by Mark Reece
Within a few days, he would be told that given the nature of the findings, the deadline had been brought forward. Furthermore, at the back of his mind was the thought that if he could keep a little to himself then Daniel would not be able to take the whole credit for presenting his work, and Ethan would have to be invited to the meetings with the bigwigs, which never did any harm. He had made the mistake of giving too much away before. The difficulty in this instance was that the importance of the project made manoeuvring dangerous. Knowing that he had a few days to decide, Ethan lost himself in his work.
Later that afternoon, his mobile went off, making him jump.
Hi honey. Can you finish 5 tday? xx
Seeing the message made him nervous, as he had forgotten about Aislin wanting to talk to him. Weren’t we supposed to meet at lunchtime? He sighed and tapped his desk before deciding that he had to leave when she said that day. Fuck.
Sure see you in a bit. xx
I should get her a present, I haven’t surprised her for ages. I’ve been so tied up with my sleep patterns lately that I’ve ignored Ash. That was almost certainly what she wanted to talk about, to ask him whether there was anything wrong and to say that she wanted to spend more time together. It would be nice, everything else being equal.
His stomach rumbled and he saw from the clock on the bottom right of his screen that it was almost three o’clock. He locked his computer with a flourish of his hands.
“Right then. Want anything from the shops?”
“No, I’m all right, thanks.”
“See you in a bit.”
“Yeah, see you later.”
There were few people around the city at that time. Ethan walked quickly, knowing that he was breaking SDMA policy concerning lunch hour, which should start between twelve and one, and be staggered so that there was a least one person at every workspace during office hours, or at all times during national emergencies, or as required by the SDMA General Director.
It is incumbent upon everyone to be aware of policy. It is incumbent upon everyone to follow policy. The Sleep Code supersedes all other law.
Those words had never seemed more true and they stuck to his shadow.
Ethan went from shop to shop until he found one that sold greeting cards and cuddly toys. Aislin was always happy with any present, even thoughtless ones from distant relatives at Christmas. Ethan bought an elephant with ‘to someone special’ written on its ear.
As he made his way back, Ethan approached a jewellery shop that he had often passed. It was half three, such a long absence aggravating his policy breach. He crossed the road and went inside.
The shop was tiny, smaller than the lounge of his house, with rows of necklaces and rings on slanted displays in glass cabinets. The size of the place meant that he could not help but immediately look at the woman behind the counter, who smiled and asked, “Are you looking for anything in particular?”
She had the artless kind voice and messy hair of a grandmother.
“I wanted something for my girlfriend. I was looking at some necklaces in the window…”
For some reason, he felt nervous that she would ask him which ones he had viewed, and did not know why he had lied.
“Do you want to take a closer look at a few?”
“Okay.”
The woman produced a key out of the air as if performing a magic trick before opening a cabinet and taking out a series of necklaces. He nudged one of them with a finger then looked at them one after the other. However, apart from the ones that had different coloured gems, there was no way he could tell them apart, other than by price.
“Which ones do you like?”
“They’re all nice, it’s hard to choose.”
“Do you know what kind of jewellery she prefers?”
“I’ve not asked her, I wanted it to be a surprise.”
Ethan was suddenly embarrassed by the thought that he had never bought Aislin any jewellery, a fact that he was sure the woman would find scandalous.
“Okay. How tall would you say she is?”
“Not very. About five six.”
“And is she fair skinned?”
“Yeah.”
The woman nodded as if that information was very significant.
“I’ve got a picture here.”
He scrambled to take it out of his wallet, feeling the gentle pressure of her waiting eyes.
“She’s very pretty, isn’t she?”
Ethan felt proud in the same curious masculine way that he had felt when his mother had commented on how beautiful Aislin was after first meeting her, such that he could only nod.
“An emerald would match her skin tone. Either of these would suit her very well.” The woman ran a hand above two of the necklaces.
Ethan did not understand her reasoning but respected her authority on the subject. “That one’s really nice.”
“It’s my favourite as well, it’s a lovely shape, isn’t it?”
She picked it up with her fingertips.
After a few seconds, he realised that she was inviting him to hold it, and when he did so, he found that it was so light that he could hardly feel it, which he was not sure whether or not was a good thing. It twinkled even though he held it still. “I’ll have that one then please.”
Ethan was surprised to hear himself, as he had not intended to buy anything and never spent that much money spontaneously. He could not wait to see Aislin’s reaction, and thought about what he would say when they were alone.
The woman handled the necklace very carefully, placing it into an ornate purple box, which made Ethan feel even giddier.
“Do you want any insurance?”
“No thanks.”
“Are you sure? We can—”
“No, I can just add it to the house insurance.”
Now that they were talking about something he was confident about, Ethan felt back on sure ground. He paid for the necklace and placed it inside the bag containing the teddy bear.
“I’m sure she’ll love it. Sleep well like the world.”
The woman made a circular gesture with a palm. Ethan nodded, not understanding her or knowing how to respond. Her eyes were very penetrating, and he felt her watching him as he walked out the shop.
He hurried back to work, the uneasiness he felt drowning out his anticipation.
He approached a point where the pavement narrowed as it joined a car park. A man wearing a hoody stood in his way, meaning that Ethan could not get by without going into the road. He turned his shoulder to squeeze past but the man followed his movements. Ethan took half a step back but the narrowness of the passage meant that the man had only to shift his weight to obstruct him again. Ethan thought that he did not want to get into a confrontation, his recent experiences having dented his confidence in his self-defence abilities. When he remembered that he was carrying Aislin’s presents, he felt close to panic.
The man stepped forward and pushed him out of his way with the blade of his hand. Ethan braced himself against a car. As the man moved past, Ethan was inclined to shout something, but was prevented from doing so by the realisation that he had pressed something into his fingers. Ethan slowly opened his hand to find a scrap of paper, creased and covered with stains, like a piece of torn treasure map. It contained two words, written in thick black ink: ‘Iklonian five’. That was one of the unidentified codes he had read in a DIA document that Daniel had sent him.
Ethan scrunched it up and looked around, thinking that the whole thing was a trap, that if he was detained now, the evidence against him would be unanswerable. The street was almost empty; there did not seem to be any eyes on him. He put the paper in his mouth and rolled it around his tongue; he could only swallow with painful effort.
He imagined cameras recording his every move, shadowy figures darting from one alleyway to the ne
xt. The words of the woman from the jewellery shop now almost made sense; was everyone he had ever met either an Iklonian or a DIA agent? Every scenario he had ever faced a test to determine his loyalties? It was unreasonable, unfair, no one could be expected to pass a trial like this, when those playing the game could instantly reverse all that had previously been agreed.
Ethan realised that he had closed his eyes, expecting to be either arrested or spirited away by robed figures any moment, depending on which side had set him up. However, if it had been a test, then he had not passed or failed it sufficiently to start an endgame. He stared at everyone who passed him, preparing to grab and shake them if they so much as glanced up, which would have proven that they knew what was happening. However, it was as if he did not exist; even those who brushed his shoulder did not look at him.
He wanted to go back to the jewellery shop to confront the old woman, and decided to do so several times. However, the shop shimmered as if it were a reflection in a puddle whenever he tried to move towards it, until the strain of his efforts made him realise that unless he was going to attack her, there was nothing he could do. There’s no way she’d ever say anything. Am I going to kidnap her and force her to tell me what’s going on? Given how disciplined they are, she’d only laugh, no matter what I did. That’s if she really is… The mystery that gnawed him to pieces was that there was no way to know which parts of his life were real. The actions he would have to take to find out which of his associates were Iklonians were so extreme that they would destroy him.
After he did not know how long, Ethan reached the SDMA building, his every step as if he expected to tred on a mine.
The guards in the lobby stared at him, and he smiled back in a way that seemed horribly false. As he pressed his identity card against a slot and the lip-shaped security barrier slithered open, he felt a pain in his stomach he could not understand at first, but that as soon as he stepped into a lift, he knew was the note, cutting him open from the inside out. He imagined that if anyone studied him at that moment, the words ‘Iklonian five’ would be blazoned across his chest, and they would have no alternative but to point and shout at him, identifying a security risk as they were bound to do by duty.
When the lift door opened to reveal an empty corridor, Ethan released his breath.
He felt as if he had walked for miles, and when he looked at his watch to see that it was quarter to four, the fact only added to his agitation. Is there anything they can’t do? Or was I really away for that long? The jewellery bag was very heavy and when he transferred it to his other hand, he felt as if a piece of his flesh had been ripped off where the handles had dug into him. He closed his eyes and imagined a schematic of the building with a red dot representing himself, visible to anyone with eyes to see.
Ethan was exhausted by worry and whims. They won’t leave me alone, that’s obvious now. What can I do? Just carry on, I suppose.
As he strode through the corridor, the unchanging noticeboards displaying their widely ignored exhortations to take up sport and go to staff social events, he became angry at the thought that he had not done what he needed to do for Hypnos that day. He imagined building a machine that could freeze time, which would allow him to sleep all he needed then sort out the crap people gave him. Then I could relax.
He pushed the office door open harder than he intended, making his colleagues turn to look at him. Pete moved to head him off.
“Eth, can I—?”
“Not at the moment, I’m busy.”
When he reached his desk without any comeback, Ethan had to stop himself smirking.
“All right, mate, where’ve you been?” Mohammed asked, resting back in his seat. Ethan thought that he must not have heard him speak to Pete, otherwise he would not have been so casual.
“Just picking something up for Ash. Here, have a look.”
Ethan handed him the jewellery box, for some reason embarrassed about the cuddly toy, and analysed his every movement. He was suspicious of the old woman’s motives.
“That’s nice, really nice. Is there any occasion?”
“No, not really, it’s just that I’ve not seen her much lately with all the stuff going on.”
“Well, she’ll be pleased with that. I thought it was going to be a ring for a minute then, I was disappointed that the box was that size.”
“Fucking shut up, will ya. I’m tired of hearing about that.”
“I was just joking.”
“Get some new jokes then, I’m sick of that one.”
Mohammed smiled in a strained way and seemed to take particular care when placing the necklace on its felt backing. He handed it to Ethan then frowned at his screen.
Ethan breathed inwards sharply when giving his blood sample to get into his computer, feeling acute pain for several seconds. A bubble of blood welled up as large as a teardrop.
He took a perverse pleasure out of the awkwardness of the next hour of working in silence, feeling the tension when both of them happened to stop typing and they could only hear their chairs creaking.
Later that afternoon, he had a return e-mail about Operation Amber 518.
SDMA,
No problem, when are you available for an initial meet up?
Thanks,
DS Tomalin
Ethan smiled. Although the mystique of the organisation allowed certain people to get away with a lot, he could not deny that it was useful sometimes. He arranged the meeting for the following week.
When Aislin sent him a message, his mobile sounded harsh and abrasive.
Meet outside in 10? xx
He sent a return message:
Okay.
Now that the moment was nearly there, it seemed anti-climactic. He wished that he could have given her her presents as soon as he had bought them, when he was excited. Now that he had had time to think about the situation, he had an uncomfortable feeling that she would conclude that he was trying to bribe her, that she would think he had guessed that she was annoyed with him and was trying to get out of the situation. Maybe that is what I’ve done. Hopefully, Aislin won’t mind not seeing me for a few days if tonight goes well.
Ethan switched off his computer, mentally preparing himself for the event that he had built up in his mind. Everything had become so complicated since his sleep problems had started. This might be a medical condition. Ethan had investigated many cases where punishment for an SC breach resulted in diagnosis of a sleep disorder, with the offender having to submit themselves to ‘a rigorous programme of physical and psychological evaluation to establish the best ameliorative course of action, including further medical treatment, lifestyle adjustment, or any other course of action determined by the SDMA,’ in the words of the official literature.
Of course, being diagnosed with a sleep disorder would result in immediate and permanent removal of his security clearance. No one who had ever had one was allowed into an SDMA building. Indeed, a history of sleep disorder, even after treatment, was a recognised ‘risk factor’ in becoming a subversive, which was why medical records had been incorporated into Mirror. That must have been why the Iklonians had done whatever it was that they had done to him.
Ethan spun on his chair to look out of the darkened window. Receiving the note would have changed his life a month earlier but was only another incident now, something else that he had to suppress to maintain the façade of his public persona. It’s amazing how quickly the extraordinary becomes the ordinary. In fact, there’s not much extraordinary about the extraordinary. He looked at his watch and jumped when realising that fifteen minutes had passed since Aislin had contacted him.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” he said to Mohammed.
“See you tomorrow.”
Ethan was surprised to hear his voice sound strained, until he remembered their argument. It seemed entirely inconsequential now, to the extent that it was ridic
ulous that Mo cared about it. Nevertheless, Ethan was sure that he would not hold a grudge; Mo would forgive someone who had broken his nose half an hour earlier as long as they sounded sad when apologising. Ethan nodded at him before leaving.
As he waited for the lift to arrive, he thought about when he should give Aislin her presents. Doing so straight away might result in an awkward scene and spoil the moment, as she would probably open them but not want to say anything while standing outside the SDMA building. On the other hand, if he waited until she had told him what was wrong, then it might seem as if handing her the bag was a tactical move in an argument.
In the few seconds it took for the lift to reach the ground floor, he felt uncomfortable when thinking about the old woman in the jewellery shop. Had the Iklonians picked out the necklace for him?
When he saw Aislin, holding her handbag in both hands, her hair blowing around her back, Ethan thought that she was very beautiful. Somehow, she did not seem like an SDMA worker, subject to all the rigorous discipline that that entailed.
“Hi ya.”
“Hello!”
She beamed and stood on tiptoe to kiss him, and Ethan thought that perhaps he had built up her words out of all proportion; if she was angry with him then she was certainly hiding it well. When she took his hand and they slowly walked to the train station, he decided not to give her her presents just yet.
By happenstance, they walked past the jewellery shop, and when Ethan saw it, he tightened his grip on her hand, preparing himself for who knew what. He could not stop staring at it, knowing that he would not be able to answer if she asked him what was wrong. He walked away as quickly as he could, pulling Aislin in his wake.