Can't Walk Away

by Molly McLain

  “I know how I feel about you,” she countered, meeting his gaze as he put the truck into park in her lot.

  He bit back the angry, frustrated response that formed on his tongue for all of five second before it broke free. “Ally, I don’t want you to be with me if you feel like it’s a fucking compromise.”

  She blinked at him, silent tears slipping down her cheeks. Jesus. If he would’ve been standing, the look on her face would’ve brought him to his knees. Then again, he was an ass. He deserved for her to cut his knees right out from under him.

  “Dammit, Al, I’m sorry. I—”

  “I want you to choose me because you choose me,” she said, cutting him off. “Not because I’m having your baby and not because you like how it feels when you’re inside me.” She pulled in a shuddered breath and he reached across the console and grabbed her head. This shit was hard to hear, but getting it out was the only way they’d be able to move on. “I want to be as important to you as your job is, too. I’m not even asking to be more important. Just a priority. Not”—she hiccupped a soft sob—“an obligation.”

  “Ally, baby...” He brought her hand to his lips, a stabbing ache in his chest because he hadn’t done enough to convince her how damn much she meant to him. “I’ll do whatever it takes. Whatever you need from me, pretty girl. I love—”

  Beep, beep, beep. His cell phone went off, the ring tone indicating the call came from county dispatch.

  Of all the friggin’ times... Squeezing her hand before he let it go, he rejected the call, shut off the ringer, and tucked the phone away.

  “Ally,” he pleaded, his eyes on her hers again. God, he hated all the tears she’d been crying lately. “I love you more than I can probably ever tell you. I know I’ve...” He paused when his phone began to vibrate against his leg. “I know I haven’t shown you as well as I could have and I want to make it up to you. Will you let me do that? Will you”—fucking phone!—“let me show you how much I care?”

  A resigned mask fell over her face, replacing the vulnerability he’d seen a moment earlier. “Answer your phone, Sheriff.”

  “No. It’s not—”

  “It is. Obviously, you’re needed.”

  “But I’m needed here, too.”

  She gave a humorless laugh. “I shouldn’t be upset about this, because you can’t control when you’re needed at work, but...”

  “Ally, I’m not going to answer it. Whatever it is can wait.”

  She shook her head and bit her lip, emotion shimmering in her eyes again. “No. I’m not asking you to choose between me and your badge.”

  “But...” Hadn’t she just said...?

  “I love that you’re passionate about your work. I just want you to be as passionate about me...with your clothes on.” She pasted on a smile and leaned across the console to kiss him before she climbed out of the truck. “Answer the call, Sheriff. Do your job. I’ll be waiting.”

  ***

  Ally cried herself to sleep that night. And for the five nights that followed, too, because Mark never came back. A big drug investigation he’d been working on with another county had had some kind of major breakthrough and he’d been working around the clock since Sunday. All he’d been able to do is text a handful of times to let her know he was alive. Exhausted, but alive.

  Since the coffee shop was still shut down for kitchen repairs, Ally had no reason to leave her apartment. So she didn’t.

  Until Jenny showed up on her doorstep late Saturday afternoon with a bag from a local boutique in one hand and a six-pack of Mike’s black cherry lemonade in the other.

  “I brought presents.” She held up both and ducked around Ally to get inside. “Oh, wow. It’s kinda...messy in here.”

  “So? Besides my mother, you’re the only person who’s come by all week.” Ally dropped down onto her thrift store couch, her slippers tucked beneath her butt while she channel surfed. Like she’d done for the past six hours. And four days.

  “Ooh, someone’s cranky.” Jenny tossed the shopping bag at her and cracked open one of the drinks. “I saw that earlier and thought of you. And then I thought of Mark. And then I thought of you and Mark and...” She waggled her eyebrows and waved her hand toward the bag. “Just open it.”

  “I don’t want to.” Ally tossed it across the couch and settled on a repeat of one of last year’s freestyle motocross competitions. Mark’s cousin Colton was a racer and on more than one Saturday afternoon, she and Mark had lain in bed watching him perform. Mark couldn’t be here, but watching the competition now? It made her feel closer to him, even though he was a county away.

  “Don’t tell me you two are on the outs again. I thought you went to meet his mom last weekend.” Jenny lowered to the coffee table, purposely moving in front of the TV so Ally couldn’t watch.

  “I did,” she grumbled, tossing the remote onto the unopened bag.

  “And?” Jenny lifted both hands, one in question and the other to bring the drink to her mouth. “Here. Have this.” She stopped short of sipping and handed Ally the bottle instead.

  “Uh...” Not going to happen. “I’m not in the mood.”

  Jenny rolled her eyes and took it back. “Okay, so what happened in Hastings?”

  “It was more what happened at the hospital last week.” Why not start at the beginning and get it all out? Jenny was her best friend and, if something went wrong with the pregnancy, it wasn’t like Ally would keep her in the dark. She’d need the moral support then just like she did now. “He told me he loved me, Jenn.”

  “Well, it’s about damn time.”

  “I think he told me because he knocked me up.”

  Pplltt! Black cherry lemonade flew from Jenny’s mouth...straight to Ally’s face.

  “Thanks. Thanks a lot.” She swiped it away, wrinkling her nose.

  “You’re fucking preggers?” Jenny gaped, her tongue piercing catching the light. “When the hell did that happen?”

  “Apparently, the night I went a little crazy in McCauley’s.” She pulled her t-shirt away from her chest. Jesus, she had pink spots there, too.

  “Wait, you and Mark hooked up that night? You didn’t tell me that.” Jenny gave her the side-eye, pointed finger and arched eyebrow included.

  “We’ve been having sex for over a year. The novelty of sharing has long worn off.”

  Jenny sat there for a long moment, looking her up and down, her glossy lips twisting. “How did this even happen? I thought you were taking the pill?”

  “Apparently stress weakens the hormones. And I’d taken a supplement that doesn’t jive with birth control, too. Who knew?”

  “Well, that sucks.”

  Ally lifted a shoulder. “It’s not so bad.”

  “What? Why aren’t you freaking out about this? I mean, a human being has invaded your uterus. A human being, Al. One that’s going to shit its pants and puke in your hair and...”

  A smile tickled at Ally’s mouth and that warm and fuzzy feeling snugged around her heart again. “I know, right? It’s going to be so awesome.”

  Her friend just shook her head, eyes wide. “Oh shit, it’s already begun. All I can say is this kid better be cute, because that’s the only way I’ll forgive it for stealing my bestie time.”

  Ally snorted. “Oh, whatever. If it’s a girl, you’re going to be the aunt that insists she get her ears pierced for her first birthday, and if it’s a boy, you’ll have him in a faux hawk as soon as he has enough hair. A tattoo, for sure, by the time he’s sixteen.”

  Jenny’s eyes got a little misty and she waved a hand in front of her face. “I totally will. Aw, Al, this is so crazy. You’re going to be a mom!” She bounced off the table, bear-hugging Ally until she thought she’d pass out. When her friend finally pulled away, her nose was wrinkled. “You’re kinda smelly. Exactly how long have you been moping around this place?”

  “Not long enough, because I don’t feel any better about what’s going on with me and Mark.”

  “But I
thought you were exchanging the L-word.”

  “We are. It’s just...he also asked me to marry him.”

  “Holy fucking shit! Are you kidding me?” Jenny leaned so far forward, she damn near fell off the coffee table.

  “No, I’m not kidding, and I don’t want to talk about it, so don’t ask for details.” Ally pushed off the couch and padded to the kitchen for a snack. She was either feeling better or she was depressed, because her appetite had done a one-eighty. She’d already thawed and eaten more than half of the meals Gladys had dropped off.

  “Since you’re sulking, I’m going to assume you turned him down.”

  “Lalalalala! Not talking about it.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Jenny shrugged. “Look, this is all so crazy and I sorta feel like a fish out of water right now. I’ve never been an auntie before.”

  “Tell me about it. I’ve never been a mom before either.” Ally opened her cupboards, one by one, but they were practically empty. Waiting on another frozen meal didn’t appeal either.

  “Let’s do something as normal as possible then. Like see a movie.” Jenny grinned hopefully. “Though that would require you to shower, because I’m not going to sit by you otherwise.”

  Ally smiled too. “What kind of friend are you?”

  “One who’s not afraid to be honest.” She pointed to the bathroom. “Go get cleaned up. I’ll do your hair and you can wear the new pretties I bought you, because pretty soon you’re not going to fit in it. Then we’ll do our thing and forget men for the night.”

  She’d been perfectly content to veg on the couch again, but a movie sounded great and the popcorn even better.

  “All right. But only if you do me up all hippie-style. Long and loose with one of those braids that goes around...” She gestured to her head and Jenny grabbed her by the shoulders and shoved her toward the hall.

  “You got it, now vamoose!””

  A shower and forty-five minutes of primping later, Jenny stood back from her handiwork and spun Ally around to face the mirror.

  “Holy crap.” From the neck up, she looked like a 1970’s cover model and, from the shoulders down, like a very busty pin-up girl. “My boobs look huge in this dress.”

  “Well, you are pregnant, so...” Jenny capped a tube of lipstick and shrugged. “Man, I love saying that.”

  Ally tugged at the deep V neckline of dress, but there was no room for play. She’d need a sweater for sure. Unless she wanted to draw attention, which never seemed to go well for her.

  “I sure hope this dress was on sale,” she said, smoothing her hands over the soft black lace.

  “My lips are sealed.” Jenny mimed a zipper and began cleaning the hair products and make-up from the bathroom counter. “I remembered you’d bought those sparkly red heels a while back and thought they’d look hot with this little number, so...”

  “I’m way overdressed for the movies though. Maybe I should just put on some jeans.”

  “No way, girlfriend. You look amazing and you should flaunt it while you got it. Not that you won’t always have it, of course. But those babies?” She shifted a finger between the girls popping generously from the top of the dress. “Those are especially fabulous right now.”

  Mark would think so too. Sadly he wouldn’t get to see them.

  She sighed. “So, what movie are we going to—”

  Knock, knock.

  Jenny raised an eyebrow, her mouth a cute little O. “Expecting company?”

  “It’s probably just Nick, needing to borrow my detergent or something.”

  “Well, go see. I’ll finish up in here.”

  “I am not greeting Nick like this. No way.” Call her dramatic, but ever since Gladys dropped the rumor bomb, she’d avoided him, even in their building.

  “He’s a man, Al. He’s gonna look at your boobs no matter what.” Jenny rolled her eyes. “Might as well put the shoes on before you go. Give him the full effect.”

  Yeah, because impressing her neighbor, whom half the town thought she was already sleeping with, was right at the top of her to-do list.

  She went to the door without the shoes, self-consciously draping her hair over her chest.

  But all modestly was the lost the second she checked the peep hole.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Her heart racing, Ally toed up and looked through the hole again. Jesus, he looked good. Dressed up. In a sport jacket.

  “Jennny...” she groaned. “What are you up to?”

  “Whatever do you mean?” Her friend poked her head out of the bathroom, batting her eyelashes.

  “You set me up, you little witch.”

  “Shut up and open the door. It took a lot to pull this off.”

  “Who bought the dress, Jenn?”

  More eye-batting.

  “I can’t believe you two did this.” She wrapped her hand around the knob, hope blooming like spring flowers in her stomach.

  “Baby, open the door.” Mark’s voice was low, but not so low that it didn’t permeate through the door and send shivers dancing down her spine. If he was doing what she thought he was doing, she was in big trouble. Good big trouble. But trouble, nonetheless.

  She yanked open the door, and he stumbled backwards a couple steps, his dark eyebrows practically hitting his hairline.

  “Holy fuck, that’s a nice dress. I mean, you’re nice. In that dress. Nice looking, I mean.”

  All the greedy little parts of her ego stood up and bowed, while her heart continued to beat like a snare drum.

  “Thank you,” she finally said. “You look pretty nice yourself. I like the jacket.” It was navy tweed number and he wore it with a white t-shirt and a pair of dark washed jeans she’d bet were new. And totally hot on his butt.

  A rush of heat washed over her body and her arms went a little tingly. So did the secret spot between her legs.

  He reached over and grabbed something from the little table outside her door.

  Two long-stemmed crimson roses. Perfect and fragrant.

  No need to think too hard about why he’d chosen two, and that realization made her chest constrict.

  Dipping his chin to his chest, he blew out a breath and cleared his throat. “You said some things the other day that got me thinking...” He held the flowers out to her. His fingers shook and he did nothing to hide it. “You mean the world to me, Ally. I’m sorry I couldn’t be here with you this week. To finish our conversation like you deserved. But I’m here now, and I’m really hoping you’ll let me show you sorry I am by allowing me take you to out tonight.” He held up a hand before she could answer. “Before you decide, you need to know that this won’t be like any of the other times we’ve done things together. This will be a date. An honest to God date that’s about you and me and nothing else that’s happened between us this past year.”

  Dear God in heaven, he finally got it.

  “Not even...” She pressed a hand to her belly and his gaze dropped to the gesture. Something softened in his eyes and he gave his head a reluctant shake.

  “Nope. Not even that.”

  “Oh.”

  “I wanna do this right, babe.” He met her eyes again, his jaw tight as he swallowed. “So you two understand how much you mean to me.”

  Her heart took off at a full gallop, and the faith she’d never lost in them turned from a spark to a flame, hope tossing fuel on the fire.

  “Please don’t give up on us. On me.”

  “I’ll never give up on you,” she whispered. It was the truth, no matter what happened between them.

  “I’m sorry for dragging Jenny into this. I wanted to surprise you.” He gave her a boyish smile.

  “You sure it wasn’t because you thought I’d turn you down if you just came out and asked?”

  One corner of his grin hitched higher. “Maybe a little.”

  Jenny cleared her throat behind Ally. “I’d like to interject here that, had I known about the bean, I would’ve made him do it himself.”

>   “The bean?” Mark frowned.

  “You know, the damage done by your super sperm?” Jenny explained.

  Ally rolled her eyes and Mark’s face turned red. “You told her?”

  “She had to. I would’ve force-fed her booze otherwise.” Jenny stepped forward and leaned against the door beside Ally. “Are you two going to stand here all night and flirt or go on that date already?”

  “That’s up to Ally,” Mark said, lifting his hands and clearly trying to remain as neutral as possible.

  God, he was cute. And by cute, she meant sweet and sexy and irresistible.

  “Only if you let me drive.” She gave him a playful smile.

  “In your little car?” He groaned and she shook her head.

  “No, in your new truck.”

  His face fell for a split second before he knuckled his nose and laughed. “Well played, pretty girl.”

  “I have my moments.” She winked and thumbed over her shoulder. “Give me five minutes to finish up?”

  As she turned, she caught the cheek splitting grin that stretched across his face...and the low groan that followed the full view of her backside.

  Thank you, little black dress.

  ***

  “You might have to carry me out.” Ally leaned back against the mahogany and leather half-circle booth near the rear of the restaurant, certain if she moved another millimeter, she’d split her zipper.

  Mark chuckled beside her, his shoulder brushing hers as he stole a piece of blackened rib-eye from her plate. “You barely touched your food. Baby kicking your butt or what?”

  “First of all, you can’t put a girl in a dress like this and then feed her a four-course meal. Second, you said no talking about you know what.”

  “Yes, but, considering my role in you know what, it’s my responsibility to make sure you’re taken care of.” He winked and then pointed his fork at her. “And that’s not a chauvinist remark either—it’s a fact.”

  It really wasn’t, but she let it go because he meant well. And despite her feminist heart, something inside secretly loved the idea of him watching over her. It was that trust thing again, and it had grown on her.