Private Party

by Graeme Aitken

  I stared at him in disbelief.

  ‘I know. Disgusting, isn’t it? Best clean it up straight away.’

  It was too much. I really couldn’t deal with anything else and certainly not with someone else’s stool. I crossed to my wardrobe and started rummaging around for some boxer shorts. But GymHotJock hadn’t finished with me. ‘Hey,’ he called out curtly. ‘There’s something else as well.’

  The loaded way he’d said it made me turn back to face him. GymHotJock was staring at me intently. ‘I’m onto you,’ he said in an accusing tone. ‘I know exactly what you’re up to.’

  ‘Sorry?’

  ‘Your furnishings,’ he said with a snicker. ‘At first, I thought we just had remarkably similar taste. The same brand of television, the same armchair, but then I noticed the cushion, and I knew that couldn’t be a coincidence. Those were mine. Things I threw out and you’ve taken them, haven’t you, from the rubbish room?’

  Fornicasian looked horrified. ‘Out of the rubbish bins?’

  ‘I’m not having a go at you,’ GymHotJock insisted. ‘I mean, it’s a form of recycling I suppose.’

  GymHotJock’s tone made it plain he considered it cheap, nasty and desperate. Fornicasian began to giggle.

  I’d had enough: of these two, of Damon, and everyone who’d descended on me uninvited. I just wanted them all out of my apartment. But then, the one person who might have been the exception, Toolbox, stuck his head in the door. I was disappointed to note that he was fully dressed. Obviously he’d come, was spent and was leaving. ‘Just looking for the bathroom,’ he muttered and disappeared again.

  ‘I wouldn’t go in there if I was you,’ GymHotJock called after him. ‘It’s awfully whiffy.’

  I turned back to GymHotJock. ‘You know I’ve recycled in here as well,’ I said brightly. ‘The sheets on the bed for example I found in a dumpster behind Darlinghurst Road. But look at them. After a wash, they were perfect.’

  GymHotJock and Fornicasian did look at them, and given that four other people had been fucking on them, they were far from pristine. The two of them exchanged a glance, then both scrambled off the bed, and were gone.

  I turned back to my wardrobe and found a pair of gym shorts which I slipped into. I just felt like sinking down on the bed, closing the door and ignoring everything that was going on in the next room, until they all left. But suddenly he was there, Damon, standing in the bedroom doorway. Even worse, he’d actually taken his shirt and jeans off and was stripped down to his underwear. My first thought was that the photos on his profile had been genuine. Damon did have a nice body; still I was shocked to see him like that. I couldn’t believe he actually intended to partake in what was going on.

  ‘So, I remember you telling me CSI how much you love it doggy style,’ Damon said, his voice all insinuation.

  I’d forgotten about the erotic confessions I’d made to Mischief. When I thought of some of the intimate things I’d confided about myself … it didn’t bear thinking about. Involuntarily, a cry escaped my mouth, a strangled sort of moan.

  But still that wasn’t enough for Damon. He continued to torment me. ‘You have no idea how much I relished our correspondence CSI. I saved every message you sent me.’

  I sank down on the bed and covered my face with my hands. I couldn’t bear for him to see my expression, how devastated I felt. How could I have been so foolish? To unburden myself so freely to someone who refused to show me his face? But I knew the answer to that: I was vulnerable. I’d allowed a fraud to win my trust because I was feeling alone and needy. Mischief had been attentive, supportive and kind, and I’d come to rely on him. Then something else occurred to me. Had Damon been relaying everything I said to Blake? The situation just became worse and worse the more I thought about it.

  But Damon had one further barb to prod me with. ‘So, shall we?’ he murmured, his voice low and husky. ‘After all, I was invited for sex. Of course, it goes without saying that I’m on top. I don’t think there’d be much satisfaction for me the other way.’

  That was a cheap nasty shot and in a flash, my anguish and distress was forgotten. Anger surged through me—dark, growling, furious—and all I could think of was how to wound him.

  Then in a lightening flash, it came to me and I knew exactly how to pay the evil bastard back. I looked up at him and smiled quite genuinely, delighted by the thought of what I was going to do to him. ‘Sure,’ I replied. ‘But let’s take it somewhere more private.’

  A flicker of doubt crossed Damon’s face—he trusted me no more than I trusted him. I strode across to him, slid a finger beneath the waistband of his underwear and tugged. But Damon stood his ground. ‘You’re serious? You want to do this?’

  I nodded. Damon studied me for a moment, then he began to nod. ‘Okay, I get it. You want to get back at Blake, right?’

  I shrugged. ‘You know Damon, you also told me a lot of intimate things when we were messaging. Maybe I just liked what I was hearing.’

  I tugged at his underwear again and this time he didn’t resist. ‘Follow me,’ I murmured, and I led him towards the bathroom.

  As we walked into the bathroom, I was momentarily startled when something brushed against the tips of my fingers—Damon had an erection.

  I locked the bathroom door behind us which inevitably made those eyebrows hover. ‘You really want to do this?’ he exclaimed.

  I pulled him to me. While he tentatively ran his hands over me, I slowly began to manoeuvre him into position. Once I had him where I wanted him, I took a step backwards, pulled free of his embrace, and looked him in the eye. He was flushed, worked up, intent. Then I noticed his nostrils twitch. Once, twice and then a slight frown creased his brow. I gave him my sexy smile as a distraction, winked, then reached for him. I placed my hands on each of his shoulders, then slowly let my fingers trail down until they rested upon his chest. ‘I may be mistaken,’ I murmured huskily, ‘but I seem to recall reading on your profile that you’re into …’

  I broke off and Damon gave me a curious look. ‘Into what?’ he asked, one eyebrow raised.

  ‘Into scat,’ I screamed at him, and I shoved him with all my might.

  He was completely unprepared. He sailed backwards most satisfactorily, his face a picture of shock and astonishment, then fell heavily. ‘I hope that hurt,’ I snarled.

  He lay there on the grey shower tiles, crumpled and wincing. Then the surprise and pain turned to outrage. He began to paw at the back of his thighs and his buttocks. ‘I’m bleeding,’ he declared. ‘I feel blood.’

  ‘I think you’ll find that’s a different bodily substance,’ I advised. ‘Take a sniff.’

  Damon hesitated, then obeyed, smelling his fingers. He recoiled, his eyes widening in alarm. ‘One of my guests had an aversion to using the toilet,’ I explained.

  ‘H-H-How … how could you do this to me?’ Damon wailed. ‘This is … this is …’

  ‘So shitty?’ I snapped. ‘Like the shitty thing you did to me Mischief. Befriending me on Gaydar when I was vulnerable, winning my trust, encouraging me to share my most personal thoughts and feelings with you. When the entire time you were just stringing me along for your own twisted amusement. That’s what I call shitty.’

  Damon began to stutter his protestations, but I silenced him with a look. ‘Don’t fuck with me again Damon,’ I warned him.

  I had wiped that self-satisfied smirk off his face. He looked so crestfallen and pathetic, as if he might cry. But I wasn’t entirely without a heart. Before I left him to it, I tossed him a wash cloth and bar of soap.

  6

  Epilogue

  Two weeks later, Gaydar Message History:

  Bob-Knob: Hey CSI, when are you hosting another party?

  CSI-Sydney: Who are you?

  Bob-Knob: I’m an uninhibited guy who likes to party and I hear you throw a wild one.

  No response.

  Fifteen minutes later.

  Bob-Knob: Wanna see my private pictures?

/>   CSI-Sydney: I’m taking a break from entertaining—and also from Gaydar.

  Bob-Knob: Huh? But you’re on Gaydar now. Can I get on the mailing list for your parties? You can audition me if you like.

  CSI-Sydney logs out of Gaydar.

  Read the very entertaining conclusion to ‘The Indignities’ ebook trilogy.

  Me, Myself and Someone Else

  (The Indignities Book Three)

  By Graeme Aitken

  Download from your preferred ebook retailer.

  If all the world’s a stage – then a star should never be bored!

  Once Stephen Spear’s destiny as an actor seemed so assured – but after he was throttled to death on prime time television, his prospects seemed to shrivel up and die. Yet, true talent can’t be crushed. For if all the world is truly a stage, then why shouldn’t Stephen create and become a new character whenever he feels like it? Given the ghastly turn his personal circumstances have taken, it was a sheer relief to pretend to be someone else. Of course some sticklers might call this lying, but Stephen considered it the flourishing of his creative gift.

  This imprudent artistic experiment takes Stephen to some surprising places. Though he does find himself back on stage, in the spotlight, and winning prizes – just not quite as he had imagined. While along for the ride, is the most unlikely new partner in crime.

  Stephen’s antics reach outrageous new heights in this wicked, witty depiction of the gay Sydney lifestyle. This is the highly original and very entertaining conclusion to ‘The Indignities’ e-book trilogy.

  Praise for ‘The Indignities':

  ‘Aitken’s writing style is detailed and nicely evocative. He writes characters extremely well, with both humour and poignancy. Aitken also knows how to deliver a satisfying ending. Overall ‘The Indignities’ series provides a satisfying read that tickles the funny bone and the heart-strings. I enjoyed these books and look forward to more from Aitken, who is a skilled and sensitive writer.’ (Polari Journal)

  ‘Aitken’s wit is wicked in every sense of that word, while his ability to address confronting issues in a deceptively sunny manner is admirable.’ (Australian Book Review)

  Download from your preferred ebook retailer.

  Download Book One of The Indignities ebook series for free!

  Time to Upsize

  (The Indignities Book One)

  By Graeme Aitken

  Download from your preferred ebook retailer.

  Upsize instantly to this witty, sexy and bestselling Australian series of e-books!

  The Indignities Book One is available FOR FREE as a special introductory offer!

  Turning thirty years old can be traumatic for young gay men who yearn to be boyish forever – but what can you do? It’s unavoidable. Or is it? Clever, conniving Stephen Spear thinks he can outsmart this particular milestone. After all, he’s managed to convince his sweet, passive boyfriend Blake that he’s been faithful to him for the past three years. Smoothing over and explaining away inconvenient realities is an absolute cinch for Stephen!

  But when temptation moves right next-door in the form of Rick, a Sydney hunk with a legendary endowment, Stephen disregards any sense of caution. He’s too entranced and far too self-absorbed to realise that the seduction might not actually unfold in accordance with his master plan.

  Stephen Spear, the anti-hero of the bestselling Australian novel ‘Vanity Fierce’, rides again in this outrageous sequel. Set ten years after ‘Vanity Fierce’, this new series of books can also be read as a self-contained storyline.

  Praise for ‘The Indignities’ from influential Australian mainstream media:

  ‘Aitken’s wit is wicked in every sense of that word, while his ability to address confronting issues in a deceptively sunny manner is admirable.’ (Australian Book Review)

  ‘The gay world has turned since ‘Vanity Fierce’, with the internet making its mark on social and sexual behaviour. Aitken has a keen sense of that, opening a window onto the lively confusions of gay culture.’ (The Age, Melbourne)

  The newspaper of record for Sydney’s GLBTIQ community urges readers to read ‘The Indignities’.

  ‘Aitken may have written the prequel to this book more than a decade ago, but don’t let that fool you into thinking ‘The Indignities’ is a second-rate follow. Far from it. Aitken has has not only given character Stephen Spear a whole new audience, but also provided him with the depth of character readers of ‘Vanity Fierce’ feared he may never find. A must read.’ (Sydney Star Observer)

  Upsize today! This funny, sexy and very entertaining book is FREE!

  Download from your preferred ebook retailer.

  50 Ways of Saying Fabulous

  Book 1

  By Graeme Aitken

  ‘If I knew fifty ways of saying fabulous, I’d use them all to praise this charming first novel.’ EDMUND WHITE

  Download from your preferred ebook retailer.

  Sweet, fat, theatrical Billy-Boy was never cut out to be a farmer, but as his father’s only son he’s obliged to try. The cows are wayward and the chores are gruelling, but Billy finds escape in a fantasy world. A place where the turnip paddock becomes a lunar landscape, a lavender bed jacket a slinky space suit, a cow’s tail a head of beautiful blonde hair, and where Billy can become Judy Robinson, heroine of TV’s Lost in Space.

  But in an isolated conservative farming community in 1970s New Zealand, not everyone approves of Billy’s transformation. On the brink of adolescence, Billy is beginning to discover that growing up is far more complicated and confusing than he could ever have imagined. While the mysteries of sex confound him, emotions are unleashed which urge Billy to betray those closest to him.

  50 Ways of Saying Fabulous is a poignant and endearingly comic novel. Anyone who grew up in a small town, grew up feeling that they didn’t fit in, or simply grew up will find this book funny, touching and unforgettably evocative of childhood lost.

  Praise for 50 Ways of Saying Fabulous:

  ‘I loved this funny sad tale of growing up a sissy in New Zealand. Graeme Aitken proves that even the most extraordinary events can occur to wonderfully ordinary people. If I knew fifty ways of saying fabulous, I’d use them all to praise this charming first novel.’ EDMUND WHITE

  ‘Thoroughly engaging.’ INDEPENDENT ON SUNDAY

  ‘A funny but also achingly sad first novel’. OBSERVER

  ‘A sort of gay Adrian Mole … There are laughs aplenty but also moments of agony … Told with bare faced honesty, it is a warm, cruel, funny tale.’ THE SUNDAY AGE

  ‘Touching and sad, 50 Ways of Saying Fabulous also has some very funny moments.’ THE TIMES

  ‘An entertainment, a gentle, poignant story of a fat boy who fantasises romance and glamour without yet having a name for what he is … Aitken writes with a distinctive voice, one that is wonderfully evocative.’ DENNIS ALTMAN, THE AGE

  ‘… an important work … What Aitken has demonstrated fabulously is his skill in the art of telling a good story … his honesty and fearlessness in confronting those squirmy adolescent secrets is to be admired.’ CANBERRA TIMES

  Download from your preferred ebook retailer.

  50 Ways of Saying Fabulous

  Book 2

  By Graeme Aitken

  ‘A funny but also achingly sad first novel.’ OBSERVER

  Download from your preferred ebook retailer.

  Billy-Boy has always loathed farm chores, until his father employs Jamie, a sexy farm worker, for the summer. Suddenly Billy has not just a work mate but a buddy, who is cheerful and enthusiastic company. Being with Jamie completely eclipses the burden of the chores. They even become a pleasure. After all Jamie looks like David Cassidy and likes to work shirtless!

  But Billy’s idyll with Jamie proves all too brief as other people intrude and interfere. Belinda Pepper, the most notorious girl in the entire district, utterly enthrals him with her wicked ways. Then Lou, Billy’s estranged cousin, discovers Jamie and goes all-out to win him away
from Billy for herself.

  But Billy is not the only one who feels lonely, jealous and frustrated…

  With something illicit growing in an abandoned toilet, clandestine goings-on down at the old gaol, a bloody murder, and a theatrical finale with a dozen costume changes, Billy-Boy’s life is even more dramatic than his favourite TV show Lost in Space.

  Praise for 50 Ways of Saying Fabulous:

  ‘ If I knew fifty ways of saying fabulous, I’d use them all to praise this charming first novel.’ EDMUND WHITE

  ‘It has the fast-running clarity of a good yarn, yet this is a fresh telling of the story of a gay awakening. Infinitely real … grotesque and funny and moving by turns.’ PETER WELLS

  ‘A wonderful cast of characters, lovingly drawn and lightened with the right dash of maliciousness … Aitken manages to make something extraordinary out of the ordinary … (and) shows so much skill and gives so much pleasure.’ CAMPAIGN

  ‘50 Ways of Saying Fabulous is an honest, funny and sometimes painful read. Confidently and convincingly written, it is a welcome addition to the gay coming of age genre; the collection of works in which we see ourselves reflected and refracted, and find fifty ways of saying “me”.’ MELBOURNE STAR OBSERVER