Discipline

by Chris Owen

  "That sounds reasonable." Bradford nodded. "And you're willing to do that? Move farther downtown, live the city lifestyle for him?"

  "Of course," Tobias said, surprised. "The condo is just... an apartment. It's got a nice view, but it's not like here. Here means something; the condo doesn't. Well, to me anyway -- I'm sure that it means something to Phan, if only because it's his, too."

  "Phan's always got a place with me," Bradford offered. "If he ever needs somewhere to go. I really am happy for you, Tobias. You've been very good for Noah; it's obvious how he feels about you, and he's been good for you, too. You've clearly given this more thought than I'd given you credit for. I'm sure the two of you can work out living arrangements that will fill both of your needs."

  Tobias shrugged. "We'll sort it, I know. Right now there are other things to think about." He sighed heavily and forced himself not to sink into grief right then. There was plenty of time to deal with that later -- and he was fairly sure that he'd be doing a lot of it. Gathering his thoughts again he said, "I'd like to clarify some rules as well -- public scenes, rules for playing with others, that kind of thing. Noah tends to be happiest when the rules are laid out and very clear."

  "Because he can just follow them and he doesn't have to think or worry about it. He doesn't have to make heat-of-the-moment-decisions." Bradford grinned. "He's a good boy."

  "He is," Tobias agreed with a smile. "And sometimes he does make good decisions under fire." He winked, remembering the feel of Noah in him. He tried not to move around his chair.

  "Um, I think I should warn you I'm awake now, sir," Noah said softly from the couch. He grinned and ran his fingers through Phan's hair.

  Bradford looked at him. "How long have you been awake, boy?"

  Noah blinked. "I just woke up this minute, Master Bradford. Honest."

  Tobias decided to take Noah at his word; if he'd heard more than gentle praise, they'd talk about it later, in the safe room. "How are you?" he asked instead, watching to see if Phan would wake up also.

  "I'm fine, sir. Sorry I dozed off, Phan is just so warm when he snuggles."

  Bradford snickered. "He is at that."

  Tobias snickered. "I was wondering if you snuggled. You don't seem the type."

  Bradford laughed. "Not hardly. But tell me, how do you spend any significant time around Phan and not find yourself snuggled with?" He grinned.

  "'M not that bad," Phan said, his voice muffled by Noah's chest.

  "Yes, you are," Tobias corrected gently. "But it's not a bad thing."

  "You're like a cat, Phan. And I mean that as a compliment." Noah smiled and continued to play with Phan's hair.

  "A big, hedonistic cat," Bradford added, still laughing.

  "Now you're just making fun," Phan grumbled, but he stretched and wiggled, snuggling Noah even more completely. "Besides, he's just the same."

  Tobias assumed Phan meant Noah and not Bradford. "No, not really," he said with a smile. "He likes his cuddles, but not quite to your level." He looked at them critically. "But, then, he doesn't ever seem to mind you crawling all over him."

  "What's to mind, sir?" Noah asked, grinning as Phan practically climbed him like a tree.

  Tobias just laughed and shook his head again, watching Phan play. He knew very well that Phan was acting up to avoid talking about things that hurt, and he also knew he couldn't let it go on for long, for his sake as well as Phantom's. "Have some coffee, boys," he said softly. "And then maybe Noah can take Bradford to see the horses."

  "Thank you, sir," Noah said extracting himself carefully from Phan. "You want some coffee, Phan?" He made his way over to the tray and offered Tobias and Bradford warm-ups before filling a mug for himself.

  "No, thanks," Phan said, sitting up. He sighed, and Tobias watched him shift gears, reacting to the change in the room, the shift of the mood. He looked around the room and finally got up, moving past Noah with one last pet to sit at Bradford's feet, his head leaning against the man's knees. "I'll just... wait."

  Bradford stroked a hand across Phan's head and let it rest on his shoulder. "Do you feel any better after your nap, boy?" he asked softly.

  Phan shrugged. "A bit, I guess. I'll be able to eat later, I think."

  Tobias gave him a hard look. "You'll eat."

  "I tried!"

  "I'm sure you did, and I'm sure Bradford did his best to make sure you did -- I'm just saying that you're here... you'll eat. Noah's got soup on."

  Tobias saw Bradford raise an eyebrow, but the man said nothing.

  "You'll like it," Noah assured Phan softly. He looked at Tobias. "I can take my coffee out to the barn, sir, if you'd like me to show Master Bradford around."

  Tobias nodded, standing up. "If you don't mind," he said to Bradford. "I'm not trying to step on toes, I just..." he shrugged helplessly. "I need some time with Phan. And I think he needs some time in her kitchen."

  Bradford shook his head. "My toes are fine," he said as he stood, then he looked at Noah. "Come along, boy."

  Noah stood as well, taking one more sip of his coffee and apparently deciding just to leave it behind. "I'll get your coat, sir," he said as he led Bradford out into the foyer.

  Tobias looked at Phan, still sitting on the floor. "Come on," he said gently. "Time to eat. We can talk in the kitchen."

  Phan sighed again and followed Tobias into the hall and then down to the kitchen. "Are you okay?" Phan asked as they went into the wide, inviting room.

  "I will be," Tobias said, yet again. "But at the moment, not really. It's... I think it must be because it was such a surprise. She was in such good health, I didn't really think of her as being as old as she was."

  Phan nodded as he pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. "I never thought of her as being old enough to die," he said softly. "She was too vibrant for the idea of it to really cross my mind. But really -- I mean, I knew she would, some day."

  "Just not this day," Tobias agreed. He got a deep bowl and ladled some soup for Phan, adding a good many vegetables but making sure to get out as many carrots as he could. He made up for it with the peas and corn. The meat he wasn't so picky about; he just didn't want to give Phan an excuse to pick at his meal. "Bread?" he asked, setting the bowl down in front of Phan.

  Phan looked up at him, his eyes wide. "God, I'm sorry. I should be doing this--"

  Tobias waved it off. "Sit. Eat. It's been a hard day or so."

  Phantom picked up his spoon under Tobias' watchful eye and started eating his soup, making an appreciative sound. "It's good," he said, taking another spoonful.

  "I know," Tobias said with a smile. "Noah's getting to be a wonderful cook -- he takes lessons."

  Phan nodded. "He told me," he said, slurping more soup. He glanced around the kitchen and tilted his head. "Elizabeth taught me to cook."

  Sitting down, Tobias shook his head. "She refined you a bit. You could already cook."

  Phan smiled sadly and ate more soup, finally emptying the bowl. He pushed it away and bit his lip, his shoulders starting to shake. "Remember the sugar bowl?" he whispered.

  "I was just talking about it," Tobias said softly. He got up and rounded the table to put his arm around Phan. "She loved it."

  "It wasn't as nice as the one I broke."

  "She liked yours more."

  "You bought it."

  "You picked it out. You spent a weekend chained to a wall for being clumsy. You wanted to replace it. You thought about her feelings. Her tastes. Her needs. You made it up to us both, but it was her you apologized to."

  Phan turned and buried his head in Tobias' chest, sobbing quietly. "I miss her. I miss... everything. I miss you."

  Tobias nodded, not surprised that one thought led to the other. "Shh," he soothed. "It's okay to miss her. She loved you -- called you her sweetie pie."

  Phan's shoulders shook and his arms went around Tobias' waist as he cried. Tobias stood in the kitchen, more Mrs. Miller's than his own right then, and held him, his own tears falling
silently until there was a quiet knock at the kitchen door.

  He looked up and nodded at Robert, but didn't let go of Phan as the neighbors started to arrive. They could see to themselves, and Noah would be down to help in a moment. He had a boy to take care of, if only for an afternoon.

  Chapter 14

  Tobias was well aware that in the few short weeks since Mrs. Miller's funeral he'd relied on Noah to be many things. Sub, lover, partner, and friend, Noah had really been exactly what Tobias needed, when he needed him to be it. Tobias had also spent more time with Phantom than he had been, and while he knew that Noah understood, he also knew that there was a time when certain things were going to have to be underlined once more.

  Like the fact that Noah was his, he was Noah's, and that Tobias wasn't the only one with issues.

  The weekend of Noah's thirtieth birthday, Tobias had plans to give his boy a monumental gift. Intangible and horrible, the gift was one that Tobias hoped would lead Noah past one of his deepest limits.

  Friday was passed in the usual way, with added teasing as Noah prodded him for hints about his present. All that Tobias would tell him was that Saturday would be long and intense and that dinner was being catered.

  Saturday morning, while Noah saw to the horses, Tobias made a few changes in the ring, adjusting the furniture to suit his needs. Satisfied after he'd pulled a few of the trunks to the walls, made sure he'd gathered all the first aid equipment, and put his cell phone on the library table, he went back to the house to wait for Noah in the safe room.

  Noah's shower seemed longer than usual, but he appeared soon enough, naked except for his collar and his rings. His hair, which Tobias had noted Noah had allowed to grow longer in recent weeks, was still wet and combed neatly.

  He made his way into the safe room silently and knelt in front of Tobias' feet.

  "Good boy," Tobias said softly. "The horses behaved?" He fingered a leather lead as he spoke, twisting the braid through his fingers.

  "Yes, sir. They were less than happy to be turned out in the cold, but they'll warm up soon enough. It's really raw out there this morning. Windy."

  "Then you'll have to wear more than just a harness out to the stables," Tobias noted. "I had thought about attaching this to clamps, but I think a harness will be better -- pick one out, please, and something warm to wear over it."

  "Yes, sir." Tobias watched Noah look the lead over curiously before making his way to the armoire. He spent a few moments considering the several harnesses there and then picked one, taking it off the hanger.

  It was made of smooth, wide, sturdy leather in front, where all the leather straps were permanently attached at the sternum to a flat piece of metal that had a round ring hanging from it. The back was fastened to a D-ring snaffle bit. Horsey, kinky, and, Tobias knew, one of Noah's favorites.

  As the fasteners were all in the back, Noah pulled it over his shoulders and then knelt with his back to Tobias for help.

  Tobias bent and began to thread the leather through buckles. "We're going to work hard today, pet. It's time we made progress on something for you... time I pushed a little. I need you to really try. I need you to do your very best today." He kept his tone low, his voice quiet and serious. Noah had little trouble finding his subspace these days, but what Tobias was going to do needed him deeper.

  Noah nodded. "All right, sir," he answered, and Tobias felt him take a deep breath under his fingers as he fastened the last buckle. "May I ask what you have in mind?"

  "You can always ask," Tobias said with a smile. "But this is one of those times when I won't tell." He stroked a finger along the harness and nodded to himself. "Stand, please, and face me."

  Noah moved as ordered, automatically assuming his display position as he did so, neatly clasping his arms behind his back and lifting his chin. His eyes, of course, remained low.

  Snapping the lead on, Tobias admired his boy. "What are you, pet?" he asked. "Tell me your place."

  Noah licked his lips and then answered. "I'm your sub, sir," he said easily. "It is my place to please you, to serve you, and to fulfill your needs."

  Tobias began to move around Noah, pacing and touching him randomly. "Correct. And to do that you fill any reasonable request I have, is that also correct?"

  "Yes, sir. I am yours to use as you wish." Noah's skin pimpled with goose bumps where Tobias' fingers brushed him.

  "You are," Tobias agreed softly. "And I will. But first, you will help me dress. Then we will transform you, pet. It won't be easy." He touched Noah again and stood in front of him. "You will be scared."

  "I will try my best to please you, sir. I know that you'll keep me safe." Noah spoke just as softly, but his voice held confidence that his words were true.

  "Good boy," Tobias praised him, and rewarded him with a kiss on his forehead. "Very good."

  He took a step back and looked down at himself, dressed in jeans and a sweater. "This won't do, pet. Fetch my boots and the boot hooks while I change, please."

  Noah nodded and turned, not rushing as he did as he was told, simply moving quickly and efficiently. Tobias stripped and began to dress in his black leather pants, pleased but unsurprised when Noah helped him without being asked. Noah really was a good boy.

  Once he was wearing the tight leather, Tobias slipped on a leather vest and sat down so Noah could help him with the jackboots. Finally, he stood and picked up a crop.

  "Get the cloak, pet, and something warm to cover your legs. I don't want you damaged on the way over."

  Noah fetched the cloak and tugged on a pair of loose sweatpants for the walk. It didn't exactly make the outfit, but if it was as cold as Noah said it was, fashion was a secondary consideration.

  Noah waited as Tobias took the lead in his fingers and then followed fairly well at heel down the stairs.

  Tobias made sure Noah had warm shoes on and put on his own overcoat, not for the first time wishing that the stable were closer to the house. "Come, then," he said, and tugged a little on the lead as they went out the door, just to see if Noah would move closer and how long it took him. He was reasonably pleased with Noah's reaction, and hoped that it boded well for the afternoon.

  He brought Noah into the stable and they took a moment or two to run through their routine. Noah put their outerwear away and Tobias turned up the heat a little and played with the lights until he had what he wanted. In this case, he lit the whole ring and the hall leading to it; there was no need for dramatic lighting at all.

  He took up the end of the lead again and started down the path to the ring. "Simple heel training to start," he said softly, knowing Noah would see the cage and the supplies the moment he happened to glance up from the floor. He was well aware of Noah's change in posture behind him, but it wasn't as extreme or as long-lasting as the last time they'd done this exercise. It was just a few awkward moments before Noah seemed focused again, and he never completely lost his concentration.

  "Very good," Tobias praised softly. "A little closer now." He walked Noah in a smaller circle, and then took him within ten feet of the cage before leading him away again.

  The closer they got to the cage, the more Tobias sensed Noah forcing himself to concentrate, forcing himself deeper into his space. He was walking right at Tobias' heel, so close that Tobias could feel Noah's breath on his shoulder, and his eyes were fixed straight ahead. He was not allowing them to linger on anything at all, including the cage.

  Tobias stiffened his resolve. He had to do this to Noah, had to do it for Noah. He walked him to the cage and stopped. "Look at it," he ordered, trying to make sure his voice was calm and clear, not in any way something other than the one he used to say "I'd like some water, please."

  Noah stiffened, but he did as he was told, if briefly. He turned his eyes on the cage and held them there for a moment before lowering them to the floor.

  "Nothing will happen to you," Tobias said, his voice still calm and soothing, pitched for the most effect. "It's steel bars, and nothing mor
e. It's smooth, there are no snags. I will not leave you. Nothing will happen to you. Look at it, and we'll touch it together." He held out his hand, waiting for Noah to take it in his own.

  When Tobias felt Noah's trembling fingers in his, he reached down and pressed their hands against the cool steel. Noah's breath caught and the boy cleared his throat. They stood there quietly, moving their hands over the steel and exploring how it felt, until, quite unexpectedly, Noah went to his knees beside Tobias and curled his fingers around one of the bars on his own.

  "Oh, good," Tobias breathed. He knelt down next to him, one hand solid on Noah's back. "That's it, just hold on for a moment. It's just steel, there really is nothing here that will hurt you. Good boy."

  He waited for a long moment, rubbing a slow circle on Noah's back. "All right so far?" he asked. Tobias assumed that by now Noah understood what he was in store for. His breathing wasn't quite steady and he hadn't entirely stopped shaking, but he seemed to be reasonably stable.

  "Nervous, sir," Noah admitted quietly. "Apprehensive. But I'm all right."

  "You're doing just fine," Tobias said softly. "I'm right here and I won't leave. There's no rush. Touch the cage... look at it. Move around it, examine it. It's just steel bars. It can't hurt you. I won't leave." Tobias put a slight cadence into the repetitive words, and he slowly backed away a foot or two, no more. He was there, right there, but Noah could move without bumping into him. No matter how much Noah was going to try to cling, it was important that he take steps by himself.

  All the same, Noah looked over his shoulder as Tobias moved away and didn't look back at the cage until he seemed sure that Tobias was going no farther. When he turned his attention back to the cage, he added a second hand to the first and held on to both bars. He gave a light tug against it as if testing its weight. He stood and walked a painfully slow circle around it, his eyes riveted on the cage and his arms crossed tightly over his chest, his lead gathered up in one hand. Every so often he'd wince, as if he were working through his memories. Finally, he ended up back at Tobias' side, kneeling and staying close and tight to Tobias' calf.