by Renee Roman
“What’s so bad about that?”
“I panicked. I don’t want to get involved. I don’t.” She knew it was crazy to think one touch and a couple of coffees were the beginning of a lasting relationship, but wasn’t that how things happened? Innocuous little moments that lead to more serious moments and before you knew it you were living together?
“Ari?”
“Yeah?”
“Stop it. Stop reading more into what was a perfectly natural reaction. Lord knows how you survive on the amount of intimacy you do is beyond me,” Kara stated matter-of-factly.
“I have sex,” Ari rebutted.
“Right. You have quick, unemotional sex every once in a blue moon. Like it or not, you’re horny. So why not give in and live a little?”
“I do not want to have sex with Hudson,” Ari said defiantly. But when she thought of how warm and strong Hudson’s hands were and how easily she’d carried her to safety, the muscles in Hudson’s arms and legs bulging and flexing with her movements, she wasn’t so sure.
“Huh. You could have fooled me. It sure sounds like you wanted to have sex with her. But, okay. Even if she doesn’t want to have sex with you, you could still rent to her.” Kara had a knack for making practical solutions out of the worst situations. Her words were a wake-up call.
What if Hudson didn’t want her in a sexual way? The thought was a little depressing. She hoped Hudson found her attractive. What does it matter either way? I’m not going to sleep with her. “You’re wrong, but even if I did want to jump her bones, I haven’t got the time or the energy to get into a relationship. There’s just way too much on my plate.”
“I’m still not convinced, but fine, you aren’t interested in Hudson that way. All you want is someone you can trust to share your house with. There’s no need to go down the relationship road unless you want to.”
Kara was giving her a way out. A way to rationalize all the conflicting emotions she’d been fighting. Kara was right. Asking Hudson to be a tenant didn’t mean she was in a commitment. It was more of a contract of sorts. In fact, maybe that was the best approach. Have Hudson sign a lease to let her know it was a business arrangement and nothing more.
“You’re absolutely right. All I want is a tenant.” Ari let out a long breath. She could handle this. Now, if she could only be sure Hudson wasn’t so upset with her that she’d changed her mind.
“There’s one more thing you need to do.”
“What?”
“Apologize,” Kara said in a motherly tone.
“I will not.”
“Yes, you will. You know it’s the right thing to do.”
* * *
Sunlight filtered through the sheer curtains and fell across Ari’s face. She hadn’t slept well and didn’t want to think about what she had to do. Snuggling deeper into the warm covers, she hoped to erase the unpleasant memory of the last time she’d seen Hudson. After talking with Kara, she’d picked up her phone time after time, knowing she should apologize. But she couldn’t. Apologizing meant she’d been wrong. That she’d made a mistake, and Ari never made mistakes. Every important decision in her life had been carefully weighed out and planned. That’s what was causing her angst. Her pursuit of Hudson, of seeking her out, was uncharacteristic. She didn’t chase women. Ever. And she certainly didn’t offer them a place to stay. What had changed? What had driven her to be impulsive? Going out of her way to look for Hudson, only to push her away when her body reacted to her touch? This was more than a simple physical attraction. Maybe it was the beginnings of love.
Her eyes popped open, and she squinted against the bright room. She was being ridiculous. What she felt toward Hudson couldn’t possibly be love. Could it? Not that she would know what love felt like, since she’d never been in a relationship that lasted more than a month or two, and even then, it felt more like friends with benefits. There’d been no emotional investment on her part. Maybe that was why they’d ended. A date here or there. A nice time in bed. And she’d never pursued any of them for more.
Groaning, she tossed the covers aside and sat up. She’d closed on the house yesterday. The first thing she had to do was find out if she had a potential tenant or not. She prayed all the rest would fall into place.
Ari counted the rings. After four she began to lose her nerve and hoped voice mail would kick in. No such luck.
“Hi.” Hudson sounded distant.
“I owe you an apology for the other day. I acted like a jerk and I’m sorry.” When her confession was met by silence she closed her eyes and prayed she hadn’t blown things between them. A bevy of possible responses from Hudson played in her head, each one more cutting than the previous.
“Apology accepted.”
Ari looked at her phone. She didn’t expect it to be that simple. Nothing in life was simple, and interpersonal relationships were anything but. Is that what this was—a relationship? It could hardly be considered as such since it consisted mostly of accidental collisions, but it was certainly turning into something more. Of what, she just wasn’t sure.
“Thank you.” She forged on. “I have the keys to the house. I can show you the apartment today if you’re still interested.” There was a long pause on the other end, and she feared the worse.
“You know you’re not under any obligation.”
“I know. I don’t know what came over me. Nerves, I guess.”
“Okay, I’d like to have the grand tour.”
Hudson’s consideration for her feelings took her by surprise once again. How she ever doubted Hudson’s sincerity was beyond her, but she was going to do her best not to destroy the growing friendship between them.
“I’m glad you haven’t changed your mind.” Ari glanced at the clock. “How does one o’clock sound?”
“Give me the address, and I’ll meet you there.”
* * *
Hudson shook her head in wonder. What happened with not putting up with having her feelings hurt? When she’d read Ari’s name displayed on her phone, she’d been determined to let the call go to voice mail. She was glad she’d changed her mind. Ari’s immediate apology wiped away the anger and hurt that had plagued her since yesterday. Pam never apologized for her behavior, even under the worst circumstances. She was wrong to compare Ari to her ex. They were nothing alike, and she knew Ari was under a lot of stress that day at the pool. She’d acted totally out of character from their earlier interactions.
Maybe this will work out after all. She hoped it would, for both their sakes. The longer she stayed with the girls, the more she felt stuck—unable or unwilling to take the plunge and move forward with her life. It had been more than six years since she’d lived alone. She almost couldn’t remember how it felt to come and go as she pleased without thinking about another person’s feelings.
She pulled her gym bag from the closet and threw on a pair of jeans and a polo shirt. She had a couple of hours to kill. Nervous energy coursed through her. She thought about what Master Jin had said about focus and clarity. Meditation would help. As would some physical exertion. It was important she remain objective when she made her final decision about whether or not to rent Ari’s apartment.
Chapter Eight
Huntington Drive was a short stroll from Ari’s apartment, and she used the time to clear her head. Her anticipation grew as she rounded the corner. She’d only been at the house twice, and both times were before she owned it. Clutching the bag that contained a tape measure, pad, and pen, she paused at the bottom of the stairs. The house appeared much larger than when she’d last seen it.
“It’s a monster,” Ari said out loud before checking to see if anyone heard her.
She wasn’t looking forward to rambling around in the vacant building. Standing at the front door, she squared her shoulders. Her hand shook when she raised the key. The tumble of the heavy mechanism sounded reassuring. The worry melted away when Ari stepped inside. This was hers. All hers. She could do whatever she wanted and no one was there to
tell her it wouldn’t work. Her father would most likely never step foot in her home and that was fine. She didn’t need his approval.
The air was thick with built-up heat. She opened the nearest windows, picked up a pad and pen, and clipped the tape measure to her belt. Standing in the middle of the huge kitchen, Ari imagined the space she’d always dreamt of. A thin layer of dust covered every surface, sparkling in the slanted sunlight that filtered through the blinds. The original wide-board oak floors needed refinishing. She began making a list.
The apartment needed some TLC, but she was thankful it was mostly cosmetic. The first floor would need a bit more work, and she didn’t want to move anything in without the floors being done.
She hoped all the projects could be completed in a couple of months. Less if she found the right people at the right price. Maybe Rae could give her the names of reliable tradespeople. An hour later, her phone alarm sounded. Hudson would arrive soon.
Ari sat on the top step, inhaling the fresh air. Someone was cutting grass. The scent brought back fond memories of long-ago summers. The old growth maple trees surrounding the house provided lots of shade from the heat of the summer sun. In winter, they’d be bare and the house would reap the benefits. Dappled sunlight fell across the porch. The pattern shifted with the breeze. The atmosphere felt peaceful. She hoped Hudson would feel it, too.
* * *
Ari tried not to stare. Hudson’s broad shoulders, strong arms, and narrow waist made her mouth water; add in Hudson’s deep, sultry voice and those mesmerizing gray eyes, and her libido skyrocketed. Hudson turned around, and she snapped back to attention.
“It’s a great apartment. Exactly what I want.” Hudson hesitated for a minute too long.
Leaning against the counter, Ari crossed her arms in front of her, trying to hide her nipples as they poked against her shirt. “I hear a ‘but’ in there.”
Hudson’s frown made her stomach tense.
“I’m sorry, Ari. I’m just not sure I can afford it. I told myself I’d take on another job if I found the perfect place, but it would mean never being home, and home is where I’d want to be if I lived here.” Hudson looked around the kitchen, running her hand over the granite countertop. “If it’s any consolation I think you’d make a great landlord. Or is it landlady?” Hudson smiled.
“We could make a deal.”
Hudson’s eyebrow shot up. “What kind of deal?”
“That didn’t come out the way I wanted at all. Again. What I meant was I could really use the help of a knowledgeable bookkeeper for my catering business. In exchange, I’d lower your rent to say…six hundred a month?” Sally had suggested eight fifty. Hiring a bookkeeper would cost her a couple hundred a month or more.
Hudson mulled it over.
“It’s a very appealing offer, but what do I do before you start up the business? It could be a few months before you need me.”
Ari grinned sheepishly. “Do you paint?”
“I’ve done my fair share.”
“You could start up here and then, if you have time, I could really use your help downstairs.” Ari rambled on. “I’m not very good at the bu—” She was about to say butch, but Hudson’s glare stopped her short of being embarrassed by using a label. It was wrong and she needed to stop thinking of Hudson in those terms. “Buying paint?”
“Nice cover.” Hudson’s smile reached her eyes. Sliding her hands in the back pocket of her jeans, she looked around one more time. The posture accentuated her shoulder width and pressed her small, perfectly shaped breasts against her light blue tank top.
“Can you show me downstairs before I jump in headfirst?”
“Sure!” Ari headed for the staircase leading to the door that separated their two spaces. She wasn’t sure how to say what she wanted to without offending, but she needed their arrangement to be clear up front. “This is another way out of your apartment in an emergency.”
Hudson placed a hand on her arm. “I would never use it, Ari. Not unless I didn’t have another choice. I think it’s important we respect each other’s privacy.”
Relief washed over her. “Thank you for understanding.” I’m so glad I called her.
After the tour, they sat at the vintage kitchen table the previous owners left behind. Ari did her best not to let her anxiety show.
“So, what do you think?”
Hudson leaned forward. Ari watched deep concentration etch lines on Hudson’s otherwise smooth face.
“I say yes with some conditions. I’ll paint your place first, but the rooms need to be empty. I’ll set up your accounting and be your bookkeeper for the first year. Then you can decide if you want me to stay on or hire someone else. I have a busy schedule with two jobs, and I practice martial arts. But I promise you’ll get your money’s worth.”
Nodding her agreement, Hudson went on. “You pay for all the materials. I’ll let you know if something’s broken. If I can fix it I will. If I can’t, or you prefer I don’t and you want to hire someone, that’s fine. I’ll pay you on the first of every month by check, and I’d like a receipt. If you want me to sign a lease I will. I don’t have wild parties and I don’t do drugs, unless you consider alcohol a drug. I can give you names for references if you like, and I can show you my bank account if you want to make sure I have enough money to make good on my promises.”
Ari couldn’t ignore the pain lying beneath the controlled façade Hudson showed her.
“Who hurt you so much?”
Hudson’s face contorted and her cheeks flushed. “That obvious, huh?”
Ari’s heart ached. “I can’t begin to imagine what happened, but I want you to listen to me. Whatever it was—before this minute, right here, right now—is history.” She hoped Hudson understood what she meant. “Even though we got off to a rocky start,” Ari raised her hand in the air and waved it, “and that would be my fault, I think we can help each other.”
Hudson leaned her head back and looked at the ceiling. “For all the fancy appliances in here, you think someone could have painted the ceiling?”
Ari looked up, too. The color that had probably started out as white was now more like a dingy gray. “Yuck.”
Hudson laughed. “First thing, we check to make sure that vent works. I’m assuming this was a pre-reno throwback.”
“I hope so.” Ari checked Hudson’s face once more. She touched Hudson’s arm and asked, “You okay?”
“Never better,” Hudson said. Ari scowled.
“Okay, that’s not true, but I’m fine.” Hudson leaned forward. “So does this mean you accept?”
“You drive a hard bargain. I like that, so it’s a yes. I’ll have another set of keys made.” She chewed her bottom lip. There were still a ton of decisions to make and she didn’t know where to start.
“I see the wheels turning. What are you thinking about?” Hudson asked.
“It’s a little overwhelming. To be honest, I’m no interior designer and I suck at color schemes. I don’t want to hold you up from getting started.” She fumbled with the pad to avoid Hudson’s intense stare.
“Would you like to grab a bite to eat and talk about what you have in mind?”
The offer didn’t sound like a date, but the flutter in her stomach didn’t agree. She should decline and go home.
“I’d like that.”
* * *
Hudson stood looking at the grand house. The Victorian had been pristine in its day and with a little TLC it would be again. The wide wraparound porch with its spindled railings needed scraping and a fresh coat of paint, as did the six columns supporting the overhang. The wooden bead board ceiling looked new, but needed a coat or two of varnish. The flared front steps were a feature she hadn’t seen in many Victorians, but she liked the way they led up to the heavy oak door with the beveled glass side panels. And while the windows weren’t modern vinyl, they were in very good shape. She made a mental note to test how easy they opened from the inside. The overhead light was modern rather tha
n vintage. It didn’t fit in with the age of the home. She’d have to ask Ari about replacing it. She had a feeling some of her ideas weren’t going to fly. Ari had a stubborn streak. It was one of the many traits Hudson found appealing about her. She liked her feisty nature. Her biggest hurdle would be getting Ari to agree on the major design ideas she had for the home.
Home. That’s what it felt like the minute she stepped inside. Finally. Having a hand in turning it into a place Ari would be proud of gave her another reason to be happy. Am I happy? She hadn’t been happy for a long time. Looking back, even before the breakup, there’d been something fundamentally off with her relationship. Ari’s ability to see into her soul touched her. She hadn’t let anyone that far inside her psyche since before college. Letting her guard down might be a sign of her readiness to let go of the past and move forward. Moving forward meant leaving behind the self-pity she’d wallowed in for the last year. In the near future, she’d have a place to call her own and, if she weren’t mistaken, a new friend she could rely on.
Things were looking up.
* * *
Hudson set the bags down and took off her jacket before straddling the chair across from her roommate.
Jill looked up from the Sunday paper. Her eyebrows knit together in surprise. “And just where have you been so early? I thought you were still in bed.”
“I had an errand to run and decided to stop at the bakery.” Hudson grabbed a napkin and picked out a glazed donut from her bag, then peeled the lid off her coffee.
“What was so important you were out before daybreak?” Jill asked. “Or maybe you’re just getting in from a late night?” Jill leaned forward, eyebrows raised.
Hudson shook her head. She’d never felt comfortable bringing a woman back to the apartment. Not with the girls being so unpredictable in their behavior. Sometimes they’d make so much noise she couldn’t sleep. The truth was she’d only had sex a couple of times since moving in with them, and chose to go to her hookup’s place. She needed to tell Jill the real reason she’d been to the home improvement store.