Finding Izzy

by Nanette Fox

  She looked at her husband, “Are you okay Mr M.?” Izzy worried so often what he thought, he rarely acknowledged she was pregnant. Ruth noticed the shadow pass across his face. “Mum, how is he?”

  “He’s good, he is happy.”

  Ruth hoped Paul would get here soon. She didn’t have long to wait. An almost about to pop Rebecca waddled in with her Paul and a very special guest. Her youngest son wiped his eyes and got up to hug his young son.

  “Daddy it is so good to see you.”

  Izzy said, "I have something for you and out of her handbag came a tiny hand-painted bag. Zot peeked inside and took out two little cars, one a little yellow Fiat, and the other a blue Porsche.

  “They are like the cars you both have,” said Zot.

  “Hmm,” said Izzy, “they are like a photo you can keep them amongst your other cars and think of us.” Zot smiled up at his dad and Izzy.

  “Thanks, because I like to think of you.” That simple statement was Tim’s undoing, he sat heavily and covered his face. Izzy sat close beside him with her arms around his neck, holding him in a soothing embrace. Ruth shepherded Zot, who was clutching the cars tightly, away into the kitchen with a promise of his favourite snack and a party soft drink. The others drifted off leaving Tim and Izzy time alone to re-group.

  Later, after Bec’s parents Lucy and Michael had arrived, his mother’s friend Phyllis, Monique from the gallery and her boyfriend, even Victoria with Brad and assorted friends and neighbours, the party was in full swing. Tim noted that Stefan and his wife were guests and his mother was chatting quite animatedly with them. Tim had been upstairs and changed and was floating around in immaculate jeans and tight-fighting black jumper. He was controlled, contained and very careful about his actions as he felt his small son would get the third degree when he got home. “Was your father there? What did he look like? Did he have a girlfriend with him? Is he staying?” He just knew Lainey would bombard the child.

  Sitting by his little boy, he said to him, “Izzy and I are not boyfriend and girlfriend, we are married so we are Mr. and Mrs. Martinelli. It is perfectly okay to tell Mum that I got married to Izzy.” Gently, he said, “Do you understand?”

  “I do Daddy, so when Mum goes on about how you have probably got a new girlfriend already, I can say no Mummy, Daddy is married to Izzy.”

  “Yes, that’s right.”

  The little face looked at his father and said, “Does it hurt that we don’t see each other as much.”

  “Zot, it does, what made you ask that little man?”

  “You were happy to see me, but you had tears.” They were almost whispering as they talked, Izzy glanced over at her husband and watched him quietly talking to Zot. It still knotted her stomach to think he had to make such a life-altering choice; an emotional choice to walk away and limit the contact with his precious boy.

  Going over to them, she pulled up a chair and sat down. “Zot it is very good to see you.”

  The little boy looked up at Izzy and then Tim and said, “Izzy it was very clever to get everyone to give me a car like their cars. Now I have a bag of cars and Mum won’t care less to look through them. I have something to hold that is from all of you. She won’t realize I have special cars. It was very dip…something…diplomatic.” Tim looked at Izzy who had put her hand to her mouth in surprise.

  “Where did you learn the word ‘diplomatic’?” asked Tim.

  “I was watching TV at Mrs. Blackburn’s house. She is my babysitter when Mum has her parties. We were watching the news and Mrs. Blackburn explained the word. It is a good word.”

  Tim made a mental note to find out more about ‘the parties’ through Ruth or Paul. It was worrying. He knew Lainey. Paul had been standing behind Izzy about to offer a beer to Tim. His eyes caught Tim’s and the flicker of worry. “Zot, Izzy and I have been away for quite a long time, so we need to move around and talk to all of these people, but we’ll talk again in a little while. Is there someone you want to sit with?”

  Zot nodded, “Grandma and Phillip, and then I’ll have a sit with Uncle David. I like him because he watches my football with Auntie Ronnie and then we go and have McDonalds, sometimes we take Bruce and Zach my friends and it is the best.” Tim chuckled. Zot said proudly, “I am going to be in their wedding, Uncle David and Auntie Ronnie. Now you’re home you will be able to see the wedding.”

  “You know what else is good I get to go to Ant and Auntie Julia’s and see my cousin, she is just a baby, but she is funny, she blows bubbles.” He hopped off the chair and ran off to find his grandma. Tim looked after him longingly. Izzy bent across and kissed her husband passionately.

  “Why Mrs. M I never…” he winked.

  *

  Later as she read Tim’s note, touched by his openness, she looked out to the patio where Tim and Paul were leaning over the balustrade and spiritedly talking about something she thought ‘you have one other important drawer, it contains the calming wisdom and friendship of Paul. Your father’s drawer is well closed, but you have replaced that with someone who is like a father, brother and friend in equal measures. And Tim, you don’t know but that is what Paul needed too’.

  *

  Five years later

  Zot was sitting with his father, Uncle Paul and Antonio, Ant as he had continued to call him. The three men were watching football and looking after their children, their wives having gone out for a girly lunch. Two years ago, without pressure or an agenda on either side and through an understanding made after the second time an ambulance was called to one of Lainey’s parties, Zot had come to live with his father. Lainey had some serious health issues, and she could no longer offer the stable environment he so desperately needed. He saw his mother every once in a while, she attended his school things and occasionally watched his sport. Zot loved his mother and very maturely announced to his father one day, “It was too hard for either you or Steve to stay with her, she is so clever but so very sick sometimes.” Zot also told his dad that because he had a mum, he loved Izzy but couldn’t call her Mum. Tim told Zot that he understood but most importantly Izzy understood so he shouldn’t worry.

  Little Zara had come out from the fairy tent where she’d been playing with her cousin Charlotte and Paul and Bec’s daughter, Daisy. Izzy had created an elaborate hand-painted tent like structure that fitted over the large family dining table. The three little girls loved to play inside it sitting on cushions. Zara came over to her father Tim, putting her small hand on his knee looked up at him with her big brown eyes that never failed to tug at his heart and asked for Nutella flowers. Tim smiled down at her and offered a cuddle. Sitting snuggling into his chest whilst Zot played with her hair, she asked when her mummy would be home. “Mummy was a bit cross with you this morning Daddy, will she be better when she comes back?”

  Tim smiled, “Don’t worry it was just because I was doing plans and not helping.”

  “Mummy is always busy with her work and the house, and she gets very tired you should help more.” Paul was watching and quipped at Tim, “You’ve been told.”

  Zot looked at his half-sister, “So do you think Dad or I should do your Nutella flowers?”

  “You should because you know how to make them.”

  Tim said, “I think I should because that would be helping.”

  “That’s not what Mummy meant she wanted big help like with the washing or the cleaning.” Tim could only smile at his daughter.

  Zot said, “It’s alright Dad I’ll get them, Charlotte will want peanut butter squares and Daisy fairy bread. It is complicated Dad, leave it to me.” Paul, very much Uncle Paul to Zot and Zara although not related, asked Zara what Zot should make for Luca and Michael when they woke up from their afternoon naps.

  Zara looked up and said, “Uncle Paul if Zot makes extra of all the food we can share.”

  Tim, Paul and Antonio watched with big grins as the tall ten-year- old took his half-sister’s hand and headed for the kitchen. Paul looked after Zara and lent a
cross to Tim, “She’s already got everything worked out, must be her mother’s influence.”

  “Yeah right,” said a smirking Tim. Charlotte and Daisy emerged from under the tent and followed Zot and Zara.

  Antonio said, “There goes Zot the Chef, he’s famous apparently for his peanut butter squares. Charlotte tells Julia she doesn’t know how to do them like Zot.” All three watched as Zot, surrounded by the girls, got out three coloured plastic bowls, the flower shaped cookie cutter and all the food items.

  Paul took a gulp of his beer and said, “You do realize it is life repeating itself with another girl triangle.”

  Antonio piped up, “We’re in for interesting times then.” Tim just groaned.

  Tim called out to Zot, “Uncle David and Aunt Ronnie are coming over with the twins later so there’ll be boy cousins to play games with.”

  Zot looked so serious and said with such scorn the men started laughing, “What am I, the baby-sitter, those two are monsters? No one likes looking after them because Marc is always yelling, and Tom is always hitting things. Uncle David and Aunt Ronnie have no control, and she says she is a teacher! Pfft Dad, I will leave it to Izzy, she is like a sheep-dog, she rounds them up and gets them behaving.”

  Tim had the biggest grin, “I’ll tell Iz you said that.”

  “It’s true Dad, they are horrid, and Izzy will just laugh at what I said.”

  “Dad, I just looked at the time Ant should get Luca up from his nap and Uncle Paul you’d better get Michael up too otherwise Bec will be angry.”

  “Zot if you aren’t a childcare worker later in life, I’ll be most surprised,” said Tim.

  “No Dad, you know I want to be a doctor.”

  Zara pulled at his sleeve, “Stop talking to Daddy and get me my flowers, and the things for Lottie and Daisy, we’re hungry.”

  “It’s okay Zara I will get them for you,” said Zot gently. Tim fondly watched his children together, his two Zeds as his beautiful Izzy and he called them, thinking himself a blessed and lucky man.

  The original girl triangle came in the door all smiles for their respective husbands after a few wines and much gossip over their long lunch. Julia and Rebecca immediately started buzzing around, fussing and checking with their husbands about their children. Antonio whistled loudly and shouted for everyone to stop. “Listen guys Izzy and Tim are always having us here, let’s give them a chance to just sit and let’s all get the barbeque happening. Izzy looks exhausted.”

  “Antonio everything is pretty much organized, but I’d appreciate that,” said Izzy.

  Tim agreed, “Thanks ‘that be brill’, Iz was up at five today, it’s been a big week.”

  Looking at his wife, he smiled. He looked at the little parcel she had placed gently on his leg. “What’s this gift for?”

  “Simply, because…” Opening it he found a hand-painted picture of his little family. Izzy looked ethereal and fragile but happy, Zot brave, strong and settled. Zara small and impish, so impossibly cute and he himself looked down at them with an open loving expression. Izzy explained she’d had some photos, the expressions in one were great but in another the grouping was better so she’d painted blending the two together. She had floated in, after the lunch, feeling calm and romantic, excited to give him the framed picture and now cuddled beside Tim she took the hand of the arm encircling her and entwined her fingers with his. Whispering, she declared, “Tim I just wanted to say I love you and I am pleased we are a little family with our two Zeds.”

  Tim whispered, “I was just thinking that too Mrs. M.”

  *

  What is the best gift you ever received?

  Better still, what is the best gift you ever gave?

  Perhaps, you will recall that in each instance, the best gift was one that was tied with the heartstrings of the giver, one that included a part of self. Wanda Fulton

  And further

  Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s unbecoming everything that isn’t you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. Unknown