Shadow of a Girl

by Shannon Greenland

  The phone rings, and I don’t answer it. When the machine picks up, I hear, “Eve? Pick up.”

  I snag the phone off the bedside table. “West? Where are you?”

  “Still in the garage.”

  I laugh. “Why are you calling me?”

  He lowers his voice. “I miss you.”

  I lie back on the bed. “You’re just in the garage.”

  “I know.”

  We listen to each other breathe for a few seconds, and it’s like I can feel him all through me.

  “What are you wearing?” he whispers.

  “The same thing I was wearing ten minutes ago when you saw me.”

  “No,” he groans. “You’re supposed to make something up. Something sexy.”

  “Oh.” I close my eyes and think of stuff I’ve seen in magazines that I think he might like. “A green see-through bra with matching see-through panties,” I say, not fully believing I actually just said that.

  He takes in a breath. “I do love you in green.”

  The gravelly tone to his voice has my belly swooping to my feet, and West chuckles. “I bet you’re blushing right now.”

  I groan in embarrassment, but boldly ask, “What are you wearing?”

  “No shirt. No Jeans. Just my snug Calvin Klein boxers.”

  It’s my turn to take in a breath. I like that image. Very much.

  “Bye, Green Eyes.”

  “Bye,” I whisper.

  I don’t know how long I lie on the bed, so turned on from a few seconds of conversation I can barely think straight. When I hear West rummaging in the kitchen, I finally get up, but instead of going downstairs, something has me picking up the guitar I see propped in the corner.

  Cradling it, I settle on the top step of the loft and stare out across the cold valley. I strum a few chords, warming up. I try mimicking a few of Bus Stop’s songs and do okay I suppose. Our night at the beach comes back to me and has me transitioning into the notes I’d created and West had written lyrics to. I play it through a few times and add to it here and there.

  I don’t know how much time goes by. I don’t care. I play. And play. And play some more. I totally lose myself in the rhythm, the strumming, and the chords. I try to remember all his words to the melody, but can’t, and so I focus on what feels right, what sounds right, and how it flows through my soul.

  When I finish, I sit, my eyes still closed, relishing the vibrations of the guitar as it settles.

  A soft clap fills the air, and my eyes open to see West standing at the bottom step.

  “Hi,” he says.

  “Hi,” I say back.

  He takes a step up.

  “What are you doing?” I ask.

  Another step up. “Watching the most beautiful girl in the world play the loveliest song.”

  I draw in a breath. “Oh…”

  He takes another step up. “I’ll ask if I can kiss her.” Another step. “No, I’ll just kiss her.” One more. “No, I better ask her first.”

  I stare at him as blood beats in my ears. “What are you talking about?”

  Another step up. “Those are the three sentences that went through my head continuously until I finally worked up the nerve to kiss you.”

  “You didn’t ask me.” Wait, did he?

  He takes another step up, keeping his eyes leveled on mine the whole time. “Hell, Eve, I’ve never put so much thought into kissing a girl in my entire life.”

  A few more steps and he’ll be right here.

  “Finally I decided I’d just do what felt right.” One more step up.

  “It was a great first kiss,” I breathe.

  Another step. “The best.”

  “And now?” Because please God, I hope he kisses me.

  One last step and he leans in and looks me in the eyes. “And now…”

  I hold my breath, but he doesn’t say anything. I try to say something, anything, but can’t wrangle my thoughts in.

  “And now,” he says, gently rubbing my earlobe between his thumb and forefinger, “food’s ready.”

  I blink. What?

  He turns and trots down the stairs. It takes me a second to realize what he’s just done, and I narrow my eyes as I put the guitar aside and slowly descend the stairs.

  West looks up and grins.

  I frown. “You’re kind of mean.” And I’m all kinds of turned on.

  He laughs and pulls my chair out for me. “You think you’re hot and bothered now? Just wait.”

  Chapter Forty-Two

  I give in to his good humor and sit down. “Something smells awesome. What did you make?”

  “Just grilled cheese and soup.”

  He puts our plates and bowls down and takes a seat beside me. “Did you get settled in up there?”

  “I did.” I spoon up some tomato soup. “I can’t believe you own a cabin.”

  West takes a bite of sandwich. “It was my mom’s idea, actually. When I first started making money, she highly recommended I invest in real estate. Of course she and Dad wanted a cabin in the mountains, so I pretty much bought it for the family.”

  Jake barks, snapping my attention to the door. “Want me to let him in?”

  “Sure.”

  I open the door, and he trots over to say hi to West, then proceeds to plop under the table at our feet.

  We finish our food, West talking the whole time about a trip he and Simon took to Bermuda. Frankly, I barely hear a word as sidetracked as I am by the fact that I’m here. Alone. With West. For the weekend.

  Where does he expect things to go tonight? Where do I? How do I tell him I’m still a little scared? That I’m still not sure about everything. How do I—

  West pushes his bowl away. “Think I’ll take the buggy out and see the property. We’ve got a couple hours before the sun sets. Interested?”

  I give him a relieved smile. Relieved at what? I’m not sure. Maybe just at getting out of this enclosed space into a wider area. Buggying around will give us something to do other than sit here and stare at each other. It’ll give my brain something to do other than spiral with thoughts.

  But what am I worried about? That he’s going to sweep me up to bed?

  “Besides,” West laughs, “this place is vibrating with your stress. I have no expectations about this weekend except to enjoy spending time with my sweetie. Okay? Relax, Eve, I’m not going to attack you.”

  I breathe out. He’s right. I need to relax. And sweetie? Okay, that’s just about the best thing ever.

  We spend the next couple of hours rolling over his property, stopping here and there and doing some hiking. He keeps the conversation going, making me laugh at silly things. It really is so easy to be around West.

  When we get back, it’s dark out and the temperature’s dropped. West makes a fire that Jake immediately sprawls in front of. It’s crackle and glow fills the cabin with warmth and flickering light. Outside a few tree limbs fall, and their hollow popping echoes through the valley.

  From the wine rack, West gets a bottle and opens it. “I’m not really a wine drinker, but it seems appropriate.” He holds up the bottle. “You like red?”

  I shrug. “Don’t know. Never had any.”

  West fills two glasses and hands me one. I take a hesitant sip, like it, and take another.

  “Wait! We’re supposed to toast.”

  “Oh. Sorry.”

  He leads me over to the couch. “Here’s to Jake. May his years be filled with no ticks and fleas.”

  Laughing, we clink glasses, and I take another sip.

  “Do you like it?” he asks.

  “Mm.”

  “I’m glad you left your cap off,” he tells me. “I love looking at you.”

  “I love looking at you, too,” I shyly admit.

  “Oh, Eve.” He reaches for me.

  I hold up my hand. “Will you do me a favor while we’re here?”

  He nods. “Anything.”

  “Let’s enjoy the here and now and try not to
think about other things.”

  West ponders that for a few seconds. “Well, I think a thank you is in order.”

  “For?”

  “For being honest with that request. That’s all I ever want from you. You know that, right? Honesty and trust.”

  Guilt squeezes my guts. Honesty and trust. Two things I have yet to completely give him. “I’ll do my best. I promise.”

  “Do one better. I think it’s clear I’m absolutely in like with you.”

  His words warm me. “I’m in like with you, too.” Of course I am.

  “So do one better and always talk to me. Whatever it is, just talk. If I say or do anything that makes you nervous, please tell me. I can’t read your mind, but I can definitely read your body language, and I can tell I make you uneasy sometimes. I don’t want to ever scare you, okay?”

  “You don’t scare me.” But he does. In a good way.

  “Just make sure you tell me if I do.”

  A few seconds go by, and the air between us shifts a little. It makes my anxiousness kick back in, and I will my nerves to settle.

  He lets out a shaky laugh. “Don’t worry. I get nervous with you, too.”

  A little homework assignment, Anne’s words float across my brain.

  West reaches across the couch cushion that separates him from me and toys with my fingers. “What are you thinking about?”

  My homework assignment from Anne, but I answer, “Nothing.”

  “Nothing?” he teases and sets first his glass aside and then mine.

  I study the flickering shadows across his jaw, more than aware of everything about him.

  West turns to me, scooting a little closer, his dark eyes tracing every feature of my face. “You’re very beautiful.”

  His words warm me through. “Thank you.”

  Gently, he places a feather kiss to each tip of my fingers, then he runs his hand along the back of my neck and pulls me forward. He gives a lingering kiss to my right cheek before slowly brushing down to my mouth. Lightly, he rubs his lips back and forth across mine, then moves over to my left cheek and presses a kiss there, too.

  West slides back down to my lips, and this time I open and our tongues tentatively touch. He tastes of wine. I open my mouth a little more, and he circles my tongue with his own, sucking it in and pulsing it back out in a seductive rhythm.

  With a moan, I pull him closer.

  He slips his arm around my back and slides me down to the couch. Stretching out on top of me, he trails his lips across my cheek to my neck, and then nibbles a path to my collarbone. “You smell so good,” he murmurs and moves up to my ear where he breathes a warm, moist sigh.

  A shiver dances down my back, and I pull him even closer and open my legs. With a groan, he presses into me.

  Homework assignment.

  My pulse kicks in. He’s always the one initiating the kissing, the touching, the hugging. I definitely like it all, but he never takes it too far. Like he’s afraid to push me beyond my comfort zone. I don’t mind the pushing, though. He knows how to read me, how to do it where my hesitancy quickly becomes wanting.

  I’m ready for things to go a little further. I’m not sure how much further. But there’s no reason why I can’t make the first move, why I can’t experiment. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. I draw in a breath of courage and give his chest a gentle push.

  He stops kissing me and stares down at me through dark eyes, his expression curious. “You okay?” he whispers.

  I nod. “I have a homework assignment.”

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Slowly West’s face takes on amusement, and he pushes himself away from me. “A homework assignment. Okay.”

  I sit up. “From Anne. I’m supposed to—” lick your tat, put my hand down your pants—I shake my head. “Basically, I’m supposed to take the initiative with you.”

  His amusement transitions into surprise. “Well, I think I might be in love with Anne.” He spreads his arms along the back of the couch. “Your wish is my command.”

  I blow out a shaky breath.

  “What do you want me to do?” he asks.

  What do I want him to do? That’s easy. “Take your shirt off.”

  Quickly, he does just that. “Now what?”

  I’m not sure, so I trace my finger along his tattoo. “When did you get this?”

  “After Mom died.” His lips curve up in tenderness. “Her name was Rose.”

  I trail my index finger over the rose at the top of the vine, thinking of his wonderful family and how tragic it all is.

  “It’s okay,” he whispers. “Come here.”

  I scoot closer and tentatively touch his bare chest with my fingers. I trace the curve of his pecs and trail my hand further down to his abs.

  His breath deepens, and he slides a hand up my side. “Do I get to make any requests in this homework assignment?”

  I shake my head, making it up as I go along. “No.”

  “Bummer,” he laughs.

  I wet my lips and lean in to kiss his chest. He catches his breath, and his fingers curl into my side. I lift my face and kiss him on the lips, deep and slow, and when I pull back, I’m shaking with need.

  His hand that’s on my side slides lower, and he digs his fingers into my butt, and without hesitating, I caress my fingers inside the gap of his jeans.

  He draws in another breath.

  I glance at his face to see his eyes closed.

  I’m not sure what makes me so bold, maybe his closed eyes, his expression, my own sense of control, but I unsnap his jeans and unzip them.

  With a shudder, he opens his eyes.

  “You were right. You wear Daffy Duck underwear.”

  He stifles a laugh as his hand slides under my hip and gently he pulls me over until I’m straddling his left leg. He lifts his thigh and presses it into me, and I draw in a breath.

  “Can I feel you?” I ask, and he nods.

  I trail my hand along the outside of his underwear and start to explore. With one hand he grips my hip and rocks me against his leg, and his other hand drifts up to caress my breast. I don’t really know what to do, but from his breathing and his expression I think I’m doing everything right.

  He lets out a cross between a moan and a groan. The deep sound of it vibrates through me, and I begin moving my hips against his thigh.

  Somewhere way back in my brain I’m aware of his hand. Of mine. Of the rhythm we’ve established. Everything washes over me. Him. Me. This. Us. Sensation. And I drop my head back on a deep breath.

  Seconds go by. Our movements increase. Way down deep in my core everything tightens and desire completely takes me over. I want him to feel everything I am. I want to feel everything that he is.

  His hand that’s on my breast slides around my arched back up to clasp my neck, and I tremble as he brings me down to thoroughly, completely, deeply kiss me. His hand tangles in my hair and it turns into a hard, almost rough kiss. But I like it.

  His kisses trail down my throat and suddenly his mouth is on my breast. Cotton fabric separates me from his lips, but that doesn’t detour him.

  I tune into our rhythm again, and our tempo increases even more. His muscles shake. Mine tighten to an intensity that’s almost unbearable, and then everything in me explodes in this spiraling, unraveling ecstasy.

  I tear my lips away with a hoarse gasp and cling to him as tremors quiver through my limbs. His hips jerk one last time, and he groans into my neck.

  Eternity passes and I lie limply against him. He stirs first, nuzzling under my ear, and I slide off his lap and onto the couch.

  My eyes are closed, but I feel and hear him getting up and going into the bathroom. Then he’s back and his arms are around me and he’s cradling me, and I want to stay right here for the rest of my life.

  He stretches out on the leather couch, tucking me in front of him. We don’t speak and instead just lie soaking each other in.

  The fire crackles and pops, and I sigh.
I think back through everything we just did. I should feel ashamed, but I’m not. I responded how I wanted to. I didn’t care how I looked or sounded or what I was doing. I didn’t think about Gideon once. I just felt.

  That is its own kind of freedom.

  “A plus,” West whispers into the quiet.

  “What?”

  He hugs me tighter to him. “Tell Anne you got an A plus on your homework assignment.”

  I laugh. Yes, things are pretty perfect right now.

  West reaches over me and grabs a remote off the coffee table. “I have a surprise for you.” He points the remote at an iPod dock sitting on an end table. “It’s been really hard hiding this from you.”

  I look over my shoulder at him, my curiosity definitely piqued.

  “I played our song for Ms. Kelly, and she loved it. We laid the tracks down last week with Ford, and we’re playing it onstage for the first time in two weeks.”

  My eyes pop wide. “What?”

  “Also, I was thinking with the money we’ll make, what would you say if we establish a fund for abused children?”

  I don’t know what to say. I’m so completely, profoundly shocked.

  He points the remote and clicks, the music starts, and his voice filters through the speakers.

  “Open up your heart

  and see what is inside.

  Now that we’re apart

  can’t you see love’s blind?

  I need you by my side

  to comfort me this night.

  Cross the seas with me

  and join me in my flight.

  My senses are filled

  with all that is you.

  The world is open wide

  with you by my side.

  My life was void

  until I met you.

  Come love me now

  and let me love you, too.

  Where have you been

  all my long life?

  You were there the whole time.

  You were there the whole time.”

  I close my eyes as the song continues, listening to my notes paired perfectly with his lyrics. I soak it in to my soul, allowing it to settle me, to give me the comfort those notes had always been intended for, and absorbing the love of the words.