Complete Works of Sherwood Anderson

by Sherwood Anderson

  JOE

  Puzzled I guess he was.

  FATHER

  But I can make an egg stand on end and I don’t cheat — but I don’t get any monuments, do I! I don’t get in no history books. It ain’t fair, I tell you.

  Taking an egg from the plate on the counter Look — here’s a egg — now watch. I’ll roll it in my hands — look — see.

  He is pacing excitedly back and forth, in front of the counter, rolling the egg I know a lot about eggs. No one knows more about eggs than I do — now look — watch — I’m goin’ to show you how I can do what Columbus the cheater couldn’t. See, I’ll make a egg stand on its end without breaking its shell. Wonderful trick — gotta know all about eggs ‘n’ gravity to do it — see! I gotta lotta electricity in my hands — an’ th’ electricity works on the laws of gravity in the egg so that the center of the laws of gravity in the egg changes so it’ll stand on end — now look — it’s ready — look, wait — see! Wait a minute.

  FATHER stands his egg on the counter several times and each time it rolls over on its side. When he does succeed he looks up to find that JOE is reading the paper

  FATHER

  Look — Hey — the egg — the egg — Columbus — hey — Kane — Mr. Kane!

  JOE looks up, but not until the egg has fallen to its side again. He laughs and goes back to his paper. The FATHER is now greatly excited. He smokes hard, and runs his fingers through his tufts of hair in chagrin. He runs to JOE with another cup of coffee and then back to his counter. There are now three cups of coffee before JOE. Through this next speech the train whistle is heard twice, first very faintly, and then more distinctly But here! Wait a minute — here’s something I’ll do for you.

  He goes behind the counter and picks up a pan Here’s a trick — here’s something worth while. You’ve never saw this done before. You see it once. You’ll want to see it again — an’ you’ll bring the whole town with you — can’t get any better entertainment any place than what you can here. What we’re here for — make our customers cheerful. Bran’ new trick. See — vinegar in this pan. I’m treatin’ this egg in the vinegar — see? Then I’ll make it go down the neck of the bottle — after it goes through the neck it will look like a egg again and get hard. Then I’m goin’ to make you a present of th’ egg in the bottle. Yep — that’s what we’re here for — to entertain. No charge. You can take it along whenever you go. Everybody’ll ask you how you got th’ egg in the bottle. Keep mum ‘n’ don’t tell ’em — keep ’em guessing. Jeez! You can have a lot of fun with this trick.

  Through this speech FATHER grins and smiles at JOE, who appears to consider the FATHER a harmless lunatic and reads his paper. The FATHER takes the egg from the pan with a spoon and tries to force it into the neck of a bottle. He mutters as he does so and constantly glances at JOE to see if he is interested, JOE’S lack of interest enrages him. As the egg seems about to enter the bottle the train whistle is heard again, this time quite distinctly, and the train effect is audible and then stops, JOE gets up and moves up right toward the door, where he turns to look at the anxious, sputtering FATHER just at the moment when the latter in his anxiety breads the egg, which spurts over him At the door Ha! Ha! Great trick!

  He turns to go out The FATHER utters a strange cry of frustration and anger. He seizes another egg, runs out from behind the counter, and hurls it at JOE, who escapes through the screen door first in time. The egg breaks over the screen door. The FATHER rushes back to the egg basket for another egg. He is inarticulate in his rage. He turns to find there is no one to throw at, and rather quickly a change comes over him. His arm drops. He gives one despairing look about him. In a dazed manner he closes the front door without locking it and turns down the oil lamp without putting it out. During most of the scene the MOTHER has been listening at the wall. At its close she has thrown herself, sobbing in utter despair, on the left side of bed. The FATHER, still in a daze, comes through the door between the two rooms and stands above the bed. He becomes aware that the egg is still in his hand. He looks at it and places it on the table under the mirror. As he does so the tension which has held his body leaves and breaking into deep but quiet sobs, he throws himself on the right side of the bed beside his wife, who strops his hair. She reaches over and turns out the light. The child in the cradle also breaks into quiet crying. The train whistle is heard in the distance and the sound of the train going into the distance. Several people, coming from the train in gay mood, pass by the restaurant, JOE and his father appear, JOE seems to be telling his father with much laughter the story of the crazy man and the eggs. They both look with curiosity and amusement into the restaurant as they pass. They do not stop. The laughter from outside is still mingling with the sobbing from the darkened bedroom. The voice of the woman is heard

  MOTHER

  Don’t mind, father. Don’t mind.

  CURTAIN

  MOTHER

  A ONE ACT PLAY

  CHARACTERS

  MARY HORTON, THE Mother

  GEORGE HORTON, the Father

  MABEL CLARK, a Dressmaker

  FIZZY FRY, a Hotel Clerk

  MOTHER

  THE ACTION TAKES place in MARY HORTON’S room in a shabby little hotel, in a Middle Western American town. It is Sunday afternoon. The room is a rather large one. The wallpaper is faded and streamed but MARY HORTON has made an effort to save the room from complete ugliness. There are a few cheap prints and pictures on the wall and clean lace curtains at the windows. There is a bed in the room and the bed covering is worn but clean. Beside the bed there is a cheap dresser on which is a lamp with a crinkly red tissue paper lamp shade. There are a few chairs, one of which is a rocker. There are doors left and right and two windows at back looking into an alleyway MARY HORTON is a sick-looking woman of forty. She is somewhat thin and faded but there is still fire in her. The impression should be given of a woman who has had a good deal of illness, AT RISE she is sitting in a rocking chair near one of the windows and is dressed in a plain worn black dress with white lace at the neck and sleeves. She sits tense and nervous in the chair Outside in the alleyway voices are heard. Boys are playing ball and there is the sound of a thrown ball striking on a catcher’s mit. A WOMAN’S VOICE is heard

  WOMAN’S VOICE

  Sharply Will and Fred, you come in here. I won’t have you playing ball on Sunday.

  BOY’S VOICE

  Oh, Maw. O Gee!

  WOMAN’S VOICE

  Come in here, I say.

  New voices are heard just back of the wall of MARY HORTON’S room. Two men are walking along a hallway

  A MAN’S VOICE

  Here it is, Fred. This is my hole. Some hotel to be stuck in on Sunday.

  SECOND MAN’S VOICE

  Hell, yes. I wanted to get into Chicago. I’ve got a woman there. I slept too late and missed the morning train. I’m going to take another sleep now.

  FIRST MAN’S VOICE

  Might as well. Say, Fred, suppose we can pick up a couple of skirts in this burg tonight?

  SECOND MAN’S VOICE

  I don’t know, Al. We can try.

  FIRST MAN’S VOICE

  All right. See you later. So long.

  There is the sound of a slammed door and of another man’s footsteps dying away in a hallway. MARY HORTON gets up out of her chair and moves hurriedly and nervously about the room. She goes to a glass over the dresser and adjusts the lace at her neck and sleeves and then suddenly, tearing a little piece off the red paper lamp shade, wets it with her tongue and tries to rouge her cheeks with it. She smiles and shrugs her shoulders, looking at herself in the glass, as though to say’, “What’s the use?” Again she hears footsteps outside the door, left, and goes quickly over toward the rocking-chair by the window, but before she has reached it, the door, left, opens and her husband GEORGE HORTON enters. She looks quickly over her shoulder and sees who it is

  MARY HORTON

  Oh, it’s only you.

  She goes to the chair an
d, sitting, closes her eyes for a moment. She does not look at her husband.

  GEORGE HORTON is a man of forty-five or fifty, a little fat and unhealthy looking. He is annoyed and angry. He shuts the door with a bang and stands near it looking at his wife

  GEORGE HORTON

  Only me, eh? Just your husband, that’s all.

  MARY HORTON She sits in the chair with her eyes closed, not looking at him. She speaks quietly but sharply Well, did you do what I asked you? I sent for you but couldn’t find you. So I told your clerk, Fizzy, what I wanted. Did he tell you? Have you done it?

  GEORGE HORTON

  Angrily Hell, no. What do you think I am? Do you expect me to stay around here, always, at your beck and call? Fizzy told me what you were up to, sending for that woman. Of course I didn’t do it. What do you think I am, an errand boy? I told Fizzy he could go for her if he wanted to but that’s why I came up here. I wanted to tell you what I thought of this scheme of yours.

  He begins moving heavily about the room and sits down heavily in one of the chairs It’s all damned foolishness, I tell you. Now, Mary, you let me handle this.

  Begins to grow more angry and a little pompous This is a man’s job. I should never have told you about this mess. Anyway, it may all be a lie. Can’t you see what you would get into, butting into this? Suppose it is true that our boy Harry has been fooling with this woman? A man should never tell a woman anything. You’ve got to be slick in a thing like this.

  He is growing angry and more excited Women are all a lot of fools. I don’t knew why I told you. Now you look here. If it is true that our Harry has got mixed up with this dressmaker — a woman old enough to be his mother — you leave it to me and I’ll fix it.

  MARY HORTON Looking up at him and speaking coldly How? How would you fix it?

  GEORGE HORTON He gets up out of his chair and goes to stand by the bed, bracing himself with a hand against the bed I’ll tell you what I’d do. If it is true that Harry is mixed up with her, I’d get him out of town, that’s what I’d do. I’d hide him out till it blows over. If she is going to have a kid, as they say, and Harry’s gone she’ll blame some one else. She won’t get him.

  He grows boastful I tell you I’ve got influence. Harry can go to some city till it blows over. He ought to get out of this town anyway. He ought to go to some city where he can begin to amount to something.

  He can go to a city, get a job, and change his name. I can fix it. There are men who come here, traveling men who stop here with us — you don’t know any of them, of course. You are always stuck up here in this room. You don’t know nothing and then you butt in. I know men who have plenty of influence. More than one of the men who come here has said to me, George, they’ve said, that boy Harry of yours is all right, he’s a bright boy.

  MARY HORTON Interrupting. She makes an impatient movement with her hand Yes, yes, I know, but never mind all that. I know how much influence you’ve got. So you want to make a sneak out of Harry. If he’s in trouble with this woman you want him to run away and hide himself. You would. That would be your solution.

  GEORGE HORTON Also angry Well, what would you do? You’re so smart. What is it you want Harry to be? Do you want him to get tied to this woman almost old enough to be his mother? Do you want him to stick here in this town and amount to nothing, a failure on our hands?

  MARY HORTON Sharply In any event, he won’t be on your hands.

  Her voice softens a little But man, man, we’ve only got this one child. We don’t want to make a sneak out of him.

  GEORGE HORTON Interrupting But, hell, if you would only let me manage him.

  MARY HORTON Growing hard again Is this Mabel Clark coming here? Did Fizzy deliver my note? Do you know?

  GEORGE HORTON starts to sit on the bed but she stops him. She speaks again Don’t sit there.

  She points Go over and sit in that chair.

  He goes sullenly to the chair and sits. She speaks again Now try to be sensible and make everything clear to me. Try to forget yourself for a moment and how much influence you’ve got. Tell me the whole story, all you know about this affair between Harry and this Miss Clark. Who told you this story?

  GEORGE HORTON Still angry and impatient This is a man’s affair, I tell you. What do you want Harry to turn out to be — a sissy, eh — hanging on to the skirts of his mother?

  MARY HORTON Coldly and quietly You haven’t told me the story yet. You just came in here and hinted at it. You stormed around and then went out.

  GEORGE HORTON

  Well, all right. A young boy, Harry’s friend... you don’t know him... you always keep to yourself... you don’t know any one. His name is Will Howard. He is the son of the Presbyterian preacher here. I’ll tell you what, I wish our Harry was like that boy. He doesn’t smoke or swear or anything. He’s got a good job, too.

  MARY HORTON A little smile goes across her lips What a paragon, really! But what about him? I want to know what he told you.

  GEORGE HORTON

  He was up in Harry’s room early this afternoon. He had heard things. I am not like you, I’m a man who keeps his eyes open. I stopped this boy coming down from Harry’s room and asked him. I’ll tell you what, there’s a boy who will get somewhere.

  MARY HORTON She interrupts impatiently. She has aroused herself and is sitting up straight in her chair and is looking hard at her husband Yes, yes, all right, all right. Get on with the story.

  GEORGE HORTON Defiantly He said that our Harry has been going down to Mabel Clark’s house at night. He goes sneaking down there. This young Will Howard saw him do it. He followed Harry and watched him. He just told me because he doesn’t want Harry to get in trouble. He says this Mabel Clark’s going to have a kid. He told me because he wants Harry warned. My God, Mary, a woman of that age fooling with a boy like Harry, the damned slut. Will says that Harry is stuck on her, that he’s in love with her. Now he says he thinks that she’s that way — that she’s going to have a kid.

  He jumps to his feet and walks angrily up and down the room I tell you this boy Will knows what he is talking about. He got in with Harry and got Harry to talk. And I saw something myself. Only the other day, right on Main Street, I saw Harry walking with this woman. I came right up to them. You should have seen his face when he saw me. I was never so ashamed in my life.

  MARY HORTON Also jumping up out of her chair and moving about the room All right, all right, but you keep your mouth shut. Don’t go ‘round town indulging in talk. And if you have got so much influence, you stop that boy, that paragon of a boy — you use your influence to stop his talking. As for this Mabel Clark, I’ll talk to her. I’ll see her. And if she won’t come here to me, I’ll go to her. That’s what I told her in my note.

  She whirls suddenly on her husband And don’t you ever again call any woman a slut in my presence.

  GEORGE HORTON Getting away from her toward the door left. He is near the door You go to the devil. I’ll call any one anything I want to. You can’t browbeat me. I’m not a boy. I’m a man.

  The two stand staring at each other, the man excited and nervous and the woman now gazing coldly at him. There is again the sound of footsteps in the hallway outside. The attention of both the man and the woman is immediately diverted and they both stand tense listening MARY HORTON In quiet, commanding voice Wait! Stand still! Don’t move!

  She goes quickly over to the rocking chair by the window and sits to compose herself. There is a knock on the door. In a quiet voice Come in.

  The door opens and the head of a young man, FIZZY, the hotel clerk, appears. He steps inside. He is a young man with a long nose and a pimply face and has a great mop of yellow sandy hair. There is a lighted cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth. He looks from one to the other of the two people and then turns to MARY HORTON

  FIZZY

  There’s a lady to see you, ma’am.

  He grins —

  It’s a lady named Mabel Clark.

  FIZZY has left the door ope
n behind him and MABEL CLARK appears standing in the door, back of FIZZY. She is a rather handsome woman of thirty and is rather overdressed. She stands staring boldly into the room and GEORGE HORTON, seeing her, is immediately disconcerted. He pushes past FIZZY and the woman and exits. He speaks gruffly to MABEL CLARK

  GEORGE HORTON

  Hello.

  MARY HORTON Speaking quietly Come in, Miss Clark.

  FIZZY stands staring about and grinning and MARY HORTON speaks sharply to him That’s all, young man. And thank you for your trouble. That’s all. You may go now. Good-by.

  FIZZY evidently hates to leave the room, MABEL CLARK enters and FIZZY goes to the door and stands there grinning and staring at the two women. MARY HORTON speaks again sharply Good-by, I say. You may go now. Please shut the door.

  FIZZY exits reluctantly closing the door slowly The two women are left alone together in the room. Immediately a change comes over MARY HORTON. She becomes all animation. Springing out of her chair she runs over to MABEL CLARK, who is ‘ standing in the center of the room, her shoulders thrown back, looking very defiant, MARY HORTON rushes to her and attempts to take her two hands, which MABEL doesn’t offer, MARY however grabs them and pumps them up and down

  MARY HORTON

  Oh, Miss Clark, how splendid of you to come! I am so glad you could come, that you would come. Oh, this is splendid of you!

  She rushes over to a chair and places it for MABEL Do sit. Oh, I have been wanting to know you for such a long time. It is so lovely of you to come up here to see me. It is such a day, so hot outside. Were you at church this morning? Was there a crowd out?

  By her eagerness she has half forced MABEL across the room and into the chair. She keeps on speaking rapidly It is so hot out, isn’t it? You must excuse me for the looks of my room. You see, I’ve been a sick woman. I do think sick women are such a nuisance, don’t you?