Toxic

by Avylinn Winter

  He sipped his wine and arched his eyebrow ever so slightly as our gazes met. He knew I was staring.

  I averted my eyes and focused on the small portion of food on my plate. A faint rumble from my stomach insisted that I try it out, but I doubted I could muster a single bite. In fact, I had no idea how I would get out of this situation. Throwing food wasn’t an alternative.

  Blasted nerves.

  Cameron seemed oblivious to my state of mind and kept talking and eating as if nothing were wrong. Much like the other guests around us.

  “Was this your last day?” he asked out of the blue. Or maybe it wasn’t right out of the blue. I should contribute to the conversation, after all.

  I let go of the glass, hands returning to my knees where they were free to fidget. “Yes, last day.”

  “Which course?”

  “Marketing.”

  An amused glint flashed in his eyes. “So now you can assist me with marketing. Great. I hate that part.”

  I didn’t know if I was supposed to be embarrassed, or if the confusion was totally all right. “What?”

  “Good move to study some marketing if you’re going to freelance.”

  A sound that might have been an ‘umm’ or maybe ‘eh’ slipped out. Perhaps my brain wasn’t working on normal frequencies after all that hyper-awareness. A conversation was obviously beyond what I could cope with. Instead, I caught sight of his moist lips.

  A foot brushed against my leg beneath the table, and I dropped my fork on the plate, causing a clatter that screeched in my ears.

  He didn’t seem to have noticed.

  I wondered how he would react if he knew how my skin touched fire when he got too close but not close enough.

  Cameron shifted on his chair, and the atmosphere appeared to transform around us. He looked into my eyes, not wavering for a second. “So, I got a letter that they’ve settled a day for the trial.”

  A chill seemed to rush through the room, settling on my skin like a thin film of broken dreams. I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk about Gabriel, but in one way I owed it to Cameron. He’d been there. He’d shared what had happened that last horrible day. Silence was not an option.

  “Yes, early July, so quite soon.”

  “Are you okay about it?” Cameron winced. “Sorry, that was a stupid question.”

  “I never want to see him again, but I don’t know if I like the thought of him in jail.”

  “You will meet him in court.”

  “Yes.”

  He leaned closer. “You won’t be alone.”

  I smiled, grateful that he at least didn’t seem to hate me for everything I’d put him through. The guilt was still there, but seeing that he was alive and well helped more than anything. “No, I won’t be alone.”

  My breath hitched as he placed his fingers over my hand. It was a light touch, but steady all the same. Slowly, I ran my thumb over the back of his hand. “Thank you. Thank you for everything.”

  “You don’t have to thank me, Adam.”

  “But I want to. You saved me even when I didn’t know I needed to be saved. You—”

  “Adam, it’s okay. I’m just glad you’ve left him and that he’s facing trial.”

  I closed my eyes, instantly remembering how I’d seen blood dripping from Cameron’s face. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Hey, don’t say that. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

  Wrong. I had everything to feel sorry about. “I let him hurt you.”

  “No, you didn’t hit me, Adam. He did.”

  “But it was my fault.”

  “No, Adam, it really wasn’t, but I also understand if you’re not ready to see that yet. I won’t push.”

  I swallowed and glanced at the other guests around us. Hopefully none of them had heard. No, I wasn’t ready to say that it wasn’t my fault, because that was just wrong. Of course it had been my fault. I’d been the one to stay in the first place. I’d been the one to ignore the warnings.

  Cameron leaned forward. “So, as we’re being honest here, I thought I’d let you know a secret.”

  I gulped, almost ready to retract my hand from his. I wasn’t sure I had the strength to dig deeper.

  “About those handcuffs.” Cameron’s eyes glinted with mischief.

  I wasn’t sure how to feel, at least not when Cameron was smiling like that. Did he like kinky sex, and how did I feel about the possibility?

  He grinned. “I know you might be disappointed when you hear this, but they were for a photo shoot.”

  Laughter bubbled up from my stomach. He’d done it again. He’d taken me back from the depths only to make me smile in the silliest way.

  Cameron cleared his throat. “I mean, I don’t play around with that stuff regularly.”

  “‘Regularly’?”

  The grin on his face said enough and sent my heart rate through the roof. “Maybe we’ll get to try them some day.”

  Great, now he has me thinking about sex. My cheeks warmed beneath the dim restaurant lights. I wasn’t that much of an innocent, but there was so much tension between us already… I feared I would make a fool out of myself.

  He smiled, nudging me beneath the table.

  “We’re not in a rush, so don’t worry. I’m a patient guy.”

  “How patient?”

  He leaned closer. “Patient enough to wait until you’re ready. I won’t lie, Adam, my feelings have grown over time since you flushed bright red that first time we met.”

  “Since the start?” I didn’t know what to say or what to think.

  “I thought you were attractive, but it wasn’t until long after Chicago that I realized that I was in trouble. I fought it off, both because of your boyfriend and the fact that you were my student. I felt very bad for almost everything, and when you—” He paused, running his free hand through his short hair. “When you pushed me away after everything had happened, I didn’t know what to do—only that I had to keep my feelings at bay.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Adam, I understand. I really do. I know it’s not easy to leave someone when you’re wrapped firmly in their clutches.”

  “I hurt a lot of people.”

  “It pales in comparison to how you were treated. Don’t worry about it. I just wish I’d done more.”

  I interlaced our fingers. “You did more than enough. I’m here now, aren’t I?”

  “You are.”

  “And if you have to know, I’ve had feelings for you a lot longer than I should have as well. I didn’t want to acknowledge them, but they were there.”

  The smile on his face was breathtaking, filled with relief and warmth. “I like the sound of that.”

  I didn’t know how to respond, so I simply sat there, feeling like everything was falling into place somehow.

  * * * *

  Outside the restaurant, lingering warmth brushed against my overly aware skin. The city was alive with sounds and chaos, but I barely registered what was going on around me. Cameron had every bit of my attention.

  With a mouth dry like a piece of chalk, I tried to say something, but instead we fell into silence as we ambled forward. The tension pulsed fiery bright, tugging at my core until I wasn’t sure if I could take another second of it.

  Cameron solved the situation. “Hey, they’re featuring some of my photographs in one of my favorite magazines. Want to see?”

  We stopped beside a lamp post, and Cameron unlocked his phone. To see, I stepped closer and gasped as our hands touched. Seriously. I was no better than a teenage boy around his first crush. I was supposed to be a bit more restrained than this.

  He looked up from the screen, obviously wondering what was going on. Another wisp of air inhaled too quickly.

  So close. Only a few inches away. My lips. His lips.

  Silence and tension banded together and slowed the seconds that passed. They seemed infinite as our short breaths mingled. Eyelids fell and opened. I wanted his touch but was too afraid to claim it. I lea
ned back and tried to calm my heart.

  He caught my hand, fingers entwining as if he was reluctant to let me go.

  I squeezed my consent, and apparently, that was the only signal he needed. He brushed a finger beneath my chin—a light, lingering touch of a question.

  I could barely breathe as he closed the distance between us, forgetting the busy street and flickering street lights.

  He was warm and soft, tender and careful. I leaned forward, touching his chest with seeking hands, gripping the fabric of his shirt as he deepened the kiss.

  Pulling me even closer, he seemed to erase everything that had happened to give us both a new start. Chests burning against each other, I gave him everything I had. He tasted like sunlight as my lips touched his skin. Once. Twice.

  This should have been my first kiss. Perfect. Passionate. Pure instead of tainted.

  Epilogue

  Threads of sunlight filtered through the thin curtains, casting a yellow glow on the far wall littered with pinned photographs. Some of them featured the two of us smiling, laughing, kissing, holding hands—happiness caught by a camera, fleeting moments forever captured. They showed precious moments that we had shared together during these last few months.

  I let one of my hands escape the heat beneath the cover and rubbed my eyes, eager to start the day but reluctant to get out of bed. Cameron blew hot, regular puffs of air against my neck, which made it next to impossible to move.

  Carefully, I turned in his arms and simply watched my boyfriend. He had the softest expression when he slept. His lips full and inviting, the crease between his eyebrows smoothed out, his long lashes still enough to be studied—he was perfection.

  He was my light, almost brighter than the sun. Of course, I would never dream of saying something so cheesy to his face, but I could think it.

  The alarm began to sing behind me. Cameron stirred, forcing his eyelids apart with great difficulty, it seemed.

  “Good morning,” I said, touching his lips with mine.

  “Mornin’.” He yawned and placed an arm around my back.

  Lazy snuggling followed. Hands touching skin, lips seeking contact.

  “How much time do we have?” he asked.

  “About an hour or so.”

  “Bad planning.”

  “Bad planning? You set the alarm. Remember?”

  “Yeah, I know. Should have given us an extra hour.”

  “Why?”

  He kissed me, pushed my right shoulder until my back hit the mattress, and took his spot on top. “Because you’re too damn tempting.” He nibbled my lower lip, knowing exactly how to tease me into surrender.

  “Bad planning, you said?” I tried to rein us both in before we got too far. We didn’t have time for morning sex, no matter how much we wanted to explore each other all over again.

  He groaned and fell against my chest, almost driving the air out of my lungs. “You might have to make it up to me.”

  “Again. You set the alarm. This is not, I repeat, not my fault.”

  Chuckles traveled between us, soft rumbles that warmed me from within. I loved it when he laughed. It was an odd kind of validation, but an important one. His smiles revealed that I made him happy, and that boosted my confidence like nothing else.

  “You make us breakfast, and we’re even.”

  I squirmed beneath him, trying to reach freedom. “Still not my fault. You’re not framing me for this. I object.”

  “What happens if I don’t listen?” he asked before gently biting my earlobe.

  “I’ll force you to sleep on the couch.”

  He snorted, well aware that I would have a hard time keeping him out of his own bed. “We’ll see about that.”

  As soon as he let me go, I rose and tried to forget that he was staring at me from behind. Even after months of sleeping in the same bed, I still felt slightly awkward walking around buck naked in front of him. Distance made it worse. Distance made me embarrassed. The farther away he was, the worse it became. Of course, it wasn’t a bad feeling.

  I stole one of his large shirts from the wardrobe and grinned at his reaction. He had this ambivalent relationship with my habit of stealing his clothes—part happy and part annoyed because I gave him extra laundry.

  “I’ll make breakfast,” I said and left him to deal with his sexiness alone.

  * * * *

  Hours later, tired of endless lanes of tarmac and speeding cars, we finally reached our destination. The gravel along the driveway ceased with its crunching, and as soon as Cameron cut the engine, the silence was absolute.

  Minutes passed while I observed both our surroundings and Cameron’s fidgeting.

  “Are you sure about this?” he asked, looking out of the car window. His frown betrayed what he really meant. Meeting my family was a big step, and he worried that they would judge him based on his age, and perhaps also that he’d been my teacher a few months ago.

  Entwining my fingers with his, I smiled at his antics. “You’ll be fine. They know we’re coming and they want to meet you.” And I really wanted them to meet him. It was yet another thing that made our relationship different from the one I’d had with Gabriel. Cameron wasn’t ashamed of being seen with me. He actually wanted to see my family, even if he was a bit nervous about it for no reason whatsoever.

  His gaze wavered, studying the old two-story house with its wraparound porch. I still considered it my home even if years had passed since I’d lived there permanently.

  The front door opened, causing Cameron to jump in his seat. We’d been sitting in the car for an unreasonable amount of time, so I wasn’t all that surprised when Dad waved at us from the doorway.

  I nodded toward the house. “Come on, time to face my parents.”

  His hold around my fingers tightened. “Was that supposed to help?”

  Smiling, I leaned over and gave his cheek a swift peck. “You’re a brave guy. You don’t need me to hold your hand.”

  “But what if I want to hold your hand?” he asked. The humor in his words erased the tension. He was definitely ready, or at least pretending to be.

  “You can hold my hand if you promise not to agree when Mom asks if you want to see my baby pictures.”

  A careful smile danced across his lips, and I knew it was time to open the car door and face the crowd. Mom had joined Dad on the porch, and my niece, Alicia, was hiding behind Mom’s legs, a lollipop dangling from her mouth. Mom sure knew how to spoil her grandchild.

  Not waiting for Cameron to gather more courage, I left the car and waved at my family. It was always good to see them. They’d given me great support once I’d told them about everything that had happened. It was weird to think that I hadn’t wanted them to know, but it had all been about protecting them when I hadn’t been able to protect myself.

  “Took you long enough,” Mom said, moving to meet us on the stairs.

  Alicia held on to Mom’s leg and stumbled a little. I couldn’t believe that I had missed the moment when she had started to walk. In fact, I’d missed a lot of things but was determined to make up for lost time. Mom kissed both my cheeks and gave me a smile that announced that she was happy to see me, but even happier to see the man behind me.

  She effectively got me out of the way and approached my boyfriend. “Cameron, how lovely to finally meet you. Adam has told us so much about you.” She kissed his cheeks as well, which resulted in a serious case of embarrassment on my part. Does she have to be so full on?

  He handled her with ease. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Webb.” He gestured at the garden in full bloom. “You have a fine setting here. We should take some family photographs later.”

  Mom beamed. “Oh, that would be fantastic, wouldn’t it, Ben?”

  Dad gave Cameron one of his more social greetings, which amounted to a nod and a grunt. He would most likely interrogate Cameron about the finer details of photography later, or at least the technical details, but Dad had a thing with first meetings, regardless of who he
met.

  “Well, let’s get inside.” Mom adjusted her blouse and fanned her face with little success. “We really need to get away from this heat. Vera should be here somewhere, maybe she’s preparing some lemonade.” She turned to Cameron, blinking rapidly. “Or maybe you would prefer something else? Something stronger?”

  Cameron shook his head. “I’m fine, Mrs. Webb. Cool lemonade sounds amazing.”

  Still flustered, Mom disappeared into the kitchen. I could hear her talking to Vera, but not the specifics. It didn’t take long for my sister to appear with a tray of drinks.

  “Hi, guys, how was your trip?”

  “Warm,” I replied, while Cameron said something much more positive at the same time. Ever the charmer when he wanted to be.

  My sister beamed and handed us two glasses of pale lemonade with chunks of ice and crushed strawberries. “You’ve hidden this man too long, Adam.” She turned to Cameron. “We’ve been dying to meet you since he told us all these wonderful things about you.” Clearly, Cameron had worried over nothing. My family was more than accepting, maybe even a tad too loving.

  I winced and clenched my fingers around the cold glass. Apparently, they had decided to embarrass me—as if I didn’t do that well enough on my own.

  “I’m glad to be here,” he replied, smooth as ever.

  During these last few months, I had discovered that being smooth was one of his many talents. It unnerved me from time to time, and if it wasn’t for the fact that he dropped that façade when we were alone, I would have eventually hated it. Oddly enough, he was difficult to get to know beyond that first acquaintance. I hadn’t realized until later how rare it was for him to open up about himself, especially about his past with that hateful man who had hit him as a kid.

  Vera touched my arm. “Are you listening?”

  “No, what?” I had spaced out, like always.