still hears. There are police investigations, and some who went missing turned up in hospitals all over the planet. No one is talking, particularly since the Confed folks seem to be very active in the investigation, but there’s rumor of some big raid gone wrong.”

  I sat up in alarm. “A raid?”

  “Yeah,” he continued. “Periodically some idiots get the idea of taking a swing at the Confed presence on world, or a Confed officer goes too far into the bush with too few people and there’s a dust up. This one seems to have been big though, something like platoon or company strength and down near the capitol.”

  I looked at Maauro.

  “We discussed this,” she reminded me. “Delt has sources that are not net-based and has information I cannot access. I do not doubt the value of his intel. I have scanned such of the police databases as I can reach; however these are not networked to the Confed databases. They do record a high incidence of the reporting of suspicious accidents, some of them fatal.”

  “And Confed?” I asked.

  “I can access them,” she said, with evident reluctance, “but, in all probability I will be detected if I do so. I can use the all pass but that will definitely call attention to us.”

  I rubbed my chin with a palm. “Rena didn’t want me calling in Confed for fear of what could happen to Grieg.”

  “Your mother and sister’s locations are secure,” she added, unbidden.

  “No need to stir the pot then,” I decided. “Both of you please keep an ear to the ground.”