To Dream Again

by Laura Lee Guhrke

  "Leave? What makes you think I'm leaving?"

  "You don't have much choice, do you? I heard that Joslyn Brothers called your loan. Your company is ruined, you're facing bankruptcy."

  "I have no intention of leaving," Nathaniel said through clenched teeth. "I'll obtain the money somewhere. Your plots and schemes shall not ruin me.”

  Adrian's eyes narrowed. "They already have. Pack your bags and be on the first ship out of Dover. Face it, Nathaniel. You just can't win."

  "That's it, isn't it? Always a need to prove to yourself that you're a better man, a more successful man, a more brilliant man than I. You set up this competition between us the day I was born, and it's an obsession with you." His lip curled with contempt. "You're sick, Adrian. Sick, obsessed, and rather pitiful, actually."

  The other man did not react to the taunt. "My reasons, my motives are not at issue here. You will leave England, Nathaniel, and you will never come back. In addition, you will give me your word that you will never go into competition against me again."

  "What?" Nathaniel gave an incredulous laugh and stared at his brother. "Do you really believe I would make you such a promise? And what makes you think my word is worth anything anyway?"

  "Really, little brother, you're so childishly honest, so ethical, it's almost embarrassing." He paused, then gave Nathaniel a pitying smile and added, "You see, I know you. I know that if you give me your word, you won't break it."

  "You're right, I wouldn't. But it doesn't matter, since I'm not giving my word." He returned the smile with a bland one of his own. "Go to hell."

  Nathaniel saw the rage flicker in his brother's eyes, the only sign that his words had any impact.

  "I can see I have not made the situation clear to you," Adrian said softly. "I can understand your ridiculous stubbornness, it's so typical of you. You'll hang on to your idiotic notions until the end of your days, even after I've proven time and again that you will never be able to compete with me. But would you really sacrifice your lovely partner by your stubbornness?"

  Nathaniel felt dread clench his insides. "What do you mean?"

  Adrian clasped his hands together on top of the desk. "Let's remove the gloves, shall we? If you don't give up this stupid train idea, if you don't leave England, if you don't stop competing with me, I will not only destroy you, I will destroy her." His eyes locked with Nathaniel's. "If you find the money to pay back Joslyn Brothers, I'll simply bide my time and find another way. It's that simple. With my future wife's money, I will have unlimited resources. I'll destroy this little company of yours eventually."

  Nathaniel shook his head. "I'll stop you. What you're doing is extortion and blackmail, and I'll find a way to prove it."

  "Who would believe you? You see, Nathaniel, your reputation precedes you. Every man of influence in London knows what a bizarre eccentric you are. Your accusations will merely be regarded as the ramblings of a madman."

  For the first time in his life, Nathaniel found himself cursing his own careless disregard for society and all it represented. "It doesn't matter what you do to me. And I'll take care of Mara."

  "How?" Adrian countered with a complacent smile. "I'll make certain you won't be able to find a job as an errand boy. What kind of future will you be able to offer Mrs. Elliot then? Will you condemn not only yourself to a life of poverty, but her as well?"

  Nathaniel stared at his brother, knowing Adrian meant what he said. His mind worked furiously, desperately, but he could see no way out. Even if he could think of a way to prevent this crisis, Adrian would simply find another way. Mara had tried to tell him that, but he had refused to listen, had refused to admit defeat when it was staring him in the face. He'd been fooling himself by thinking his brother would back down. Now, looking into the other man's hate-filled eyes, he knew that had been nothing but a futile wish.

  If he kept fighting, Mara would be the one to lose. She'd lose the company she had worked so hard to build and the security that meant so much to her. With Adrian dogging his heels, there was no way he could provide a life for her. He thought of all that her husband had put her through, all the pain and fear, and he knew he could not do that to her. There was only one way out.

  "All right," he said abruptly, before he could change his mind. "You win." He ignored the gleam of triumph in his brother's eyes, and went on, "You've told me you want me to leave England. I will. You've told me to promise that I won't make toys anymore. I give you my word, I won't. I agree to your demands." He straightened in his chair and leaned forward. "Now, let me tell you what I want in return."

  "What you want?" Adrian's brows rose in surprise. "You're hardly in a position to make demands."

  "Leave Mara alone. I want your word that you'll leave her be, that you won't interfere in her life in any way. Ever." Nathaniel set his jaw. "I intend to keep a close watch on her to make certain you keep your word. You break your promise, Adrian, and I swear, I'll drag you through hell and back."

  "An empty threat. What can you do to me?"

  "Anything I can think of. You, of all people should know how inventive I can be. If you do anything to Mara, if any convenient misfortunes occur in her life, I vow I'll come after you. I'll start up another toy company, and if you bankrupt it, I'll start another. I'll torment you until the end of your days."

  "And break your word?"

  "For Mara's sake, I'd break my word to the devil himself. Don't underestimate me, Adrian. You've done that before, and it's always cost you." He leaned back in his chair. "That's my offer. Take it or leave it."

  His brother was silent for a long moment as he considered Nathaniel's offer. Finally, he nodded. "All right. She's no threat to me in any case. For the sake of convenience and expediency, I promise you I will not interfere with Mrs. Elliot's life in any way, provided she never goes into competition against me. As long as she goes back to making her little dynamos or whatever they are, I'll leave her be. I give you my word. Are we agreed?"

  "Not quite. There's one other minor point to be settled."

  Adrian gave a sigh of long suffering. "What?"

  "You will pay off the loan to Joslyn Brothers in full."

  "You must be joking! Why should I?"

  "Because I still have something you want."

  "You've already agreed to give me everything I want."

  "Not quite everything," Nathaniel answered softly. "What about the train, Adrian?"

  His brother stiffened, and Nathaniel pressed his advantage. "I'll bet you're foaming at the bit to get your hands on my train."

  The other man made a grimace of distaste at the description. "It has possibilities, yes."

  "Possibilities, hell. It's a surefire money-maker, and you know it. How long have toy makers been struggling to design sectional track that doesn't send the train flying off the rails when it hits the curves? It's been a couple months since you learned I had a sectional track, and I'm sure you put your engineers to work on it right away. I'll bet they still don't have the geometry right. Trust me, it'll take them years. I want that loan paid off, Adrian. If it isn't, Mara will still be forced into bankruptcy. I won't let that happen."

  "In exchange for the train, I'll tell the bank to reverse their decision. She won't go bankrupt."

  "Not good enough. My price for the design specifications and the patent is seven thousand pounds payable to Joslyn Brothers, Limited."

  Adrian pulled his lower lip between his teeth and stared at him for a long moment. "Very well," he finally agreed. "When you bring me the patent, you shall receive the money. I'll wait at my home in Mayfair."

  "I'll have my solicitor draw up the papers signing over the patent to you, and he will bring them to you there. He will also pick up the draft. I'll be on a ship out of Dover, remember?"

  Nathaniel rose, and when his brother held out one hand to seal their bargain, he took it.

  He could see all his dreams crumbling into dust. After leaving the building, he paused on the front sidewalk and stared at the factor
y where many of his dreams had begun so long ago, where they now ended.

  He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked up Tottenham Court Road, looking for a cab that would take him to Finch's office in Bloomsbury. He felt sick at heart, but he knew that he'd done the only thing possible. Mara's future was now secure, and that was all that mattered. Once the loan was paid off, her company would be solvent. Once he was gone, she would be no threat to his brother. She would be safe, and her future would be secure. Somehow, he'd find the money to hire private detectives so he could be sure she remained that way.

  For himself, Nathaniel made no plans. He was adrift once again, cut off from his dream. He was in love with a woman he could never have. He had just traded away his dreams and his future for her security. To protect her, he would have willingly given his life. Perhaps he had.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Mara stared at Finch in astonishment. "He's done what?"

  "He has signed over his control to you, and he has forfeited all rights to the company." The solicitor handed her a stack of documents across the desk. "He made a deal with his brother."

  "I don't believe it!" she burst out, rising from her chair. "Nathaniel would never leave me in this kind of trouble."

  "His last action as controlling partner was to sell the patent on the train to Adrian for a draft of seven thousand pounds payable to Joslyn Brothers. As soon as I take these documents to Lord Leyland and pick up the bank draft, the company will be yours alone, free of debt and unencumbered."

  Mara took the papers, but her gaze remained on the man before her. "You went along with this scheme?"

  "Mara, he insisted. He wanted to be certain you would have security."

  Security. There had been a time when that had been all that she wanted or expected from life. It seemed so tame now, so unutterably dull.

  She looked up at Finch. "Is my signature required on these documents?"

  "No. Based on your partnership agreement, Nathaniel has the power to do this without your authorization. However, as part of the deal, Lord Leyland insists on your promise not to make toys or go into competition against him."

  "I see," she murmured. "How convenient for him."

  "He demanded that Nathaniel give him the same promise. Nathaniel agreed." Finch paused, then added, "He also made Nathaniel agree to leave England and never come back."

  "Leave?" she whispered. "He's leaving?"

  Finch nodded, and she lowered her gaze to the papers in her hands, staring at Nathaniel's scrawling signature on the first document, recognizing it even though her hands were shaking so badly, all the other words were a blur. She set down the papers and sank slowly back into her chair, unable to speak, her mind unable to muster the clarity required to form words.

  Finch sat down in the opposite chair. "You'll be all right, my dear. You and the little boy. Nathaniel saw to that."

  Yes, she'd be all right. She'd have safety and security. Billy would be all right. She'd be able to see that he never went hungry or wore ragged clothes again. They would survive. They would exist.

  Once, that would have been enough. But Nathaniel had come along and changed all that. Existing was no longer enough. She wanted to fly kites. She wanted to dance and laugh. She wanted to marry again and have more children. She wanted Nathaniel.

  Haven't you ever wanted anything so badly, you were willing to gamble all you had to make it happen?

  When he had first asked her that question, her answer had been no. But now, when she asked herself that question, the answer was yes. It was time to risk it all. Abruptly, Mara rose to her feet. "Where is he?"

  The solicitor shook his head. "I don't know."

  "He wouldn't leave without telling me," she murmured, hoping it was true. "And he'd have to pick up his things."

  She thought about it for a few moments and made several quick decisions. "Finch, I have to go out for a little while. On my way down, I'll send Michael up here, and I want you to tell him everything you've told me."

  She gathered up the documents the solicitor had given her and shoved them into her portfolio, then headed for the door. "The two of you are to wait for Nathaniel, and when he arrives, keep him here until I return."

  "What do you intend to do?"

  She didn't reply because her answer would have alarmed the solicitor.

  She intended to jump off a cliff. She could see the edge before her and she knew it was a long way to fall if she failed. She didn't care. She would jump off that cliff and grab for castles in the air. She could only pray that Nathaniel would be there to catch her.

  ***

  Adrian went back to his home in Mayfair and waited in his study for Nathaniel's solicitor to arrive. He had promised Honoria he would spend the afternoon at Kensington Gardens with her, but he'd sent an apologetic note canceling those plans. Savoring victory over Nathaniel was more enjoyable than strolling through a rose arbor with his vacuous fiancée.

  He occupied his time making plans for his new train, and he found that quite a pleasant diversion, but when several hours had gone by and Nathaniel's solicitor had still not arrived with the documents finalizing their deal, he began to grew restless. What was taking so long?

  He stoked the fire in the grate. He browsed through the bookshelves but found nothing there to occupy him. When the clock struck five and a maid brought him tea, his restlessness grew into annoyance. How long did it take to draw up some simple business documents?

  He paced back and forth, ignoring his tea, and he began to feel uneasy. What if Nathaniel had changed his mind? What if he'd found some fool to rescue him? Adrian thought about those possibilities for a moment, then discarded them. No, Nathaniel had given his word and his hand on the deal, and he wouldn't jeopardize the woman's safety. No, he wouldn't back out now.

  Adrian's complacency returned. He sat down on the sofa to enjoy the crumpets and China tea while they were still warm, but he had barely poured himself a cup before the butler came in to announce the arrival of Mrs. Elliot.

  "Mrs. Elliot?" he repeated in some surprise.

  "Yes, my lord."

  Impatiently he set down his cup. It didn't matter who had brought the papers. All that mattered was that they had finally arrived. "Send her in," he ordered and rose to his feet.

  "Very good, my lord." Lovett withdrew, returning several moments later with the woman. She entered through the double doors of the study carrying with her a worn leather portfolio.

  Adrian met her gaze. The haunting quality of her that

  had struck him on their first meeting was gone. Her eyes were cold, her face expressionless, giving little indication of what she was thinking or feeling, but he had the impression she was somehow taking his measure. It annoyed him.

  He turned to Lovett. "That will be all."

  The butler gave a bow and departed, closing the study doors behind him.

  Adrian smiled at Mara as he walked toward her. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Elliot. This is certainly a pleasure. Would you care for tea?"

  "No."

  He gestured to the sofa and chairs around him. "It's quite cold today. Please sit down by the fire and be comfortable."

  "I'd rather stand."

  He was making an effort to be courteous and her icy tone was quite irritating. The least she could do was show a bit of civility. After all, he hadn't done anything to her. Her stupid little company was still intact. He discarded formalities. "I believe you have something for me?"

  "Yes." She pulled a sheaf of papers out of her portfolio, but when he reached for them, she did not hand the documents to him. Instead, she hugged the papers to her breast and looked up at him. "You have the money?"

  "Of course. I'll write you a bank draft."

  "Good." She glanced past him at the coal fire in the grate. "You were right, my lord," she said as she stepped around him and walked toward the sofa. "It is cold outside, and I think I will take a moment to warm myself."

  He walked to the desk and pulled out his bankbook, then
he reached for pen and ink. As he wrote the draft, he paused to glance at her, but she wasn’t watching him. Instead, she was staring at the orange coals burning in the grate, her profile to him. With her chin down, her shoulders hunches, her pose seemed one of such defeat, it made him smile. He returned his attention to his task, signing his name and blotting the draft.

  "Lord Leyland?"

  He tore the bank draft out of his bank book and tossed down the pen. "Yes, Mrs. Elliot?" he asked as he stood up. “What is it?”

  "Your fire is much too low. I believe it needs fuel."

  She bent down, jerked back the fire screen with one gloved hand, and he watched in astonishment as she tossed the documents into the grate.

  “My God!” he shouted, circling the desk and crossing the room toward her, staring at the sheaf of documents as they caught fire. “What have you done?”

  “I believe I just jumped off of a cliff, my lord,” Mara answered, and she laughed.

  Reaching her side, he shoved her out of the way, and she stumbled, but caught herself before she fell. As she straightened, she noticed a plump and pretty blonde woman, richly dressed, standing in the study doorway with her hands poised on the knobs as if she had just entered, a horrified expression on her face. Mara glanced at the viscount, but he was occupied with trying to reach for the documents in the fire, and he did not notice the woman.

  His efforts proved futile. The hot coals had already ignited the papers, turning them into a ball of fire. He jerked his burned hand back with a cry of pain and fury as he whirled around to face her.

  "You stupid chit! What have you done?"

  Enraged, he lifted his hand to strike her, but Mara stood motionless, daring him to do it, and he slowly lowered his hand.

  "This is a business deal between my brother and myself!" he shouted at her. "You are only his junior partner, and a mere woman, besides. You have no right to intervene!"

  "Too late, my lord. I already did." Her eyes on him, she took two long steps back and bent to pick up what he had dropped. Then she straightened. "On your brother's behalf, I formally reject your offer," she said as she ripped the bank draft to shreds, which she then tossed in his face. "Bribe all the suppliers you can. Hire all the vandals you like. Use your fiancée's money to coerce the bankers to your heart's content. Nathaniel and I will not submit to your extortion and blackmail."