SEAL'd Heart

by Alice Ward

  By eight that evening, my phone remained silent.

  I sat in my desk chair, listening to the sounds of the office wrapping up through my cracked door. My employees laughed and chatted about their weekend plans. The sounds made my stomach go sour.

  I snatched my cell phone up and pulled Candace’s name up again, but I couldn’t go through with calling her. Dialing her twice in one day was a sure-fire way to push her in the opposite direction.

  But I couldn’t help it. I’ll call you sometime. That’s what she’d said.

  Was she playing me?

  I raked my fingers through my hair and snorted. No. Impossible. Women came to me. Women lined up around the block to spend an evening with Niall Lambert. Women…

  …who weren’t Candace. She was in a league of her own. No doubt men regularly beat paths to her door.

  Was she with another one of them right then? Perhaps over at his house, sitting on his couch… tasting his mouth?

  My fingers curled into a rage at the thought of the faceless man. Rolling my chair over to the desktop, I opened the browser. I typed and clicked quickly before I could stop and question why I was acting like a junior high girl.

  I didn’t have Facebook. The only social media I was involved in were the pages my publicist ran. I found Candace’s right away though.

  I gritted my teeth and scrolled down the page a bit.

  There. Sitting up a little straighter, I peered at the screen. According to a notification, Candace was attending a club opening that night. Tone it was called. Judging by the photos, not my kind of place. Too much pounding bass. Too many flashing lights.

  But if Candace was headed there, then so was I.

  Going there right away was the only option. If I took any time to think about it, I would realize how crazy I was being and just go home. I called my driver on the way out of the office. Thirty minutes later, and I stood in front of the club.

  A line of hipsters and wannabe ravers in spandex stretched down the block, the whole group sequestered off by a long velvet rope. I searched the faces. No Candace.

  Striding forward, I inconspicuously fished in my pocket for the hundred I’d slipped in there before exiting the car.

  “Niall Lambert,” I told the bouncer who held a clipboard that no doubt contained a list of names.

  A flash of what might have been recognition washed over his face, but before he could look down at the list, I slipped him the hundred. He unhooked the rope and in I went.

  The celestial themed club was much like I thought it would be. In my younger days, I got off going to such places every once in a while, but my preferences had become more refined since then. With Candace’s tastes and class, it seemed surprising that she would even drop into such a club for a few minutes.

  I pushed my way through the crowd, sometimes having to put my hands on people and shove them out of the way to get some space. Rainbow lights swept across the bodies and faces, none of them belonging to Candace.

  I stopped walking in the middle of the dance floor. This was ridiculous. What would I even say to Candace once I found her? I would come across as a fool, a stalker.

  I knew it then. I’d lost my fucking mind.

  Turning, I rushed back across the floor. I needed to leave this awful place. Maybe I would call up the girls from the coat closet after all. They wouldn’t make me forget entirely about Candace, but they could be a good distraction for an hour or two.

  And then there she was. Dancing on the edge of the floor, set apart from all the rest.

  With the music and lights wrapped around her, the club suddenly became much more appealing. Dressed in heels and a tight dress, with her hair loose and big hoop earrings grazing her shoulders, she danced with abandon. Her eyes fell closed, and her head dropped back. Maybe I imagined it, but she looked lost in a surge of ecstasy.

  I wanted her to look that way while my hands were on her.

  And I wanted the man grinding up on her to be wiped from existence.

  Adrenaline surged through me as I rushed forward. The guy went up to Candace’s back and put his hands on her hips. His groin thrust forward, getting dangerously close to her ass. Candace kept dancing, raising her arms, and shaking her head back and forth.

  I stopped myself half a second before ripping the man away from her and throwing him on the dance floor. Instead, I placed a hand on his shoulder.

  He turned and stared and me, his douchey face pinched. He jutted his chin at me and said something I couldn’t hear over the music, but that I knew, thanks to lip reading, contained the word “bro.”

  I leaned closer to him. “That’s my girlfriend!” I shouted over the bass.

  He immediately raised his hands and backed away before disappearing into the crowd, probably already on another mission to grind against the next unsuspecting woman.

  Candace kept dancing, her back still turned. Her hips swayed, the tight dress stretching to the max across her ass. Her shoulder dropped, and she spun around and met my eyes.

  Instantly, all dancing stopped. Her mouth fell open, and she just stared. I parted my lips to say something, but even if I’d possessed an excuse, it was still way too loud to talk.

  Her eyes darted around, perhaps looking for the douche, then fell back on me. Her eyebrows pushed together in unmistakable anger, and she spun again, away from me, making tracks for the door.

  I followed, staying as close as I could so as not to lose her.

  We burst into the night. Without so much as a glance over her shoulder, she stomped down the sidewalk, her hands curled at her sides.

  “Candace!”

  She kept going.

  I ran and jumped up next to her. “Candace.”

  “What?” she snapped.

  “I...”

  She stopped walking. “Yeah?”

  “I...” I shoved my hands into my pockets. Shit.

  I really should have come up with a plan.

  “What are you doing here, Niall?”

  My throat burned. I swallowed hard, which only made it worse. “I wanted… to see you.”

  Disbelief filled her face. “You wanted to see me, or you just wanted to let me know that you’re in charge?”

  “What does that mean, exactly?” I snapped, my temperature rising.

  She crossed her arms. “I didn’t respond to your message so you came out and what, found me? And how did you do that anyway? Are you some kind of crazy stalker?”

  My lips pressed together. Shit, shit, shit. “Why didn’t you call me back?” I barked, changing the subject.

  The second the question left my mouth, I knew it was too harsh. Her chest rose, and she sharply inhaled. “Because I don’t belong to you, that’s why.”

  “I know you don’t belong to me.”

  “Then stop acting like you think I do.”

  A long few seconds passed. At this point, I would usually decide that the woman, whoever she might be, was not worth the effort.

  Because they never were.

  But maybe Candace was.

  I couldn’t believe it, couldn’t even fathom that I had these thoughts, but there they were. Candace was not every woman. I couldn’t let her slip away after one night spent together.

  “What are you doing here?” she whispered, sounding sad this time.

  I looked at the ground, then back up at her. Look at her face. Look at her. As hard as it was to do, she wouldn’t take me seriously if I spoke more to the sidewalk than to her.

  “I had to see you.” My voice cracked over the words.

  Her head shook. “Why?”

  “Because...”

  Every word I wanted to say fled my brain as fear chased them away.

  Candace bit her deep red lip. “I can’t know things if you don’t say them, Niall.”

  I ran my hand through my hair. What the hell was I supposed to say? I didn’t even know what was going on inside of me. To try and explain it all to someone else would be impossible.

  I had rules. O
nes that kept me alive, ones that I always stuck to, no matter what.

  Candace made me break those rules. And what’s more, she made me want to break them.

  She made a disgusted noise and turned to walk away.

  “Wait!” I shouted and grabbed her wrist.

  She spun back around, and I pulled her to me. Locking my other arm around her waist, I pushed myself tight against her. Her eyes went wide and her lips parted.

  “I just had to see you,” I throatily whispered.

  Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. “But for how long?” she softly asked. “And why?”

  “Because I...”

  She waited, then slowly shook her head. “You’re complicated, Niall. And wounded. I can see that.”

  I flinched. How did she hit so close to home so often? It was like she found exposed nerves I didn’t even know I had and went at them with all she was worth.

  I opened my mouth to deny the statement, but I couldn’t. Instead, I just stared at her, hoping she wouldn’t leave but not knowing what to do to stop her if she tried just that.

  “I’ve been through hell and back too,” she said, her eyes hard. “But you don’t have to stay there. You can get yourself out.”

  It felt like someone punched me in the heart. So many emotions hit at once, a lot of them unnamable. I was terrified. Relieved. Angry. Ecstatic.

  My fingers twitched against Candace. She lifted her chin and looked right at me, her eyes softening a bit. We both swayed, our lips closing an inch of space.

  I pressed my mouth against hers, putting everything I had into the touch. She kissed back right away, one hand coming to my arm and one to my head.

  We stayed locked together, all the questions and conflicts spinning around us. I kissed this beautiful, compassionate woman hard, willing all of those difficult details to go away.

  But they wouldn’t. The more I got of Candace, the more I realized I was fucked. Something I didn’t understand was happening in me.

  The only thing I could think to do was distract myself from it all.

  I broke off the kiss but kept my lips hovering near hers. “Come home with me.”

  She didn’t answer, didn’t move. We stood motionless, suspended for what felt like hours.

  “Please.”

  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d begged for something. I’d fancied myself past that kind of behavior. But I was out of options and devoid of anything but the need to have Candace close to me.

  “All right.” Her answer was brusque, a little too harsh, but it was still an answer. The answer I wanted.

  I grabbed her hand and led her to the car. We were quiet the whole drive to my building. Taking her hand once more, I led her through the front doors and the lobby, up the elevator, and into my penthouse.

  The second the door clicked closed behind us, something broke in me. The dam collapsed, and I transformed into an uncontrollable beast. Grabbing Candace by the waist, I turned her around and pushed her back against the wall. Half of a gasp left her lips, and then my mouth hit hers, consuming the rest. Kissing feverishly, I picked her up. Her purse dropped to the floor and her legs wrapped around me. Fingers tugged my hair, and her tongue danced with mine.

  I tightened my grasp around her waist and stumbled backwards. My heels hit against the wall, telling me where we were in the dark hallway. I fumbled my way to my bedroom, never breaking for a rest from Candace’s mouth.

  The curtains were open, letting in just enough city light for the furniture to be visible. I set Candace down on the bed. She rested on her forearms, her face turned up to me. Standing above her, I kicked my shoes off and stripped off my shirt.

  Her heaving breathing filled the room, wrapping around me and drawing me in. With a growl, I launched onto her. Her back hit the mattress as she succumbed to my weight.

  Down her neck I kissed, then across the top of her dress. I worked on the sleeves, pushing them down to expose her breasts. Taking one taut nipple in my mouth, I tugged slightly and let it go. It slipped from my mouth with a pop, and Candace hissed out a sharp exhale.

  Taking a breast in each hand, I rolled her soft curves beneath my palms, squeezing, stroking, and testing. Every touch, light or hard, made her moan in pleasure.

  Heat rushed into my groin, making me grow even harder. Needing her lips, I kissed her hard, consuming her sweetness, never wanting it to end. Her hands ran over the bulge in my pants, and I jerked from a quick hit of pleasure.

  She worked at my pants as we kissed, undoing and pushing them down over my hips. I kicked them off the rest of the way. The sweet air kissed my naked skin, invigorating me. With the new surge of energy, I pulled Candace’s dress down and threw it on the floor with my clothes.

  I took her already soaking panties and pulled them away from her soft flesh. She shivered and groaned. I smiled in the darkness, understanding the feeling completely.

  Wrapping my hands around her waist, I lifted her a bit and deposited her higher up on the bed. She reached up eagerly for my shoulders, digging her hands into them and pulling me down against her.

  My cock pulsed against her inner thigh as we kissed, beyond ready. After getting so close to never even seeing Candace again, having her in my bed turned out to be almost more than I could believe.

  “Hold on,” I whispered, then leaned up to grab a condom from the nightstand. My hands shook slightly as I rolled it on; each passing second without being inside Candace turned out to be torturous.

  I grabbed her hands in mine, our fingers automatically interlacing. Into her I pushed, spreading her slick lips, groaning as her body stretched around me, accepting me.

  She cried out as I hit her sensitive ridged spot. I stopped there, pushing up against it and teasing her. Her breathing came out more labored, the best sign. Taking my hands from hers, I slipped them underneath her hips, lifting her, changing the angle for my next driving thrust.

  Candace cried out, what could be considered a wail coming from her lips. She threaded her fingers through my hair and pulled my mouth down to hers.

  She clenched around my dick, clutching onto me tighter and tighter as I drove her to the edge. With a guttural groan, she exploded. Her release of pleasure took me to a whole new high, and I burst as well, shaking and then stilling against her.

  We both slumped against the mattress, my head nestled into her neck as her hands continued to fist in my hair. Her warm exhales caressed my cheek, one after the other. The clock in the corner ticked on, each passing second that we didn’t move being counted.

  What next?

  In my case, I always made the first move after sex. I hardly ever brought women back to my place, but when I did, I made it abundantly clear that there would be no sleeping over.

  Those were the women I didn’t want coming back.

  Somehow Candace had become the one woman I didn’t want to leave. And leave she would.

  I gulped, trying not to think about it.

  After a few more minutes, she squirmed a bit underneath me. I got the hint and rolled off her to lay on my back. She sat up and ran her hands through her hair, making it even more tousled.

  I looked at her bare back, illuminated by the light from the window, and a strange emotion filled me. It wasn’t carnal lust, and it wasn’t sadness over her impending departure. It was a deep satisfaction.

  If only it would last.

  She looked over her shoulder at me, her eyes gleaming even in the poor light. “I’m going to go.”

  My chest constricted. Fine, I opened my mouth to say, but then bit my tongue. The tactics I’d depended on for so long, the ones I used with nearly everyone else, wouldn’t work with Candace. I’d at least figured that much out.

  “Why?” I asked instead, not ready to flat out admit I wanted her to stay.

  She hesitated, then shook her head and gestured at the bed. “This… this isn’t going to go anywhere good.”

  I sat up, angry, sad, and frustrated all at once. “You’re judging me too q
uickly.”

  “No, I’m not Niall,” came her even reply. She turned on the bed to face me straight on. “I know what a childhood like the kind you probably had leads to. Have you ever tried getting professional help?”

  It was the last reply I expected. My mouth went dry, and my pulse picked up. “Yes,” I fibbed.

  “I think you’re lying.”

  Shit. How is she this good?

  Candace went on. “I went to therapy for five years. My sister and I went together for some of it, and then I went… alone. It helped a lot. Still does.”

  I gritted my teeth and looked down at the bed. “I can take care of my health myself.”

  “Don’t bullshit me, Niall.”

  My eyes whipped back up to hers. “I—”

  “I don’t know everything about you,” she said, not giving me a chance to argue. “But I know pain when I see it. I know people who have to close themselves off emotionally just to get through the day. You can pick them out of the crowd like a zombie.”

  Nausea filled me. “You’re right about not knowing everything about me.”

  She lifted her chin. “So tell me this. What do you want from me?”

  I licked my lips. No more lying. Not to Candace and not to myself. “I want… I want you. For more than one night. For more than one week. I don’t know for how long, but I want to try. I want to see… what happens.”

  The words sounded so strange coming from my mouth. Maybe I imagined it, but it looked like one corner of Candace’s lips twitched upwards like she wanted to smile.

  “Then you have to work,” she said, her voice as soft as an angel. “And I don’t mean for me. You have to work on yourself because nobody’s going to want to be around you if they feel like they’re not getting through to you, or if they feel like you’re just using them.”

  She stood and grabbed her dress. I tensed. “Candace...”

  Her hands froze, and she looked down at me. Don’t go. That’s all I had to say, and it wasn’t good enough for her, so I just kept quiet.

  She pulled her panties and dress on, then scooped up her heels.

  “Goodbye, Niall,” she said as she left the bedroom.