by Chris Owen
"I'm... I'm not doing so well, no," Tobias said with a grimace. "At least with Deidre I can send flowers; I hate to think what Bradford is going to make me do." He sighed and nuzzled Noah for a moment. "I don't know what's going to happen or how to help, pet, and that's killing me."
"You're not in control of this, I get that." Noah nodded. "But Phan likes Dr. Brewer, she'll help him."
"I hope so," Tobias said. "We'll just have to wait and see what she can tell us. Which, granted, won't be much, given her privilege."
"Hmm, true," Noah said, leaning on him. "He wants this; tonight was rough for him, but I don't think he really feels that it's hopeless."
"That scared me," Tobias confessed. "He's never said anything like that before. I just feel that he's close to something, a breaking point, and whatever happens next is going to be pivotal. It's such early days for him in this process and I... well, I guess I'm wondering if he's going to choose well."
"He's got a lot of help in making his choices." Noah's tone was lighter. "He knows he's not alone."
Tobias didn't say anything, stopping himself from questioning it by the physical act of biting his tongue. Instead, he ran a hand over Noah's back and held him fractionally tighter. "Stay with me tonight?" he asked.
"Thank you for not making me ask first," Noah said with a smile. "I'm not going to work tomorrow, either. I'm too damn wound up."
"Thank you," Tobias said, not bothering to put up his usual arguments. "I'll call Dee when we get home, see if she can do without me in the morning. We have to vaccinate a small herd in the afternoon, though; I'll have to go."
Talking about work actually relaxed him a little, which he hadn't expected. He also hadn't really noticed it until Bradford walked in with Dr. Brewer and all the tension came flooding back.
Noah kissed Tobias, and then slid off his lap and knelt at his feet as they came in.
"Would you like Noah to go sit with Phan while we talk, doctor?" Bradford was asking as they walked through the door.
"That's up to Noah and Dr. Vincent," she said coolly. "I simply can't tell you that much, to tell the truth, so if he'd rather go cuddle he can -- he'll probably get more details than I can give you."
Tobias stroked Noah's hair. "Up to you, pet. But don't push him for anything." He glared at the doctor. "We only want to help."
Noah was on his feet instantly. "Thank you, sir," he said, and hurried out the door.
"Tobias," Bradford warned. "We're all on the same team here."
Tobias merely looked at him for a moment before shifting his gaze to the doctor. "How is he?"
She sighed, suddenly looking tired. "Well, the good news is that he's fine. Contrite on a couple of matters, swearing to clear the air on one more. The bad news is that you're completely right, Dr. Vincent. That's a sub in need of rules." She held up a hand and said, "However, I would like to point out that I was under the impression he had a Dom."
Bradford raised an eyebrow. "He told you that?"
"You did." She leveled him with a gaze that Tobias found very unsubmissive. He made a mental note to find out if she had a Master or not, just to see who on earth had to deal with that.
"I? I did no such thing," Bradford protested. "I told you he was staying with me."
"When you called you said, and I quote, 'Dr. Brewer, I have a sub here who needs your help.' You then told me he was living with you, and that you had broken him, calling in Dr. Vincent for support when needed. This, Master Bradford, led me to believe that Phantom was yours. No one dissuaded me from this, and thus I didn't push Phan for things that I should have -- and when I did, he lied. I knew he was lying, and it's on me that I didn't dig; I was unaware that he didn't have a net."
Tobias didn't know if he should laugh or cry.
Bradford sank into his chair with a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry. I ought to have been clearer." He ran fingers through his hair. "Damn it."
"Damn it, indeed," she said. She pulled up a chair and sat, tipping her head back. "All right, gentlemen. I can't tell you much, but you can tell me. Will one of you give him structure for a time? At least... well, a few months, anyway. Phan's got years of work ahead of him, I won't lie. But he really needs structure right now."
"I can't," Tobias said, his voice sounding hollow to his own ears. "Not the way he needs." He'd promised Noah.
"I will," Bradford assured her. "Starting tomorrow morning. I'll talk to him, and we'll sign something to make it official so he takes it seriously."
She nodded. "All right then. Noah. I suggest they keep seeing each other if it works within your relationship, Master Tobias. Phan really likes Noah, and seems calmed by him. However, I'd like to talk with Noah alone for a moment later if you and he decide to keep up the Tuesday evenings."
"It's really up to Noah," Tobias said. "But I'd... well, he seems to like it as well."
"Okay." She smiled a little. "Buck up, gentlemen. It's not as bad as it looked. Some issues came up is all, and he had a crying jag. You called me, we talked, and I got past some fibs. We can move forward now. And, honestly, if Phan is following his patterns, he's about to take a leap ahead." She stood up and stretched. "He's probably asleep by now. Let him rest, and start over tomorrow. Oh, Master Bradford -- no flogging for punishment, keep the spankings light, and let him get off once in a while, okay?"
"Oh, good Lord, I hadn't even thought of that," Bradford sighed. "Do you think he needs a physical relationship as well?"
She shook her head, looking slightly amused. Tobias bit his tongue.
"No. Just... hand him a wipe when he's done and make him clean up." She beamed at him. "And a dildo would be a lovely gift for him to earn. Just a suggestion."
Tobias bit his tongue again, but he thought Bradford saw it.
"Tobias Vincent, I hope you bite that thing off," Bradford said petulantly, but he was smiling. "Oh, all right, everyone have a nice laugh then? I'm exhausted. Take your boy home, Tobias."
"If I can peel him off your boy," Tobias shot back.
Dr. Brewer rolled her eyes. "I have to talk to him anyway," she said, going to the door. "Come along, Master Tobias." She shook suddenly and laughed. "I've always wanted to say something like that. I'm going to be in so much trouble when I get home."
Tobias snorted. "I certainly hope so."
She smiled at him and waved good night to Bradford, admonishing him to be in touch if he needed her.
"I'll be right there," he said, turning to Bradford. "Call me if you need me."
Bradford nodded. "Count on it."
Tobias nodded and turned to hurry after Dr. Brewer, nothing left to say. He was going to tackle the apologies in the morning, or perhaps when dealing with the cows. He managed to catch up just as she was easing the door open. Tobias peered over her shoulder to see the boys curled up on the couch, Phan fast asleep. Noah looked up at the sound of the door and she waved him out, almost backing into Tobias as she stepped back.
She gave him a hard look. "You move fast."
"I have to."
He thought she might have smiled, but then Noah slipped out of the room to join them and she turned away.
"He's asleep," Noah said softly. "He smiled at me when I came in."
"You make us all smile, pet," Tobias said without thinking.
Noah leaned on him. "Are we going home, then?"
"Very shortly. Dr. Brewer would like to know if you'd like to continue seeing Phan on Tuesdays. I said that was entirely up to you."
Noah looked at the doctor. "Yes. Phan wants to, too."
She nodded and glanced at Tobias. "In that case, Noah, I'd like to have a quick word in private. It's just something that Phan wanted me to pass on if you agreed."
Noah glanced at Tobias for permission, and then followed the doctor around the corner.
Tobias tried not to be impatient for them to return, but found himself glancing at his watch and jingling his keys before Noah rounded the corner again, the doctor behind him.
"Ready?" Noah asked wi
th an innocent look. Damn him.
"Yes," he said evenly. "Everything's settled then?"
Dr. Brewer rolled her eyes and went past. "Goodnight, doctor. I'll tell my Master I finally met you -- he's a big fan."
Tobias almost swallowed his tongue, and he was fairly sure Noah was laughing at him. "Home, boy. I think someone needs some reassurances."
Chapter 5
Friday night had finally arrived. Lately, Noah felt like he lived for the weekends; he longed for uninterrupted time with Tobias, with his Master, in a safe space. And after the week they'd both had, Noah really needed all of those things. He needed to shake Phan from his mind.
He still felt possessive of Tobias, and he really didn't like it. He and Phan weren't just friendly, they were friends now. They'd talked through a lot of shit together, and Noah wanted to trust him. For that matter, Noah had been through hell this week himself -- a kind of tension far worse than the issues he and Tobias were working through together. Noah hadn't been able to concentrate on anything else all week as he tried to decide how best to handle Phan's current relationship with Tobias. He kept coming back to the idea that a friendship with Tobias' former lover wasn't terribly wise. Reluctantly, however, he had to admit that it was far too late to go down that road now. Phan needed him. He needed all of them.
As the car pulled up the little country lane that led to the farm, Noah told himself it was time to let it go. Tobias wouldn't want him distracted by anything tonight. There would be plenty of time to talk things out in the safe room tomorrow. When the car came to a stop, he climbed out, tucking his duffel over his shoulder. He smiled up at Mrs. Miller, who was waving to him from behind the storm door where it was hopefully far warmer than it was outside, and climbed the front steps. She opened the door for him a crack and he pulled it open the rest of the way.
"Hello, Mrs. M." Noah smiled and kissed her on the cheek. He only saw her for brief moments these days, usually as she got into the car just after he got out. But she didn't look at all ready to leave the house. That worried him slightly. "Everything okay?"
"Just fine, darling boy," she said as she waved Jorge off. "Tobias had an emergency call and will be an hour or so. Robert will come get me in a bit." She smiled up at him. "Tea?"
"Oh. Oh, well that's a shame on the one hand, but on the other, tea with you sounds very nice, thank you." Someone must have been listening while he was hoping for a distraction. He set his bag down and closed the door against the chilly evening.
"Flatterer," she accused, still smiling. "All right then, come on through. Tell me, did you try the cooked pudding yet? It's tricky."
"It's very tricky. I burned it," Noah admitted, following Mrs. Miller's steps into the kitchen. "Allison shook her head at me."
Mrs. Miller tsked as she filled the kettle. "Nothing to shake her head at; sometimes pudding has a mind of its own. Still, something to treat him with one day." She reached for the big jar that Noah knew full well was stocked with chocolate chip cookies. "Make sure he deserves it before you try again, you hear me?" she teased.
"He's a good man, he deserves dessert," Noah said with a smile.
She rolled her eyes. "Of course he's a good man -- helped raise him up, didn't I? Doesn't mean he should get dessert just for being him." She pointed to the table with authority. "Sit. Tell me how you are, and how your week was, my darling. Eat cookies."
Noah sat as he was told. Far be it from him to disobey the one woman Tobias couldn't say no to, either. He picked up a cookie. It was only the subject matter that kept him from grinning. "Actually, it was a tough week," Noah found himself saying and then instantly regretted it. How he was going to explain it all to her, if he even should, he had no idea. "I've been looking forward to a weekend away from the city." He took a bite of his cookie. It was delicious; a piece of soft, gooey, chocolaty heaven.
"This is a good place to be, then," she said, pulling out a chair for herself. "Are you all right? Maybe you need a vacation."
Noah laughed softly. "Maybe so." He looked at her, deciding to be mostly honest and just hold back the details. "I'm fine. Phantom's been going through a rough time lately and with Tobias' help he's gotten into therapy. I'm just kind of hanging on the edges of that."
She looked at him for a long moment and finally sighed. "His parents again?" she asked, reaching for a cookie of her own.
Noah shrugged. "Well, I think it all comes back to his parents in the end, doesn't it? These cookies are delicious."
"Thank you. And, yes, with that boy it does." She sighed again and went to check the kettle. "It must be pretty bad for Tobias to get involved again. Don't you let him neglect you, Noah. You're his partner now, not Phantom."
Noah smiled. "Oh, we had that discussion once already this week," he said, sighing. "I felt like an insecure puppy."
"Ah, but you are a pup." She grinned at him. "The trouble with Tobias is that he has a huge heart. He cares a great deal and has a very hard time letting go. But if you feel like you need more of him -- or for him to give less to Phan -- you just say so." She gave him a piercing look. "He loves you very much, and he won't want you hurting."
Noah looked at her for a long moment. She might be over eighty, but she was sharp, and she knew Tobias better than Tobias probably wanted her to know him. "I know he loves me. He's been very good about making sure I know it. And I wouldn't change that big heart of his for all the tea in China," he told her, with a nod toward the boiling water on the stove. "The truth is, whether I like it or not, Phan needs him right now. I don't want to make it harder on him. We'll work it out."
She smiled at him and nodded. "Just so. Your heart is just as big, my darling. Now. Tell me what I can do for our Phan, then. Cake or cookies? And don't tell me that he's not allowed sugar, because I'll have none of that."
"Cookies, then. Chocolate, for sure." Noah laughed softly. "He'll be thrilled."
She smiled and nodded again. "I'll make sure he gets them." She finished making the tea and brought it to the table. "What were you planning for supper tonight? Can I help?"
"I was planning on poaching that salmon I asked you to pick up for me, and some pasta," he said. "Shouldn't take much to put together, so I think I'm all right. Thank you, though." He waited for her to pour him some tea and then picked up his cup, blowing on it to cool it some before taking a sip. "So, tell me," Noah said, setting his cup down; it was still way too hot to drink. "How are you?"
She shrugged a shoulder. "Better than I have any right to be, really. Little slow, but I've earned the chance to take it easy. It's nice to have a clean home on Monday morning," she said with a wink.
Noah laughed. "I do my best; I know you're a tough critic."
She grinned. "Tell you a secret -- you keep the place better than I do. Drop by on a Wednesday and you'll see. Don't tell Tobias that, though; he needs a bit of fear in his life. That's my job."
"No!" Noah covered his ears. "Lalalala... I did not hear that," he said with a laugh. "Don't ruin my image of you as the perfectionist he thinks you are."
She laughed, sounding utterly delighted. "I admit I was stern with him when he was young. I had to be -- his mother, too. We had no idea what to do with the lad when he was a teen, and Robert wasn't any help. He came in here one day when Tobias was about seventeen and just stood there looking at me and Tobias' poor mother. Robert was almost thirty, then, mind you. 'Tobias' he said to us, 'Tobias is being... well, James should go home or they'll cause trauma to those horses.' Mary blushed red, and it was up to me to tell those boys to scat. Poor woman never did tell Tobias she knew."
Surely Tobias wouldn't approve of Mrs. M telling him stories about his teenage exploits, but then, even if he were here Tobias wouldn't have been able to stop her. Noah decided to encourage this line of conversation; it was fun. "He was a troublemaker? I should have guessed as much. He had to be a handful at seventeen, I can't even imagine. If he was half as stubborn then as he is now..."
"Oh, stubborn, yes," she agreed, taki
ng another cookie. "But not a troublemaker. More... he had passion, and it could get away from him by times. He was always taking risks, pushing the line. He was never rude or mean -- he's a little too stiff for that. But he'd do things in inappropriate places, just to see what would happen. Like kissing James in the barn when he knew Robert would see. That was for James, and likely to get Robert's reaction as well."
Interesting. He could hardly believe who he was having this conversation with. "He says his parents didn't know," Noah said with a wink. "So I guess his mom knew, and Robert, of course... do you think his father had any idea?"
"Oh, yes, his mother knew," Mrs. Miller scoffed. "She just didn't know what to say, and he never said anything to her about it." She sipped her tea and grinned. "He's never said anything to me about it, for that matter, but I think it's fairly clear by now. Robert, he didn't get comfortable with the idea until after Phantom turned up. And Tobias' father... well, he might not have known at all."
"I hate to break it to you," Noah said and grinned at her, then dropped his voice to a stage whisper, "but Tobias and I are lovers." He laughed and picked up another cookie. "As if anyone could get anything past you."
She grinned at him. "You don't sleep in the guest room? I'm utterly horrified. Really, I am. I thought it was some kind of police program; send an officer to the country to exercise horses, cook, and clean for a cranky veterinarian."
He nearly choked as he swallowed his cookie. "I'm very good with the horses, I'll have you know." He gave her hand a pat. "Well, I'm glad his mother knew. I wonder if he'd like to know that." Noah shrugged.
"I have no idea," she said. "I've never really pushed the issue. How about your parents? Do they know about Tobias?"
"Well, not really." Noah sighed. "I mean, I told my mother, but she has her own special brand of denial. My sister Emily knows all about him, though. She's really happy for me."
Mrs. Miller returned the hand pat. "It can be hard for a family, I'm sure. Just live for you, darling. Life is too short to spend it pleasing too many people."
"Tobias is lucky to have you around, you know." Noah didn't see any reason to hide the rush of sentimentality he was feeling. "You're very sweet, Mrs. M. Thank you for being so kind to me, it's... it's made me feel very at home here."