A Love Worth Searching For

by Kathleen Ball

  Lily gave him a curt nod and stared out the back of the wagon. Fort Laramie was like a small city. She’d been there before. It was right outside the fort’s walls that Eli and Susan had been married. Her mother had stood as Susan’s maid of honor. Lily’s heart squeezed at the loss of her mother, so long ago but fresh for her. She needed to remember people died every day and they went to a better place.

  Finally, Jed came to the wagon and motioned for her to come out. He had parcels wrapped in brown paper and tied up with string in his hand. “I did a little shopping. I know you don’t have much with you.” When she sat down, he handed the packages to her.

  “I cannot pay you back, and it would be wrong of me to accept these from you.” She tried to give the packages back.

  “Actually you do have money in the bank, and you can repay me when we get to Oregon.”

  Money in the bank? She furrowed her brow trying to understand, but gave up and relaxed her shoulders. “Thank you.” She opened the packages and by the time she was done, she wanted to cry. Jed had bought her two dresses, one green and one yellow, a nightgown, leather gloves, a shawl, a hairbrush and hairpins. The last package contained undergarments, and heat washed over her cheeks at the thought of Jeb purchasing them. She set those aside and pulled the green dress into her lap. The feel of the cotton fabric was nearly her undoing. She never thought she’d wear anything other than deerskin. “I can’t thank you enough. You have thought of everything.”

  “I need to borrow one of your moccasins. I wanted to get you shoes but I didn’t know what size. The man at the general store said to bring in your moccasin and he’d get you the right size. What else do you need?”

  Before she had a chance to answer, a striking brunette linked arms with Jed and smiled up at him. “I’ll tag along with you and make sure you get everything a woman needs.”

  Jed nodded. “Lily, this is Tara Scott. She’s part of our party. Hand me your moccasin.”

  Lily nodded at Tara and then did as Jed asked. Jed seemed a bit clueless to Tara’s intentions. There were many cunning women in the Sioux village, and she’d tangled with a few. Tara was a cunning woman, and she wanted Jed for her own. It shouldn’t matter to Lily, but deep down it did.

  “Thank you both. It’s nice to meet you, Tara.”

  Tara’s mouth hung open. “You speak English.”

  “Of course I do. I wasn’t always with the Sioux.” She tilted her head and stared at the other woman.

  Tara turned a deep shade of red. “I don’t know what I thought.” She smiled up at Jed. “We’d best get going.”

  Jed nodded as he smiled back at Tara, “We’ll be right back.”

  Lily watched them walking away, their heads together as they talked. Jed had a woman. She shrugged and tried to be happy for him. She climbed into the wagon and waited. A group of young kids gathered at the tailgate.

  “Psst, miss? Can we ask you something?” A little towheaded boy asked.

  “What did you need to know?”

  “Well did you ever see them savages scalp people?” The boy's’ eyes were wide.

  “I’ve seen plenty while I was with the Sioux.”

  A blacked-haired girl gasped. “The Sioux are supposed to be the most brutal of all Indians. You’re lucky you survived!”

  “Kids come away from there. We don’t know if she’s tame or not.” It was a woman's voice calling them away.

  Tame? Had she heard correctly? She’d known there’d be questions but she never thought she’d be considered dangerous. Her chest tightened as the children scrambled away. Surely once they got to know her, things would be different.

  She was at loose ends. She always figured she’d reunite with her mother. Jed hadn’t even told her how she died. This land was full of death and horrid things. She’d witnessed things she knew she’d never forget. It wasn’t all that far from here that she had been captured. She hadn’t known it at the time, but she was never too far from civilization. The day they took her, they traveled miles and twisted and turned their direction until she had no idea which way they traveled. She was smarter now. They taught her how to figure which way she was going using the sun.

  “Those little rascals didn’t hurt you did they?” Smitty asked.

  She stuck her head out of the wagon. “They were just curious. Smitty, are Jed and Tara promised?”

  Smitty laughed. “No, she just likes to be where ever Jed happens to be. She’s a nice enough gal in small doses. Looks like they are on their way over. I’ll bring you something to eat in a bit.”

  “Thank you, Smitty. It’s nice to see a friendly face.”

  He reached out and gave her hand a quick squeeze. “It’s more than nice to have you back.”

  “I see you’ve met, Smitty,” Tara said as she approached.

  “Smitty and I go way back. He held me after my father drowned. He helped my ma and me both.” She shifted her gaze from the other woman to Jed. “Thank you. It’ll be nice to wear regular clothes and shoes.”

  Tara gave her a strained smile. “Why don’t we go to the river and bathe?”

  All blood left Lily’s face as she shook her head. “I appreciate the thought, but I can’t bathe in the river.”

  “Certainly you won’t put on new clothes. You’re filthy.” Tara crossed her arms in front of her talking to Lily as though she was a child.

  “I’ve changed my mind, all thoughts are not appreciated.” Lily pulled her head back into the wagon and sat with her knees pulled up to her chest. Tara’s attitude was probably just a small sampling of what she’d face. As long as she was free, nothing else mattered. Lily shook her head. If Tara thought her filthy now, she should have seen her yesterday.

  A few hours later, Jed carried a plate of food toward the supply wagon Lily was in. She’d been in it all day. He bet she was worn out from her ordeal. He placed the plate on a flat rock and waited by the back end of the wagon. “Lily? I brought you something to eat. The sun is going down, and it’s much cooler outside.”

  She came to the back holding a cloth to her arm.

  “What happened, sweetheart?”

  “Someone stabbed me through the canvas. It’s my own fault, my guard was down. I thought myself safe here.” Her voice wobbled much more than she wanted.

  “Come here.” He gently lifted her down and sat her down onto a crate. Taking the cloth from her, he whistled. “This is a jim-dandy of a wound. Why didn’t you cry out?”

  “And let the enemy know my exact position? No, I lay down with a knife in my hand waiting for the coward to come in and kill me.”

  Jed tried to hide his annoyance. “How long ago was this?”

  “An hour I think. It’s hard to tell time inside the wagon.”

  “Did you see who it was?”

  She shook her head. “No but they knew exactly where I was. I was casting a shadow I think.”

  Jed leaned down and scooped her up into his arms. “You are light as a feather but you don’t look scrawny.”

  “Where are you taking me? And I’m all strong from working day and night.”

  Jed shifted her so her head lay on his shoulder. “Smitty will know what to do.”

  “I know,” she whispered.

  Her warm breath against his neck made his skin come alive. It was exhilarating. He walked a bit faster. She felt so good, he needed her out of his arms. He gently sat her down at Smitty’s fire. He’d mistakenly thought by getting her out of his arms she’d get out from under his skin. Not true. Her scent lingered, and her hair was so soft. It was a trail he’d best not go down.

  Smitty grabbed his bandages and sat down next to Lily. He exchanged a worried glance with Jed. “Let’s get you fixed up. Did you see who it was?”

  Lily shook her head. “I should have been more cautious. I sat leaning back against the canvas. I made myself an easy target. I can’t imagine everyone is pleased I’ve been found. Children were shooed from the wagon earlier because I might not be tame.”

  Ange
r bubbled up inside Jed. “I’m going to take a look around. I’ll be back.” He didn’t wait for anyone to say anything but turned on his boot heel and left.

  Dang it! Who would do such a thing? He’d just gotten her back. Couldn’t people see that she was a victim? Couldn’t they have some sympathy for all she’d been through? He found the spot where the stabber had stood. Cowboy boots had made impressions in the dirt. Judging from the size and deepness of the print, he figured the man to be bigger and heavier than him. It certainly wasn’t much to go on. Besides, they were at Fort Laramie. It could have been anyone.

  He took his hat off and slapped it against his thigh. Her stab wound could have been fatal. Who besides Smitty, Owen, and Rex could he trust to protect her? He’d keep his eyes open and be ready to pound the stabber into the ground.

  He shook his head. She still wore her buckskins. Had he remembered to explain she’d have the wagon to herself? He certainly wasn’t used to having to think about a woman’s welfare. If his brothers Mike and Eli hadn’t both up and married, they’d be here to give him some pointers.

  A crowd had gathered around Smitty’s fire, and he walked in that direction. The next thing he knew Tara was at his side. He inwardly groaned. He couldn’t fathom why she thought he liked her. He’d practically scrambled his brains trying to figure out how he must have encouraged her.

  “I heard Indians were in the camp trying to get Lily back,” Tara said breathlessly. She must have run to catch up to him.

  “No Indians. I need to go check on her.” He tried to lengthen his stride, but she walked faster.

  “I think it a good idea if you and I keep an eye on her.”

  Jed wanted to laugh. “Good with a gun, are you?”

  “Well, no…”

  “A bow and arrow or perhaps a knife?”

  “I was brought up to be a proper lady. I have all the qualities needed to be a good wife and mother.”

  Jed glanced at her and nodded. “Good qualities to have if you live in Boston or New York City but out here, being good with a gun is more important.” He kept walking.

  “I’ll look forward to you teaching me, then.”

  Before he had a chance to reply, he caught sight of Lily. The firelight danced across her serene features, but he bet she was anything but serene. She probably wanted to know who cut her. He finally left Tara behind as he made his way through the crowd. His gaze locked with Smitty’s. Smitty nodded, and Jed felt his shoulders sag. He hadn’t realized how tense they had been.

  Jed sat down next to Lily and looked her over. “Are you alright? I mean besides being the center of attention.”

  She nodded. “Did you find the low-down coward who did this?” Her voice carried just enough for some of the people in the crowd to raise their brows.

  “No.” He raised his voice. “No, but there are boot tracks where the canvas was sliced. It was the doing of a white man.” He heard murmurs but ignored them. He glanced around looking for anyone acting shifty, but no one caught his eye. “Come, let’s get you settled. I’ll stand guard over your wagon while you sleep.”

  Lily stood and pushed her long blond hair behind her shoulders. “I sleep with a knife so I don’t think you need to bother.” She wove her way through the crowd to the wagon she’d been in.

  “I sleep with a knife too along with my rifle. Why don’t you change into your nightclothes and get some sleep? You deserve a nice long sleep.”

  She gave him a sad smile and shook her head. “I haven’t really slept in over two years. Maybe I’ll tell you my story someday.”

  Jed nodded. “I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to and not just about what happened. I like to think of us as friends.”

  “Friends sounds nice.” She climbed up into the wagon without looking back.

  He grabbed his bedroll and put it under what he now considered to be Lily’s wagon. He was just grateful to have her back. That was all that mattered.

  Chapter Two

  Lily woke in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat. Nightmare after nightmare plagued her. Fortunately, she wasn’t one who cried out in her sleep. She’d seen what happened to others who did. They were given something to cry out about.

  So much rested on the ability to stay silent in order to thwart the enemy. She’d learned quickly in the first few days but they still gagged her when white traders came to the village. They went to great measures to hide the white prisoners from the traders and army but they didn’t let them go. It didn’t seem logical to her. Why keep people in camp who could bring the soldiers down upon them? The world was not a logical place.

  Now she was here with Jed and a white man tried to kill her. It still made no sense. She’d grown up knowing right from wrong. Her parents had taught her the rules of polite society, but those were not the rules the Sioux followed. In fact, it was more like living with arbitrary boundaries and she never did gain enough confidence to know she was right. Being here, she hadn’t expected to be attacked. That was her first mistake; she was not welcome, and she was not protected.

  She pulled her sharp knife from under her pillow. She wouldn’t be caught by surprise again. Killing might be frowned on, but she’d do whatever she had to for her own survival. She put her knife back under the pillow and lay back down. A pillow was such a great luxury. Listening to the sounds all around her, she smiled. Jed must have picked a rocky patch to lay his bedroll. He tossed and turned much of the night. Knowing him, he wasn’t sleeping if he was guarding her.

  It wasn’t his fight, and she wasn’t his responsibility. She’d find her own attacker and deal with him quickly. She’d learned much the last two years and killing a man was one of them.

  A while later, before the sun rose, she was up. She poured water into a basin inside of the wagon and sighed in pleasure at the bar of soap she found on a towel next to the basin. Jed was a thoughtful man. She washed up and put on her new clothes. Clothes a proper woman wore. It felt strange at first to put them on. They weren’t very practical; in fact, they were thin and offered no protection against the earth’s elements. But they felt nice and soft and she was grateful. He remembered lilac was her favorite color. The green dress had lilac trim around the collar.

  Standing, she took a deep breath. She’d go and help Smitty make breakfast. He was always an early riser and a good soul. She was among people who knew her and that meant the world to her. The first year of her captivity, she’d hoped and prayed to be rescued. All the while she learned what she needed to do to become a useful member of the tribe. After that, she realized she was probably never leaving, and she became one of them. Their traditions and language became hers. It was very strange to speak English. She’d taught a few of the Sioux some English, but for the most part, she spoke the language of the people.

  She’d been right, Smitty was squatting in front of the fire pouring himself a cup of coffee. Without missing a beat, he offered her the cup.

  “Morning, Sunshine. You look mighty pretty this morning. You look rested.” His wide smile warmed her heart.

  “Thank you, Smitty.” She took the offered cup and watched as he poured a cup for himself.

  “Have a seat. This is my favorite time of the day. More often than not, there are no new troubles in the early morning. It gives me a chance to catch my breath for the day to come.” He took a seat on a crate next to her. “You sure are a sight for sore eyes. It was somethin’ awful the day you were taken. Jed’s been stopping everywhere for two years looking for any sign of you. I’m right glad he found you. You look healthy, a bit thin perhaps but healthy.”

  “I’m fine, thank you. I, too, like this time of day. There is a wolakota…uhm…peace, peacefulness about it.” It was comfortable sitting with Smitty. He didn’t want or expect anything from her. “How many are in the party this time?”

  “I wouldn’t answer her.” A tall man with a crooked mouth stepped up to the light of the fire and glared at her. “She’s probably spying so she can go let the Indians k
now how many of us there are.”

  She stared at him in silence, and when Smitty moved to stand, she touched his arm. “Let it be, Smitty. There is nothing you could say that would change this man’s mind. It’s not worth the bother.”

  The stiffening she observed in the tall man was her reward. She kept her emotions to herself. It only made the man angrier, but he didn’t dare lash out.

  She turned her back on the man. “What are we making for breakfast? I figure since I’m taking up room in one of your wagons I’d help with all the chores. I’m used to working hard all day and well into the night, so I won’t take no for an answer.”

  “I managed to procure eggs from the fort.”

  “Procure? Smitty you surprise me with your wide vocabulary.” She smiled.

  He turned a dull shade of red. “I’m trying to improve myself. I got me a girl back in Oregon now. I have a few things to take care of and then I’m hoping when we get back she might be interested in me.”

  “Any woman would be lucky to have you by her side. Who was that man?”

  Smitty shook his head. “His name is Garber, and he’s trouble. It’s not just you. He’s had his nose in everyone’s business from day one.”

  She nodded. “At least it’s just not me. Smitty, maybe I should stay at the Fort. I don’t want to cause trouble, and Jed has a job to do getting his party to Oregon. I doubt most if any of the travelers want me along.”

  Jed walked into the circle of light. “It’s not up to them. You look lovely this morning, Lily. I’d ask how well you slept but I heard you trying to be comfortable all night.” He squatted down poured himself a cup of coffee and straightened up. His eyes were full of humor as he stared at her over the rim of the tin cup.

  “I actually slept better than I had in a very long time. You however need to clear the area you plan to sleep on for rocks. I heard you all night long too. Besides, I have my knife. No one will get near me again. You may as well sleep in a wagon.”