What sucked worse was knowing without a doubt that if we had more time I know I’d fall completely in love with her. We’d lived together long enough to learn each other’s quirks. She was used to my schedule, and didn’t mind doing the things at home I never could find the time for. She didn’t just clean and cook. Cassie made the house feel like a home. Her little touches seemed to brighten the place up. I tried not to picture a couple months from now, because I knew a thick layer of dust would cover every surface. Our cabinets would be bare, and the refrigerator would have several containers of mystery items neither Charlie or I would want to open.
Cassie adjusted in her seat, sitting up when we hit the North Carolina state line. “I never thought I’d be coming back here.”
“How does it make you feel?”
“I’m glad it’s with you.” She laced her hand in mine. “I’d be in bad shape if I had to see my parents.”
I clenched my jaw and stared forward at the road, hoping she didn’t look over and see the lament in my eyes. “Home is where your heart lies.” I said it because I assumed she’d know I was talking about her family.
“Right now my heart is hanging out wherever you are, Logan.” Her gaze was on mine, even though I was determined to ignore it. “I’m not trying to get emotional, or scare you away. I know how long it takes for two people to feel deeply about each other. I’m not naïve to what I’ve been through with Brant and my family. I just know that I’ve never felt so safe in my entire life. When I’m with you I can breathe. You make the pain and frustrations go away. It’s not the sex, although it’s been amazing so far. It’s just you as a person. I trust you with my life. I know you, of all people, wouldn’t ever put me in danger, or lie to me about who you are or what you’re feeling.”
I wanted to pull the car over and tell her the truth, but how could I? We were close to seeing her family. Time was running out for me to come clean, and I knew if I did she wouldn’t allow me to continue on. As much as I cared for Cassie, I couldn’t be selfish. I couldn’t keep someone who didn’t belong with me, even if it’s exactly where I wanted her to be. “I’m not perfect, Cassie. I hope you know that.”
“None of us are. As least you’re real. Even if things don’t work out for us relationship wise, I hope you’ll continue to be my friend. In a city of madness I know it’s peaceful as soon as you walk into the room.”
She was putting me on a pedestal I didn’t deserve. “I remember how rude you were when we met.”
“How would you have acted? You’d just caught me in possession of drugs. I was in no position to be able to focus on my demeanor. I was about to go to jail. My life would have been over, and I was desperate.”
“I get it. I’d been watching you for weeks. That little outfit you have to wear for work was a bit too revealing if you ask me. It was impossible to not imagine you naked.”
“Wow, I’m sort of glad you never mentioned that before.”
“Yeah, it wasn’t without effort, trust me. I think what bothered me even more was seeing you with your boyfriend. No offense, but what did you see in him?”
“He was nice to me. I thought he worshipped the ground I walked on, but clearly that wasn’t the case.” Cassie seemed to be uptight. “He made me do things I wasn’t exactly comfortable with. Before I knew it I was becoming someone else entirely. I think that’s why it’s been easier to get over his betrayal and let him go. In all honesty, he was never mine to begin with. His heart wasn’t with me, not the way I needed it to be. I sacrificed everything for him; I gave up my family because he convinced me it was the only way for us to have a future. When we arrived in Vegas I thought it was the start of something beautiful. Instead, it became the end of everything I once thought I wanted.”
“I wish I could have warned you sooner. The day you moved into that house I saw the innocence in you, even before we started looking into your identity. Granted, once you finally got a job it was easier to obtain your information. The casino gave us everything we needed. That’s how I knew I could find you outside that day. I’d been waiting for my opportunity to get you alone. It just so happened you were doing something illegal, which made you an easy target for blackmail. I’m sorry for my part in that, and what happened afterwards. I was just doing my job, Cassie. I never meant for you to have to go through what you did. It was before I knew you,” I lifted her hand up to my lips to kiss it. “Before I wanted you for myself.”
When I glanced in her direction to make sure she wasn’t upset, she was smiling at me. “So you’re admitting you want me?”
“You already know the answer.”
As intense as our conversation was becoming, I knew from the landscape we were getting close to our final destination. The picturesque view was breathtaking, even better than the lodge we’d stayed at.
Then I saw the exit I needed to take. Without saying anything, I merged into the designated lane and proceeded on the road, knowing the meeting location was only about a mile away.
“How come we’re getting off? Is this where your stop is located?”
“Yeah. I have hotel reservations here in Ashville.”
She gave me this look, like for the first time in her life she was questioning her trust where I was concerned. I quickly went back to watching the car in front of me, instead of allowing her a second to figure out I was hiding something.
The hotel wasn’t anything fancy. Once I put the car in park I checked the clock on the display. It was quarter of noon. I wasn’t sure what her parents were driving, or if they’d arrive yet, but it was important to act like nothing was wrong.
Cassie unfastened her seat belt, but grabbed my hand before I could continue out of the vehicle. “What?” I asked.
“Another night at a hotel with you. I’m starting to think I might want to come on more road trips if it has these same perks.”
Looking into her eyes when I knew we were about to part ways was so fucking hard. I stroked the side of her soft cheek, trying my hardest to remember every single light freckle across her nose. I needed to keep my emotions at bay, and as the seconds went by it was becoming impossible. “I never meant to feel this way about you, Cassie. I’ve spent my career being professional, and then you walked into my life. When I asked you to come with me I never expected we’d be like this. You’re so beautiful, inside and out. I’m lucky to know the real you, and I’ll be forever grateful you gave me the chance.”
“Are you getting sentimental on me? I might have to attack you once we’re in the room.”
I reached over and kissed her, knowing damn well she’d change her mind about me the moment she saw her family. Our lips lingered as I opened my eyes and saw into hers. This was how I intended to remember our goodbye, not the way she’d look at me when she realized I’d betrayed her.
We exited the vehicle after our short embrace. Cassie reached in the backseat to fetch her bag, while I got the rest of our things out of the trunk. Little did she know I’d run into the house before we left and gathered her favorite items she wouldn’t want left behind. I’d tucked the bag in the far corner of the trunk and hoped she never noticed it sitting inside.
We walked together inside the hotel, and I headed straight for the front desk. I had to act normal, not like I was there to meet someone. It was bad enough I’d done this behind her back, I couldn’t give her warning before she was reunited with the parents she’d given up on.
Cassie sat down in the lobby expectantly. I kept glancing over, hoping she’d stay put. Then I saw them, the two people with hopes of having their little girl come home. My heart began to palpitate, my palms becoming sweaty. I was overwhelmed with different emotions as they got up closer, drawing enough attention for her to look up.
Her mother was crying, while her tall father stood with his hands to the side. Cassie stood up, but didn’t embrace her mom, not at first. Her immediate reaction was to turn around and look at me. Her face said it all. She knew I’d done this, and it was like a full circle from the
first time we’d met. All I saw was anger. She’d trusted me. She’s given herself to me completely and I’d known from the beginning we didn’t have a chance.
I stood watching for a couple minutes, finally seeing her in her parent’s arms. They’d protect her and help her get over everything she’d been through, including me. They’d give her the opportunity to turn her life around. She’d be safe and loved. That’s all I could hope for.
I waved to her father. He nodded back. Cassie turned to follow his gaze and found me standing in the same location. Her father began to approach me, but Cassie remained. He reached his hand out and shook mine. “We really appreciate it. She gave us a real scare.”
“I figured. Your daughter is a wonderful woman. It’s obvious she was raised by two good people. I didn’t tell her we were coming here because she can be pretty stubborn.”
He smiled for a second to agree, and then gave me this look, like he knew I was more than just an agent assigned to return her home. My cover had been blown.
“Is there something I need to know about between you and my daughter?”
His question was direct. “There’s nothing you need to worry about, Mr. Healy.”
He nodded again. “Good to hear. Thanks for bringing her home to us unharmed.”
I handed him the bag of Cassie’s things. “She’ll probably want this stuff.”
He took the bag and walked away, leaving me to watch as he took her away from me. The moment they walked out of the building I headed toward the elevators. Just as it began to open for me to enter I heard her voice. “Logan, wait.”
The tears in her eyes were too much to see. “I thought you left.”
She shrugged. “I just want to know why. Why would you be with me? Why would you show me so much only to let me go? Did it mean anything to you? Was it just some job you needed to see through?”
“No. You haven’t been part of my job for a long time. I know you don’t understand, but I did this for you, because I care about you.”
I reached for her, but she backed away. “If you cared about me you would have been honest. I told you things. I slept with you. You let me think we’d be together. How could you be so cold? Did I know you at all, or was it all a ploy to keep me content while you planned to get rid of me?”
“It’s not like that, Cassie.”
“Oh really? From where I’m standing that’s exactly how it is.”
“I’d like to still be friends. What we shared was…”
She cut me off. “A mistake. Being with you was a huge mistake, Logan Campbell. I’ll never forgive you for this. Don’t try to call me. Just forget you ever knew me at all.”
When she walked away I didn’t run after her. What good would it have done? She’d made up her mind, and it was exactly how I’d suspected it to go. Cassie may have been home with her family, but for the first time I wondered if it was really where she belonged.
Chapter 32
Cassie
In all honesty I didn’t know how to feel. Having my parents with me was reassuring. They weren’t screaming at me or talking about the mistakes I’d made. My mother sat in the back of the truck next to me, her arms clung to mine as if she were going to lose me again.
I cried silently to myself, but not because the emotions I was experiencing from having them back in my life. My tears were because of the pain and disloyalty of a man I thought I might have a future with. He’d been everything a woman would look for; generous, thoughtful, compassionate, but I wondered if it was all a façade. How much was real? Did he even like me, or was it all to keep me occupied?
Pulling up the long gravel driveway to the ranch was how I would imagine it could feel to walk through the gates of heaven. It was beautiful, and the most comfortable place on earth.
My brother was on a tractor running parallel to the way my father was driving. He waved when he saw the vehicle, and I knew when I finally had him close I’d pull him into a hug and never want to let go. Callie, my youngest sister, was on the porch. She was petting one of the barn cats that wandered around killing the field mice. Usually they were feral, but one particular had taken to being a lap cat.
Callie stood when the truck came to a stop. I climbed out and stretched before making my way in her direction. Feeling her holding me, smelling the familiar scent of our shared shampoo, it made me feel as if I’d never left. “I missed you, Cass.”
“I missed you too.”
“Jax and Amber said they’re going to come by for dinner. Mom invited everyone to the entertainment barn this evening. It was probably meant to be a secret, but I know how you hate surprises.”
I smiled. For a long time I’d assumed my family didn’t understand me. I’d fought them tooth and nail, completely believing I was in control of my own future.
I’d been wrong. So wrong.
After being greeted by my brother, I followed my family into our home. Everything was exactly as how I’d left it, including my room. Once I’d made sure everyone was okay with me taking a few minutes for myself, I entered and closed the door behind me. My secrets were in a box hidden in my closet. I pulled it out and started going through pictures and receipts, all tied to my relationship with Brant. I cried for the time I’d wasted on such a fowl person. I cried because I’d hurt the people I loved the most, but mostly I cried for the man who’d used me for his own personal entertainment. I wailed against the pillows on my bed, trying to hide my anguish from my worried family. They’d want to comfort me, but I couldn’t begin to tell them how I’d made another stupid mistake.
I’m not sure how long I’d been bawling in my room before my father came walking inside. It was strange to see him around the house before dinnertime, since he was always out on the ranch working. He sat down on my bed before speaking. “Darlin’, I know you’re hurting, but I want you to know we’re awfully glad to have you home where you belong. Your mother and I have been worried sick about you. The agent told us a little about what happened while you were away. I just need to know you’re all right. Well, are you okay, Cass?”
I sat up and wrapped my arms around my father. “I’m going to be fine, Daddy.” He kissed the top of my head, which only made me more emotional. “I’m so sorry for everything.”
“We all make bad decisions. We’re just glad you’re home safe and sound. I know it’s tough, but you’ll get past this, and you’ll probably have learned a little something from it.”
“I hope you’re right.”
He kissed my forehead before standing up. “I am. I better get back to your uncle Ty, before he screws something up I can’t fix.”
I smiled, imagining the two of them bickering. They were as entertaining as any reality show out there.
I took a nap before the big dinner at the barn. It had been converted a long time ago to house our always-growing family. Uncle Ty and my Aunt Miranda greeted me first. She was holding one of my cousin Jax’s twins. The next person to greet me was my cousin Isabella and her husband Rusty. Jake, Jax’s twin hadn’t yet arrived, but I suspected he’d be there, since an invite with food was being offered.
With a few of my cousins, and my immediate family so close I realized how good it felt to be home. It wasn’t like Vegas, or even the comfort I’d found at Logan’s house. This was where I belonged, at least for now. It was time to get my life in order, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it.
A week later I approached my parents with something serious. I tried to start slow and work my way into my announcement. “Thanks for everything you’ve done for me in the past week. I’ve had a lot of time to think since I’ve been home.”
“Are you okay, sweetie?” My mother asked.
“I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“We’re listening,” my father offered.
“I think I know what I want to do with the rest of my life, and before I tell you I want you to keep an open mind. It’s probably going to seem like it’s coming out of left field, but I promise it isn’
t. What would you say if I told you I wanted to pursue a career in law enforcement? I’m thinking of going into the police academy.”
“I’d say it’s a big decision,” Dad announced.
“What brought this on?”
I fidgeted with my hands while answering. “I’ve thought a lot about it. I want to help people. I want to do something for my country, for myself. I’m old enough to go into the academy.”
“Are you sure this is what you want? It’s a vigorous amount of training, and you’d be putting your life in danger every time you wear the badge.”
“I’ve seen evil, Mom. I’ve looked it straight in the eyes and lived to talk about it. I know this is the right choice for me. I just don’t want to make a decision without you being a part of it. I’m tired of secrets in my life.”
“If it’s what you really want we’ll support you,” My Dad promised.
It was all I needed to hear. As soon as I was able, I’d start the paperwork. I’d join the academy and strive to help save people and lock up every dirt bag I could possibly get my hands on. My life was about to change again, and this time I had one man to thank. It was unfortunate we weren’t on speaking terms, because I think he would have been proud of me.
Chapter 33
Logan
After Cassie left the hotel, I remained there for two days, hoping and waiting for her to come back to me. I spent most of my time at the bar; binge drinking to get over the fact that I’d lost her. I couldn’t get the image of her anger out of my mind.
I honestly don’t know why I decided to do it, but I checked out of the hotel and headed to a place I never thought I’d go. The drive was excruciating. I hated myself for what I’d done; even though I knew in my heart I was being selfish again. Cassie wasn’t mine to keep. I cared enough about her to give her the life she deserved.
Cassie (The Mitchell/Healy Family #6) Page 18