Swimming in Sparkles

by Debra Anastasia

  The wind howled again and we heard another tree come down.

  The power flickered and I ran back to the bathtub, turning it off just before it crested the ceramic. Ruffian was behind me as the power flickered yet again.

  “It’s gotta be the ice combined with the wind doing it. It’s a horrible combination.” Just then the power cut with a resounding pop.

  He pulled me into his arms as the gray darkness filled the house.

  “Oh damn.” I looked out the bathroom window. The trees could have been grass flowing in the wind. The ice/snow was going sideways. This was going to be a hell of a storm. My phone buzzed. Gaze and Pixie were home.

  Just in time as well. If this storm continued at this pace, it’d be to them soon.

  The temperature had plummeted so fast and so quickly, I was almost positive we had to be under a tornado watch.

  I used my phone to throw a little extra light, but at least we still had some of the daylight in the house. It would grow dark quickly if the storm didn’t let up.

  Ruffian took a cue from me and used his phone to light the way. He went from window to window, closing blinds and curtains. I thought about the stuff in the pantry and what we would have to eat if it was a day or two before this mess was cleaned up.

  In the living room, Mom had an electronics drawer with a few cell phone battery extenders. I gathered them up as Ruffian went in search of blankets. When we met back up in the living room, I unloaded my blankets and pillows and set up a little charging station with the lanterns.

  Ruffian took a closer look at the windows. “This is probably the best spot in the house. We can start a fire and stay here to keep warm.”

  I pulled up a live news feed on Twitter and we listened as the newscasters interrupted each other with more and more warnings. There actually was a tornado warning, and car accidents were accumulating in the area, some knocking out telephone poles and electricity.

  They were projecting a few inches of ice, followed by snow and then more ice. The winds would be excessive. I went to the front bench and scooped up Tiger. He gave me an annoyed meow, but I wanted him to hang out with us in the living room.

  I called Mom on speaker. “Hey!”

  “Are you guys okay?” Mom sounded like her mouth was on top of the speaker in the cell phone.

  “We’re good. We have wood, I have the cat, we have cell phone battery chargers and a ton of blankets. Ruffian is going to start a fire in a little while.”

  My dad got on the phone to give Ruffian tips on having a safe indoor fire, which seemed mostly like common sense, but Ruffian was polite about it.

  He started checking the fireplace out with one of the lanterns.

  While he was working on that, I continued the update on the fallen tree for my parents.

  “We can see two trees down from where we are right now and a huge fender-bender on the road right outside the hotel. We might be in the thick of this for a day or more.” Mom sounded anxious.

  I looked at Ruffian. We’d be trapped. With each other. For a long time.

  Dad spoke up, “Hey, I just contacted the power company. Because the weather is so dangerous, you guys are going to be without power for at least a few hours, possibly longer.”

  “Okay, we’ll be ready. No worries. You guys just be careful walking Rocket. Ruffian was almost hit by a branch and a tree getting the wood for the fire.”

  Ruffian had the start of a fire going. He wasn’t wrong about knowing how to make them, and then it occurred to me that he had probably used fire for heat for most of his life.

  When it was up and running, I settled onto the blankets and pillows on the floor. Ruffian sat in the recliner. We wished my parents well and told them to conserve their phone batteries by putting them on low power. Once I had my legs laid out in front of me, Tiger walked closer before settling on my lap. I watched as Ruffian read his text messages but didn’t respond. I didn’t ask him about it and just watched the fire for a few minutes.

  “That was Meg,” he offered.

  “Oh. Good. How’s she doing?” I started to pet Tiger while we talked.

  “She’s pissed, but she’ll get over it.” He leaned back on the chair.

  “Why is she so mad?” I looked over at him and the air crackled with the fire.

  “I told her I didn’t want to see her anymore. It was mostly me listening to her talk about how rich she is. And that’s not me.” He leaned forward.

  I did my best to swallow a smile. “Why are you telling me this?”

  Ruffian slid to the floor and tossed his cell phone. “Because it’s you.”

  “What’s me?” I was scared to look at him. Things were feeling real. The zap between us was forming its own current.

  “You. Since I kissed you, everything is about you. My hands are about you. My head is filled with you. I can’t stop thinking about you and the way it feels when we’re together.” He didn’t move any closer.

  My heart was racing at his words. This was big. This was huge. Finally, I did look at him. His hair covered one of his eyes, but the look on his face was what made things steamy.

  I felt doubt crawl up my spine. Maybe he was playing me because we were trapped in this house. Maybe he just wanted something to do because he was fighting with Meg.

  I could be wrong. I could be wrong about the fact that his intentions and mine were the same.

  To be with each other.

  “Say something,” he pleaded softly.

  “I’m scared.” I wrapped my arms around myself, disturbing Tiger in the process. He scampered toward Ruffian’s bedroom.

  “Of what?”

  Had his eyes always looked like that? Full of intentions and determination? For me?

  “I don’t want to be your plaything because you’re bored.” Whoa, did I say that part out loud? I did. Dammit.

  He looked me over and then stared in my eyes. “You’ve never been destined to be someone’s toy. You’re supposed to be a purpose. A dream come true.”

  My mouth dried up. I wasn’t expecting his feelings to be as intense as mine, but here he was, giving me the words that matched the quilt my heart had knitted for him.

  The wind was picking up. Trees were falling all around us, but the tempest was right here, in front of the fire.

  I shifted and crawled toward him. Ruffian opened his arms, and the soft smile I saw on his face had to be tasted. Savored. He pulled me to straddle him and then we were face-to-face.

  I thought about Meg again.

  I swear he saw through my thoughts. “I’m never speaking to Meg again.”

  I leaned forward and his smile tasted like sparkles. I began to swim in them. Dive into the feeling in my chest that shouted his name. Matched his handprint.

  He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me back. How was kissing more than enough and nothing at all? I didn’t think about where to put my hands, or if the firelight was flattering. I just wondered in him. I fit in my own forever, and it was built around him. My Ruffian.

  I’d said his name out loud without realizing it. He caught my face in his hands. “Do that again.”

  “My Ruffian.” I felt color rise in my cheeks.

  He started to kiss my lips and my jaw, working his way back up to my ear. “Teddi”

  I leaned toward his mouth as his hands ran through my hair.

  Ruffian ran his hands up and down my back, stopping once in a while to grip parts of me harder. He ran his thumbs over my breasts and I tossed my hair to the side to offer him more of my neck.

  He kissed my throat and then put me underneath him in one quick motion. I needed to have him on top of me. I wanted to see his face above mine.

  When he was suddenly gone, just gone, I was disoriented. He had me craving him. His body, his face, his kisses. And then he was sitting me up. I stayed upright as he rushed into his bedroom.

  I was dumbstruck until I heard a crash. Then I scrambled to my feet. I ran into his room and saw him holding the pieces of the vase t
hat Mom had on the floating shelf in the room as decoration.

  Tiger was perched on the next shelf up and I lurched forward as he pawed the bird knickknack to watch gravity have its way with it.

  I caught it before it hit the floor.

  “Nice!” Ruffian set the shards on the bed and stepped closer to me.

  “He’s going to keep this up.” I waved my hands at Tiger to try to capture his attention.

  “Should I grab him?” Ruffian went on his toes and proved his fingertips could reach.

  “We need a stepladder. He goes full noodle when he’s like this. He’s ridiculous.” I put the bird on Ruffian’s bed, too.

  “Don’t do it. You’re a jerk. That’s Mom’s favorite.”

  Tiger looked bored and refused to meet my eyes. His horrible little paw inched the next ceramic decoration close to the edge.

  Ruffian stepped behind me. “I’ll lift you up. Will that work?”

  “Oh, hell yeah. Let’s go. I turned and put my hands on his hands above my hips. He gave me a quick boost, bending at the legs so I could use him for stability. Having been in cheer, I recognized the sheer strength he had. It was more than a little attractive.

  All of a sudden Tiger got worried when I was much closer than I was a second ago.

  “Surprise, you little jerk.” I was able to get a good grip on him even though he went instantly liquid.

  I pulled him to my chest and Ruffian set me on the floor. The little asshole had the audacity to reach out his paw and touch my face. I melted right away. “Save your moves for when Mom gets home. She’s going to be pissed.”

  I put him on the bed to show him what he had done. He shamelessly sniffed at the pieces of glass and then went for the bird again. “Okay, that’s enough.” Ruffian carried Tiger out of his room and held out his hand to me.

  I took it and closed his door behind me. Ruffian set Tiger down gently. I loved the feeling of his hand around mine.

  “Want to stay by the fire?” He tilted his head and it seemed like he was asking me about way more than where I wanted to stay warm.

  “If that’s where you are, I’ll walk through it.” Maybe I should be more cautious with my words and my heart, but he seemed like an open door. My open door.

  He pulled me against him and pushed my hair away from my face. “Theodosia Rebecca, I didn’t see you coming.”

  I put my hands on his chest. It was a wall. “Ruffian Jessica, it was inevitable.”

  He started tickling me then, first under the ribs. I collapsed over his arm and tried my best to retaliate. I stuck my hand behind his knees and wiggled my fingertips. His knee bent and he hit the floor first, pulling me on top of him so he could take the hit.

  I pushed up on my elbows and peered at him through my hair. “You okay?”

  “No. You just killed me. Only one way to make it up to me.” He put his index finger on his mouth.

  I pushed all the way up and sat on his hips, curling my feet under his legs. He put his hand on my thighs, his eyes filled with firelight.

  I pulled my hair to one shoulder and held it there until I had leaned down close to his lips. I gave him a small kiss. I used my other hand to feel his face, neck, and chest. Then I set my intentions on him. I let the zap I felt when he looked at me loose. I let my hair go and it closed us in, just his lips and mine. I tried tasting his lips with my tongue and he made a noise that should have been a warning, but it just made me bolder. When his tongue met mine, I matched his moan.

  The wind was somehow louder, the ground shaking as we kissed. It was like the Devil was trying to get a better look at what we were doing to each other. I ran my hands down his chest and felt the sheer muscle there. I shivered just a little, and he didn’t miss the reflex. He rolled me over, mimicking the position we were in before Tiger had interrupted us.

  And then I had his weight on top of me. I stopped kissing him just to wrap my arms around him. He stopped moving and let himself be hugged.

  Heart-to-heart, it was like souls clashing in lightning. All this time, this was my favorite place in the world. I thought of his struggle with the community in the woods. Even without power, here inside my home we were safe.

  He was still. “Do you feel it, too?” Wonder in his voice.

  “You will be safe for the rest of your life, no matter what. I promise.” Did he get it? What I was saying and where it was coming from, or did I sound crazy?

  A kaleidoscope of emotions swirled in his eyes. “That’s too big a promise.”

  I was surprised into silence.

  He touched my cheek. “No. Don’t be mad. It’s just life is crazy, and you never know what’s next. I can promise to keep you safe tonight. That’s all we’ve got.”

  He kissed my chin and I turned my head. He groaned. “I’m ruining it. Don’t listen to me. Let’s just call it forever and make it happen.”

  I stilled completely like cold water was thrown over my intentions. He sensed the shift in me and rolled to his side. He put his hands in his hair. “Ah, shit.”

  I sat up and readjusted where my top had become bunched up.

  “I’m so sorry, Teddi.” He peeked at me from under his hands.

  I hugged my legs to my chest, wishing I had kept my mouth shut, but grateful we’d stopped if he was going to be this kind of guy. The kind that said whatever to get laid. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “I’m going to worry about it. Literally all night until we fix it.”

  I exhaled and knew my neck and chest probably had embarrassment splotches. I shook my head. This door was closed now. I had to stop thinking this boy was my something special.

  An extremely loud thud had both of us standing in no time.

  “The garage?” I said out loud while Ruffian darted in front of me. He opened the door to the garage and we both felt a huge gust of wind. The leaves that protruded through the hole in the garage door made it look like we had an insta-bush in the garage.

  “Oh shit.” Another thud, almost as close, rattled the walls.

  Ruffian pulled me back and closed the door. “We have to stay inside. And like, away from the windows.”

  His hand on my shoulder felt like it burned there. I shrugged away from him.

  “Teddi, I’m sorry.” His shoulders dropped.

  “You get it, right? That these are some mixed signals? You say you’re done with Meg, and it’s all about me, but then… I just don’t know.” I shook my head. “I’m going to make sure the cat’s in a good spot.”

  And then I walked away from Ruffian.

  Chapter 35

  RUFFIAN

  I LOOKED AT my hands. How could I let her be anywhere where I couldn’t touch her?

  Stupid. I was stupid. Why did I say anything? I knew why. Because I’d never be safe in jail, and she could never know that. I reviewed my answers to her in my head and heard them from her point of view. I was telling her I wouldn’t see Meg anymore. I was telling her that I just wanted tonight. And it made me seem like a one-night stand seeker.

  And that was not how I felt at all. She clicked something in me that I was sure was dead and gone. She had me doubting every solid plan I had. And if I wasn’t going to do something for my mother’s honor, then she will have died in a tent for nothing. Remembered only by me. It wasn’t enough.

  And Teddi was so incredibly dangerous to this vow I’d taken. When I robbed Meg’s family, she would be hurt by me. Her whole family. The girl that brought entire towns together to make one little girl’s day better could never understand committing a felony.

  But her angry features by the fire thrummed at my heart. She wanted something normal with me. Her family had welcomed me. They were willing to be my family, if I would let them. Around us the wind whipped. The trees looked like they were being climbed by King Kong. Or even a herd of King Kongs.

  I went to the fire and checked on it. We still had enough for now. The ice combined with freezing rain was coming down.

  “It looks bad out there, huh?�
�� Teddi had moved next to me and was looking through the same window I was.

  I looked down at her. “We’ll be okay. Us and Tiger. The trees are far enough away from this house, I think.”

  “I’ll get our jackets and stuff in case the fire isn’t enough.” She headed toward the stairs, and I followed behind her. I wasn’t splitting up. Not with the weather like it was.

  She gathered the coats and then passed them to me. Then she got gloves and hats. The moment seemed paused from feelings we had started working on.

  When we got the winter clothes close to the blankets, we finally settled in. Teddi pulled up the weather on her phone. “We’ve got crazy alerts. And it’s going until four in the morning.”

  “Hey. I feel like I have to explain.” I tried to approach the silence and awkwardness between us.

  “No, you don’t.” Teddi shook her head. “You’re good. I think we should just focus on tonight. Like you said.”

  Tiger curled up in Teddi’s lap.

  “When I was little and we had storms like this, Mom and I would find a place to be. She listened to the weather reports whenever she could. I actually think she could have been a meteorologist if things were different for us. But it was a struggle. I didn’t know we were struggling until I was like five. Before then, it was just a really great adventure and sometimes my stomach hurt when I was hungry.” Tiger trotted off of Teddi’s lap and on to mine. I started petting him slowly. “But I figured out things weren’t cool because sometimes Mom would panhandle and we would get yelled at. Sometimes by cops, sometimes by business owners that wanted us gone. The worst was from other moms with their kids. I mean, they were my age, and yet they seemed like they were from another planet.”

  I met her eyes. She was listening. I wanted her to understand that I was wrong for her, but she wasn’t wrong.

  “Was she diagnosed with anything?” Teddi’s voice didn’t have any grudge or anger. She was just listening now.

  “Nothing official. There were times when we would get in programs and she got medicine, but it dulled her. Or so she said. She was so creative. So thoughtful. I honestly thought she was magic for a long time. That the woods were our playground. Man, I miss that feeling. Before I knew what the word shame meant. And that I was supposed to have some and my mom was supposed to have a lot.”