The Lighthouse

by Melanie Wilber

  Okay, bye

  Bye...Love you

  I checked to see if Jonathan was still online, but he had signed off. I breathed a little sigh of relief and then sent him another message, saying I was sorry I had missed him and that I had been talking to my best friend back home. I didn’t want him to think I had deliberately ignored him.

  I decided to go take a shower. I had tried this morning, but it was too crowded, and I preferred evening showers anyway. I always had better hair days when it had a chance to air-dry completely rather than going out when it was still damp. And I could take my time, especially here where I didn’t have to worry about using too much hot water.

  When I returned to the room, Marissa was sitting on her bed using her laptop like she had been when I left, but she smiled at me in a curious way--like she had a secret.

  “What?” I asked, stepping past her to put my shampoo caddy away and hang up my damp towel on the peg outside my wardrobe door.

  “Oh, nothing.”

  I could usually tell the difference between someone trying to make fun of me and having fun with me, and I was pretty sure it was the latter in this case.

  “Are you still online?” I could see the page interface from where I was standing. “You’re even more of a junkie than my friend Jodi.”

  She laughed. “I’m not usually on here this long. I was just talking to Jonny.” She closed her laptop then and set it aside, reaching for the class schedule they had received today.

  “Did you do that a lot when you were in Portland and he was here?”

  “No, not that much. Once in awhile. He’s more of a phone person, and so am I. Have you looked at this yet?”

  “A little,” I said, reaching for my identical catalog. “I was planning to figure it out tomorrow. I know what classes I’m taking, I just need to choose the times.”

  “I wish I knew what I was taking,” she sighed. “I can’t make up my mind.”

  “What’s your major?”

  She laughed. “I can’t decide on that either.”

  “Do you have any interest in medicine like Jonathan?”

  “Maybe nursing,” she said. “I don’t think I’d make it through medical school, or pre-med for that matter. I’m also thinking of teaching or going with something more generic like history and figuring out anything career-wise later.”

  “What does your mom do?”

  “She’s a teacher. Our teacher. We’ve all been homeschooled since kindergarten.”

  I didn’t know why that surprised me, but it did. Maybe because I’d always thought of homeschooled kids as being quiet and studious instead of social and well-adjusted like Jonathan and Marissa obviously were.

  “Did you like that?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Sometimes I wanted to go to school like some of my friends, but a lot of them wished they were homeschooled, so I guess nothing is ever perfect, right?”

  I knew there had been times I wished I was homeschooled, so I knew what she meant. But I thought about her words in another way too. So far my time here had been pretty perfect, and I wondered how long that would last.

  “Right,” I agreed with her anyway. “There’s always something.”

  “I like being here so far,” she said. “How about you?”

  “It was a good day, and tonight was fun.”

  “Dinner with Jonny and his friends, you mean?”

  “Yeah.”

  Marissa flashed that knowing smile once again, but I didn’t call her on it this time. I refused to believe Jonathan had any interest in me whatsoever. I couldn’t let myself go down that path only to end up disappointed. So I ignored it and turned my eyes on the pages of the catalog, deciding I may as well begin the process of figuring out my schedule.

  “Jonathan and I were talking about maybe taking a P.E. class together--like running or general conditioning,” Marissa said after a few minutes of us both doing some silent searching. “That way we’ll be guaranteed to see each other several times a week.”

  “That sounds like a good idea,” I replied.

  “Are you planning to take a P.E. class this term? You could join us, if you want.”

  Chapter Five

  I wasn’t too disappointed when I wasn’t able to coordinate my schedule to take the same P.E. class Marissa and Jonathan were planning to take. For one thing I didn’t like running and other types of high-impact exercise because I had weak ankles and knees that had bothered me a lot in the past. I had tried track in middle school but had to quit because of the pain.

  In high school I had turned to swimming, something I had always enjoyed in a leisurely way, but I liked competing too, and while I hadn’t had a spectacular four-year career in the sport, I hadn’t done too badly, and I was excited at the prospect of being able to take swimming to earn P.E. credits rather than having to do something I didn’t enjoy.

  Marissa never said anything about Jonathan wanting her to try and talk me into taking the same class as them, but as crazy as it seemed, that was definitely the impression I got throughout the day on Tuesday and after dinner when we were both filling out the final drafts of our schedule we would use to register tomorrow. Once I finally admitted I would prefer to take a swimming class anyway, Marissa stopped trying to work it out, and by the following day the issue seemed to have been forgotten.

  I didn’t have any reason to think I would be seeing Jonathan that evening, but after dinner Marissa said he was picking her up in an hour to go to The Lighthouse, and she asked if I wanted to go. I had friends back in Bandon who sometimes went to church during the middle of the week, and I had been invited a few times but had never gone. Usually because I had too much homework I was fastidious about getting every speck of done, including the extra credit work I didn’t need to keep my grades up but enjoyed more than the regular assignments because it was always more interesting.

  But I had also been fearful of going someplace new where I didn’t know exactly what we would be doing or what would be expected of me. If it was more of an intellectual thing I would be fine, but if it was social-oriented, I wasn’t as good in those kinds of situations. But considering what it had been like to go out for pizza on Monday with some of the same people who would be there tonight, I supposed it was worth giving a try. If I didn’t like it, I could use the homework excuse next week and for the remainder of the term.

  “Sure,” I said. “Do I need to change, or is it okay to wear jeans?”

  “You’re fine. I’m wearing this,” she replied, referring to her current outfit that was similar, only a little more fashionable than I ever made the effort to be.

  “Do I need to bring anything?”

  “A Bible if you have one.”

  “I don’t.”

  “That’s okay. We can share. Have you ever been to church before?”

  “No.”

  “Never?”

  “A few times when I was young, like at Christmas and stuff, but my family isn’t religious.”

  “That’s part of what college is about, don’t you think? Trying new things? Seeing what’s beyond the little corner of the world we grew up in?”

  “Yes, I suppose,” I laughed. “But I’m not a big fan of trying new things.”

  “Well, if you like it, great. And if you don’t, then at least you’ll know.”

  I didn’t see the need to argue with her on that, and I didn’t get the impression this was something Marissa was going to try and force me to like or go to regularly. Since we had some time before we had to leave, I went online, not thinking about Jonathan being one of my friends until I saw he had sent me a message.

  How did registering for your classes go today? I heard you weren’t able to get the same P.E. class as Mar and me...bummer. Well, maybe I’ll see you tonight at The Lighthouse. If Marissa hasn’t invited you yet, let me do the honors. And if she has, I hope you can come :)

  When we left at six-thirty, I didn’t feel nervous about going. I was a little nervous about seeing Jonathan again, be
cause that’s the way I always felt around him initially, but once we met him out front and were on our way, I relaxed. He seemed happy to see me.

  The seating arrangement was the same as it had been on Monday night. Me up front with Jonathan; Marissa, Adam, and Jeremy in the back. When we arrived at the large building that looked nothing like a lighthouse but did have one as its logo on the sign out front, I saw some of the people I’d met the other night, plus a lot of new faces.

  Jonathan introduced us to everyone we met, but usually as ‘Marissa, my little sister, and her roommate, Jennifer,’ so I didn’t feel like the center of attention or uncomfortable in any way. I was more focused on the church itself. It appeared fairly new, was quite large, and had some beautiful architecture, both on the outside as we made our way to the front entrance and once we stepped inside a large foyer.

  My eyes fell on the interior wall with a cut-out of the lighthouse logo right in the middle of it. The larger version was quite impressive and made me feel at home. The doors to the main auditorium were on either side of the wall, and I could see others were already taking some seats, but Jonathan was talking to everybody and continuing to introduce us to his friends.

  The lobby became more and more crowded, and I kept stepping closer to him to let others pass by until I was practically touching him. Marissa was on the other side of me, talking with some girls she had just met, but I was mostly listening to their conversation and to Jonathan at the same time. I didn’t mind. Listening to conversations was more fascinating than being a part of one most of the time--unless it was a close friend I really enjoyed talking to.

  I felt like I should be more interested in getting to know the girls and trying to make some friendship connections. They were freshmen too and this was their first time here as well, but I felt more drawn to Jonathan, and he didn’t become aloof to my presence.

  “We should go sit down,” he said, checking the time and turning to face me fully. The others around us were beginning to disperse and make their way into the auditorium, including Marissa and the girls she was talking to. I started to do the same, assuming Jonathan would follow, but he held me back for a moment, reaching for my arm and giving it a gentle squeeze. I looked back at him.

  “I’m really glad you came tonight,” he said.

  I smiled. “It’s a lighthouse. How could I say no?”

  He laughed. “I’m glad.”

  We walked toward the auditorium, and Jonathan remained by my side as I scanned the room for Marissa. She was about halfway up in the center section of chairs, and she had saved two seats for us on the end of the row. I could see Adam and some of Jonathan’s friends were a few rows up, but he stayed with us, and I sat beside Marissa as someone up front was beginning to welcome everyone.

  He said he was glad to see so many familiar faces and plenty of new ones also. “For those of you who are familiar with what we do here, I hope you will look around for those who seem lost and need to get to know some people; and for those of you who are new, I welcome you and hope you will feel at home here. The Lighthouse is a place where everyone is welcome, no matter who you are, where you’ve come from, what kind of church you grew up in, or if you’ve never had a church to call your own. We hope you will feel like a part of the family, and I, and the rest of the staff, along with the student-leaders, want you to feel you can come to us at any time if you have questions, concerns, suggestions, or just need to talk.

  “We know college can be a time of great transition. It can be one of the best times of your life, but it can also be scary, confusing, or lonely at times. So, whatever your college experience is like so far and how it changes over the months to come, we want you to always feel you can find love and direction and a helping hand at The Lighthouse. That’s why we’re here--for you. For all of you, whether this is your first time or you’ve been coming here for a few years.”

  He introduced the band that had been assembling on stage, and he said they were going to lead us in worship. A lot of people around me broke into applause and stood to their feet, including Jonathan and Marissa, so I did too. The drummer counted off the tempo with his sticks, and the band started playing. It was loud--much louder than I had expected the music at church to be--but they were good, and the first song was one everyone obviously knew well.

  I mostly listened and read the words as they appeared on the large screens up front. I did clap and dance a bit like those around me were doing, but since I didn’t know the song, I didn’t attempt to sing.

  The girl who was singing the lead vocals and playing electric guitar said some things once the song ended, welcoming everyone much the same as the first guy had done, and then she said something about the music itself.

  “If this is your first time here, welcome. I hope you will join in as you feel comfortable and get to know the songs. I encourage you to take a look at the words and what they say, and not just those of you who are new. You may be so familiar with these songs you could sing them in your sleep--which I often do!

  “But sometimes familiarity can be a bad thing. We forget what we’re singing. We forget the significance of the words. We forget how true they are. Worship isn’t meant to be something we only do here, and it’s not just about glorifying God with our praise. It’s about us, and what we believe, and how we live, and why. So, don’t sing mindlessly. Think about what you’re singing and how profound the words are. I would rather you be silent and contemplate the truth than sing at the top of your lungs and dance in the aisles without giving any thought to what’s coming out of your mouth--and I know God would too.”

  I had been looking at the words during the first song, and I continued to do so as the band played through several more. I was surprised by how many of them talked about the love of God. I hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about God and considering if He was real or not, but the times I had, the thought of God being loving hadn’t really occurred to me. Not that I thought He was horrible or cruel either, but I thought of Him as being more detached. Out there in the Universe somewhere, but not concerned with human beings one way or the other.

  I also noticed the use of the word “light” in some of the songs, and I supposed that had something to do with giving the church a name like The Lighthouse. But what did light have to do with God?

  The man who had been up front at the beginning spoke for about ten minutes after that, and I learned he was one of the pastors here. His name was Dan, and he said we could call him Pastor Dan or just Dan. He explained how Wednesday evenings usually went. Everyone met in here for worship like we had done tonight, then he would speak or someone else would for a short time, reading some words from the Bible and introducing the topic for discussion.

  Then everyone would break up into smaller groups, some of them staying in here and others going to some nearby rooms. Each group had a student leader who would lead the discussion and everyone was welcome to participate by asking questions, sharing thoughts, and writing things down on a worksheet we would be given or in a journal if we preferred.

  We weren’t going to be doing that tonight because none of the groups had been formed yet, but some cards were passed out and we were instructed to fill them out if we wanted to be placed in a discussion group, and I felt a little apprehensive about giving out my personal information, like my address, phone number, and email. I didn’t have a pen, so I had to wait until I could borrow one, and while I was waiting, Pastor Dan said if we didn’t know if we would be coming back, then we could bring the card back and turn it in another week, and he also said if we came with someone, we were free to attend whatever discussion group they were in and we could become an official part of that group later if we decided we wanted to.

  I noticed that Jonathan didn’t have a card to fill out, and I asked him why.

  “I’m one of the group leaders this year,” he said. “They already know who I am.”

  I smiled and asked him something spontaneous. “If I decide to come back next week, can I be in y
our group?”

  He smiled. “Absolutely.”

  Chapter Six

  In lieu of having regular group-discussion time, Pastor Dan had everyone form some small groups right where we were, turning chairs around to face each other and spreading out a bit to form circles of six to eight people, and then we shared about ourselves--where we were from, if this was our first time here or not, our year and major, or if we weren’t going to school but just working, and anything we wanted to share about our interests, family, or whatever.

  Other than Marissa and Jonathan, I didn’t know anyone, and there was only one other guy in our group. Three of the girls were freshmen too, and the other one was a senior. She had been sitting in front of me and Jonathan along with the guy beside her. Jonathan knew them and pointed out that Marissa was his sister. He also said he was going to be one of the group-discussion leaders this year and Amy was too. Amy had already shared, but she confirmed that and also said if any of us wanted to be in a group together, we should indicate that on our card.

  I inwardly debated about whether I should fill mine out and write Jonathan’s name on it, or if I would wait a few weeks and see if I really wanted to do this, but before I had made a decision, it was my turn to speak, and I tried to keep it simple.

  “My name is Jennifer Ellison, and I’m a freshman at OSU. I’m from Bandon, Oregon, and I love the beach. Marissa is my roommate, and she invited me tonight. This is my first time here, obviously, and I’m a Biology major with the dream of making it into medical school in another four years.”

  “Wow, two overachievers in our group tonight,” Amy said. “You’re in pre-med too, aren’t you, Jonathan?”