Complete Works of Sherwood Anderson

by Sherwood Anderson

  Am I to blame? I am made that way. I am like all people. You are yourself more like me than you would care to admit. After all the fault was partly your own. Why did you interest my fancy? Dear reader, I am sure that, if you came into my presence, my fancy would at once be caught.

  Judges and lawyers who have had to handle witnesses during trials in court know how common is the disease I have, know how little people are to be depended upon for the truth.

  As I have suggested? when it came to writing of myself, I, the teller of tales, would be all right if there were no living witnesses to check up on me. They, of course, will also have changed the actual happenings of our common lives to suit their own fancies.

  I am doing it.

  You are doing it.

  Everybody’s doing it.

  Much better to meet the situation as I have done here — create a Tar Moorehead to stand for myself.

  At least that lets my friends and relatives out. It is, I admit, a writer’s trick.

  And anyway, it was only after I had created Tar Moorehead, had brought him into life in my own fancy, that I could sit down before my sheets and feel at ease. It was only then I faced myself, accepted myself. “If you are a born liar, a man of the fancy, why not be what you are?” I said to myself, and having said it I at once began writing with a new feeling of comfort.

  PART I

  CHAPTER I

  POOR PEOPLE HAVE children without much feeling of exaltation. Alas, the children just come. It is another child and children come easily. On such an occasion a man is for some obscure reason a little ashamed. The woman escapes because she is ill. Let’s see, now there were two boys and one girl. This makes only three so far. It is well this last one is another boy. He won’t cost much for a long time. He can wear the cast off clothing of his older brother and then, when he gets older and demands things of his own, he can work. It is the common fate of man to work. That was provided for in the beginning. Cain killed Abel with a club. It happened at the edge of a field. There is a picture of the scene in the Sunday school leaflet. Abel lies dead on the ground and Cain stands over him with the club in his hand.

  In the background is one of God’s angels pronouncing the dreadful sentence. “By the sweat of your brow shall you eat your bread.” That sentence to go reverberating down through the ages to catch a small Ohio boy among all the others. Well, boys find places more readily than girls. They earn more.

  The boy, named Edgar Moorehead, was called Edgar only while he was very young. He lived in Ohio but his father was a North Carolina man and North Carolina men are [in derision] called “Tar-heels.” A neighbor spoke of him as another little “Tar-heel” and after that he was called, first, “Tar-heel” and then simply “Tar.” What a black sticky name!

  Tar Moorehead was born in the town of Camden, Ohio, but when he left there he went in his mother’s arms. As a conscious human being he never saw the town, never walked in its streets and later when he grew to manhood he was careful never to go back.

  Being an imaginative child and not fond of disillusions he preferred having one place all his own, the product of his own fancy.

  Tar Moorehead became a writer and wrote tales of people in small towns, how they live, what they think, what things happen to them, but he never wrote of Camden. As a matter of fact there is such a place. It is on a railroad. Tourists go through there, stopping to have their gas tanks filled. There are stores that sell chewing gum, electric fixtures, automobile tires, canned fruits and vegetables.

  Tar discarded all these things when he thought of Camden. He thought of it as his own town, the product of his own fancy. Sometimes it sat at the edge of a long plain and the people of the town could see from the windows of their houses a vast expanse of earth and sky. Such a place to walk in the evening, out on the [wide] grassy plain, such a place to count the stars, feel the evening wind on the cheek, hear, coming from [a] distance, the little sounds of the nights.

  As a man Tar awoke, let us say, in a city hotel. All of his life he had been trying to put life into the tales he wrote but his job was difficult. Modern life is complex. What are you going to say about it? How are you going to get things straight?

  There is [a] woman, for example. How are you, being a man, going to understand women? Some men writers pretend they have solved the problem. They write with great confidence and when you read the printed tale you are quite swept off your feet but later, when you think things over, it appears all false.

  How are you going to understand women when you can’t understand yourself? How are you ever going to understand anyone or anything?

  As a man Tar sometimes lay in his bed in a city and thought of Camden, the town in which he was born and which he never saw and never intended to see, the town filled with people he could understand and who always understood him. [There was a reason for his love of the place.] He owed no one money there, had never cheated anyone, had never made love to a Camden woman, he found out later he didn’t want.

  Now Camden had become, for him, a place among hills. It was a little white town in a valley with high hills on each side. You reached it by a stage coach, going up from a railroad town twenty miles away. Being a realist, in his writing and thinking, Tar did not make the houses of his town very comfortable or the people particularly good or in any way exceptional.

  They were what they were, plain people, leading rather hard lives, digging a living out of small fields in the valleys and on the hillsides. Because the land was rather poor and the fields steep, modern agricultural implements could not be introduced and anyway the people had no money to buy.

  The town of Tar’s birth, this purely fanciful place, which has nothing to do with real Camden, had no electric lights, there was no waterworks, no one there owned an automobile. By day men and women went into the fields to plant corn by hand, they harvested wheat with a cradle. At night, after ten o’clock, the little streets, with the poor little houses scattered about, were unlighted. Even the houses were dark, except an occasional one where there was sickness or where company had come. It was, in short, such a place as might have been found in Judea in Old Testament days. Christ on his mission, and followed by John, Matthew, that queer neurotic Judas and the rest, might well have visited just such a place.

  A place of mystery — the home of romance. How thoroughly the citizens of the real Camden, Ohio, might have disliked Tar’s conception of their town.

  To tell the truth Tar was trying, through the creation of a town of his own fancy, to get at something it was almost impossible to get at in the reality of life. In real life people never stood still. Nothing in America stands still very long. You are a boy in a town and go away to live for a mere twenty years. Then one day you come back and walk through the streets of your town. Nothing is as it should be. The shy little girl who lived on your street and whom you thought so wonderful has now become a woman. She has protruding teeth and her hair is already getting thin. What a shame! When you knew her as a boy she seemed the most wonderful creature in the world. You used to go far out of your way, coming home from school, just to go past her house. There she was in the front yard and when she saw you coming she ran to the door and stood just within the house in the half light. You stole one glance and then did not dare look again, but in fancy how lovely she had been.

  A sorry day for you when you go back to the real place of your childhood. Better go to China or the South Seas. Sit on the deck of a ship and dream. The little girl is married now and the mother of two children. The boy who played shortstop on the baseball team and whom you envied until it hurt has become a barber. Everything has gone wrong. Much better to adopt Tar Moorehead’s plan, move away from your town early, so early that you can remember nothing very definitely, and then never go back.

  Tar kept the town of Camden as something special in his life. Even when he had become a grown man and was called successful he clung to his dreams of the place. He had been spending the evening with some men at a big city hotel and did
not go to his room until late. Well, his head was tired, his spirit tired. There had been talk and more talk, perhaps some kind of disagreement. He had quarreled with a fat man who wanted him to do something he did not want to do.

  Then he went up into his room and closed his eyes and at once he was back in the town of his fancy, his birthplace, the town he had never consciously seen, in Camden, Ohio.

  It was night and he walked in the hills above the town. The stars shone out. A little wind was making the leaves of the trees rustle.

  When he had walked in the hills until he was tired he could come down through meadows where cows were being pastured and get among the houses.

  He knew the people in every house along the little streets, knew all about them. They were what he had dreamed people were like when he was a small boy. The man he had thought brave and kind was really brave and kind; the little girl he had thought lovely had grown into a beautiful woman.

  It is coming close to people that hurts. We find out people are like ourselves. Better [ if you want peace,] keep far off, dream about people. The men who make a romance of life are [perhaps] right after all. The reality is too terrible. “By the sweat of your brow shall you earn your bread.”

  By cheating too, by all kinds of dodges.

  Cain made things [hard] for all of us that time he killed Abel at the edge of the field. He did it with a club. What a mistake [it was to be] carrying clubs about. If Cain hadn’t had the club with him that day long ago the Camden of fact, where Tar Moorehead was born, might have been more like the Camden of his dreams.

  But then perhaps it wouldn’t have wanted to be that. Camden wasn’t a very progressive town as Tar saw it, in dreams.

  After Camden how many other towns? Tar Moorehead’s father was a drifter as he was himself [to be]. There are certain people who settle down in one place in life, hang on and finally make their mark but Dick Moorehead, Tar’s father, wasn’t that sort. If he finally settled in one place it was because he was too tired and worn out to make another move.

  Tar became a story teller but, if you will notice, it is the shiftless roving fellows who tell tales. Few tellers of tales are good citizens. They only pretend to be.

  Dick Moorehead, Tar’s father, came from the South, from North Carolina. He must have just drifted down the mountain sides, looking about, smelling out the land as did the two men Joshua, the son of Nun, send out of Shittim to look at Jericho. He crossed a corner of the old state of Virginia, the Ohio River, finally alighting upon a town where he thought he might do well.

  What he did on the way, where he slept, what women he saw, what he thought he was up to, no one will ever know.

  As a young man he was rather handsome and he then had a little money in a community where money was scarce. When he set up a harness shop in the Ohio town people flocked to him.

  For a time it was easy sailing. The other shop in the town was owned by an old crusty fellow who was a good enough workman but not very entertaining. In these earlier days in the Ohio communities people had no theatres, no movies, no radio, no busy brightly-lighted streets. Newspapers were rare. There were no magazines.

  What a god-send to have a fellow like Dick Moorehead coming into [a] town. Coming from a distance he had of course tales to tell and people were eager to listen.

  And what an opportunity for him. Having a little money and being Southern, he of course hired a man to do most of his work and prepared to spend his own time doing the entertaining, a kind of work more in his line. He bought himself a suit of black clothes and a heavy silver watch with a heavy silver chain. Tar Moorehead, the son, saw the watch and the chain long afterwards. When bad times came to Dick they were the last things he let go.

  Being a young man and for the time prosperous the seller of harness was a public favorite. The land was still new, forests were still being cut away and the fields under cultivation were filled with stumps. At night there was nothing to do. During the long winter days there was nothing to do.

  Dick was a favorite with the unmarried women but for a time confined his attentions to the men. There was a certain craftiness in him. “If you pay too much attention to the women the first thing you know you get married and then look where you are.”

  Being a dark hairy man Dick let his mustache grow and this, with his thick black hair, gave him a certain foreign air. How impressive it was to see him making his way along the street before the little stores in the neat black suit with the heavy silver watch chain dangled across his then slender waist.

  He strutted. “Well, well, ladies and gentlemen, do look at me. Here I am, come to live among you.” In the backwoods Ohio of that time the man who wore, on week days, a tailor-made suit and who shaved every morning when he got up was bound to make a deep impression. At the little hotel he got the best place at the table and the best room. Awkward country girls, who had come to town to take places as servants at the hotel, went into his room to make the bed and change the sheets trembling with excitement. Dreams for them too. In the Ohio town Dick was, for the time, a kind of [a] king.

  He stroked his mustache, he spoke kindly to the landlady and to the waitresses and chambermaids but for the time he courted no woman. “You wait. Let them court me. I am a man of affairs. I must attend to business.”

  Farmers came to Dick’s shop bringing harnesses to be repaired, came wanting to buy new harnesses. Town people came in. There was a doctor, two or three lawyers, a county judge. In the town there was an undercurrent of excitement. It was a time when there was plenty to talk about.

  Dick had come into Ohio in the year eighteen hundred and fifty-eight and the story of his coming is not Tar’s story. However the tale aims to concern itself, somewhat vaguely to be sure, with the childhood of the Middle-west too.

  The background is really a poor badly-lighted village some twenty-five miles back from the Ohio River in Southern Ohio. There was a rather rich valley among the rolling Ohio hills and the people were just such people as could be found nowdays in the hills of North Carolina, Virginia and Tennessee. They had come into the country and taken up land, the more fortunate ones in the valley itself, the less fortunate ones on the hillsides. For a long time they lived largely by hunting and then the timber was cut off, hauled over the hills to the river and rafted South to be sold. The game gradually disappeared. Good farming land began to be worth something, railroads were being built and there were the canals with their canal boats and the steamers on the river. Cincinnati and Pittsburgh were not so far away. Daily newspapers began to circulate and there was presently a telegraph line.

  In this community and against this awakening background Dick Moorehead strutted away his few years of prosperity. Then the Civil War came and upset things for him. They were days he always remembered and magnified later. Well, he was prosperous then, was popular, he attended to business.

  He lived then at the town hotel, run by a short fat man who let his wife attend to the affairs of the hotel while he tended bar, [and] talked of race horses and politics, and it was in the bar Dick spent much of his time. It was a time when women worked. They milked the cows, did the washing, cooked the food, had children and made clothes for them. After they married they stayed pretty much out of sight.

  It was such a town as, being located in Illinois, might well have been visited on court days by an Abraham Lincoln, a Douglas, a Davis. In the bar, the harness shop, the hotel office, the livery stable, men gathered of an evening. There was talk. Men drank whiskey, told stories, chewed tobacco and talked of horses religion and politics and Dick was there among them, setting ’em up at the bar, expressing his opinions, telling stories, getting off jokes. At night, when nine o’clock came and if the men of the town had not drifted to his shop, he closed up and made his way to the livery stable where he knew they could be found. Well it was time for talk now and there was something special to talk about.

  For one thing Dick was a Southerner in a Northern community. That set him apart. Was he loyal? You bet. He was a
Southerner and knew niggers and niggers were now to the fore. The Pittsburgh paper had come. Samuel Chase of Ohio had made a speech, Lincoln of Illinois was holding a debate with Stephen Douglas, Seward of New York spoke of war. Dick held to Douglas. All this nonsense about the niggers. Well, well! What an idea! The Southerners in Congress, Davis, Stevens, Floyd, were so in earnest, Lincoln, Chase, Seward, Sumner and the other Northerners were so in earnest. “If war comes we’ll catch it hot here in Southern Ohio. Kentucky will go in and Tennessee and Virginia. The city of Cincinnati is none too loyal.”

  Some of the little towns nearby were Southern in their feeling but Dick had got into a place that was hotly Northern. A lot of mountain men had happened to settle in there in the early days. It was just his luck.

  At first he kept quiet and listened. Then people began to want him to speak out. Very well, he would. He was a Southerner, fresh from the South. “What have you got to say?” It was a perplexing question.

  “What have I got to say, eh?” Dick had to think fast. “There won’t be any war — about niggers.” At home in North Carolina Dick’s people had owned niggers, a few of them. They weren’t cotton raisers but lived in another hill country and raised corn and tobacco. “Well, you see.” Dick hesitated and then plunged. What did he care about slavery? It meant nothing to him. A few niggers hanging around. They weren’t very good workers. At home you had to have a few to be respectable, to avoid being called a “poor white.”

  While he was hesitating and keeping quiet, before he took the plunge and became a thorough-going abolitionist and a Northerner, Dick did a good deal of thinking.

  His father had been prosperous once, had inherited lands, but he was a shiftless man and before Dick had left things at home had not gone-too well. The Mooreheads weren’t broke or really hard up but from owning two thousand acres of land they had been reduced to four or five hundred.