A Love Worth Searching For

by Kathleen Ball

  Wanda demanded a vote to kick Lily off the train. And according to Wanda, Lily would be just fine with her Indian knowhow. It always amazed him that a group with the common goal of reaching Oregon could all be so vastly different. More than likely they’d be neighbors out there, why not become friendly along the way. The smarter families did just that. They cooked together, watched each other’s kids, washed clothes together. Men hunted together and sat around their fires telling stories. They would be the ones who would make it out west.

  Though he went back east the beginning of each year, he refused to escort anyone back to Independence. It was always the people who gave him a hard time who asked him to take them. Plus it would take too long. They traveled light and bought new wagons and supplies in Missouri each year.

  They decided to skip the nooning and keep going well into the night so they could get to the next watering hole that much sooner. Tomorrow, they’d find water and let the oxen have a nice long rest.

  He, too, watched the horizon. Not expecting more trouble but the attack this morning didn’t sit well. If they’d been that determined this morning, he was certain they’d be back. He needed to find out what was going on. Too many people were already wound up about Lily, and they were placing the blame at her feet.

  He’d been amazed when he saw her jump from the wagon this morning. He’d been awake, just waiting for the sun to begin to rise before he got up. The way she landed on her feet and crouched down with her knife extended as she made a wide circle. He’d been both impressed and confused. He hadn’t heard anything near the wagon. He was getting ready to roll out from under the wagon when she came running.

  He’d never forget the incredible sight of her running from wagon to wagon with her long blond hair blowing in the wind behind her. If anyone should be put off the train, it should be Wanda for her false accusations. Who knew how many men they would have lost this morning if not for her. Why was she talking about Washington Territory? Surely now that he found her, she wouldn’t leave and go so far from him. She wouldn’t, would she?

  Confound it! She’d become such a big part of his life while she was gone, and he never expected her to take an even bigger part when he found her. He never thought any further than finding her. Now what? He wasn’t any good at this relationship thing. Women found him attractive and a few had trifled with his feelings. He’d been told he wore his heart on his sleeve and it allowed women to lead him on.

  Lily didn’t seem the type but he didn’t want to open his heart to any woman. He hadn’t fully expected that she be such a part of him. He felt so fiercely about protecting her he’d kill or die for her and that scared him.

  He wanted to know more about her time with the Sioux but he’d wait until she told him. Too many people expected her to spill her story to them and he could see her dismay when anyone asked her questions. He was grateful she was whole and healthy.

  It was his turn to ask the people he was leading some questions. Someone had to know why they had been attacked. But no one jumped out at him, and he didn’t have a notion where to begin. He’d been watching the wagons and none were leaving deep ruts indicating they were extraordinarily heavy. Most wagons had a second floor built on top of the bottom with room in between the layers for extra food storage. No one was carrying bars of gold that much he knew.

  He took off his hat and wiped his brow with his sleeve. It was a hot one, and the smell of the alkali was nauseating. There were a few women in the family way. He’d need to go and check to see how they were faring. As he rode and chatted with each driver, he looked for clues. The only thing unusual was the fine wagon the reverend and his sister had. Their clothes didn’t indicate the same level of wealth as their wagon. It wasn’t a very good clue. His congregation could have purchased the wagon for them. Plus he wasn’t exactly lying low. No, Jed would need to keep his eyes open.

  A piercing scream filled the air, and the wagons came to a halt. Jed raced toward the front of the line and his heart sank. A small child lay in one of the ruts, having been crushed beneath a wagon wheel. Blood pooled around her body. Matilda, he recalled her name. Her mother, Sally Smathers, sat next to her dead daughter cradling her head in her lap while her husband, Big Tim, looked on helplessly.

  Sally glared at Winston Richards. “This is your fault! How could you run over my baby?” Tears ran down her face.

  Winston turned white. “I didn’t see her. I thought she was in the back of your wagon. She’d been in there most of the day. She waved at me several times. I’m so sorry.”

  Terrance, Matilda’s five-year-old brother took a step forward. “She was. She decided to jump out the back so she could walk. I tried to stop her but she called me a baby. She jumped and then she screamed when an oxen plowed over her and now she’s dead.”

  “It’s his fault!” Sally pointed at Winston. “He could have stopped his oxen. Now my Matilda is gone.” A fresh round of weeping began.

  Big Tim shook his head as he crouched down next to Sally. “You know we told her again and again not to jump out the back. There is no way Winston could have stopped in time. It was a tragic accident. We need to bury our girl and make sure proper prayers are said for her.” He took Matilda into his arms and carried her to the side of the trail.

  Jed, Smitty and Rex all grabbed shovels and began to dig a grave. This type of thing was far too common. More people died of accidents than sickness on most trains.

  The reverend led a service at the graveside, and then Big Tim led Sally and Terrence back to their wagon. Jed gave them the option of stopping for the night, but they wanted to go on. The wagons behind the grave made sure to run over it with their wheels. Mostly to make sure the dirt was hard packed and animals couldn’t dig up the body and of course, there were those who believed that Indians dug up the graves looking for anything they could take from the bodies.

  When they did stop, the mood was somber. Everyone went about their chores without much chatter. Things were settling down for the night when another scream filled the air. Jed ran toward Winston’s wagon. Winston was bleeding from his shoulder, and Rex was holding Sally back. A long knife lay on the ground.

  Smitty appeared as if by magic with his doctoring kit, and Big Tim escorted his wife away to their wagon. He apologized profusely for his wife’s actions.

  “I suppose there will be a hanging come morning?” Winston asked. He winced. Smitty mustn’t have been as gentle sewing Winston up after that question.

  Jed shook his head. “I don’t think so. She’s out of her mind with grief. I’ll have Big Tim keep her in his sight at all times.”

  “Now see here! She tried to kill me. What if she got Ricky instead? She’s too dangerous to have on our wagon train and I want justice.”

  Jed sighed. “Let’s just sleep on it and talk more in the morning. Clearer heads might make better decisions.”

  Winston growled. “I hope this means you’ll realize what really needs to be done.”

  “Jed, why don’t you get these onlookers off to their wagons, and I’ll finish stitching up Winston here?” Smitty gave him a knowing nod. It was best to get things under control as quickly as possible.

  Jed and Rex got the crowd to scatter.

  Smitty finally came back to his fire and shook his head. “Don’t worry I stuck him extra hard with the needle. How anyone can be so all-fire mean is beyond me. He’s just lucky she didn’t kill him.” He paused and drew a deep breath then leveled his gaze on Jed. “Sally does need to be watched.”

  Jed nodded. “I agree, she’s dangerous, but I’m not hanging anyone. I’d best get some shuteye.” He stood, raising his arms over his head in a stretch before he walked away.

  He was surprised to see Tara standing not too far from his wagon. She did know Lily slept inside, didn’t she?

  “I need to talk to you, Jed,” she whispered. “You need to get rid of that Indian you have in your wagon. Nothing good can come from it. I really think you need to heed my warning. I’ve heard peo
ple talking about stringing her up instead of Sally.”

  He furrowed his brow. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “They want blood, but not necessarily Sally’s.” She looked furtively around then lowered her voice. “Just send her on her way tonight.”

  “Tara, I’m not sending her away, now or ever. You need to come to terms with it. We all just need to work together and get to Oregon where everyone can start new lives. Let me walk you back to your wagon.”

  She crossed her arms in front of her and shook her head. “I can get there myself. I don’t need anything from you anymore.” She turned on her heel, and he watched her until she was safe at her wagon.

  “I’m sorry I cost you your friendship,” Lily whispered from the back of the wagon.

  “She’ll cool off. I’m going to sleep in the wagon tonight. I don’t trust half these people and they are thirsty for blood or something. I’ll sit at the back here while you sleep.”

  “You’re too good to me,” she said before she popped her head back into the wagon.

  He waited a few minutes for her to get settled before he rolled some blankets and put them under the wagon, hoping it looked like him sleeping under there. Then he climbed in. It was pretty dark except for the bit of moonlight that caught the side of her face. She’d grown into a beautiful woman. There was such a difference from two years ago. Gone were the shy smiles, and instead she had the look of a woman who knew too much of life. Her innocence and naivety were gone. Sadness washed over him at the thought.

  “Good night, Jed, and thanks for not letting them stretch my neck.” There was the slightest hint of humor in her voice.

  “Good night.” He had a feeling she’d never allow anyone to get the jump on her again. She was never in any fear of hanging. He shook his head. She was one heck of a woman. He closed his eyes. It was going to be a trying morning.

  Chapter Four

  The foliage ahead had Lily smiling. It had been almost three weeks that they’d been traveling the wasteland. Tempers flew as well as accusations. The so-called good people of the wagon train weren’t above stealing a cup of water out of their neighbor’s barrels.

  The Smathers’ had been riding lead since the incident, and Winston had been riding in the back so he could keep an eye on Sally. Lily had tried to make herself as scarce as possible those first few days after the stabbing. It was a bit lonely, spending each day by herself. She even missed Jill’s non stop prattling. Thank goodness for Smitty, Jed, Owen and Rex. At least they spent time with her each morning and night.

  At one point, she tried to show the travelers that keeping a small stone in their mouths would keep them from being so dry. Obviously, it was a trick to kill them all. She knew of plenty of ways to conserve water, but they didn’t want her advice. They’d rather suffer, she guessed.

  She shook her head. She’d shot down a few birds but no one wanted any of the meat except for Smitty, Jed, Owen and Rex. Fools, all of them. Mostly it was the husband's. The women looked longingly at the meal she prepared and with enough rice and beans, she could have stretched the meal to feed many.

  “Lost in thought?”

  Startled, she turned and saw Jed riding beside her wagon. “Is that Independence Rock?”

  “It sure is. We should hit it by nightfall.”

  She smiled. “It’s so much bigger than I ever imagined.”

  “It’s huge all right. I’ve been hoping that you’d be able to etch your name on it someday. It’s a miracle that you’ll be able to do it.” He seemed to grow solemn for a while. “I hope you’ll allow me to climb it with you.”

  Her body flooded with warmth. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. So, what happened this morning with the Smathers’?”

  “Sally took an axe and smashed their water barrel until all their water was gone. The poor thing has her hands tied inside the wagon so she doesn’t hurt herself.”

  “Grief makes people do all kinds of things.” She could still hear the mournful wails of the Sioux when they lost someone. They also cut themselves. It was hard to watch and even harder to partake in.

  “Winston keeps giving me an, I told you stare. I’m ignoring it. There will be plenty of wagons at the rock, so please be careful.” His eyes were so full of caring she almost felt loved.

  “Of course I will. Don’t worry I won’t try to teach them any Indian dances.”

  He grinned and shook his head. “You have the oddest sense of humor.”

  “Sometimes you have to make a choice. You can either laugh or cry. Crying could have been a death sentence for me.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t cry. I can’t wait for our climb. I’d best keep riding.” He tipped his hat and spurred Paint.

  She’d rather gaze at him than at the beautiful lush scenery they were entering. Somehow, he made her feel whole in a way she didn’t understand. Could the right man make a woman feel complete? Was that why people married and had children? There was so much she wished she knew. Once more, she ached for the loss of her mother.

  The oxen moved faster as they approached the river. They were just as hot and thirsty as the rest. It took a bit more muscle to keep them at an even keel. Finally they made it and circled. Looking up at the rock, she felt so tiny.

  After taking care of the oxen, she made her way to Smitty’s fire. She thought she’d be used to the whispers, but she wasn’t, yet no one would even know she heard. She held her head up high and continued walking.

  A large sharp rock hit her head and she almost cried out. It hurt like the dickens, and when she touched her forehead, her fingers came away sticky with blood.

  “Go back to where you came from!” The voice sounded like a young man, but she didn’t look to see. She kept walking.

  Blood ran down her face. The rock hadn’t seemed to be big enough to cause so much blood. She had almost gotten to Smitty’s when he jumped up and ran to her. He swept her up and placed her on one of the crates.

  “What happened to you?” The concern in his voice touched her.

  “Someone threw a rock at me. It’s bleeding much more than it hurts.”

  Smitty handed her a clean cloth and she held it against her wound.

  “Head wounds tend to bleed more,” he explained. “Did you see who did it?”

  “No, I was trying to ignore all the jests about me as I walked over here. Not one person offered to help. What has happened to people? My mother would have helped anyone in need. Have people changed so much in the last few years?”

  Smitty took the cloth and wet it. He washed off a good amount of blood. “I don’t think you’ll need to be stitched but you should keep it bandaged. Your mother was a wonderful kindhearted woman. There are still a few out there like her, but she was a rare person of considerable compassion.”

  He walked to the back of his wagon and pulled out strips of cloth. “Let’s get you fixed up.”

  Before he had a chance to reach her, Jed walked toward her, and his jaw dropped.

  “Did you fall?” He knelt down next to her.

  “No, I didn’t fall.”

  “Someone threw a rock at her. Got her pretty good too,” Smitty said.

  “Did—”

  “Nope,” Smitty interrupted. “She didn’t see who did it. I say we roust the men and question them.”

  “I believe it to be a younger man or older boy. I did hear his voice. Just let it be. I don’t want to give people more reason to hate me.” She sat very still as Smitty wrapped her head. A wave of nausea hit her, but she wasn’t about to give in to it. “I’ll be fine. Besides I have a date to climb Independence Rock.”

  She noticed the look Smitty and Jed exchanged. They weren’t going to let it go. Men were like that, she supposed. She remembered another time in her life when rocks were thrown at her. When she first arrived at the Sioux Village, Chayton the man who kidnapped her, dropped the rope he had around her neck and hands and left her there to be beaten with sticks and hit by rocks. At the time, she had curled into
a ball and protected her head.

  Later, she realized they did that to each new captive. She never understood why. Now thinking about it, they probably wanted the captive to know who was in charge. She doubted any captive ever thought otherwise.

  “Lily?” She looked up and realized both men were staring at her.

  “What, Jed?”

  “I just wanted to know how you felt. You looked lost in thought.”

  A weak smile pulled on her lips. “I was lost in thought. I’ll be fine. I’m tougher than I look.”

  Smitty laughed. “I know darlin’, I know.”

  Jed asked around but no one admitted to seeing anything. He did notice a few things though. A couple, Edward and Joanne Lanster were trying hard to hide their accents. They spoke differently every time he talked with them. Jed didn’t know what accent they were hiding. They also had a young daughter named Izzy with them. He didn’t know much about them. They followed all the rules and never gave him an ounce of trouble. They also kept to themselves. There was also a group of boys hanging about that hadn’t been friends until recently. Quite likely they had thrown the rock, but he didn’t have proof. Most people were indifferent, and he was frustrated.

  Lily sat by their wagon. Their wagon. He liked the sound of it. But she probably wouldn’t want a relationship with a man. He often wondered what she’d been through but he wasn’t going to ask. It was her business.

  “Are you alright?” he asked as he sat next to her.

  “I have coffee, help yourself.” She gave him a slight smile.

  Jed poured himself a cup and topped off the coffee in her cup. “You didn’t answer my question. Are you alright?”

  “My head throbs a bit, but it’s nothing. Looks like a party is going to happen.”