by Laura Martin
Robert saw a flash of pain in Louisa’s eyes before her mask was back in place and her serene visage stared back at him.
‘Of course it was a mistake,’ she repeated, her voice devoid of emotion. ‘Of course you regret it.’
Robert nodded, glad she understood, but concerned at her lack of emotional response. Louisa pulled away from him, refusing to meet his eye any longer, and walked out into the hallway.
He followed Louisa out of the room, trying not to watch the hypnotic sway of her softly rounded backside.
He couldn’t believe what he’d just done. Not only had he nearly ruined his already fragile relationship with Louisa, he’d abandoned all his principles as well. For two years he hadn’t touched a woman, hadn’t even allowed himself to think about a woman. Then Louisa had entered his life and turned his whole world upside down. No matter how much he tried to deny it, she enthralled him. Her resilience and her humour and how she was just starting to allow herself to trust him—all of it was endearing. Added to that the fact she was beautiful, how could a man resist?
He would resist, he told himself. One moment of weakness was forgivable, but it wouldn’t happen again. Louisa deserved to be able to live in peace, not wondering when her guardian would launch himself at her next, and he would keep his vow and spend his life alone and companionless, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to look at himself in the mirror.
‘Good morning, Mrs Hempshaw,’ Louisa said as they entered the drawing room. Her voice was cheerful and she had a smile on her face. Robert felt a stab of annoyance that their kiss hadn’t affected her more. He must have lost his touch.
‘Good morning,’ the severe-looking woman said, rising from the armchair she was perched on.
‘Thank you for coming today,’ Robert said, pushing thoughts of Louisa to the back of his mind, which was difficult when she was standing so close to him. So close he could just reach out and she’d be back in his arms.
‘I understand you wish to employ an experienced companion,’ Mrs Hempshaw said. ‘I have good references and an impeccable reputation.’
Robert disliked the woman already.
‘There will not be a single word of scandal voiced about Miss Turnhill whilst I am her companion.’
Robert thought that was probably because Louisa wouldn’t be able to have any fun whilst Mrs Hempshaw was around.
‘Have you been the companion of a young lady before?’ Robert asked, wondering how anyone had put up with the old bat.
‘My employers have by and large been older women,’ Mrs Hempshaw said, ‘but recently I was employed by Lord Huntley to chaperone his daughter to social events and ensure none of the young gentlemen overstepped the boundaries of propriety.’
He doubted any young gentlemen had come close when they’d seen Mrs Hempshaw escorting the poor young girl.
‘Do you have any questions for Mrs Hempshaw, Louisa?’
The older woman frowned at his overfamiliar use of Louisa’s first name.
‘Do you like dogs, Mrs Hempshaw?’ Louisa asked sweetly.
Robert wondered where she was going with this.
‘I can tolerate them.’
‘And cats?’
‘I hate the disease-spreading creatures. No real purpose. They disgust me.’
‘What a shame,’ Louisa murmured. ‘I have four cats, they go with me everywhere.’
Mrs Hempshaw frowned as if unsure whether Louisa was speaking the truth.
‘Unfortunately I don’t think this is the right job for you,’ Louisa continued. ‘But thank you very much for coming.’
Mrs Hempshaw looked at Robert incredulously, as if she couldn’t believe she was being dismissed by Louisa.
‘Yes, thank you for coming,’ Robert said, playing along, ‘but Miss Turnhill is right, we do love our cats in this house. I’ll make sure I mention your name to anyone else I know looking for a companion.’
He stood and ushered her out of the room, waiting until she was in the hands of his capable footman, then closed the door firmly.
‘Cats?’
‘Well, I could have told her she was a miserable old crone and I’d rather spend my days chained to a wall in a straitjacket than with her.’
‘Don’t joke about it, Louisa,’ Robert said, with more force than he’d intended.
He crossed the room in a couple of long strides, stopping when she was only two feet away. She was half-turned away from him and gently he grasped her by the upper arms and turned her towards him.
‘I’m sorry about what happened in the study,’ Robert said, knowing they had to get rid of this awkwardness between them. ‘It was unforgivable of me to take advantage of you.’
‘You didn’t take advantage of me,’ Louisa said, looking down at her feet.
She looked so vulnerable, standing there in front of him, her arms crossed across her chest stubbornly.
‘I’m your guardian, Louisa, and I kissed you. I shouldn’t have allowed it to happen. Especially not after what happened with Mr Craven.’
‘It was nothing like the same situation,’ she said quietly. ‘You didn’t force yourself upon me, I didn’t have to fight you off.’
Robert felt the rage mounting as he realised what Louisa’s life must have been like before his great-uncle had sent her to Lewisham Asylum. It made kissing her even worse.
He reached out and gently tilted her chin up with one finger. With great resolve he stopped himself from caressing the skin of her face and instead dropped his hand back to his side. Louisa was now staring at him from under her long, dark eyelashes.
Robert swallowed. She looked so beautiful and so vulnerable. He wanted to sweep her into his arms and protect her from the cruel world and at the same time ravish her on the spot. Maybe it was he whom she needed protecting from.
‘Every night at dinner Mr Craven would drink far too much wine and afterwards he’d invite me to join him in the drawing room. If I refused, he would grow violent. If I agreed, the evening would always end the same: with him chasing me through the house in a drunken stupor.’
‘Did he...?’ Robert trailed off, not knowing if he wanted to know the answer to the question.
‘Did he succeed in taking advantage of me?’ Louisa asked, looking him directly in the eye. ‘No. He was always too drunk to catch me. And in the cold light of day he would apologise for his behaviour and hint it was my fault for refusing to marry him.’
Robert stepped forwards and took her gently in his arms, pulling her towards him in an embrace.
‘I promise you will never have to be afraid again,’ he said quietly.
She was stiff against his chest. Her arms were still hanging down by her side and she wasn’t moving a single muscle.
He’d lost her, he realised. All the trust and openness they’d built over the last couple of days had been ruined by him kissing her. It wasn’t that he’d forced himself on her—he might not have been with a woman for a long time, but he knew how one responded when she was enjoying his attentions—but she’d withdrawn into herself afterwards. The woman who stood before him was more like the untrusting young woman he’d rescued from the asylum than the one who’d answered Dr Wade’s questions so openly.
Robert stepped away, trying not to let the fact her coldness hurt him show. He knew he would have to work to regain the trust he had lost and that would take time. There could be no more stolen kisses either.
He glanced at her lips. That was a mistake. Her tongue was just darting out to moisten her lower lip, something he’d noticed her doing when she was nervous. It was surprisingly erotic and Robert felt a stirring in his loins. Inwardly he groaned. How did such an innocent young thing know how to arouse him in a way no experienced woman could?
‘There are two more companions coming to be interviewed today. I think it would be
a good idea if you sat in and helped me interview them,’ Robert said. ‘That way if you don’t like them you can let me know.’
He needed to get her a companion, Robert realised. Every second they were alone together was too much of a temptation.
Chapter Eleven
‘It’s a delight to be cooking for someone who actually enjoys their food,’ Mrs Rust said. She was gently folding flour into a cake mix, working with the practised ease of an expert. ‘Lord Fleetwood is the best employer you could wish for, but sometimes I think he wouldn’t notice if I served him tadpoles and donkey rather than salmon and beef.’
‘Why do you think he’s so unfussy?’ Louisa asked, absent-mindedly drawing patterns with her finger in the flour on the worktop.
‘He never used to be this way,’ Mrs Rust said. ‘Quite a fussy eater when he was a child.’
‘You’ve known him since he was a child?’
‘Been with the family for thirty-one years,’ the cook said proudly.
‘So what changed?’ Louisa asked. ‘When did he stop caring about his food?’
Mrs Rust slowly started to pour the mixture into a tin, levelling the top with a flat spoon.
‘The war. Changed Lord Fleetwood in so many ways. He was a carefree boy when he left and a shadow of his former self when he returned.’
Louisa had to stop herself from leaning forwards. She wanted to understand what it was that haunted Robert. Why he was so serious and so distant. Maybe Mrs Rust could give her even a little information.
‘I don’t know what happened on that battlefield, but I do know it robbed more than young Master Knapwell of his life.’
Louisa stayed silent, hoping the cook would continue.
‘Took his friend’s death hard, Lord Fleetwood did, hasn’t been the same since.’ She leant in closer to Louisa and dropped her voice to a whisper. ‘There was talk Lord Fleetwood blamed himself for Master Knapwell’s death. All nonsense, of course, he loved that man as though they were brothers. But the guilt has been eating him up ever since.
‘You hear of it, of course, people returning from war, feeling guilty to have survived when their friends have perished, but you don’t really understand until you see it first hand. Lord Fleetwood hasn’t allowed himself to live, to enjoy life, ever since he returned.’
Louisa wondered what had happened to make Robert blame himself for Greg Knapwell’s death. Even after only knowing him for a few days Louisa knew he wouldn’t have intentionally done anything to harm his friend, but something awful must have happened for him to be still blaming himself after so long.
‘When Lord Fleetwood returned we were hopeful that slowly he would heal, but for two years he’s kept himself separate from society...’ Mrs Rust paused. ‘But maybe now...’
Louisa looked up sharply.
‘Well, he’s got you to think about now, dear.’
She supposed it was true. Sometimes the best way to move forwards was to focus on something or someone else.
‘Already you’ve been good for him.’
Louisa pictured his stiff posture after they’d kissed and the way he couldn’t look at her. She wasn’t too sure she was all that good for him.
‘Miss Turnhill.’
Louisa jumped at the sound of Robert’s voice. ‘Louisa,’ she reminded him as he descended the stairs into the kitchen. Mrs Rust had turned a deep crimson colour and was looking guiltily at Robert as if trying to ascertain how much of their conversation he’d overheard.
‘Lord Fleetwood.’ Mrs Rust bobbed into a curtsy. ‘What an unexpected delight.’
Robert looked around the kitchen as though he hadn’t been down there for a very long time.
‘I’ve been discussing the dinner menus with Mrs Rust,’ Louisa said, wondering why Robert had come looking for her himself, rather than sending a footman.
‘Good,’ he said with a smile. ‘I hope you’ve come up with some good ideas between you.’
‘Mrs Rust has an excellent recipe for donkey,’ Louisa said, keeping her voice serious, ‘with a side of tadpole.’
He looked at her for a couple of seconds before smiling. ‘Donkey I’ve eaten before, very chewy and tough, but I don’t think I’ve ever had the pleasure of sampling tadpoles.’
‘You’ve actually eaten a donkey?’ Louisa asked, incredulous.
‘Not a whole one,’ he reassured her.
‘Why on earth did you eat part of a donkey?’
‘I was hungry,’ Robert said with a shrug.
Louisa couldn’t help herself, she burst out laughing.
‘Donkey was actually one of the finer animals I sampled during my time in the army.’
Louisa leant forward, oblivious to the fact her elbows were in the flour spread over the work surface. He was revealing just a few more details about his life.
‘So what was the worst?’ she asked.
He contemplated her question for a few seconds before answering. ‘Mouse. No meat on them whatsoever.’
‘Strike dormouse from the menu, Mrs Rust,’ Louisa said, grinning.
‘We have more companions to interview, Louisa,’ Robert said, getting back to business.
She stood. Robert took a step towards her and Louisa felt her pulse start to quicken. She wished he didn’t make her feel quite so out of control. After his reaction to their kiss upstairs Louisa had vowed she would not allow herself to act like a simpering fool. She was determined to stay aloof and distant, but when Robert looked at her as though she was the only one in the room and stepped towards her, all of her resolve went out the window.
She held her breath as he reached out towards her. Gently he brushed the flour off her elbows. Louisa slowly exhaled. He was making her look presentable, nothing more. The contact was completely innocent. He wasn’t touching her in any special or intimate way. She scolded herself at the disappointment she felt as his hand dropped back to his side and the contact between them ceased.
‘Who is there this time?’ Louisa asked, hoping her voice didn’t come out as a high-pitched squeak.
‘There’s two of them. Hopefully one will suit.’
‘I promise not to be too picky,’ Louisa said.
Robert seemed very keen to get someone who could act as a buffer between them installed into the house.
He shrugged. ‘We’ve got to live with her. I’d rather we got it right.’
She followed him up the stairs, promising to return to Mrs Rust later to continue their discussions about food.
‘If you don’t like someone, I want you to let me know,’ Robert said as they paused outside the door to his study. ‘I want you to be happy, Louisa.’
Louisa nodded, a lump forming in her throat. She had such conflicting emotions about this man. One minute he was kissing her, the next acting as if there had been no connection between them. Now he was worried about her happiness. No wonder she was in turmoil when he acted so differently towards her all the time.
They entered the study and Louisa sat down on the sofa she’d occupied earlier during their kiss. This time Robert didn’t sit next to her. She wondered if he didn’t trust her to keep her hands off him.
After a few minutes of silence the first woman was shown in by one of the footmen.
‘Miss Carter,’ Robert said, looking down at a sheaf of papers, probably her references, ‘thank you for coming. This is Miss Turnhill, my ward.’
Louisa smiled at the young woman. She was the complete opposite to Mrs Hempshaw. Miss Carter was young, attractive and smiled a lot. Louisa’s eyes flicked towards Robert. He was smiling, too.
‘It’s a pleasure to meet you both.’
‘Why don’t you tell us a little about yourself?’ Robert prompted.
He was being ever so nice. Louisa glanced at Miss Carter again. She was
very pretty.
‘My family are originally from Yorkshire,’ Miss Carter started, ‘but for the last few years I’ve been working as a companion for Lady Sheldon.’
Robert nodded encouragingly.
‘Lady Sheldon unfortunately passed away last month so I’ve been looking for a new position ever since.’
‘What do you like doing, Miss Carter?’ Louisa asked.
‘Oh, most things,’ she said with a smile. ‘I like going for walks and reading and music.’
She sounded like the perfect woman. Louisa glanced once again at Robert. He was still smiling at Miss Carter. Louisa thought this was the longest time she’d ever seen him smile for.
Louisa wasn’t a naturally jealous person. She’d never really had anyone to be jealous of. But in that instant she felt undeniable jealousy for the way Robert was looking at Miss Carter.
‘Miss Carter has excellent references,’ Robert said, motioning to the sheets of paper in his hands.
‘I’m sure,’ Louisa murmured. ‘Have you lived in London before, Miss Carter?’
The young woman shook her head. ‘I’ve always resided in the country, but I need to find work and I don’t mind the city too much.’
Louisa suddenly felt very ashamed of herself. Miss Carter was just a young woman looking to work for her living. It wasn’t her fault she was attractive and personable. It wasn’t her fault if Robert found her attractive.
Not that Louisa should even care that Robert found her attractive. He’d made it perfectly clear earlier on that their kiss had been a mistake, and in any case, she most certainly didn’t want a relationship with him or anyone else.
Still, having him lust after her companion might be a little hard to stomach.
‘Thank you for coming along, Miss Carter, we’ll be in touch soon,’ Robert said.
He rang for a footman, who showed the attractive Miss Carter out.
‘What did you think?’ Robert asked.
‘She seemed very nice,’ Louisa said, trying to be a good person and not let her petty jealousy live on.