The Monster Catchers--A Bailey Buckleby Story

by George Brewington

  Axel raised his megaphone again. “YOU’VE RUN OUT OF TIME. TURN BACK. THESE GIANTS ARE MINE TO COMMAND!”

  The minotaur picked up Bailey and raised him high over his head as Candycane pulled The Sweet Tooth as close as he dared to the demon’s sloop. Taking in a mighty bull breath, Nikos yelled, “GO!” as he threw Bailey across.

  Savannah shouted, “Go get ’em, Bailey boy!”

  Axel blasted Bailey right in the face with his blower, trying to blow Bailey off his boat as if he were nothing more than a dried leaf. Bailey rolled and jumped to his feet. The cynocephaly stared him down with true malice, his bad eye pulsating underneath the eye patch.

  “Tell me, Bailey. Where is your father to protect you now? Under the sea?”

  “Yes,” Bailey said defiantly.

  “Eaten by mermaids?”

  “By a whale.”

  The wind demon smirked cruelly. “Well, as long as something ate him. You will have a worse fate, of course. Death by drowning is an awfully painful way to go.”

  At the bow of the boat, Bailey saw Henry in chains. The baby sea giant’s tongue wagged happily when he saw his friend, and he pulled hard against his shackles to run over to him. Realizing he was stuck, Henry cried a long and mournful roooooooump!

  In rapid sequence, Bailey fired three Frisbees. Pft, Pft, and Pft! Axel fended them off with his leaf blower, redirecting the Frisbees out to sea.

  “They don’t call me a wind demon for nothing.”

  Bailey fired three more. Pft, Pft, Pft. But again, Pazuzu blew them away.

  “Is it to be hand-to-hand combat, then?” the wind demon barked.

  “Yes!” Savannah landed on the sloop with her sword drawn. She was very lucky she didn’t cut herself as she rolled up onto her feet. Bailey tried to stop her—he had a secret plan after all—but she charged Axel straight on.

  Pazuzu cranked his leaf blower up to SUPER HIGH and blasted.

  Savannah had to close her eyes when the hot airstream hit her, which was long enough for Axel to drop the leaf blower, grab her wrists, and twist the sword out of her hands. He held the steel blade to her neck as she clawed at his arm.

  “I don’t want to hurt your very brave but very foolish girlfriend, Bailey Buckleby. Now, listen. You’ve tried your best tonight and I commend you for it. But I have three thousand years of experience on you, and I intend to live the rest of my long years in comfort. So, cut your losses, monster hunter. Leave now before you lose more than just your parents. I’ll be taking Henry, and I will make you humans pay for killing so many of my people.”

  Bailey took a tentative step forward. “And you think humans should pay you?”

  “Yes, of course,” Axel said smugly. “Three billion in gold will do. For now.”

  Bailey winced at how close the wind demon was holding the sword to Savannah’s neck. She struggled in his grip, and he worried that if she struggled too much, she’d give herself a horrible, possibly fatal, wound. Bailey put up a hand to try to convince them both to remain calm.

  “Fight him, Bailey!” Savannah shouted as she tried unsuccessfully to elbow her captor in the gut. She was stronger than Bailey, and he knew that if she couldn’t fight the cynocephaly off, neither could he. Frisbees weren’t going to solve this—he was going to have to use his wits.

  “You are three thousand years older than me, Mr. Pazuzu, which should make you that much smarter. That’s why I’m surprised you’ve made so many stupid, stupid—I mean really stupid—decisions.”

  Axel clicked his tongue. “You have a lot of nerve, Bailey. I’m about to make three billion dollars in gold while you find yourself alone on the ocean with no parents and your girlfriend’s life in my hands. And I’m the stupid one?”

  Bailey shifted the weight he was carrying in his hoodie pocket. “Cynocephali are supposed to be so brilliant at business, but I’ve heard about your past investments. You seem to be better at losing money than making it. Holiday sweaters for dogs and cats? I’m only in the seventh grade, but that has to be the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.”

  Even with her own sword at her throat, Savannah laughed. “You’ve got to admit, that is pretty stupid, Mr. Dog-head.”

  “Hey!” Axel protested, tightening his grip on Savannah’s wrist. “Humans love the holidays and humans love cats and dogs. How was I to know humans aren’t ashamed to let their pets run around naked—even on Christmas!”

  “And now look what you’re doing,” Bailey said carefully, daring to take one more step. He could see Henry behind them, pulling against his chains. “You’re going to demand humans pay you three billion dollars. And maybe the mayor of Los Angeles will even give it to you. But then what? You’ll have two sea giants following you wherever you go, because they’ll still want their son back. You’ll have to make up a story that he’s in another city, and you’ll have to sail there as fast as you can. Then you’ll have to tell another lie, and another lie. And don’t think our navy won’t be following you the whole time. And me. I’ll be right there behind you, too. You say you want to live in comfort, but you’ll never get a moment’s rest. Not one free moment to sleep, to windsurf, or do anything fun with all of your gold because you’ll be constantly on the move. You’ll be a prisoner to your own stupid, stupid scheme.”

  Axel’s cunning dog grin started to turn. “I’m not stupid. Cynocephali have superior intellects to every other race on this planet—especially humans.”

  Bailey knew he had the wind demon on the run. “You haven’t thought this through, have you? You know what else you’ve forgotten? Henry eats a whole chicken in a bowl of water three times a day, every day. Better get a bigger boat with a freezer full of chickens if you’re going to go through with this!”

  Axel Pazuzu’s whiskers twitched with frustration. “Well, then. Fine! I’ll give Henry back to his parents after Los Angeles is destroyed and I’ll still have my three billion!”

  Bailey shrugged. “Okay. You could do that. But then you won’t have two sea giants to use as a threat against humans. Do you think they’ll just let you sail away with three billion in gold bars because you earned it? No, the police will come after you. The FBI will come after you. Maybe Mr. Boom will come after you, too. And I’ll still be on your tail—until the day I die. No peace for Axel Pazuzu. No, sir, Mr. Wind Demon. You will be a wind demon, because you’ll be forced to blow here and there and everywhere, carrying around a load of gold somehow. You’re going to need a real pet troll to carry your bags. Yes, Mr. Pazuzu, you sure are smart.”

  Savannah was giggling.

  “Hey!” Axel snapped. “You think you’re so clever? What do you know? You’re just a kid that sells monsters and souvenirs!”

  Now Bailey had him.

  “That’s right, wind demon,” he said, “I do know the monster business. I’m a Buckleby and my father has taught me well. That’s why I’m going to offer you exactly what Henry is worth, no strings attached.”

  Bailey threw a cloth bundle of stones onto the deck—Pazuzu’s dog ears pointed straight up.

  “Are those what I think they are?”

  Bailey shrugged. “See for yourself.”

  Without taking his one good dog eye off him, Axel ripped the bundle open with the tip of Savannah’s sword. Shiny golden nuggets spilled out before them.

  “How much is there?” he asked, unable to hide his greed.

  “It’s not three billion, but it’s enough to make up for all the mistakes you’ve made. Think about it,” Bailey said shrewdly, the ocean wind whipping in his face. “You can take this gold and leave without Henry, but only if you promise never to bother the sea giants or the goblins or anyone in California ever again. If you agree to that, you won’t be chased by anyone, not even me. You can stay on permanent vacation for all I care. Do whatever you want. Waste your time selling iceberg vacation homes—as long as you stay far away from here.”

  “Hey! They were luxury Arctic adventure spas and they were beautiful! But humans are heating up the pla
net and all the northern ice is melting. It’s your fault that my vacation rentals sank into the sea!” Axel squinted at Bailey’s hoodie pocket, gesturing at it with Savannah’s sword. “I see you’ve got more in the bank.”

  Bailey shrugged and threw out a second bundle. “That’s my final offer. Take it and go.”

  Savannah whistled. “That looks like a lot of gold, Mr. Dog-head.”

  “I know that!” he snapped at her, and Bailey could almost feel Pazuzu’s greed. “But I see you still have more for me,” he said.

  Bailey stared him down, pretending he was over his limit so the wind demon would think he had the upper hand.

  “Come on,” he said. “Do you want your sweet Henry back or not?”

  Bailey threw out one last bundle.

  “There. That’s all the gold the goblins intended to give you to help them in their quest. That has to be over fifty pounds of gold for you to take if you just sail away. You know as well as I do that any respectable cynocephaly would take that offer. You are a failure of a salesdog if you refuse.”

  Axel chuckled. “You’re too sure of yourself. I see there’s more in your pocket.”

  Bailey patted his pocket carefully. “This last bundle is dynamite,” Bailey answered calmly and without hesitation. “If you refuse this deal, I’ll blow your boat out of the water. That’s what my father would have done first thing.”

  Axel Pazuzu raised his one good hairy dog eyebrow, and Bailey stared him down. He knew the wind demon couldn’t walk away from such easy money now. There was no need to offer a single cent more. His customer was already hooked.

  Axel relaxed his grip on Savannah. “Do I have your word—man to dog—that you won’t chase me down? That you won’t seek vengeance when I turn my back?”

  Bailey put his hand out. “You have my word, and my word is gold.”

  Axel Pazuzu slowly let go, gave Savannah her sword, and shook Bailey’s hand.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  A BIG FAVOR

  BAILEY BUCKLEBY, Savannah, a minotaur, Candycane Boom, twelve goblins, and a baby sea giant stood on the deck of The Sweet Tooth and watched the cynocephaly’s yellow-sailed sloop fade away. Axel Pazuzu raised his megaphone to his lips and barked, “BYE, BYE.” Seconds later, he was gone.

  Mr. Boom wiped the water away from his bald head. “You know, you shouldn’t negotiate with terrorists. Just how much gold was in those bundles?”

  Bailey chuckled. “I don’t know. Ask the goblins.”

  The goblins were eager to tell everybody their part in the ploy. “Most of the stones weren’t gold,” one said.

  “Some of them were the fool’s gold stones from my necklace,” Capella said proudly.

  “Some of them were my lucky painted rocks,” another said.

  “Some of them were my old teeth,” a very wrinkled goblin said, putting a hand over his mouth because he had very few teeth left at all.

  “He tricked us, so we tricked him back!” Capella said triumphantly, and they all started laughing.

  Even Mr. Boom was impressed by the double-cross. “It won’t take him long to figure out what you did. What will you do when he realizes he’s been duped?”

  “We will fight him once and for all!” Savannah said, lifting her sword into the sky.

  “A few of the stones on top were real gold, and maybe that will be enough to keep him away. But I think,” Bailey said thoughtfully, “that he’s learned his lesson—that the ransom business is more trouble than it’s worth. Besides, I’d guess that once we get Henry back home, his parents won’t let a cynocephaly ever get near their baby boy again.”

  Ahead of them, the two grieving parents still marched south toward Los Angeles, searching for their lost son. The twelve goblins looked expectantly at Bailey.

  “Are you going to keep your promise?” Canopus asked doubtfully.

  “I’m going to keep both of my promises,” Bailey said.

  “And how do you propose to do that, human boy?”

  Bailey wondered. The Sweet Tooth was bouncing higher and higher, and he was starting to feel seasick again. The sea giants’ legs were visible to their knees now, but their heads were obscured in clouds. How good was their eyesight? Could they see this little boat one thousand feet below them? Their son was right here. How could Bailey tell them their baby boy was so, so close?

  He shook his head. “There’s only one thing to do.”

  Savannah nodded. “You have to try it.”

  They were both thinking the same thing.

  “Nikos, can you help me lift Abigail’s cage out of the cabin?”

  They brought her cage up, and she flapped madly against the bars, complaining, Chirp! Chirp, chiiiiiiirp!

  Savannah stroked the harpy’s stark white hair and whispered in her ear. “Listen to me, beautiful lady. I know you’ve never done this before, and it seems very scary, but it’s the only way we can return a baby to his parents and save many more children in Los Angeles. And I promise Bailey will do you a big favor when we complete this very important mission.”

  Savannah raised her eyebrows expectantly at Bailey, and he sighed. He knew exactly what promise Savannah wanted him to make.

  “Yes, Miss Abigail,” he said. “If you will fly us up within eyesight of the giants, I will give you your freedom, and you can finally go home to your family in Greenland.”

  He wondered if she understood what he was offering. But when he saw her eyes well up with tears for a dream she’d nearly forgotten, he knew she understood perfectly.

  Bailey removed two life jackets from the yacht’s cargo space.

  “I don’t think there’s room on her back for both of us,” Savannah said.

  “There isn’t,” Bailey agreed. “But there is enough space for me and one goblin.” And he handed the other life jacket to Canopus.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  SMALL

  IN MOMENTS, The Sweet Tooth was nothing but a white speck on the water. Abigail flew up and up at such a steep angle that Bailey had to wrap his arms around her neck to keep from falling to his death. Canopus wrapped his arms around Bailey’s chest so tight, he nearly choked the breath out of him.

  As she circled upward, Bailey could see thousands of cars driving east and north to escape the incoming stomping sea giants, just like ants would march away from stomping humans. When Abigail reached a height of eight hundred feet above the water, Bailey pulled gently on her hair to guide her south toward the giants.

  Eight hundred feet put them at shoulder height. Rain pelted their backs, and the wind threatened to push them off course, but despite being captive in a cage for two years, Abigail showed expertise at navigating the thrusting stormy air currents. Bailey ducked his head down to keep the wind out of his face as he tried to think how he might tell the giants that Henry wasn’t being held captive in Los Angeles but instead waited happily aboard a little boat just below them, if they only would take a moment to look.

  We are nothing but mosquitoes to them, Bailey thought. His shouts in their ears would be nothing more than an annoying buzz, and they most likely didn’t understand a word of English.

  He did have three Frisbees under his hoodie. Like a mosquito, he figured he would have to anger the giants just enough to distract them, and when they tried to swat him, he’d have to swoop down toward The Sweet Tooth so they could see their little boy. Or maybe smell him? Could sea giants smell? He couldn’t remember what Dr. March had to say on the subject.

  As they approached, he felt Canopus’s grip around his belly tighten. The clouds and rain parted for a moment, and there they were—enormous blue arms swinging slowly back and forth. Their skin shone blue, slick with rain, speckled with barnacles, and they were clothed in seaweed. No wonder helicopters and jets could do nothing to them. Their torsos towered so high and wide that any human bullets or even missiles would feel like nothing more than wasp stings. Painful perhaps, but easily ignored.

  He pulled back on Abigail’s hair and she protest
ed with a Chirp! But still she climbed. Bailey tried not to look down or fear would overtake him. As they flew up past the giants’ shoulders, Canopus cursed, “Oh sweet stars,” and the great heads came into view. When the giants had been nothing but dormant colossi beneath the sea, their foreheads had protruded above the water line to form the Farallon Islands. The shoreline water mark could still be seen across their temples. Like crowns, barnacles rimmed their heads, just below toupees of seagrass, jagged rocks, and sand. At first, Bailey couldn’t distinguish between the father and the mother, but when Abigail flew level to their eyes, Bailey could tell instantly. Henry’s mother’s eyes were round and soft and streamed tears. And although she was much, much larger, Bailey saw that she had Henry’s mouth, curling up at the edges. When they flew closer to the father, his eyes showed nothing but the desire for vengeance, and when he opened his great mouth and bellowed in angry frustration, he released a suffocating gas of dead fish and plankton.

  “Now what?” Canopus yelled into Bailey’s ear, but Bailey wasn’t quite sure himself, although he decided that if either of the giants could be distracted from their grief, the mother would be more likely. The father’s great furrowed blue brow made Bailey think he was too angry to pay attention to a small boy riding a small harpy.

  Abigail dipped and swayed as they zoomed right in on Henry’s big mama. Bailey readied a Frisbee. Even in this wind, he knew he had the skill to hit whatever target he wished. The giants’ faces were so large, he thought he could at least make contact. But when they were within range of the mother’s enormous cheek, he realized that a Frisbee would brush her as lightly as air. Even if he threw it in her eye, it would be nothing but a speck of flying dust to her. Bailey felt helplessly small, and his chest tightened when he realized there was no one to ask for help. Without a mother or a father, he felt completely helpless.