by London Casey
“Then we do it differently,” I said. “We find another way to make it work.”
“As your legal representation, Cass, I can give you advice. As a friend, I’m standing here watching a good father being torn up by not seeing his daughter. That makes the other side of me pissed off.”
“Then be a friend and hear me complain and take it with a grain of salt,” I said. “Plus, I have an idea.” I grabbed the pen and signed the paperwork. “Do not do anything with this until you get more paperwork ready for me.”
“More paperwork is more money,” Harry said.
“Good thing I’m rich,” I said.
“My favorite kind of client,” he said and took out a notebook. “Tell me what you have in mind.”
I looked over my shoulder. I reached for a picture of Paisley. My thumb slid across the picture.
“It’s simple. I want us to be a family.”
Diem
NOW
The nights were the worst. That’s when all the feelings really started to settle in on me. The fact that I was alone. The fact that I was in love with the man who fathered a baby with my best friend. The fact that my best friend was dead and I was raising her baby. It all just swirled around like a tornado with no end in sight.
Paisley was standing and slowly taking steps. She was getting braver by the day. That day she took a very small step and I jumped up, turned, wanting to call for Cass to come see. It was like he was always in the other room.
Yet I was the one who pushed him away.
I couldn’t live in Scarlett’s shadow for the rest of my life. I grew up that way. I was the other friend. The other girl. The one people settled for to be near because Scarlett was just oh-so cool. I couldn’t do that now, not with my heart.
It hurt too much to do.
Paisley was asleep. I was on the couch. A glass of wine sat in front of me and I didn’t bother touching it. I had no urge to touch it.
That’s when I heard a little knock at the front door. Or at least I thought I did.
My heart twisted and jumped.
I climbed off the couch and went to the door. I inched my ear toward the door.
I heard the knocking again.
I gasped.
I flicked on the porch light and opened the door a few inches.
Cass was standing there. Right on the porch.
“Darlin’, what are you doing?”
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I can’t ring the doorbell,” he said.
“Why?”
“I didn’t want to wake the baby.”
Why did he have to be such a good father?
“Right,” I said.
“Can I come in for a minute? We need to talk.”
“Right now? Tonight?”
“Darlin’, I’ve been trying to talk to you for a while now. I can’t wait anymore. I’ll drive here every day if I need to. I can’t go without my daughter. I can’t go without you.”
“You want to see Paisley, that’s fine,” I said. “We can figure that out.”
“Can we please talk?” he asked. “I have to show you something. And explain something.”
I stared at him. Just him standing on my porch made me feel okay. I felt protected.
“Diem, I never got a chance to explain myself,” he said. “In person.”
I stepped back and opened the door.
Cass came inside and I shut the door.
“Doesn’t look like you’re packing, huh?”
“What for?” I asked.
Cass looked at me. He nodded. “Right.”
“Say what you have to say.”
“I hurt you,” he said. “I can see that. I really did. I can’t make a single excuse for anything, darlin’. I had to find my closure. My sense of understanding. I found out everything that happened. That because the guy who killed Scarlett was well known, he walked away. And because nobody was there to defend Scarlett, it was like she was forgotten. That hurt me. But I promise you something. The moment I went after that guy, I felt it.”
“You felt what?”
“My love for you, Diem. For Paisley. Seeing that guy on the ground, crying, waving his hands at me. I got it. He’ll live for the rest of his life with guilt. Shame. Hurt. But I don’t have to.”
“I can’t live in her shadow,” I said.
“You’re not,” Cass said. “You never were.” Cass touched my arm. His fingers ran down to my hand. “Darlin’, if we’re going to make this thing work it’s going to take work. We can’t get mad and runaway from each other.”
“To be fair, you were taken away in handcuffs.”
“Ouch,” he said. “Right. I have to take that on the chin. But everything is settled. It’s over. It’s done.”
“What am I supposed to say now?”
“Whatever you want,” Cass said. “I just can’t live like this. Without certainty.”
“And what kind of certainty do you want?”
“That’s why I’m here.” Cass took papers out of his back pocket. “This is stuff for custody. She’s my daughter, Diem. I have to have her. I’ve proved I can be the father she deserves.”
He dropped the papers on the coffee table.
“What …”
“You can look at them if you want. I wanted to talk to you in person about all of this. So you weren’t blindsided.”
“You’re taking me to court?” I asked. My stomach felt sick.
“It’s not like that,” Cass said.
“That’s exactly what it is,” I said. “I need to call my lawyer. Right now. I need to fight this. I can’t lose her.”
“You’re not going to lose her,” Cass said.
“Yes I will,” I yelled. “I’m not her mother!”
Cass grabbed me by the waist. He walked me to a wall and held me there. “You are her mother, dammit. I’m tired of hearing that bullshit. You’ve been raising that little girl for how long now? You brought her into my life. In my eyes and heart you are her mother. And I want that to be forever.”
“So you’re going to steal her from me?”
“I’m not stealing anything from anyone. We raise her together. The way it’s meant to be.”
My body was shaking with anger. I wanted to slap him so hard.
“Diem, I would never hurt you.”
“I think I hate you right now,” I whispered.
“Good. Hate me. Hate me with all your heart. That means you feel something for me.”
A second later Cass brushed his lips against mine. My lips quivered. I wanted to yell no to him, but I couldn’t. I hated him … as much as I loved him. I kissed him. I grabbed at his face, wanting him closer to me. Wanting him to kiss me harder. And he did.
I was pinned against the wall making out with Cass. So many emotions racing through my body at once. His grip fierce and tight at my waist.
He broke the kiss and rubbed his nose against mine. “Fuck, darlin’, I’ve been waiting for that.”
I licked my lips. My fingers touched the scruff on his face. “Please don’t take her.”
“I’m not,” Cass said. “I’m making it right. I brought those papers to you for a reason.”
“Why?”
“Because there’s another reason I’m here.”
With that, Cass stepped back.
And right before my eyes … he slowly dropped down to one knee.
Cass
YEARS AGO
I was on no sleep. I had drunk a shit ton of coffee and took my notebooks and left the house. Ma was up and trying to rummage her way through another day. She had no idea that she was supposed to wake up and find me gone for good.
With a bag on my back I hit the road. It wasn’t my dream motorcycle but the two wheels took me where I needed to go. The first stop was to find the house that was on fire from the night before. It still played in my mind. Cutting through the trees and seeing a house on fire. Racing through the house and finding a girl in the house. She was just a few yea
rs younger than me. Then the sirens. I fucking panicked at the sirens. I should have gone back inside to help anyone else in there. If anyone else was in there.
It took me a little bit but I found the road.
As I cruised down the road I saw the charred skeleton remains of the house. The roof had fully collapsed into the house. The top half was completely destroyed. The bottom half didn’t look all that bad though. There was yellow caution tape wrapped around the perimeter of the house.
That was all I could stomach.
I had no sense of what room I was in last night when I saved the girl, but if she had been in there, the roof would have collapsed on her.
Even still, I felt guilty for not going back inside.
I sped away from the scene and went to Crazy Mac’s house. He slept in the garage where his parents had converted half of it into a pad for him. We were all jealous of that but it was merely his parents way of keeping him away until he moved out.
The garage door was still there and I knocked on one of the tiny windows.
The door growled and crunched as Crazy Mac opened it. He stood there shirtless, his eyes weary.
“What?”
“Good morning.”
“Fuck off, Cass. What do you want?”
“I’ve been writing all night. Can you take a look at this stuff?”
“What? You’ve been writing? For what? The band is done, man.”
“Fuck the band. We can do something else.”
“I’m out,” Crazy Mac. “You guys are fucked up. Matty banging your girl. Stevie high as a kite.”
“Then it’s you and me,” I said. “Just check it out. I saw …” I couldn’t tell him about the fire. Shit in this town spread fast and far. “I just—I just had one of those nights.”
“Is this all lovey-dovey heartbreak shit because of your girl?”
“No. I’m over that. “
“Good. Come on inside. I can sneak some beer from the fridge if you want.”
“Dude, it’s like fucking ten in the morning.”
“On a Saturday,” Crazy Mac said, as if that made underage drinking legal and acceptable so early in the morning.
I declined the beer but Crazy Mac got himself a one and crashed on his bed with my notebook.
He read for half an hour straight without looking up or sipping his beer. When he finally looked up at me, he smiled.
“Fuck,” he said. “This shit is good. Really good. You wrote this last night?”
“Yeah.”
“Where did this come from? It’s, like, poetic almost. I mean—the stuff about fire.”
I grabbed the notebook off Crazy Mac’s bed. “Just shit inside me. That’s all. I’m glad to be free of the bullshit with the band. I want to turn this into something.”
“Okay. I’m on board. I think we could do something here.”
What would transpire would be a total whirlwind. Me and Crazy Mac playing acoustic and traveling across the state. That’s when I’d meet Beth, a woman I swore I would marry. That’s where I’d first get the eyes of record companies. That’s where Crazy Mac would get too crazy and succumb to a fast lived addiction to needles.
It’s how I ended up a rock star, on tour, making money, avoiding anything that resembled a normal life.
And in a wild way, it all led me to my family—my true family.
Cass
NOW
I was on one knee in front of Diem. What kind of crazy asshole shows up out of nowhere and drops to one knee? Me. I was that kind of crazy asshole.
“I meant it when I said I loved you. I still love you. I’ll always love you. But I need you to know that no matter what, Scarlett will have a part of our lives. I want to do it all together, Diem. Raise Paisley. Live together. Make a life. Make memories. Do everything right that was done wrong to us.”
I reached for my back pocket.
“Cass, wait,” she said. “I love you too, okay? I do. I’m sorry that I got so freaked out.”
“You don’t have to apologize for anything, darlin’. I fucked up. And I’m going to make it all up to you.”
“You don’t need papers to see Paisley,” she said. “I swear.”
“Let me finish here,” I said.
It wasn’t a ring I pulled from my pocket. I wasn’t asking Diem to marry me. It was another set of papers. Very expensive papers that probably shouldn’t have been folded up.
“What …” The shock on Diem’s face changed to surprise. “What is this?”
I took her hand and gave her the papers and stood up. “They’re adoption papers. For Paisley. You’re going to adopt her, darlin’. We’re going to make the entire thing right. Finally. I’m her father. You’re her mother. And after that, all we have is the future.”
“Is this for real?” Diem asked.
“As real as it gets, darlin’. No matter what happens, you deserve to sign these papers and make this happen. She’s going to grow up and love you almost as much as I love you.”
“Cass. I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything,” I said. “I’ll take off. I’ll leave all these papers here for you to go through. Give me a shout in the morning and we’ll work everything out.”
I leaned in and kissed her cheek.
I turned and made it one step before she grabbed my arm. “No.”
I looked over my shoulder. “What?”
“No. You’re not leaving. Not without me. Not without Paisley. Understand?”
“Oh, you’re giving me the orders now?”
“Yes. And right now you’re going to go upstairs and kiss your daughter goodnight. Then you’re going to meet me in my bed. I’m putting the house up for sale tomorrow, again, and we’ll move forward. Right?”
“Are you serious?”
“I’m serious, Cass. I’ve been living in fear for a long time. Fear of losing Paisley. Fear of falling for you. Fear of losing you once I fell for you. And when you got arrested? I just felt like I was going to be Scarlett’s replacement.”
“No. You’re not that. Nothing will replace her. And nothing will replace you. I know what I want. I’m looking right at it. Now I’m going to go see my daughter.”
Diem let me go.
Upstairs, I went into the nursery and found Paisley sleeping. The emotions that went through me were about the same as the first time I met her. She was my light. A life created during a moment of passion. It was my job to cradle that life and guide it as far as I could.
I blinked fast and swallowed a huge lump in my throat.
I leaned down and kissed Paisley. “Daddy’s here, pretty girl. Daddy’s here forever.”
I stood and saw Diem in the doorway. She curled her finger at me, motioning from the nursery.
It was going to be an amazing night. And it was definitely going to be an amazing life.
Diem
A MONTH LATER
I bit at Cass’s shoulder as he thrust harder into me. My legs were wrapped tight around his muscular body, holding on with all I could as he had me. I felt his tongue kissing my neck, inching its way down my body. I threw my head back and let out a groan of relief. I took my nails from his back and grabbed for the sheets. My back arched with the touch of his fingertips to my sides. Putting me right where he wanted me, his mouth kissed down my chest and settled at my left breast.
He was deep inside me, his perfect cock already brought me to climax moments ago. He held me as I came. He fucked me as I came. He took care of me in ways I never thought possible.
And now his tongue rolled across my nipple, making me shiver and groan.
Cass closed his mouth over my breast and tugged. His mouth popped free and he let out a growling sound that called for my attention.
I looked at him as he grabbed for my hands. With our fingers interlocked, Cass rose to his knees, pumping his cock in and out of me, our eyes locked in a fierce battle, trying to decide who enjoyed it more.
I loved the way his body lightly glist
ened with sweat. I loved the way his strong arms were covered in wild tattoos. How his jaw ran for miles and had a steel cut look even with the scruff that he refused to shave off for good. He was all man. The eyes of a fighter with the heart of an artist. The body of a lover. And the touch of a god.
Cass broke his hold from my hands and reached for my back. He pulled me up so my body met his. We started to kiss and it was as hot as the first time I kissed him. No matter what he did or how he did it, it felt amazing. His arms wrapped tight around my nude back and he held me close as he kept thrusting.
After a few minutes of wild kissing, Cass put me on my back again. He pulled away from between my legs, leaving my slit aching for more. He slithered up my body, putting his cock right against my stomach. The move shocked me and I groaned as I stared at his thick and shimmering hardness.
“Touch me,” Cass ordered. “Right fucking now, darlin’. Feel what you do to me.”
I grabbed for him, feeling how my own wetness coated his shaft. I started to jerk at him, running my hand up and down what felt like a mile long piece of steel. He hovered over me, grunting and thrust at the grip I had on him.
As if the moment needed to get any hotter, Cass reached back with one hand and placed his fingers against my soft mound. He slid down with slow seduction, allowing a fingertip to move over my tender clit. He pressed and twisted, stroking up and down with his finger, making me buck my hips against his touch.
“Yes, darlin’,” Cass groaned. “Fuck, yes, I’m almost there.”
I gaped for air, trying to control my body. But I was losing it. My hand tugged harder, tighter against his cock. I could feel him thickening, ready to let go.
At the last second, Cass moved again. He pulled himself away from the grip of my hand. He placed himself between my legs and thrust forward, sinking deep into my pussy as I sheathed him. It was an instant orgasm for me.
I crunched forward, crying out.
It was so loud that Cass had to hurry and kiss me to keep from waking up the baby.
As we kissed, Cass fucked me, bringing himself to climax.
He was everywhere, devouring me, deep inside me, kissing me, stealing my heart over and over.