Repressed (Deadly Secrets)

by Elisabeth Naughton

  Ethan swayed. The gun shook in his hand. He was losing too much blood. In a few minutes he’d be on the floor. He had to do something fast.

  “Drop it now or she’s dead,” Jenkins screamed.

  He caught Samantha’s gaze. And even though his vision was already starting to dim, he saw the resolve in her eyes. And the trust. She gave her head a small nod, then angled her eyes upward.

  “Let her go,” Ethan repeated, fighting to stay upright. “I’m not going to say it again.”

  “I—”

  Samantha lifted her foot and stomped down hard on Jenkins’s instep. The man howled and loosened his grip on her neck. Samantha shoved her elbow back into his abdomen, and he doubled forward with a grunt. She jerked out from beneath his arm. The second she was free, Ethan pulled the trigger.

  Gunfire echoed. Jenkins grunted. Something hard hit the floor. But Ethan wasn’t even sure where he’d hit the fucker, because his legs went out from under him and he slumped to the ground before he could look.

  “Ethan!” Samantha scrambled to his side. “Oh my God, Ethan.”

  From across the cabin, Jenkins moaned, “You shot me!”

  “Ethan, hold on.”

  Pressure landed against his shoulder, and Ethan realized Samantha had whipped off her cardigan and was pressing it over his wound. “Just hold on, Ethan.”

  Footsteps sounded somewhere outside.

  “In here!” Samantha yelled. “We’re in here!”

  “I can’t believe you fucking shot me,” Jenkins moaned.

  “Holy shit.” Alec, that was Alec’s voice, Ethan realized.

  “He’s bleeding,” Sam said frantically somewhere above Ethan. “It won’t stop.”

  “Keep pressure there. Ethan? It’s Alec. Can you hear me? We’re gonna get you out of here. Just hold on.”

  His vision came and went. “Kellogg . . . ”

  “Hunt’s got him. Police are already on their way.” Alec pulled something from his pocket, held it up to his ear. “Simms, we need EMTs out here right away. We’ve got three gunshot victims. Two don’t look life-threatening, but Ethan’s already lost a ton of blood. Yeah, okay.”

  Ethan rolled his head on the cabin floor. Through hazy vision, he spotted Jenkins slumped against the far wall, holding a hand against his side. Blood oozed from between his fingertips. The man leaned his head back and groaned.

  “Ethan.” Samantha’s voice echoed around him. “Ethan, look at me. Just stay with me, okay? I’m here. I’m right here.”

  He stared up at her pretty face, already darkening at the edges. “Should have told you sooner.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care who you used to be. I know you didn’t have anything to do with Seth’s death.”

  Somehow, he found the strength to lift his good arm and lay his hand over hers against his chest. “Not . . . that. Should have told you sooner that . . . I love you.”

  “Oh, Ethan.” Her tears spilled over her lashes.

  He didn’t want to close his eyes, just wanted to go on gazing up at her beautiful eyes, but he was suddenly more tired than he’d ever been.

  “Ethan?” Samantha’s frantic voice pulled at him, but he was already fading.

  “Don’t leave me,” she whispered.

  He didn’t have a choice. Blackness descended before he could stop it.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Sam’s heart beat like wildfire as she stepped through the hospital’s double front doors.

  “Hey, Ms. Parker.” Thomas laughed and flipped his hair to the side as he moved away from the chestnut-haired beauty at his side. “Cut that out,” he said to Ethan’s younger sister.

  Beside him, Kelsey McClane dropped her hand and smiled. “Hey, Sam. I was just taking this mongrel for a haircut. Did you hear the good news?”

  Sam had met Ethan’s siblings yesterday when they’d all swarmed the hospital while he’d been in surgery. They were each very different, both in appearance and demeanor, but there was a bond between them that couldn’t be broken. A bond formed by tragedies overcome. “He’s awake?”

  “Awake and grumbling,” Kelsey said with a roll of her pretty hazel eyes. “Alec and Rusty are with him now. He was asking about you.”

  Nerves skipped through Sam’s belly. She hadn’t wanted to leave the hospital, but the police had needed her official statement, and she’d had to go down to the station this afternoon. She’d managed to put them off until she’d known Ethan was going to be okay, but the questioning had taken longer than she’d expected, and when Michael had called to tell her that Ethan was finally awake and coherent, she’d been desperate to get back here.

  Her gaze drifted to Thomas, smiling in a way she hadn’t seen the boy smile ever. He’d been at the hospital the whole time too, worried about Ethan and everything that had happened, and somehow in the time he’d met Ethan’s siblings, he’d formed his own bond with them. “You’re getting a haircut?”

  “Only because she won’t leave it alone.” He ducked away from Kelsey’s hand when she tried to ruffle his hair again, and his smile widened. “Stop that already.”

  Kelsey chuckled, tossed her long chestnut hair over her shoulder, and looked back at Sam. “Is Grimly at your house? We were thinking about swinging over and taking him for a walk. That okay?”

  “Um. Yeah.” A little overwhelmed, Sam fumbled for her keys, pulled her house key off the ring, and handed it to Kelsey.

  “We’ll be back,” Kelsey said, stepping past her with Thomas.

  As the two disappeared out the doors and headed off into the parking lot, Sam turned to look after them. Thomas laughed at something Kelsey said, and she smiled back, totally at ease, as if they’d known each other for years.

  “He’s a good kid,” Michael said behind her.

  Startled, Sam turned toward Ethan’s father. Michael’s salt-and-pepper hair was mussed, and his eyes were tired from being at the hospital all night, but they sparkled with warmth and acceptance, and as he watched his daughter and Thomas, she didn’t miss the pride in his features.

  “What’s going to happen to him?” Sam asked.

  Michael turned and walked with her toward the elevators. “Poor sucker’s going to have to put up with us for a while.”

  “Really?”

  Michael nodded. “His guardian agreed to relinquish custody. I just got off the phone with a friend at social services who’s going to expedite the paperwork.”

  “Wow.” Sam stepped onto the elevator. “Does Ethan know?”

  Michael nodded and punched the button for the fourth floor. “It was his idea.”

  Sam’s chest tightened. They still didn’t know if Thomas was Seth’s son, and she wasn’t even sure how she felt about that, yet Ethan was already pulling the boy into the family, making sure he had a place and people who cared about him. Just as he’d always made her feel as if she belonged.

  “Here.” Michael pulled a folded sheet of paper from his back pocket and handed it to her. “I had Rusty bring this from the house. Thought you might want to read it.”

  Hesitantly, Sam fingered the paper. “What is it?”

  “Just read it.”

  Dear Mr. and Mrs. Raines,

  I don’t even know how to start this letter. Saying I’m sorry doesn’t seem like enough. And the words probably don’t mean anything to you at this point anyway.

  The counselors here talk about owning up to the choices that brought each of us to Bennett. I think about that night every day. Not because I’m in here, but because I know I should have done things differently. If I could trade places with Seth, I would. If I could go back and try to set it right, I would.

  I’d say I’m sorry a thousand times if it would make a difference, but it won’t. I won’t ever forget, though. No matter what.

  J. Ethan Coulter

  Tears blurred her vision. “I never saw this letter.”

  “You weren’t meant to. It was an exercise in forgiveness. It was never maile
d.”

  “He didn’t even do it.”

  “Doesn’t matter. He still felt guilty for what happened.”

  She looked up. “You never questioned his innocence, did you?”

  Michael turned toward her. “Ethan managed to get himself into a lot of trouble prior to that night, and that trouble didn’t help him with the judge when Seth was killed. He was able to plead down from criminally negligent homicide to fourth-degree assault for what happened to your brother, but that prior trouble is really what contributed to his twelve-month sentence at Bennett. I knew after one hour with him, though, that he wasn’t violent. He was conflicted. Some kids”—he shrugged—“you just know by looking at them.”

  Sam’s chest pinched hard. “Like Thomas.”

  “Yeah, like Thomas. Ethan is one of the gentlest people I know. It’s in his nature. When he was a teenager, even when he first came to live with us, he was always trying to nurse injured birds or chipmunks he found on the property back to health. What happened to Seth . . . ” Michael shook his head. “It wounded him, but it also taught him the value of life. He’s never killed anything or anyone. But he was willing to kill for you, Samantha. He was willing to do whatever he had to do to keep you safe.”

  A tear slipped down her cheek, and she swiped at it with the back of her hand. Ethan was the only person in her life who made her feel safe, and she didn’t think she’d ever be able to get the image of him bleeding on the floor of that cabin out of her head. “What happened to Jenkins? And Kellogg?”

  “Looks like they’re both going to pull through.”

  For Ethan’s sake, Sam was relieved.

  “But they’ll likely spend the rest of their lives behind bars,” Michael added.

  For Seth’s sake, Sam was glad.

  “It’s finally finished,” Michael said softly.

  Finished.

  Except, as the elevator doors opened, Sam was afraid it wasn’t totally finished. Because she had no idea how she could ever make up for everything she’d put Ethan through.

  Michael stepped off the elevator and turned to look back at her. “Aren’t you coming?”

  Drawing a deep breath for courage, she nodded and followed him toward Ethan’s room.

  Ethan couldn’t get comfortable. Shifting in the hospital bed, he tried to find a better position and winced when his shoulder pinched.

  It was no use. He hadn’t been able to relax since he’d awoken and discovered Samantha was gone. His gaze shot to the door again, searching for any sign of her. His mother had said she’d left for the police station, but that had been hours ago. What if she’d run? What if she’d decided it was all too much and she’d gone back to California? He couldn’t follow her in this freakin’ hospital gown. Wasn’t even sure she wanted him to follow her after everything that had happened.

  “So Rusty goes in to make his move,” Alec said with a smile, tipping his chair back next to Ethan’s bed, “and the blonde with big eyes shoots him down on the spot.”

  “Yeah, right. Like you know.” Leaning against the wall on the other side of the room with his arms crossed over his chest, Rusty tipped his dark head and shot Alec a condescending look. “You weren’t even there, jackass. You were across the bar hitting on the redhead with the IQ that matched her cup size.”

  “Oh man.” Alec’s blue eyes took on a dreamy look. “She had the finest rack—”

  “Alec McClane.” He flinched at the sound of their mother’s voice and dropped the legs of his chair to the floor with a sheepish grin. Hannah stepped into the doorway with a glare and a steaming paper cup.

  “Caffeine,” Alec said, pushing to his feet. “You read my mind.”

  Hannah smacked his hand when he reached for the cup. “Get your hand back. You want your own coffee, you can go down to the cafeteria. This is for Ethan.” Her face softened as she stepped forward and set the cup on the bedside tray. “Here you go, honey.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  Alec held out his arms. “I gotta get shot to get some sympathy in this family?”

  Hannah frowned. “Don’t start with me.” She looked back at Ethan. “How’s the pain?”

  Ethan shifted in the pillows again, desperate for some kind of comfort. “Fine.”

  Liar. He felt like shit, and not from the bullet wound in his shoulder. And his brothers’ attempts to cheer him up were only making him feel worse.

  “Lean forward a bit.” Hannah fluffed the pillows at his back and helped him sit more upright. “We’re going to work on some shoulder mobility after you drink your coffee.”

  Sometimes having a doctor for a mother was nothing but a great big pain in the ass. “I’d rather have a cigarette.” And Sam.

  “Not on your life,” his mother said. “You want to kill yourself slowly, you’re going to do it on your time, not mine.”

  Alec chuckled at the end of the bed. “Wuss.”

  “Total pussy,” Rusty muttered.

  Ethan leaned his head back and closed his eyes, wishing they’d all just leave him the hell alone.

  “How’s our patient?” Footsteps echoed, followed by his father’s voice from the doorway.

  Wonderful. More family fun time. Ethan exhaled a slow breath.

  “Cranky,” Hannah said with a sigh. “Well, hi there, Sam. All done downtown?”

  Ethan’s eyes snapped open. And excitement pumped through him when he saw Samantha standing in the doorway with his father, wearing jeans that molded to her long legs and a loose red sweater that brought out the color in her cheeks. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and her eyes looked tired from lack of sleep, but to Ethan she’d never been more beautiful.

  “Yes. All done,” Samantha said, staring at Ethan.

  “Sugar.” Alec sidled up to Samantha and slung an arm over her shoulder. “I had a feeling you’d come back for me. No way you’d be back for him.” He angled a thumb toward Ethan. “He cried like a girl when they wouldn’t give him a cigarette.”

  Ethan glared at his brother.

  “Like a little girl,” Rusty added, leaning close on Samantha’s other side.

  “All right.” Hannah stepped forward and waved her hands. “Stop tormenting your brother. You two. Out.”

  Alec let go of Samantha and chuckled as he moved out of the room. And for a second, Ethan thought he saw a smile crack Rusty’s normally stoic face.

  “I’m glad you were able to wrap everything up at the station.” Hannah stepped past Samantha and squeezed her arm. “We’ll be outside if either of you need anything.” She gestured for Michael to follow her out the door, then said, “Have you talked to that boy about this trip he’s taking?”

  Michael frowned. “No. I was dealing with the details for the new addition.”

  “Thomas will be fine. It’s the good-looking blond in denial out here that you need to worry about.” She took her husband’s arm. “Come on. I prefer when you’re the bad guy.”

  “What if I want to be the good cop for a change?”

  “With Alec?” Hannah huffed. “Right. You can play good cop with me later.”

  Their voices faded, and in the silence that followed, Ethan was almost too afraid to say anything because there was a nervous look in Samantha’s eyes he didn’t know how to read.

  “I saw Thomas downstairs,” she said when they were alone, stepping toward the end of the bed.

  She wanted to talk about Thomas? That couldn’t be good. Nerves replaced the excitement Ethan had felt only moments before. “Apparently my folks needed a new project. Four juvenile delinquents weren’t enough. They needed five.”

  “I told you your parents were saints.”

  “Or crazy. Depends on how you look at it.”

  “Either way,” she said softly. “I know I have you to thank for looking out for him. I have you to thank for a lot of things.”

  His heart squeezed. “Saman—”

  “Ethan, I . . . ” She moved around the side of the bed, but she stopped near his feet instead of
moving closer as he wanted her to. “Ever since your dad called to tell me that you were awake, I’ve been trying to figure out what to say to you. Everything that’s gone wrong in my life can be traced back to the night Seth died. My parents’ divorce, my lousy track record with men, my inability to commit to anything. I’ve blamed you for all of that for eighteen years. And now . . . ” She lifted her arms and then dropped them. “Now I know I was wrong. It wasn’t you. Saying I’m sorry doesn’t seem good enough. I don’t know how to make up for that.”

  “You have nothing to make up for.”

  “Yes, I do.” Pain reflected in her gorgeous eyes. “I ruined your life.”

  “How could you ever think that?”

  “Ethan. If it weren’t for me, you never would have gone to Bennett.”

  “You’re right.” Her eyes darkened, but he didn’t let that stop him. “If it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t have gone to Bennett. I wouldn’t have met Michael, I wouldn’t have the family I’ve got outside, and I definitely wouldn’t be the man I am today.”

  “But, how can you not hate me when—”

  “If it weren’t for you, I’d probably be in jail by now, or worse, dead. I was headed nowhere fast back then, but you saved me. In every way that matters. Hate you?” He shook his head. “Never.”

  Her eyes filled with tears. Tears that made his chest absolutely ache. Because she still wasn’t moving toward him and he didn’t know what she felt for him. Or if she still felt anything at all.

  Long seconds past. Then softly, she whispered, “He would have liked this. Seth had a soft heart. He always wanted everyone to be happy. He would have liked that you and I found each other. It would have made him happy to know that the man I fell in love with was the same one who tried to save him, and in the process saved me as well.”

  Emotions filled Ethan’s chest, so many he thought he might just burst. “If I have to bolt out of this bed to get to you, I’m going to rip my stitches. And if tha—”

  She reached him in one step. He grasped her with his good arm and pulled her down next to him as soon as they touched, ignoring the pain in his side. Sliding his hand into her silky hair, he tugged her mouth toward his. “I love you. God, I love you, Samantha.”