Desires

by Holly J. Gill

  Mortified tears filled Stacie’s eyes. “I’m not a tart!”

  Bond shrugged. “Course you are,” he said cheerfully. “Just like all those other bitches out there. Who gives a damn about you anyway? There’re plenty more sluts who aren’t so picky about who they spread their legs for. We will just go and find number nine. You’ve got ten minutes to get your fucking arse out of here, whore.” He got dressed and the two men left the room.

  Stacie burst into tears. He’d looked at her like she was dirt. She stared down at her body and bundled herself into a ball, sobbing her heart out. What had she done? Her heart ached and her self-image dropped from supreme confidence to feeling rubbish and pointless. Tears streamed down her cheeks, soaking the sheet.

  She leaped off the bed, quickly finding her dress and slipping into it, wishing she had never made the decision to go with that evil man. She had been number eight. Sick to the core and totally distraught, she zipped up the dress, grabbed her shoes and fled. She pulled her hem up to her knees and ran down the corridor as fast as she could toward reception. She heard Bailey calling her name, but she wasn’t stopping for anyone.

  She ran up the stairs and down the corridor to her room, almost blind through her tears. She arrived at the bedroom door and wailed with horror when she remembered she didn’t have the key. She leaned against the door and banged on it with her fists. Maybe Dan was in there.

  “Stacie? Are you all right?” she heard a voice say from behind her. It sounded like Bailey.

  “Can you get me in the room?” she begged, her tears dripping down her face and falling on the floor.

  “Here,” Bailey said, handing her a key.

  Stacie struggled and cursed as she tried to get the damn key in the hole. Finally, Bailey took it off her and opened it easily. Stacie threw herself into the room and dropped to the floor in anguish.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Stacie sensed Bailey kneeling at her side, and felt her gentle hand on her back. The touch reminded her of Bond and a wave of revulsion shook her. She jumped to her feet, kicking her shoes off, not caring where they landed. She stripped off the dress and kicked it away from her body, then yanked down her thong. She could hear Bailey asking her questions, trying to find out what had happened but Stacie ignored her, desperate to scrub away every trace of that bastard.

  She rushed into the bathroom slamming the door, leaving Bailey behind. On went the shower and Stacie began feverishly scrubbing her body, needing to remove the monster from her.

  Stacie scrubbed at her skin till it was raw, trying to purge herself of the filth of his touch. The words he said rang in her head. “Whore, slut, tart,” the same words Graham used to use if he didn’t manage to get his own way, or even when he did, he was never satisfied. She could never win—no matter how hard she tried, nothing was ever good enough for him. Now here she was back in the very situation she thought she’d escaped from, feeling dirty, meaningless, like she was only put on the planet to be ill-treated by arseholes. The words echoed over and over, as Stacie scoured every trace of his scum off her body.

  She finally turned the shower off, rubbing herself dry and wrapping a bathrobe tightly round her body. She headed back into the bedroom, fully expecting Bailey to be gone, having left her to sulk on her own, but instead found Bailey sitting on the bed.

  The other woman stood up instantly and came over to her. “Stacie, what’s happened?” she asked.

  Stacie went over to the table, pouring the last of the bottle of wine into one of the glasses. She felt physically sick, thinking about that man and his friend. She lifted the glass to her mouth, but the smell wafted to her nostrils and she ran back into the bathroom to vomit violently into the toilet. She felt Bailey’s gentle hands pulling back her hair while her stomach emptied itself through her mouth and nose.

  When the contractions of her stomach seemed to have stopped, she saw Bailey’s hand offering a wad of tissue. She took it, blew her nose and wiped her mouth, then took the glass of water Bailey held out next. She sipped and spat, then sipped again, washing her mouth out.

  “I am so sorry,” she said to Bailey finally, sitting back on her heels on the bathroom floor.

  “Don’t be silly.” Bailey helped her to her feet and Stacie headed back into the bedroom, carrying her water. Bailey stood behind her. “Please Stacie, what’s wrong? I want to help you.”

  Stacie turned to look at Bailey, saw her face filled with concern. Bailey moved over to Stacie, reaching out to touch her shoulder. Stacie flinched away and moved over to the bed. She sat down feeling every limb in her body aching. Bailey sat next to her.

  “Stacie please, I would like to be able to help you.”

  Stacie swallowed, trying to find the words. “I…I’ve just been…” She felt as if her heart was being ripped out of her chest. An image of the two men came into her mind, their leering faces, their cruel words. She dropped her head in her hands and sobbed anew, feeling Bailey move even closer, putting her hand onto Stacie’s knee. “I cannot—” Stacie said feeling embarrassed and ashamed. Tears streamed down her face at the horror and cheapness. She wanted to tell Bailey what had happened, but wasn't sure how she would take it. Was it wrong to come to a sex club, and not want to have sex? Would Bailey think she was being silly? But surely no meant no, even here?

  She felt Bailey’s arm wrapping around her shoulder. “Stacie,” Bailey said in a light caring voice. Stacie felt Bailey’s breath on her face.

  “I’ve just been treated like a whore, and called a whore,” she blasted, crying, feeling disgusting.

  Bailey’s eyebrows flew up. “Dan?”

  “No,” she said, feeling utter disgust at herself.

  “I thought you were with Dan. Who was it? What happened?”

  “I was with Dan, but Angel took me for a tour around the place,” she said drawing in a breath and moving her hands away from her face. “After, I tried to find Dan, but I couldn’t see him, so I decided to have a dance. And there I saw this guy. I don’t know his name, but he was the one.”

  “What did the man look like?”

  “I think I should just pack and leave,” Stacie said, standing up. “I can’t stay here.” Tonight was proof that Desires wasn't for her. She’d broken the prime rule, fallen for her instructor. And there was nothing else here that interested her. She’d tried to be the kind of girl that enjoyed casual sex with multiple partners, but she wasn't that kind of girl, and never would be.

  “Don’t do that, you’ve been drinking. We can sort this out. What did the man look like?” Bailey asked again only this time with anger, not directed at her, Stacie sensed, but at the man who had done this to her.

  Stacie threw her hands up. “How on earth can you help? There are hundreds of men downstairs.”

  “Trust me. We will find out who it was. What did he look like?”

  Stacie stopped to think for a minute, sitting back onto the bed alongside Bailey, really not wanting to be reminded of the evil man. He obviously knew how to manipulate a woman into his bed. She brought up an image of him in her head, sending quivers of disgust throughout her body.

  “Dark hair, slight tan, a bit stubbly, has a James Bond look about him,” she said.

  “You mean, he doesn’t tie his bow tie, wears his jacket open and has a mate he hangs about with, an older man, Malc?” Bailey asked, her voice sounding very agitated.

  Stacie stared at her. “That sounds familiar. He said he can go and get number nine.”

  “That’s Larry.” Bailey shook her head. “He’s a total ladies man. I don’t understand how on earth he got his hands on you. He’s a complete knobhead, he only thinks about one thing,” Bailey said, putting her arm around Stacie for comfort.

  “God, men! They’re all knobheads!”

  “No, not all men. But Larry definitely is.”

  “And my ex and Dan.” Had every man she had been intimate with treated her with no respect?

  “No, not Dan.”

  “Yes Dan. H
e’s just screwing me for my money,” Stacie said, staring at Bailey harshly, hating the way she was defending him.

  “No, not in that way. He’s here to help you. Dan is the most sincere man I know. He cares a lot about his clients and he has enjoyed teaching you. You should never have been left to be vulnerable to Larry’s advances. Don’t listen to anything he says to you.”

  “What on earth is wrong with me? I just want to find a nice man and be happy.”

  “Nothing is wrong with you. Someone is out there for you. You’re a beautiful woman, and have a fantastic figure.”

  Stacie looked at Bailey’s face, still full of concern. “I’ve been a fool. I thought…”

  “Thought what?”

  Stacie paused. She’d been about to blurt out to Bailey that sleeping with Larry might have helped her get over her feelings for Dan. But she couldn’t admit that to Bailey. Nice as she seemed, she still worked for Desires. She couldn’t risk that getting back to Angel.

  “Do you have a boyfriend?” she asked instead.

  “No,” Bailey answered. Her amused tone of voice caused Stacie to turned and look at her. “I don’t find men enjoyable,” the other woman explained. Stacie widened her eyes, wondering what she meant. “I’ve been in relationships with men, but they just aren’t for me.”

  Stacie looked at her, confused. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m a lesbian.”

  “Oh…” Well, that makes sense, Stacie thought. A few things started to add up, all the smiles and advice. Maybe Bailey was attracted to her. But Stacie was not that way inclined, at least, she never had been. Maybe she was going down the wrong road—she certainly hadn’t had any luck with the male of the species.

  “We need to get hold of Angel and let her know. Dan too—he is going to go totally mental,” Bailey said, standing up.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Dan hates Larry and he has just taken advantage of his client. Expect war. In fact, this isn’t going to go down well with anyone. Angel will go ballistic.”

  What to do? Stacie really wasn’t in the mood to be hanging around the club. She just wanted to pack and jump in a taxi home. She could come back in the morning for her car. She had spent a small fortune on this place to get her confidence back sexually and within seconds the whole thing was blown by one idiot man. What the hell was the point? Why did she have to decide she needed to change her life? And why on earth did she choose the sex road? Sex is one of the most intimate things a couple can do. Okay, some people seem to enjoy it purely for the physical, but Stacie had always had to have an emotional connection. Maybe that was why it was so shit with Graham, because the emotions weren’t right. As she loved him less and less, the sex grew worse and worse, not that it had ever been great to begin with. With Dan…Stacie paused in her thoughts. With Dan, it was only good because she had feelings for him. No casual encounter would ever make her feel that way. The only way she was going to have good sex again was to fall in love with someone else.

  The thought made her feel hollow. How could there ever be someone else, now she’d met Dan?

  “How are you feeling?” Bailey asked, hunkering down in front of her and taking both her hands.

  “I don’t know. I feel empty, like someone has opened my chest and ripped out my heart. I feel so stupid and annoyed with myself.”

  “You weren’t to know what Larry was about. He’s a wanker, and to be honest he has been pushing his luck for quite some time. I wouldn’t be surprised if Angel uses this as an excuse to finally get rid of the tosser. It makes me sick how he thinks he can use and abuse anyone.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I’m just going to gather my bits together and leave.”

  “Why should you have to leave? You’ve done nothing wrong. He should be the one leaving, not you. Please Stacie, don’t let Larry win.”

  “I’m not. I’ve decided this isn’t the right direction for me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “This isn’t the path I should be going down. I’m going to take another direction,” Stacie said, her only thought now to escape the place.

  “What other direction?”

  “Sex isn’t important to me, sex is just sex, and to be honest I deserve better.” It wasn't the whole truth. Sex with Dan had been wonderful and fun. But now… Well, now, if she couldn’t have Dan, she just couldn’t be bothered with anyone else.

  “But you were doing so well. If you leave now, you’re allowing Larry to win.”

  The quiet sound of a key in the door fell into the silence. The two women looked at one another. Stacie quickly wiped away the tears. It could only be Dan.

  Dan walked in the room, smiling when he saw Stacie. “Here you are. I’ve been searching all over the place for you. This was the last place on my list,” he said, looking delighted to have tracked her down. He came over to the bed and Bailey stood up, her face sombre.

  Dan glanced at Bailey and then at Stacie. “What’s going on?” he asked, looking concerned.

  Stacie stared at Bailey, her heart fluttering. How could she tell him? Bailey stared back and raised her eyebrows significantly. Stacie looked at Dan, then down at the floor. He would be so angry.

  “What’s going on?” he asked again, frowning.

  “Stacie?” Bailey said encouragingly.

  But Stacie couldn’t bring herself to say it. Larry’s face floated into her mind again, looking down on her, staring like she was a piece of shit. His face had gone from thrill to nasty in a split second, just like Graham’s used to do. She didn’t want to witness Dan’s reaction, feeling the dark side of Dan was going to come out. She didn’t want to see that side of him. Would he turn nasty and blame her and call her all the names under the sun? Graham would have. Larry had hurt her and she cared nothing for him. Dan could hurt her so much more—she was scared to think how much. She had laid her heart bare to him, given it to him. What would he do with it?

  “Stacie, please tell him,” Bailey said in a soft voice. “Dan will understand.”

  Stacie heard him move closer to her, then he knelt in front of her, “Stacie, please tell me what’s going on.”

  Stacie looked down at her knees, her hair dropping around her face in a curtain. She could see his knees and his legs, but couldn’t bear to look him in the eye. She flinched away when she felt his hands on her knees, hating the thought of a man even breathing on her let alone touching her.

  “Okay, what’s going on?” he asked in a harsher voice. “Surely it’s not that bad…is it?” Worry crept into his voice. “Bailey?” he asked, when Stacie didn’t reply.

  Stacie felt tears drip down her cheeks. Maybe if she just didn't say anything, they would all go away. She shut her eyes and hugged herself, rocking back and forth.

  “What’s going on? Come on, Bailey. Stacie obviously isn’t going to tell me,” Dan said, sitting back on his heels.

  “Larry got to her,” Bailey ground out, her voice overflowing with contempt.

  “Pardon?”

  “Larry got to her,” she repeated clearly.

  “Sexually?” she heard him ask Bailey. Stacie sobbed, dreading his next reaction.

  “Stacie was number eight.”

  Stacie watched Dan rise to his feet, standing tall. She looked at his feet, crying, worried what he was going to say to her.

  “Can I leave you here to look after Stacie?”

  “Of course,” Bailey said. Stacie heard Dan walk across the room, and then the sound of the door opening and closing. Stacie looked at Bailey, her mouth dropping open.

  “He wasn’t angry with me!”

  “Of course not. Why would he be angry with you?” Bailey moved to the dressing table, picking up the phone. “I’d get dressed if I were you. I think things are going to start happening pretty quickly.”

  Stacie grabbed her jeans and a baggy T-shirt of Dan’s. She put them on as Bailey called down to reception telling them to beep Angel. There was a touch of panic in her voice. Stacie pulled on
her shoes, picking up Bailey’s urgency.

  They rushed downstairs. The other receptionist was sitting, looking up at them with inquiry on her face as they hurtled down the steps. Bailey quickly briefed her when Angel appeared from the double doors at the heart of the club.

  “What’s wrong?” Angel said, looking deeply concerned.

  “Larry got to Stacie!”

  “Are you sure?” Angel said.

  “I’m very sure. Dan’s going after Larry,” Bailey told her, frantic. “We need to move fast and catch Dan up or he’ll knock seven bells out of him.”

  “I saw Dan go into the ballroom a few minutes ago,” the other receptionist offered, looking from Angel to Bailey.

  Stacie kept well back, not wanting all the hassle. She couldn’t understand why Bailey never allowed her to simply pack her bag and leave.

  “Right, you two stay here,” Angel said to Bailey and Stacie. “Call security,” she ordered the other receptionist who nodded and picked up a walkie-talkie. Angel spun and rushed into the ballroom.

  Stacie’s heart skipped beats. If she had known the problems it was going to cause, she would have kept her bloody mouth shut. She sat down on one of the squashy leather sofas in the reception area wishing she’d never come. The double doors banged open and Angel reappeared, her face like granite. She came over to Stacie and sat next to her.

  “I need to know exactly what happened. Where did he take you?” Angel demanded.

  “Down that corridor on the right,” she answered in a whisper.

  “And?”

  “He had sex with me, look I didn’t know. I just—”

  “It’s okay, Stacie. But I need the information.”

  “We were having sex—”

  “Was it consensual?”

  “What?”

  “Did you agree to have sex with him?”

  “I guess, at first, but then he got a bit too rough.”

  “Did you ask him to stop?”

  “No,” Stacie answered in a tiny voice. “I figured it would just be easier to get it over with.”