“We gotta get back. Pixie and I need sleep before tomorrow and it’s a long ride.” Gaze closed the tailgate on his truck and we all resumed our seats. After about ten minutes, Pixie was asleep on Gaze’s shoulder. I watched as Ruffian rested his head on the window.
“Everything okay?” I asked quietly.
“Seeing them is hard. It’s hard to be out of the situation and know what goes on.” He rubbed his palms together.
“I can’t imagine. I’m so sorry there wasn’t more we could do.” I covered both of his hands with one of mine.
Chapter 34
TEDDI
GETTING TO SIT next to Ruffian this whole damn time was disorienting. It felt so right. Seeing him interact with his people was humbling. It made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough. The view of the dumpsters, the kids so excited that they had a tent with three rooms.
I couldn’t help but picture Ruffian younger and among them. He spoke so glowingly of his mom. I felt guilty for judging her for having him in that situation.
It was a lot of emotions at once. We made eye contact.
“You okay?” His eyes had such compassion.
“I am. Thanks for letting me be part of that,” I offered.
He shrugged. “It was you that scored the goods. It was a good run, though. I like that they got everything legit. They don’t have another layer of things to worry about.”
Gaze adjusted his rearview mirror. “How’s this truck treating you, Ruffian?”
They went into a conversation about the truck and gas mileage and stuff. By the time they were done, we were pulling into the driveway at home.
I found myself wishing that the ride had been longer. Being forced to be pressed against Ruffian made my whole body relax. He was mine in my heart and that made me even more frustrated, thinking of Meg.
After walking in and putting our stuff in the front closet, we could smell the pizza. Ruffian let me walk in front of him up the stairs.
Mom had plates out and cute cups. She was going for a picnic theme for our dinner tonight. Gaze went over and helped Dad slide the pizzas onto some serving trays. I grabbed the Parmesan cheese and red pepper flakes for adding something extra to the slices.
After we all settled into our chairs, I was next to Pixie and Gaze was next to Ruffian. Mom had on the radio for some background noise. Pixie leaned close to me when the conversations started to blend together.
“How are you doing?” She touched my elbow gently.
“I’m good. How are you doing? That was a lot to process.” I turned my body toward her.
“I’m okay. I mean, when we lived in the city, you get used to seeing homelessness and setups like that. I feel like we got to see it from a way more personal side today, though.” Pixie passed the pepper flakes to Mom without asking if she wanted them. Pixie was good at watching a room for the little cues of things that were happening.
“I wondered if that was why he has leaned toward,” Pixie turned her face so I was the only one that could see her and mouthed the word, “Meg.”
“How do you mean?” I didn’t see the correlation.
“Just to see that security? I mean, maybe that’s a draw.” She shrugged.
“I don’t know. He doesn’t seem like the type of person that would be moved by that.” I leaned past her and watched as Ruffian and Gaze seemed to be enjoying their conversation.
Pixie did the same. “Yeah. Maybe you’re right. I just can’t see what would make him be with her.”
“Thanks for being in my corner,” I said out of the side of my mouth, still looking at the boys.
Ruffian glanced up and caught us both staring at him. He immediately grabbed a napkin and started patting at his face.
“Did I get cheese somewhere?” He supplemented his napkin with his other hand.
Pixie pointed between her eyebrows. “Oh yeah. Right there.”
I saw that she was messing with him and joined in, “Oh, and some right here.” I dragged my fingers from my chin to the front of my throat.
Ruffian went from earnestly trying to clean his face to giving us both a suspicious look. “You’re all messing with me?”
The chuckle he gave was something I could feel my heart laying ownership of. I wanted to be the one that made him do that more often.
After cleaning up, Gaze and Pixie turned in and I brought my laptop down to the living room. I was going over the donations and marking down how we handled the camping equipment. When Mom and Dad turned in for the night, I found myself in the center of the light from the table lamp.
I was researching Ruffian’s community. Their struggles and the way they were portrayed in the news was heartbreaking. Politicians called them vagrants. Some even created special installations that would prevent homeless people from napping on park benches.
The problem was so huge, it was overwhelming. How do you tackle something that big that all these adults hadn’t been able to handle? A few more clicks and I found an article about a transient woman that was found dead in her tent. It mentioned the address we were at today.
Ruffian’s mom. No name. No details about what it was like for him or how her body was handled. Not even a picture. It was like she was erased. Except for the things she instilled in Ruffian.
Even his name made me pause. She knew what she was doing. Labeling him before anyone else was able to. He was destined to change the meaning of the word—at least for the people who interacted with him.
It was a big burden. I thought of Meg and her obscenely big house. House staff. Rolling acres of property. Then the switch to Ruffian’s community where an entire group of people existed together in just a small portion of that space. And their view was a dumpster.
It felt like a knife and a burden and I’d just been acquainted with it. For Ruffian, it was a way of life. Hell, even our house must have been annoying for him. In a pinch we could fit at least half of that group in our house. Sure, it would be tight and there weren’t enough bathrooms, but still.
I closed my laptop and said a little prayer. I wanted the people safe. I wasn’t even sure who I was praying to. Maybe my future self. The adult me. To do something if I could, when I could.
RUFFIAN
I AWOKE EARLY to the sound of Gaze and Pixie packing their vehicle. In and out, in and out. Eventually, I made up my rollout floor bed and set it on the chair in my room. When it was neat, I stepped out and almost straight into Pixie as she was struggling under a suitcase. I lifted it from her arms.
“Can I grab this for you?” I held it carefully until she let go of her side.
“Oh, thanks. Yeah, that would be amazing. Thank you.”
Gaze trotted down the stairs. “Hey, I told you I would be back for it.”
Pixie put her hands on her hips. “I’m not going to stand around and watch. Plus, Ruff was here to help.”
Gaze nodded at me. “All right. I’ll meet you outside. I just want to say goodbye to Tiger and make sure we didn’t leave any phone chargers.”
He ducked inside the room.
Pixie followed me up the stairs. “I forgot the charger once, and he’s added looking for it to his to-do list for the rest of our lives.”
When we were outside, I put the suitcase in the trunk. I didn’t close it because I wasn’t sure if Gaze was done with it yet.
“Tell me to mind my business or whatever, but I want to share something.” Pixie shielded her eyes from the sun. At this time of year it was at a harsh angle this early.
“Go for it.” I tried to keep my face open. I knew Pixie was a straight-shooter from the interactions we’d shared.
“I don’t know what you and Meg have together. But you and Teddi? That seems like something that’s meant to happen.” She twirled her index fingers around one another.
Gaze appeared in the doorway and had one last duffle bag.
I let her observation slide. “When are you coming back?”
“So it’s like that, huh?” She stepped closer and went to he
r tiptoes, giving me a kiss on the cheek.
“I hear you. It’s on my mind, I promise.” And with that, Gaze was in front of me with his hand held out. We did the shake we were working on. “Hold down the fort while you’re here. Try not to let Mike do a burn pile with the leaf clippings and crack a window for Ronna if she’s varnishing furniture in the workshed.”
Mike and Ronna burst out laughing behind me. “Oh? You brothers are saving us from ourselves?” Ronna came in to give Gaze a big hug.
Gaze gave them a huge smile. “Somebody’s got to have the fire department on speed dial at this place.”
When we had all said goodbye, I noticed Teddi had not come outside to see them off. Pixie was waiting for my attention when I looked back to her sitting in the passenger seat. “She said goodbye earlier. She had to leave before us, so her friends picked her up.”
I nodded. I was going to miss having Pixie around and they promised to be back in six weeks. It occurred to me that my plan would be implemented by then. All this goodwill and love would have been for nothing.
I swallowed around the feeling and waved as Gaze and Pixie honked. When we were alone on the driveway, I noticed Ronna had her purse with her.
“You guys off somewhere?” I rocked back on my heels. I was cold and shoved my hands into my pockets.
Mike put his arm around Ronna. “She saw an estate auction down in Mahopac that she really wants to attend. Because, you know, we don’t have enough furniture here to redo.”
Ronna tugged on his hand. “Oh please, you want to visit that comic book store that has the baseball cards in it.”
“Yeah, we’ll be home for dinner. You need anything while we’re out?” He walked back to the garage and punched in the code to open the door.
“No, I’m good. Thanks for asking.” I walked back into the house after telling Mike and Ronna to be safe.
And then I was alone. Alone in this huge home. I shut the front door and let the feeling wash over me. Four walls. A door that closed. Truly alone. It was amazing.
TEDDI
WHEN WE HAD dropped off the last of the thank you notes, Taylor and Peaches were so done with the chores. Both promised to never help again, which I knew was a huge lie. They were all in on anything I threw at them.
After they dropped me off, I noticed the only vehicle left was Gaze’s truck. As I waved goodbye to the girls, Peaches was making obscene gestures with her tongue and rolling her hips so high up I could see the motion in the passenger window.
“You’re a filthy animal, Peaches.”
I closed the garage door with the button on the wall and made my way into the living room.
My text messages popped up with a note from Mom.
Went furniture shopping and took Rocket.
I thumbed my response.
Got it. Drive safe. Love u.
I stomped upstairs to the kitchen and grabbed a glass for water. When I was done filling it at the fridge, I turned to take a big sip.
Ruffian standing in the doorway scared the crap out of me, and my water went flying.
“Not this again.” I spread my feet wide like a newborn fawn.
“Oh crap. Sorry. I’m not here to just scare you, I promise.” Ruffian slid over to the dishtowel drawer and pulled out a stack. He tossed them at the spilled water and I helped him sop up my mess.
When it was all clean, he went into the cabinet and pulled out another glass. He filled it up and handed it to me. I took it and tried taking a gulp. I had to stop. He was making me laugh with his anxious face.
“Stop looking at me like that.” I tried again and failed.
“Like what?” He made a frustrated face.
“Like I’m a water bomb. It’s too much pressure and now I can’t drink.”
“Fine. I’ll turn around.” He stretched his hands out wide and turned his back on me. “But this tile is deadly when it is wet. They should use it to make rocket powered water slides in dicey theme parks.”
It still took two attempts before I could get the water down. I set the cup on the countertop. “Okay. You can turn around. I’m done.”
He turned back to face me slowly, like I was a tiger ready to pounce. “You cool? Am I going to have to turn around every time you take a drink? Is it drinks and food or just liquid?” He had his dimple showing, so I knew he was having fun teasing me.
“Whatever.” Right then my cell phone buzzed. It was a phone call from my parents so I picked it up.
“Hey, Bear. Bad news. Looks like we are going to get a storm blowing in way faster than we thought. You and Ruffian may have to be careful and not go out in the truck anywhere. They’re saying a ton of ice.” I could barely hear Mom over the sound of the radio barking out weather conditions.
“You guys okay?” I set the phone to speaker so Ruffian could hear as well. Above the radio noise it sounded like the windshield wipers were on full blast.
Mom yelled at my father to turn down the radio and then I could hear the precipitation on the windshield. It sounded like rocks. “Yes. We just turned into the little motel on the way to Mahopac that’s got that cute horse and buggy sculpture. We’re thinking we may have to stay the night. Let us get settled and get Rocket out for her walk. You know how she hates snow. Can you call Gaze and Pixie and tell them? Austin already texted that he was fine.”
“I’m on it. Be careful. Love you.” I peeked out the window. What had started as a sunny morning had shifted into dark gray clouds. They were moving fast, too.
I sent Gaze and Pixie a text message, and they promised to watch the weather and text when they got in. I sent my parents an update on Gaze and Pixie before finally looking at Ruffian.
“How bad could the storm be?” I searched the weather on the internet and everything related to our zip code had warnings attached to it. It was an ice-based nor’easter with punishing winds headed our way.
“Damn. It doesn’t look like a ton, but the wind might be the worst part.”
Ruffian called Lucas right away.
“Hey. You guys got the weather down there? Do you know where everyone went?” Ruffian tapped his fingertips in a pattern on the kitchen table. “Okay. Got you. Stay safe, buddy.”
“Did he know?”
I couldn’t imagine a worse place to be in an ice storm, even if they all had brand new equipment.
“No. This thing has come on too fast. They can go to the Y a few blocks away. I’ll call there in a few to see if we know anyone that’s there.”
Ruffian’s phone buzzed. He read a text and sent back a message. His phone buzzed again and again while he held it. Then I watched him slide it to silent and put it into his pocket.
It had to be Meg. “Does she want you to go to her house to wait out the storm?”
He shook his head and his hair fell in front of his eyes. “It doesn’t matter what she wants. I’m staying here with you.”
Zap.
The feeling again. Mine again.
“Okay.”
We heard the ice start slowly, but it picked up and became the loudest thing. It sounded like God was throwing handfuls of rocks at the house. I knew the drill from past storms. We had to fill the bathtub in case we lost power. Tiger was warm and snuggled into a little ball on the bench by the front door. I went into the linen closet and grabbed a few lanterns and flashlights.
When I found Ruffian, he was standing in front of the fireplace. “Does this work? I’ve never seen it on. You guys have wood behind the garage, I know that. If it’s not too wet, I should bring it inside. Can you ask your dad or mom for tips on how to use this? I can make a fire, but I want to make sure the chimney is ready.”
He walked into his room and started to don all his winter clothes. I called Dad.
“Hey, Ruffian wanted to know if the fire can be lit?” We usually had a fire for holiday time, but the rest of the year it was too much of a pain in the ass, according to Dad.
I handed the phone to Ruff. He listened to instructions from my father and
handed me the phone back. “Okay, he says the fireplace tools are in the garage, and that the flue was cleaned this summer. So we should be good—heat wise. He doesn’t think we will need to worry about it too much because you guys haven’t had the power go out since you were in diapers.” His smile slid up on one side.
“Stop. You do not get to make fun of me. This is a crisis.”
His smile went megawatt. “I’m sure you were adorable.”
The wind picked up and sounded like it wanted to push over the house.
“Shit,” we both said it at the same time. I came out of the garage with Ruffian and hit the garage door button.
While I searched for the poker and the set of metal tools, Ruffian grabbed a wood tote and went out the back door. I knew Dad didn’t keep the woodpile too close because of termites, so after I’d set the tools inside the living room, I went back into the garage to watch Ruffian’s progress. He was just finishing stacking up the wood when a huge branch fell right near him.
He jumped at the sound and then took off running toward me. When he got back in the house, another crack sounded like a gunshot, and this time an entire tree hit the ground, rumbling the whole world, it felt like. I looked past him and saw that the tree had come down right where he was walking.
“Are you okay?” I touched his shoulders.
“Yes. Shit. Yes. This might be it for the wood until the wind dies down. And I think we need to stay on the bottom floor tonight. Away from the windows.” He dropped the pile of wood near the door that went into the living room and shook off the ice pellets that had stuck to his jacket. His hands were bright red.
“Didn’t you have gloves on?” I held one of his cold hands in mine.
“I forgot. I just wanted to make sure we had a way to heat ourselves.”
I didn’t chastise him anymore, because his need for warmth reminded me how he had grown up.
“Good job.” I helped him out of his coat and set it near the water heater to dry. After he was out of all his wet winter stuff, he pushed me gently into the house with him right behind me.
Swimming in Sparkles Page 24