Going Back Cold
Page 30
Jane’s heart was slamming against her ribs so hard, she felt her body shaking. “Please, sir, can I just—”
“Oh, no, you can nothing,” he said. “You lied to me. You lied to me over and over and over.”
Jane knew it was true and hung her head.
“What were you even planning on doing?”
Jane took a deep breath and did her best to explain the journey she’d taken, starting with her work on Sebbie’s laptop in the second year and concluding with her confession to her inner circle in Cheyenne’s office. As she spoke, the Colonel’s countenance softened slightly.
“Who told you, by the way?” Jane asked. She spoke as a condemned prisoner, already certain of her fate, just asking for a final morsel before walking to the gallows in peace.
The Colonel paused. “No one,” he said, crossing his arms. “MILO, and I don’t think that counts as tattling. You shouldn’t have locked out your laptop; that’s what alerted us. You violated a really serious mission protocol.”
“I know,” Jane said gently. “But if you read everything, you know what I’d decided to do. Well, decided not to do, I mean.”
“I do,” he said, leaning back.
“I didn’t want to drive the Titanic.”
“Not sure if that’s a reference to changing a historical tragedy or to not be the one piloting Split Horizon when it’s headed towards certain disaster.”
“Me neither,” she admitted.
Jane relaxed her legs against the side of the bed. They stared at each other for a few moments, thousands of miles apart.
“I’ve suspected for a while that you might be doing work off the record,” Colonel Edwards admitted to Jane’s surprise. “MILO alerted us that your laptop wasn’t recording enough hours.”
Ana noticed that, too, Jane thought, and never told on me. She felt a pang of guilty betrayal.
“You did still perform, though,” the Colonel said. “The FTL… I wondered how strong you’d be going back down there in the cold. I didn’t count on your, uh, loss being the thing that drove you to succeed.”
“Sir,” she said, “Even scrapping everything extra that was about time displacement, there’s still countless applications of this technology’s speeds.”
“Oh, I know that. I’m not shutting down Split Horizon entirely.”
She paused in realization. “Just shutting me down.”
“Correct. You’re done.”
“Thank you,” she said after a beat. “Honestly, I had a plan worked out myself to sink the time travel idea, but it wasn’t going to tie things up so well.”
“Do I want to know?”
“No.”
“Were you going to throw me under the bus?” he said in a challenging tone.
“No.”
“Were you going to throw Bonnie under the bus?”
“No, but I thought about it,” she said with a weak smile.
“NASA will still use your FTL research,” he said. “New frontiers and all that. And, between you and me, I believe you might have figured the rest out. Maybe you were destined to be the person who invented time travel and my conscience robbed you of your destiny.”
“I didn’t want to figure it out anymore. I'm ready to be done.”
“Giving up?” he asked.
Jane sighed. “You know, it all started out as so much adventure, so much fun. But then I got angry, and it wasn't.”
“You going to retire?”
“Who’s going to hire me now?”
“You finish your contract for this last season, then it’s your choice,” he said, shrugging. “I’m certainly not telling anyone that I spent billions of dollars for a scientist to try to invent time travel. So my only choice is to lead mankind’s first foray into FTL. Just without you.”
Jane nodded. She was relieved, considering she’d actually wondered if she’d face jail time. “Well, thanks for the courtesy heads-up,” she offered. “I guess there's still plenty of other physics out there I can try to break.”
“Jane?”
“Yes, sir?”
“You made the right call. To stop, I mean. To give it up. Being at peace… there’s no exchange. Confidence in making the right decision is worth everything else.”
She smiled and nodded. “Thank you, sir. I hope we get to work together again someday.”
He nodded and said, “But we won’t.”
Chapter 88
Four days later, Cheyenne and Hal were completing the now-familiar task of inventorying the base’s supplies for the last time.
“Any idea who’s coming to Semotus next?” Hal asked.
“You going to apply to stay on?” Cheyenne replied.
“I was thinking about it,” he said. “What are you plans for next season?”
“Don’t know yet,” Cheyenne said. “I might be getting too old for Antarctica.”
“You? Never.”
“I actually found a project I might be a good fit for in Australia,” she said.
“Australia?” Hal echoed. “Hmm, never been there.”
“They need a couple pilots.”
“You don’t say?”
“Just a thought,” she offered.
“What’s the weather like there?” Hal asked.
“Not this cold.”
“Any animals?”
“Crocodiles, snakes, jellyfish, sharks,” she rattled off. “Maybe a cassowary. Those are those big, insane birds.”
“That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?” he chuckled.
“Don’t know, I never met one. That’s why I think I ought to go to Australia.”
“Sounds good to me,” he said. “What’s the timing?”
“Eight-month stint starting next spring.”
“Sounds up my alley,” Hal said.
Cheyenne didn’t look over, but she knew he was smiling.
“What do you think this crew is going to do now?” Hal asked as he tapped a number into his tablet. Shoving that box over to the ‘counted’ side of the room, he opened the next container.
“I didn’t ask,” Cheyenne said. “I’ll keep in touch with the Whyses, probably, for a few months. But I’ve been doing this long enough to know that these people are usually in your life just for a season.”
“Meaning, goodbye is probably goodbye.”
“Yes,” she said, “But I’m ok with that. I wish them the best, and I know if we ever land somewhere together again, we’ll pick up right where we left off.”
“And you’re Facebook friends with Sebbie,” Hal added.
Cheyenne laughed.
“That boy has a big future,” he said.
“They all do.”
“So, how successful has Split Horizon been, in comparison with the other projects you’ve led down here?” he asked.
“Hmm… good question,” Cheyenne said, setting her tablet down to run her fingers all over her scalp. Her short red and grey hair always felt stiff after four months of showers in the treated water.
“Well, they accomplished their goal, faster-than-light travel,” she said. But partway through, goals changed in Jane’s mind, even if they weren’t reflected in the mission reports, she added in her mind.
“She’s something else, that Jane,” Hal remarked.
“Or is Lucas the impressive one?” Cheyenne said. “Is it harder to be the idiosyncratic genius or to be married to one?”
“Hey, he’s no dummy,” Hal said.
“Oh, I know,” Cheyenne quickly agreed, “But he’s more… something. Grounded maybe? Steady?”
“I get that,” Hal said. “They’re both lucky.”
“And brilliant!”
“But we’re fun,” Hal said. “Now, hand me that box of toilet paper so I can count the rolls.”
Chapter 89
“Ok,” Colonel Edwards said with his hand in the air, “First of all, that’s enough of your attitude, Dr. Chapman.”
A week before the end of the season, the news had broken that Lucas wa
s taking a permanent position at the Brookhaven labs, and the Whyses were not continuing with the project once Split Horizon was based at Cape Canaveral. The Colonel had dialed down for his last scheduled check-in, only to find Bonnie ready to rail against him with angry charges of conspiracy once again.
“It’s ok, Colonel—” Jane started, but he cut her off.
“I’ve already explained to your whole team, not to mention the National Aeronautics and Space Administration,” he continued from the monitor, “that making the second jump early was my risk to take, and I involved Dr. Whyse at my personal discretion. We put our careers on the line, and the gamble paid off. And your name is on the project, Bonnie, so bask in the credit and get off the high horse that you weren’t included! We took the risk, but you get to share in the glory. So shove your attitude, or I’ll fire you and name Rich project leader for the last week. Are we clear?”
Bonnie made an obscene gesture at the screen and walked out.
“I don’t regret being done with her,” the Colonel said. “Your time down there can’t possibly conclude fast enough.”
“Will anything happen with Semotus after we leave?” Jane asked.
“Don’t you wish you knew what I was doing with that base,” said the Colonel. “Boy, if only the U.S. government had more than one science project, I bet we could find a use for all that space…”
“Yes, sir,” Jane said with a smile.
“Keep in touch with whatever you’re doing next,” the Colonel said.
“I’d like that,” Jane said. “Riddhi and I look forward to working together some more.”
“Does your project have a name yet?”
“Yes, but it’s stupid,” Jane said with a smirk.
“Well, how do you like that?” the Colonel said. “Maybe I’ll see you at the annual NASA picnic.”
“I see what you’re doing, but our new project is with a different agency.”
“Aha,” he said, smiling. “Good luck, Jane.”
“You, too, sir,” she said. “All the best.”
She disconnected the call and decided to try one last time to make amends.
She found Bonnie in the lab, wrapping up the cord to something.
“Bonnie?” Jane said.
Bonnie didn’t stop or say anything.
“I’m sorry about the way things worked out,” Jane said. “I really am. I know I didn’t act like a team player. I don’t want things to be like this. I’d like to have the kind of relationship where we can work together again.”
“See, that’s the difference, Jane,” Bonnie said with a hard smile, putting the cord on the desk and crossing her arms. “You always wanted to work together with a team and sing Kumbaya and all that, and, ironically, you’re the one who ensured we never will.”
Jane’s countenance flattened. “I really hope you can forgive me.”
“This isn’t high school, Jane,” Bonnie said. “I don’t have to forgive you because you didn’t hurt my feelings. You simply proved yourself untrustworthy. And I have to trust my partners.”
Jane cringed inside. “I hope we can work this out, Bonnie.”
“I’m a scientist, Jane, and I’ve had a hundred offers for projects once we wrap down here,” Bonnie said.
“You aren’t staying with Split Horizon once they’re based in Florida?” Jane asked.
“No, Ana’s in charge after Friday. I was only ever in this for the cold vacations,” Bonnie said as she left.
Chapter 90
“Well, I guess that's it,” Jane said, flipping off the light in their bedroom. She had the last duffel bag slung over her shoulder. There were a few tape marks left on the wall where Sebbie’s artwork had been removed. Her son was already in the helicopter, helping Hal with his final pre-flight checklist.
Lucas came out of the bathroom and looked around, but there was nothing else to carry.
“I guess so,” Lucas said, rubbing his hands together. “Goodbye, Split Horizon.”
“Thank you for sticking with me through all of this,” she said.
Lucas reached over and found her hand. “Jane, I know this hasn’t been easy for you. It’s been an awful, incredible journey for me, too.”
“I don’t have any regrets,” she said.
“Really?” he asked, his voice sounding surprised.
She paused, then nodded. “Yes. I would've said that a year or two ago, but I wouldn’t have meant it. At least not the way I do now.”
“What changed?”
“I did,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.
“You gave up,” he said. “And that’s unlike you.”
“Maybe,” she replied. “But all I really gave up was bitterness, anger, and a grudge. I didn’t even want to keep going the way I was, I just didn’t know how to get out of the pit.”
“I'm glad you're back,” he said pulling her into a hug.
“I knew it was wrong,” she said. “As soon as I realized the consequences if I got what I wanted... all of a sudden I saw what I was doing. Like I was turning into a villain in a superhero comic.”
“Maybe a little, but less spandex,” Lucas said, gently tugging her hair.
“It only took that little glimpse of me thinking I could really be in charge to realize how desperate I am for God to be in charge. For everything to have meaning and purpose. Outside of me. Beyond me.”
Lucas gave her hand a little squeeze and they started to walk down the silent hallway.
“I never thought this was going to be our story,” he said after a moment, looking around. “I never imagined all this for us. I wanted it to be all scientific adventures and chasing happy kids around the park in the sunshine.”
“Me too,” she said, dragging her fingers along the curved walls of The Dome for the last time. “My story was going to be so different, but I guess that’s what I learned.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m not going back. This is my story, but I'm His.”
From the Author
Dear Reader,
If, like me, you’ve experienced the loss of a child, whether through miscarriage, late-term pregnancy loss, infant death, or any other circumstances, I grieve with you. My heart is for this story, my story, God’s story of love to offer you hope. Not blind, saccharine hope that Jesus makes everything better and that the losses no longer hurt… but deep, rooted, powerful hope that comes only from Him.
Like mine, your journey may not be over, but I hope that you find rest in knowing that His compassions never fail—they are new every morning. This truth has kept me going and able to smile, even when things are too painful to otherwise bear.
Great is His faithfulness!
Love,
Kelley Rose
kelleyrosewaller.com
If I told you my story
You would hear Hope that wouldn't let go
And if I told you my story
You would hear Love that never gave up
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life, but it wasn't mine
If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him
If I told you my story
You would hear victory over the enemy
And if I told you my story
You would hear freedom that was won for me
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life overcome the grave
If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him
Publishing: © 2015 Word Music, LLC, Weave Country (ASCAP) / Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Open Hands Music (SESAC) (All rights on be
half of itself and Open Hands Music adm. by Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC) Writers: Mike Weaver / Jason Ingram
Acknowledgments
Jesus, thank You. Your steadfast love never ceases, and Your mercies never come to an end.
I love you, Matt. You are always encouraging, willing to read, and ready to listen. Thank you for letting this hobby consume my free time. We have amazing kids and a life I love.
Laure C H Kline, thanks. Your ideas, beautiful cover design, interior layout, and general hilarity have helped make this process worth it. I owe you big. I cannot wait to learn more about Mars. I am so proud of you.
limeiscreative.com | laurachkline.com
Adam Perry, you have been a huge source of feedback, ideas, and confidence. I shall raise an enormous, colorful, possibly Styrofoam teacup to celebrate Duncan, Oliver, and many more of your future creations in the years to come.
adamperrybooks.com
Caryn, thanks for expanding my perspectives and challenging me to see things in new ways. You are already the best teacher ever, and yet you work hard to improve. You are an inspiration. You are a source of joy in my life.
Lindsey, thanks. Your willingness to read and endlessly discuss and ask questions has helped me become a better writer. I am enormously grateful for you.
Uncle Mike, thanks. I am continually blessed by our conversations. Your perspective helped expand my tunnel vision and made this story more universally understandable.
Kate, thanks for reading, listening, talking, and serving selflessly. You are a blessing to me and to so many! Love you, my dear friend.
Kelcy, we have shared this motherhood journey with tears and laughter. You are a beloved sister. Thank you for reading and responding to my early drafts.
Mom and Dad, you are everything. Thank you.