Dirty Nights

by A. M. Hargrove

  “You’re too good to me.”

  “No, I just treat you how you should be treated. So, how about that bite to eat?”

  This conversation is going places I’m not prepared to discuss right now.

  “Yeah, sure.”

  Later that night I give Case a call to see if he’s still looking to hire someone. He is but he’s a little concerned about Skylina’s lack of skills.

  “Can you at least talk to her? She’s super bright and is trying to get her GED. I know she could learn anything. If it doesn’t work, no worries.”

  “Send her over on Wednesday. I’ll interview her.”

  “Oh, and Case, act like you don’t know a thing about her past.”

  “Yeah. No problem.”

  “Thanks.”

  When I pass this information on to Skylina, I can tell she’s nervous. She wants to know if she should tell him about her past and I recommend she does.

  “Look, babe, Case is awesome. He’s my sponsor at NA. He’s been in a messy place himself. He’s not judgey at all. If you come clean with him, he’ll respect you for it.”

  “Okay.”

  Wednesday rolls around and I give Skylina her pep talk before going to meet Case. She promises to call afterward. I’m up to my neck in coursework. The semester is bearing down on me with Thanksgiving around the corner. And then finals will be here. It’s all work this week and no play for Ryder.

  Skylina calls and tell me Case is going to give her a chance. She finally heard about getting her GED and will begin night courses in January. Some are online and she can get it in a year. Or maybe less, depending on how fast she completes the required work. She starts work for Case next Monday and he’s going to train her.

  Thursday I meet with Dr. Martinelli and my session goes fairly well. She notices I’m much calmer than I’ve been. My aggression has eased, although just last night I pounded the crap out of some dude when I caught him beating up on some girl. I figured it was his girlfriend. Told her she needed to stay away from him, though I doubt she will. Also told her to go to an abuse shelter for help. She looked at me like I was nuts. After I called 911, I left. The girl had two black eyes and a busted up nose but the guy was left in much worse shape.

  My parting words to him were, “How does it feel to have someone bigger than you kick the shit out of you, asshole?”

  Dr. Martinelli wasn’t happy. “Ryder, why didn’t you just call 911 and wait for them to arrive?”

  “Because you know as well as I do that he would’ve gotten off and she would’ve gone back to him and ended up worse off the next time. She probably will anyway, but at least this time, he knows what it feels like and maybe, just maybe, he’ll stop and think about it. And you know damn well I’m right.”

  She huffs out a long breath and shakes her head. “You’re so damn hard-headed. You can’t be the police, judge and jury, Ryder. And not to mention, one day you’re gonna get hurt.”

  “Nah, I’m too big and fast for them. Plus I have something they don’t.”

  “Oh? What’s that?”

  “The element of surprise.”

  “Well. Mr. Smart Ass, what if they have the element of a weapon? Ever stop to think about that? What if they slip a knife into you and puncture your aorta? You’d bleed out in a matter of minutes. Stop this nonsense, Ryder. You've cheated death once. You really need to step back from this. If not for you, do it for Skylina.”

  That statement brings my thoughts to a screeching halt. Not because she’s right, but because it makes no sense. It’s because of Skylina that I do this at all. She’s the one that put me on this path to rightness … that put me onto this goal of mine. It began the night of her rape and that’s what triggered it all. I can’t stop for her because I started it all for her.

  “Ryder,” Dr. Martinelli interrupts my thoughts, “what’s going through that mind of yours? I can see your wheels spinning.”

  Shaking my head, I say, “You have it all wrong, Doc. Stopping for her, that is. She’s the bottom of why I’m doing it.” And I explain.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s back up and analyze this. Back to the beginning. You interrupted Skylina getting raped. Correct?”

  “Yeah.”

  “But then this vigilante behavior of yours continued, even after you stopped seeing her. Why?”

  “Because I wanted to stop people from getting hurt. But it’s not like I hid in the shadows, lurking there, waiting for these attacks to take place. I interfered when I saw them is all.”

  “But why?”

  “Because I didn’t want anyone to go through what I did. If someone had interfered with my attack, I’d still be dancing today.”

  “So where does Skylina play into that thought process?”

  “She doesn’t.”

  “And there it is. Ryder, think about what you just said. You started it because of her, not for her. So why don’t you stop for her? Because if she knew you were doing this, don’t you think it would scare the hell out of her. That she would worry about you?”

  “Well yeah. That’s why she doesn’t know.”

  “Then stop.”

  “But …”

  “I’m not saying stop helping people. When you see something, call 911 and wait until the cops arrive. You can still help but not involve yourself.”

  When I leave her office, it’s with a troubled conscience. Is it me being selfish going forward with this, or am I helping people? The thought of one of those thugs having a weapon and using it on me never occurred to me. Well, that’s not exactly true. It occurred to me, but I’ve always thought I’d be invincible and could outsmart them. But she’s right. One day, I may not be able to do that, and then what?

  By the time I get to the library, I’m in a shitty mood. It derails my studying, so I head to the gym to work out my frustrations. A couple of hours and a shit ton of sweat later, I’m back at the library with my head on straight, ready for a long night of work ahead of me.

  Friday rolls by and I’m whipped. Up till three in the morning studying killed me. Classes all day and then more studying. Skylina called and we talked, but when I started dozing during our conversation, she said good night and I was out.

  FOUR

  Skylina

  I’m about to finish with packing up Mom’s things to either toss out or donate to charity. Since I’ll be moving next week, I’m making a pretty good dent in organizing my things so the move should go smoothly. Mom didn’t have many things, so this whole weeding out process should be done in a matter of hours.

  Her closet and drawers are empty now and I decide to take a break. Ryder is studying today and will drop by when he’s done later tonight. My goal is to have everything of mine that I won’t need packed up as well. It’s after five and I’ve worked throughout the day, not stopping for anything. I’m just finishing up my ham sandwich when there’s a knock on my door.

  My building has no security, but I have multiple locks on the door with several chains. Ryder must’ve finished early, but I’m always cautious when opening the door. Leaving the chains intact, I crack it open, just enough so I can see who’s there.

  “Yes?” and when I see who it is, my heart rate speeds up so fast I think my chest may explode.

  “Hi Skylina. May I come in?”

  There are so many things I want to say … and many of them are written in that damn letter, but right now, not a single one will come forth from my mouth. I don’t want to let him in. I don’t want to speak to him.

  “Please, Skylina. Can I please come in and talk to you. I heard about your mother.”

  Now how in the hell did he know that? I start pacing the tiny room because, frankly, I’m in a quandary. Should I let him in and listen to him lie? I’m positive that’s why he’s here. To tell me lies about why he never came for me.

  “What do you want?” Bitterness edges every word.

  “I want to talk. Please.”

  Okay, I’ll let him speak, I decide. I want to hear what kind
of bullshiz excuse he has for me. I unlock the door and open it wide for him to pass through.

  He walks in and looks around.

  “Looks like you’re moving.”

  “Pretty observant of you. I decided that a change of scenery was in order. You know, one that didn’t include any memories of crack pipes, syringes, needles, male customers, that type of thing. Get the picture I’m painting here, Daddy?”

  He cringes. Then squeezes his eyes shut.

  “Skylina, I can’t begin …”

  “No you can’t. Ever. There’s not a thing you can say to me that will make things easier. But maybe you should’ve thought of that ten, no, eleven years ago. When your sweet little wife was making up all those lies about me. Did it ever occur to you, one time, that she was lying?”

  The man is so uncomfortable in my presence, I begin to wonder why he’s even here. He won’t look me in the eye.

  “Well?”

  “Er, well, I don’t …”

  “It’s a simple yes or no question, Dad.”

  “Yes.”

  “Ferk.” I shake my head. He knew she was lying and said nothing. His answer … the truth of what he tells me, sickens me. “You sent me back here knowing what it would be like? You didn’t even care enough about your own daughter to check up on me? To see what was going on? What Mom was making me do? And you acted like you believed all those lies your wife told you. What kind of man are you?”

  He still can’t face me. He speaks so quietly, I have to strain to hear him. “Not a very good one, I’m afraid.”

  Then a thought occurs to me. The letter I wrote. It’s done and sitting on my nightstand. Now’s my big chance, my opportunity to give it to him. He’s going to know exactly how I feel after today.

  “No, I would have to agree with you on that. And let me give you something, Daddy. You see, I’m going to a psychiatrist now and she’s the one that recommended I write this. I never intended for you to have it, but since you’re here, well, you may as well read it.” I head to my bedroom to retrieve the letter I was in such turmoil over. When I return, I hand it over to him.

  “I want you to have something, Skylina. I wasn’t a father to you. Maybe the first few years of your life, but when your mom and I split, well, I have no excuses. Anyway, here.”

  He hands me a piece of paper and I look at it and it’s a check for fifty thousand dollars. I laugh. Uncontrollably. And I can’t stop.

  “Read the letter. Then you’ll know why I’m laughing.”

  He opens the envelope and takes out the many sheets of paper and begins to read. My eyes zero in on his face because I want to see his reaction. I want to gauge how sincere he is. It takes him quite a while to get through it because he breaks down and cries. At times it’s so bad he has to pull a handkerchief out of his pocket to wipe not only his eyes, but his entire face. No doubt, my letter has shaken him up.

  I’m silent, refusing to speak. When he’s composed himself, he finally has the balls to look me in the eyes.

  “Your mother was a smart woman. Sailed through pharmacy school like she was eating a piece of candy. She landed the first job she applied for at the hospital and climbed the ranks quickly. She worked long hours and so did I. Then she started coming home, acting strange. At first I thought she was having an affair. I never dreamed she would be using drugs. The idea never occurred to me. Then one day, I found her supply. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe what it was at first. It was a plastic case and inside there were small syringes and vials of morphine and other things I’d never heard of. And there were pills too. So I confronted her and that’s when the fighting began. I was convinced she would quit. She swore she would. But she didn’t. Then she got caught stealing and you know the rest of that story. I was a mess. I really loved her, Skylina. I know it’s hard for you to believe now, but I was crazy in love with her. But she changed … became a different woman. She was so pretty, so smart. I … well, I don’t need to go into all of this. Suffice it to say, by the time she went to prison, that sweet, smart, happy girl I married didn’t exist anymore. But I lied to myself and made myself believe that she would change for you. Of course, she didn’t.

  “I’m not telling you this for you to forgive me or anything like that. What I did to you … the way I left you and never checked on you was … unconscionable. I’m sorry for that, and if I were you, I’d hate my guts too. But that day that young man came to my house and showed me your picture … the one of you eating cotton candy for the first time, the pretense of the world I had built around me couldn’t be maintained anymore. It all crashed around me. I had no idea things had gotten as bad as they had. That Mary would stoop to the levels she did. And when he told me …”

  My head spins with his words. Showed me your picture … the one of you eating cotton candy for the first time.

  “Wait! Who showed you a picture of me?”

  “I don’t know his name. He came to my house and let me have it—verbally. Then he shoved this in my face and left.”

  My dad pulls out a folded up picture of me. It was one of the photos that Ryder took of me the day we went to Luna Park. What the heck is going on here?

  “What did this man look like?”

  “Young, big, dark blond hair.”

  Shiz. I stagger backwards to the couch. What has he done?

  “Are you okay Skylina?”

  I can’t answer that right now. Instead, I look for my phone and when my eyes land on it, I make a dash for it. My hand shakes as I tap in his number.

  “Hey babe. You finishing up?” he asks cheerfully.

  Damn his sexy as all hell voice. My resolve to be pissed wants to shatter, but I buck up and say, “How soon can you come over?”

  “What’s up?”

  He knows something’s wrong.

  “Just come here as soon as you can.”

  “Skylina, are you all right?”

  “Yes. No. Just get over here, Ryder.”

  “On my way, babe.” His voice is firm, all sexiness is gone. Well, not really but he’s much more aware.

  I’m up on my feet, pacing. My father watches me, unsure of what to do. A thought hits me.

  “Where do you live?” I ask my dad.

  “In LA.”

  I scrunch up my face and shake my head. “You live in LA now? He came to your house in LA?”

  “Yes. He did.”

  “What the ferk,” I mumble to myself.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  The muscles in my neck feel hard as a rock so I dig my fingers in them, trying to relax them. It’s been months since I’ve smoked weed or snorted coke or even had a drink, but I sure could use any of the above right now. Or maybe I should call Dr. Martinelli. I feel like I’m hanging off a cliff by a frayed rope and only one tiny thread is left intact.

  The loud knock on my door startles me and I jump. Shiz.

  I take the few steps to open the door and let Ryder in. When he walks in, he knows immediately why he’s there.

  “Mr. O’Donnell.”

  My dad nods.

  “Ryder, what the hell is going on? And when did you go to LA?”

  My dad looks lost. Completely. Ryder looks between us and asks, “Are you okay? Physically?”

  “Yes.”

  “May I speak to you privately?” Ryder asks.

  “Ye…”

  “Skylina,” my dad interrupts, “look, I came here to apologize and to give you that check. I think I need to leave so you and this young man can talk. He obviously cares enough about you to fly across the country and tell me what needed to be told. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness and I’m not asking for it. But if you ever want to talk, here’s my number.” He pushes a square of paper in my hand and lets himself out.

  I can’t decide if I want to laugh or cry over this situation.

  “What did he tell you?” Ryder asks.

  “That you let him have it—verbally and then shoved a picture of me in his face.” />
  “Well, he got that right.”

  “How did you find him? And what made you do that?”

  Whenever Ryder gets uncomfortable with something, he looks away and scrapes his lower lip between his teeth. Then he moves his neck from side to side, as if he’s relieving the built up tension there. He’s so easy to read.

  “Sit.” When he tells me this, I know I’m not going to like his explanation.

  I take a seat on the couch. He pulls up a chair and sits across from me.

  “When you first started coming to my place, I got hooked on you. No pun intended. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I still can’t. But then you’d disappear for a few days. So I asked Case to investigate you.”

  “You did what?”

  “I hired Case. To do a little detective work on you. That’s how I found out you worked at Exotique-A and also that you were a … a ...”

  “A prostitute?” I say it for him.

  “Well, yes. That night when you came home, the night you sprained your ankle and I said those terrible things to you, was right after I got all the information back from Case.”

  “Oh God. You hired someone to dig into my background. To … Ryder, how could you?”

  “You kept disappearing on me, Skylina. I wanted to find you. And it was all there in your background about your mom and dad. Then that day we went to Luna Park and you told me about your stepmom and how your dad left you, something snapped in me. I came home and had all these pictures of you … how beautiful you looked and how happy you were. Capturing you eating your first taste of cotton candy, and your first bite of a funnel cake. Things like that. I stared at those pictures for hours, wondering how could any father … any man, not listen to what his daughter had to say? Not even give her a chance? And that’s when I knew I had to tell him what I thought of him. How he abandoned you to an incompetent mother who cared nothing for you. So I had Case find out where he lived and we both flew out there, went to his house, I gave him a piece of my mind and we flew straight home. Never in a million years did I imagine he would come to New York.”