by Laura Martin
Louisa couldn’t deny Robert had been in a foul mood last night and it had been he who had insisted he accompany them to the ball.
‘All you need to do is encourage these other men, let Robert see what he is missing out on. And he will realise none of them are good enough for you because they don’t love you the way he does.’
Louisa felt a flicker of hope. ‘I’m not sure,’ she said.
Mrs Knapwell patted her on the hand again and smiled.
‘Why don’t you have a think about what you want, my dear? Think about what your life would be like with Lord Fleetwood and what it would be like on your own.’ Mrs Knapwell stood and walked to the door. ‘It would be a shame for you both to be unhappy just because you’re too scared to fight for what you want.’
Louisa was left alone in the drawing room, surrounded by all of her flowers. Mrs Knapwell’s words kept circling around in her head. The problem was she didn’t know what she wanted.
No, Louisa thought, that was a lie. She wanted Robert. She’d wanted him ever since the day he’d strode into her cell at the Lewisham Asylum and demanded her release. She’d wanted him every time he’d kissed her and she’d wanted him even when he’d rejected her.
Her difficulty was more that she didn’t want to have to rely on anyone else. She knew if she gave her heart to Robert she was likely to get hurt and Louisa wasn’t sure if she could bear to be hurt again.
A little voice piped up in her mind, asking whether she could bear living her whole life without him.
There was a soft knock on the door. Before Louisa could answer it swung open and Robert stepped into the room. He was frowning and he looked as though he hadn’t slept a single wink.
‘You’ve got another gentleman caller,’ Robert said gruffly. ‘I tried to throw him out, but Mrs Knapwell said you would want to receive him.’
In that instant Louisa’s mind was made up. She was going to fight for this man. She would make him realise he was the man for her.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Robert wondered if he had died and gone to hell.
‘I’m sure Mrs Crawshaw is chaperone enough if you have things you would rather be doing,’ Louisa said sweetly.
An army of Frenchmen couldn’t chase him away from Louisa whilst Lord Frinton was in the room.
‘I’ll stay,’ Robert said abruptly.
Louisa smiled at him, then turned her attention back to Frinton.
‘Did you enjoy your first ball, Miss Turnhill?’ Frinton asked.
Robert leant forwards. He wondered if Frinton was sitting too close to Louisa for propriety. The man was only about four feet away. Maybe Robert should usher him farther across the room.
‘I had a lovely time, thank you, my lord,’ Louisa said.
My lord? Robert glared at her. She was flirting. The little minx had only been out in society for a day and she was flirting with one of London’s most notorious rakes.
‘The Season in London is quite diverting once you know which balls to attend,’ Lord Frinton continued. ‘I’m more of a country person myself, but I do enjoy the diversions of the city for a few months.’
‘You have a country estate?’ Louisa asked.
Frinton had one of the biggest estates in the south of England.
‘Just a patch of land and a house. A few tenant cottages, you know the sort of thing,’ Frinton said modestly.
‘I do love the country.’
‘Perhaps you could come and visit me some time.’
Robert nearly jumped out of his chair. Frinton had either just indecently propositioned Louisa or was halfway to a marriage proposal.
‘That sounds lovely.’
‘No,’ Robert said.
Louisa and Frinton turned to Robert in surprise, as if they’d both forgotten his presence.
Louisa raised her eyebrows, then turned back to Frinton with a sunny smile.
‘Please excuse Lord Fleetwood, I think he’s probably tired from the ball last night.’
Now she was making him sound like a doddery old guardian. He was only a couple of years older than Frinton.
‘Maybe we could go for a stroll, leave Lord Fleetwood in peace?’ Frinton suggested.
‘That would be most agreeable,’ Louisa said.
Robert felt his heart plummet into his boots. She actually liked this twit. Not that Frinton was the worst of the gentlemen of the ton, but he certainly wasn’t right for Louisa.
Frinton stood and offered Louisa his arm.
‘I’ll come, too,’ Robert said quickly, all too aware Mrs Crawshaw wouldn’t stop any untoward advances from Frinton. He cursed himself for dismissing the severe, prim Mrs Hempshaw as a companion. At least he would have been able to rest easy with her accompanying Louisa for a stroll.
‘That’s really not necessary,’ Louisa said. ‘Mrs Crawshaw will come with us.’
‘It is necessary,’ Robert said in a voice that brooked no argument.
* * *
As he walked a few paces behind Louisa and Frinton, Robert felt his mood darken. This was the worst day imaginable, having to watch Louisa smile at another man, laugh at his jokes, hold his arm. Robert wanted to be the one she was walking with, not consigned to trudge behind her and her admirer, the ever-vigilant guardian only there to guard her honour.
He watched as Louisa lifted her head to hear something Frinton was saying. Robert remembered exactly how she’d looked when they’d been on Mrs Knapwell’s balcony. She’d tilted her chin up then, too, and looked at him with desire in her eyes. It physically hurt to think of her looking at another man like that. He felt sick of the thought of Frinton’s lips on hers, his hands over his body.
Robert knew he had to do something, but Dunton’s words echoed around his head again. Louisa would want a family, a home. If he couldn’t give that to her, then she deserved someone who could.
Just not Frinton.
‘Miss Turnhill,’ Robert called out, ‘we need to return home.’
Louisa and Frinton stopped walking and turned to look at him.
‘We forgot your engagement with Mrs Knapwell,’ Robert improvised. ‘You promised to meet her this afternoon. It would be rude to let her down.’
Louisa frowned for an instant, then smiled sunnily. ‘Don’t worry yourself, Lord Fleetwood. When I spoke to Mrs Knapwell this morning we rearranged for another day. I’ve got the entire afternoon free.’
Robert contemplated marching over to Louisa, picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder. At this point he’d do almost anything to get her away from Frinton and back home.
‘But if you are otherwise engaged please feel free to return home,’ Louisa said. ‘I’m sure Lord Frinton is perfectly capable of looking after me.’
Robert very much doubted it. He would be willing to bet his entire estate the cad would try to seduce Louisa the first chance he had.
‘I’d be very happy to take responsibility for Miss Turnhill,’ Frinton said.
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Robert replied bluntly. ‘I’m free all afternoon.’
Louisa smiled again. ‘Wonderful.’ Then she turned her back on Robert, slipped her hand into the crook of Frinton’s arm and continued her conversation.
After a few more minutes of walking they entered Hyde Park. Robert was immediately taken back to his first day with Louisa. He could picture the scene with such precision it was as though it had happened only minutes ago, not weeks. He hoped they would not walk down the Serpentine to where he and Louisa had paused. He didn’t think he could bear watching her look out at the view on the arm of another man.
‘Miss Turnhill.’
They all turned at the same moment. Dunton was striding towards them, a broad smile on his face.
‘Fleetwood, Lord Frinton.’ He
nodded in greeting.
‘What are you doing here?’ Robert asked suspiciously. Between Dunton and Mrs Knapwell they had him squarely under surveillance. Perhaps they were worried for Louisa, thought him an unfit guardian to be left alone with such a sweet young girl.
‘Nice to see you again, too, Fleetwood,’ Dunton said. ‘I thought a stroll around the park would clear my head after last night.’
Robert scowled at him. He was sure Dunton’s presence here wasn’t a coincidence.
‘Once again you look ravishing Miss Turnhill,’ Dunton said, turning back to Louisa. ‘I know it’s awfully rude of me to interrupt, but when I saw you over here I had a fantastic idea.’
Louisa looked at him eagerly. Robert watched her as she smiled at his old friend and felt a coil of dread in the pit of his stomach. Louisa was hopefully too smart to fall for some cad like Frinton, but Dunton was a good man. A man someone like Louisa could perhaps see herself spending the rest of her life with.
‘Mrs Knapwell mentioned the other day you were hoping to have a riding lesson, Miss Turnhill, but that she interrupted that plan.’
Louisa nodded.
‘I’ve got my horse here with me today.’ Dunton motioned over to where a young boy stood holding a magnificent-looking beast. ‘I was wondering if you would like to go on a short ride, just to see if you enjoy the experience.’
Three sets of eyes looked back at Dunton as if he were mad.
‘Miss Turnhill is hardly dressed for riding,’ Frinton said, obviously annoyed at having his courting interrupted.
Robert could see Louisa stiffen as Frinton answered for her. He knew for sure she would take Dunton up on his offer now.
‘What a splendid idea,’ Robert said, clapping his old friend on the back.
Louisa’s eyes narrowed as she turned her attention to Robert, clearly wondering what he was playing at.
‘I’d love to,’ Louisa said eventually. ‘That’s if you don’t mind too much, Lord Frinton.’
Frinton could hardly say no when asked so nicely. He motioned for her to go ahead.
Louisa reached out to take Dunton’s arm, but before her hand could connect with his jacket, Robert slipped himself in between the pair.
Without looking at her, he offered her his arm and felt a thrill of pleasure as she took it.
‘You asked that I be the one to teach you to ride,’ Robert said softly as he led her towards Dunton’s horse.
‘I don’t mind Major Dunton—’
Robert cut her off with a steely look.
‘When was the last time you were on a horse?’ he asked.
Louisa thought for a moment. ‘The week before my parents died. I was ten.’
‘That’s nine years ago,’ Robert said softly. ‘It’s a long time. You won’t have forgotten the basics, but you need to remember horses are dangerous beasts. They can be headstrong and they can get scared. I will be the one to teach you.’
She didn’t object any further.
They reached the spot where Dunton’s horse was grazing, a small boy holding on to the reins.
‘This is Galahad,’ Dunton said as he caught up. ‘Galahad, this is Miss Turnhill. Be nice.’
The horse gave no indication he was listening.
‘He’s rather big,’ Louisa said. Robert could detect a hint of nervousness in her voice.
‘I’ll be right there with you,’ Robert said quietly. He saw her relax a little and loved that he was the one that was able to give her confidence, to make her believe in herself.
Without another word Robert swung himself up onto the horse. Dunton looked at him with raised eyebrows, but didn’t say a word. The men had known each other long enough for Dunton to realise when there was no point arguing with Robert.
‘Trust me?’ Robert asked Louisa.
The few seconds before she replied were agonising. Robert had visions of her shaking her head, telling him she didn’t trust him. He wouldn’t blame her, he hadn’t given her any reason to trust him these last few weeks.
Then Louisa gave an almost imperceptible nod of her head. Robert reached down and grasped her fingers in his own. As their skin met, Robert felt the tiny frisson of desire he always did when he touched Louisa.
He grasped her by the wrist and swung her up in front of him. Within a second she was seated in between his thighs, both her legs hanging down over the left side of the horse.
‘Not quite how I remember side-saddle,’ Louisa murmured.
It wasn’t the first time Robert had ridden with another person on his horse. A few times in the war he’d had to gallop to safety with one of his wounded comrades thrown across the front of the horse, but it was the first time he’d had someone as lovely as Louisa up there with him.
Robert suddenly realised this was a very bad idea. He’d condemned himself to agonising minutes of having Louisa close to him, nestled in between his thighs. He would have to grip her by the waist, press his body up against hers, all the while putting on a stony exterior so the world wouldn’t know the terribly erotic thoughts he was having.
‘Comfortable?’ he asked quietly.
Louisa nodded but didn’t say a word.
‘Do you really think this is the best time?’ Lord Frinton asked from down below.
‘Please don’t feel as though you have to wait, Lord Frinton, there’s no telling how long Miss Turnhill’s lesson will be,’ Robert said.
Before Frinton or Dunton could protest further, Robert urged the horse into a gentle trot.
‘Lord Frinton is probably right,’ Louisa said after a few seconds. ‘This isn’t the right time for a riding lesson.’
Robert could think of so many reasons to turn back, but he didn’t want to. If he were truthful to himself, he wanted to ride off into the countryside with Louisa between his thighs and keep going until no one came looking for them.
‘Would you like me to turn back?’ Robert asked.
He found he was holding his breath whilst he waited for her answer.
Louisa shook her head. ‘Everyone will be gossiping about us, though,’ she said.
‘Let them gossip.’ At this moment in time Robert was content to just enjoy Louisa’s company. They could deal with the consequences of his rash actions later on. ‘We’ll go to one of the quieter areas of the park so not too many people see us.’
Slowly Louisa began to relax into his arms. Robert was acutely aware of every part of her body that touched his: her leg pushed up against his thigh, her waist underneath his arm, and now as she sank into him, her body against his chest. It felt wonderful, exquisite, right.
‘I’ve missed you,’ Louisa said so quietly Robert barely heard her.
‘I’ve always been here.’
Louisa shook her head. ‘Not like this. I’ve missed being like this with you.’
It was said with such sadness Robert just wanted to pull her close to him and tell her he’d never let her go again.
‘You understand why it has to be this way, don’t you, Louisa?’ Robert asked.
‘No.’
He didn’t know where to begin. ‘You’re the best person I know,’ he said slowly. ‘And you’ve had such a bad life, people have been cruel to you.’
Louisa nodded. ‘Until you came along.’
Robert ploughed on, wanting to make her understand. ‘You deserve happiness, a future. You deserve to be showered with love every day, from a man who can give you every part of him.’
Louisa sat quietly, waiting for him to go on.
‘I can’t give you that, Louisa.’
‘Why not?’
Robert could barely explain it to himself, let alone find the words to make Louisa understand.
‘The war, what happened in St Mamede, it changed me. For two years I’ve barely l
ived. I’ve stumbled through life, avoiding everything but the most necessary of human contact.’
‘You’ve lived these last two weeks,’ Louisa said quietly.
He couldn’t deny it. Ever since Louisa had walked back into his life, Robert had felt the spark ignite inside him. It was as though he were coming out of a long hibernation, slowly reawakening and starting to appreciate the world again.
‘I wouldn’t make you happy, Louisa,’ Robert said.
‘And you think being married to a man I don’t love would?’
Robert felt himself stiffen as her words sank in. Did she mean she loved him? He stared at her face. She was looking resolutely off into the distance, refusing to meet his eye.
‘I wouldn’t make you happy,’ he repeated more to himself than her.
‘I think we should go back.’
‘Louisa...’
She turned towards him suddenly and fixed him with a hard stare.
‘You are good enough, Robert. You deserve happiness and love in your life. Yes, you had a tough time in the war, but now it’s time to move on, to forgive yourself.’
‘Louisa, I can’t...’ Robert felt his voice catch in his throat.
‘I’m not saying you should forget what happened. You should never forget what happened, that forms part of who you are. But there’s no point in living if all you do is punish yourself and those who care for you.’
Louisa reached up and stroked his cheek lightly with her fingers. ‘If you don’t love me, Robert, then that’s fine. But if the only reason you keep pushing me away is because of some misplaced sense of guilt, then that’s not good enough.’
Louisa slipped from his arms and off the horse. ‘Don’t follow me,’ she said without looking up. ‘I can walk back from here. I’m going to stay with Mrs Knapwell for a few days, give you time to think.’
Robert watched her as she stalked over the grass. He had a lot of thinking to do.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Five days. Five whole days and not a single word.
Five days ago Louisa hadn’t planned on giving Robert an ultimatum. When he’d swept her up on to the horse and into his arms she’d felt a momentary sense of everything being right with the world. She knew she was meant to be in Robert’s arms. She hadn’t been able to stop herself from telling him that she missed him.