Desires

by Holly J. Gill

  After they cleaned up and got dressed, they headed downstairs for breakfast. As they walked in the restaurant, Stacie saw Angel sitting at the bar. Angel smiled as they walked in. Stacie managed to smile back, hoping it didn’t look too forced.

  Dan and Stacie found a table and the waiter came to take their order. Stacie glanced across to the bar. Angel was staring at her. Stacie quickly looked at the table, feeling her cheeks heat. She wanted to just forget about Angel, and Larry, everything that had happened last night, and make some last memories to cherish while she was here.

  Stacie tried to forget that in a matter of hours she would be walking away from him forever. She would have to find the strength to carry on with her life and move on. But at least she would have the memories of Dan to keep her going until she managed to find herself a nice man all by herself.

  Breakfast arrived and Stacie tucked in. She had to force herself to swallow the mouthful though, when she saw Larry appear in the restaurant. Mechanically she ate another mouthful, concentrating on the movements of chewing and swallowing. The food suddenly tasted like dust and she was struggling to get it down. Oh God, he was coming over to them. Stacie looked determinedly at the table.

  “Hello Stacie…Dan,” she heard Larry say. She didn’t reply. “How are you both this morning?” Stacie looked through her lashes at Dan, who was also not paying Larry any attention. “I would like to say once again how sorry I am for the misunderstanding. I see you’re still here at the club having fun. Have you forgiven me?” Larry asked, not sounding particularly sorry at all.

  The pit of Stacie’s stomach ached, and she put down her knife and fork, if only to resist the temptation to plunge the utensils into his stupid smug face. Finding courage to face the monster, Stacie turned to look at Larry. “My reasons for still being here have nothing to do with you. If you don’t mind, you’re putting me off my breakfast.”

  “I understand, but I really need you to forgive me and tell Angel,” he said, batting his eyelids, looking pathetic.

  Stacie saw the desperation in his eyes. She replied by shrugging her shoulders, then turned her head away with annoyance. She was almost enjoying this, she had him crawling, totally in her power. She flicked a glance at Dan who was trying to cover up a snigger.

  Stacie knew she had Larry where she needed him, hanging on a thread. He needed her to accept his apology or his contract at Desires was history. Stacie cared nothing for Larry, or his contract. Her only worry was that if he was banned from Desires, he might take his sick attitude out into the real world and then other girls would suffer from his vileness.

  She turned back to Larry, who was now going down on his knees. She shook her head, glancing at Dan who was staring out the window, trying to stifle his giggles. Stacie looked back at Larry, wondering how far he would go to beg for her forgiveness and for her to tell Angel she had accepted his apology.

  Maybe she should just keep him dangling for a little while longer. Dan had finished and Stacie left the rest of her breakfast, pushing her chair back and walking past him as if he weren’t there. Dan followed her. She swept past Angel, ignoring her significantly arched and neatly-plucked eyebrow, and headed back up to the room.

  They had both showered earlier, but Dan went into the bathroom to shave. Stacie watched him, with Dan looking at her through the mirror occasionally.

  “Is everything okay?” he asked.

  “I just like watching you shave,” she replied without thinking. Shit, would he think that was weird? But, no, he just smiled at her in the mirror and went back to his shaving.

  Her heart beat faster. She was desperate to tell him exactly what she was going through and about her feelings for him. Stacie couldn’t stare enough at him, longing to have him holding her forever, wishing to hear the sound of his voice all the time, whispering sweet nothings, telling her how beautiful she looked. She had never thought when she entered the front door of Desires that she would meet such a man, not just sexy, but kind and sweet, and everything she had ever wanted. How would she cope with him gone? What would have happened if she had never signed that damn contract?

  Dan left the bathroom and her heart collapsed as it had been penetrated with a knife.

  “Get a grip, Stacie,” she told herself, hitting her thighs. “He’s just a man. There are plenty more out there.” She needed a distraction. Maybe the afternoon with Jason and Chrissie would help.

  Stacie got ready very carefully, going for the gorgeous, girl-next-door natural look. Her hair was tousled, her make-up glowing but subtle. She came out of the bathroom to see Dan dressed, sitting and watching the television.

  She picked out her clothes, jeans and a tight fitted T-shirt, putting a long waterfall cardigan over the top. The room phone rang and Dan answered it. He looked up at her, puzzled.

  “Jason and Chrissie are waiting in reception for us?” he said, a question in his voice.

  “Oh, I forgot to tell you. I asked if they’d like to come and have lunch with us. You don’t mind, do you?”

  “Of course not, it’s a fab idea.”

  Stacie put on her boots and they walked toward the door but, before Dan opened it, he drew Stacie into his arms and gave her a long, slow, delicious kiss.

  “What was that for?” she said, when they finally parted.

  “Do I have to have a reason?” Dan said, kissing the tip of her nose before opening the door.

  “Never.” Oh God, he was making it so difficult.

  They headed downstairs. Jason and Chrissie were sitting on the leather couch waiting for them. They jumped to their feet, and all four greeted one another with kisses and hugs. At least if nothing else she’d made a friend here.

  Then Angel appeared, greeting them all. Stacie felt the atmosphere take a dip, or was that just her? No one else here had a reason to have a problem with Angel. “Good afternoon,” Angel said with a sparkling smile. Crocodiles smile too, Stacie thought. Just before they eat you. “I hope you are all well. I would like to take this opportunity to offer you a freebie, on the club, a room to yourself. Do as you please, and have lots of fun.” It seemed to be a kind offer to valued clients, but Stacie sensed an alternative motive. She betted it had something to do with Larry.

  Bailey handed them the key and they went to the room Angel had assigned them. Dan flicked the light switch and a dozen twinkling spotlights in the ceiling illuminated a room wallpapered in black, with a shiny tiled black floor, almost hidden by piles of massive cushions. One wall was dominated by a huge flat-screen television. In one corner was a DVD player on top of a black ash cupboard. In another was a well-stocked minibar in a matching black ash cabinet. Dan and Jason went over to the DVD cabinet. Chrissie moved close to Stacie. “Well? Have you told him?”

  “No.”

  “Why on earth not? Do you still like him?” Chrissie asked.

  “God, yes, more than I can say,” she whispered, not wanting Dan to hear her.

  Chrissie tapped her watch. Stacie knew what she meant, that time was ticking by. Suddenly her firm decision to make this the last day she saw Dan started to crumble and doubt once more crept in.

  “Girls, what do you fancy?” Dan said.

  Stacie’s head twisted so fast on her neck she was surprised she didn’t pull something. “Sorry?” she said, while her knees went weak at the look on Dan’s face.

  Jason waved two DVD boxes at her. “What do you fancy watching? Hardcore, or a movie style?” Jason asked.

  “Hardcore,” Chrissie replied, finding her spot on the scattered cushions.

  Stacie was stunned for a minute. She hadn’t realised they’d be watching porn. She wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea, especially with other people there, but she didn’t want to appear a prude. She headed over to the cushions, joining Chrissie and making herself comfortable. Dan put the DVD on then dimmed the lights. The men came to sit down and Dan reclined next to Stacie.

  “You okay with this?” he half-mouthed, half-whispered at her, gesturing with h
is head at the television.

  She nodded, trying for a smile.

  She attempted to look at the television screen, but she was acutely aware of him next to her. All she wanted to do was stare at him, to drink in his beloved face. The DVD began with a girl in slinky underwear doing a very seductive dance in front of a man.

  “I heard you had an interesting night last night?” Jason said.

  “You could say that,” Dan replied.

  “How did Stacie end up with Larry?” Jason asked.

  “Angel took Stacie off to show her round, then left her on her own. She should’ve brought her directly back to me. It’s as much Angel’s fault as anyone’s.”

  “Yes, but I could’ve found you,” Stacie interjected. “But instead, I heard a good tune and wanted to dance, and that was when knobhead found me,” she said, not quite sure why she was defending Angel. She hadn’t really considered Angel’s share of the blame game.

  “Angel should’ve known better. She knows what kind of men come to those functions. You weren’t to know,” Dan said, sitting up and reaching over to hold Stacie’s hand.

  Chrissie stepped in. “Stacie wouldn’t’ve gone off with him if you hadn’t suggested she try out other men.”

  Stacie stared at Chrissie. Hadn’t she told Stacie not to blame Dan, yet here she was doing the same thing? She hastily interrupted, not wanting this to turn into a bloodbath. “I agreed with Dan that it might be a good idea. I just picked the wrong man, that’s all.”

  Jason spoke out, “The result was you still ended up in the wrong hands. That shouldn’t have happened—the club had a duty of care to you.”

  Dan cut in, “Larry just goes around shagging whatever takes his fancy. He’ll shag anyone who opens her legs to him, then moves onto the next one. Most of the regular girls here know what he’s about. If that’s what they want, then fine. If not, they know to leave him alone.”

  “Isn’t that what you do?” Chrissie said, her quiet question falling into silence. Stacie’s heart pounded. Why had she said that? Chrissie was meant to be helping her, not making the situation worse. Chrissie continued, “Only you take their money.” That was something Stacie mentioned earlier to her on the phone. Clearly, Chrissie was trying to get answers to questions that Stacie was afraid of asking.

  Dan paused, washing his hands over his face. “Yes, I agree I take women’s money to have sex with them. However, I do it for their pleasure, not my own. I am here to make them happy, not to make myself happy. I don’t just open their legs and shag them. Unless that’s what they want, of course. I respect women and I hope I send my clients home smiling.” Stacie looked at him while he glanced at her. “I don’t come here and treat them like meat, that’s the difference. Larry has no consideration or feelings for women. All he’s interested in is himself. He’s a complete selfish bastard. I would never do that.”

  “How do you manage not to get personal?” Jason asked.

  “It’s my job. I can switch off, but yet keep myself together,” Dan said. Stacie sank further back in the cushions, desperate to hide.

  “You must find yourself feeling something for a few?” Jason asked.

  “No,” Dan replied. Stacie’s heart broke. She wanted to stand up and run away for being such a stupid fool. Dan didn’t love her. She was wasting her time.

  “What about Stacie?” Chrissie asked. No, no, no! Stacie wanted to scream at her. Not now!

  Dan answered, “What about her? She’s a stunning girl and I have enjoyed her company. I have found helping her to be very rewarding, but she’s a client just like the others.” He didn’t even look at her when he said this.

  “God, you make it sound like, ‘Yeah whatever,’” said Jason. Stacie felt the atmosphere shift.

  “No, that isn’t the case. Stacie has been amazing and, yes, I have given her more compassion and made sure I have done my ultimate best. She’s been an exceptional client and I have totally enjoyed my time with her,” Dan said.

  Dan turned around to look at her. His face might as well have been carved from marble—there was no expression there whatsoever.

  Well, that was that. It was clear she was simply a client, nothing more and nothing less. At least that had been established, he had no feelings for her at all and she knew she had been a total dimwit.

  The room fell silent, everyone watching the television. Stacie stared at the screen without seeing it. Stupid thoughts ran around her head. She had been wasting her time and her emotional energy worrying about the stupid contract. It wasn't going to be broken, that much was certain. How stupid was she for thinking a young attractive man would even look in her direction, let alone fall head over heels in love with her. It was a crazy thought, total madness. She wished Chrissie and Jason had asked the all important questions last week. She could have saved a small fortune.

  On the positive side, at least there had been some fun and she’d had the privilege of having sex with a very skilled young man. Stacie daydreamed for quite some time, not paying any attention to what was on the television. Movement on the cushions roused her from her reverie and she turned to see Chrissie passionately kissing Jason. She turned her head quickly in the opposite direction seeing a girl being penetrated on the television. Embarrassed, she stared into a corner.

  But the rampant sexuality in the room was affecting her. Much as she didn’t like it, she still had feelings for Dan, and the DVD was starting to arouse her as much as it embarrassed her.

  She let her eyes slip to the side where Dan sat, letting herself feel his presence, inhale his smell. She couldn’t decide if she wanted to shag him or slap him. She turned her head to look at his face, expecting to see him looking at the television. Instead, he was looking at her. His eyes were warm, and his cheeks dimpled with a smile. She kept her face stony, glaring at him down her nose. She tried to pour out her anger through her eyes, make him feel what she was feeling. Did he have any idea how much he had hurt her? Her heart felt empty and torn to shreds. But was it his fault? Wasn’t this exactly what the contract was in place to prevent?

  Dan smiled and moved closer to Stacie. She looked away and down to her body, hating that her body reacted to him. Stacie could hear Chrissie and Jason kissing and the couple having sex on the television. Stacie was furious at her body for getting turned on, betraying her. Dan took hold of her hand. She pulled it away, not wanting him to think she was there for him, or that she was easy.

  He again took hold of her hand, Stacie attempted to pull it away, but this time he kept a firm grip on it. Stacie kept her head low, not wanting to look at him, unable to stand the thought she had humiliated herself. Dan released her hand, then used the same hand to lift her chin. Stacie resisted, staring at the floor.

  “Look at me, Stacie,” he commanded her, but Stacie turned her head deliberately away to look at Chrissie and Jason. Her heart ached as she watched them caressing one another. Why was it so difficult to find someone to love? The only man she’d ever met who had been nice to her, had to be paid to be nice to her.

  He leaned toward her. “What’s wrong?” he murmured in her ear. As if she was going to tell him. He moved away and sighed. “Can you follow me outside,” he asked her, his voice sounding abrupt. He stood up and made his way to the door without waiting for her answer.

  Chrissie and Jason let each other go for a second. “What’s going on?” Chrissie asked, looking puzzled.

  “You heard him. I’m just a client, nothing more. I think I should just go home.”

  “Well, it’s up to you but you should enjoy him while you have him, Stacie,” Chrissie said, compassion in her voice.

  “You might regret it tomorrow if you don’t,” Jason said.

  Stacie thought about what Jason said. He was probably right. If this was the last time she’d be with him, she had to make it special. None of this was his fault after all. He was just doing his job. He hadn’t asked her to go and fall in love with him, had he?

  She stood up and followed Dan out the
door. He was standing out in the corridor, waiting for her.

  “Okay, what’s going on?” he said moving close and putting his hand on her cheek. Stacie couldn’t meet his eyes, feeling stupid and embarrassed. “Have I done or said something to upset you? Was it mentioning Larry?” he said. Stacie couldn’t answer him. He moved away, stepping to the other side of the corridor. She looked over at him. He looked upset. What did he have to be upset about? Stacie frowned.

  “I’m sorry about last night. I should’ve looked for you,” he said.

  “No, it wasn’t your fault,” she finally replied. “I’m just not in the mood.”

  “But you invited your friends. I thought that this was what you wanted,” he said, looking baffled.

  She laughed at herself, at her own naïveté. “I just invited them for lunch. I hadn’t envisaged this.” Of course, a lunch date in a sex club with two exhibitionists would be a little different from a lunch date anywhere else. They hadn’t even had lunch yet.

  “You look tense, would you like me to massage you?” she heard him say. She looked at him. Bless him, he was trying to help her, trying to do his job. Maybe she should just let him. A massage sounded good anyway, it might help her to relax.

  “Okay,” she said. He opened the door for her and they went back into the room. Chrissie and Jason smiled as they came in, then went back to kissing.

  Another sex scene was beginning on the television. She looked at Chrissie and Jason, seeing them kissing and touching one another.

  “Are you ready for that massage?” he said. Stacie nodded and took off her cardigan and T-shirt. She lay prone on a couple of the big cushions, using a smaller one as a pillow. Dan took off his top and took up position next to her. She noticed Jason looking at her. He smiled while Dan moved her hair to one side and began gently rubbing her shoulders. At first Stacie felt tense as he dug deep into her shoulder muscles, but she soon began to relax. She’d always loved to have her back rubbed. Graham had done it a couple of times in their early courtship, but not for a very very long time.

  She closed her eyes, drifting into paradise while his hands ran over her shoulders and down to the shoulder blades, her tension draining into the big cushions.