The Bliss Book

by Maggie Shayne

  Then find a second thing. Appreciate that for a week. Journal everything.

  Find a third. Journal it. Repeat.

  Make it your new habit to bask in something you love every single day. Relish something in your life.

  Most importanly, make notes in your journal of new people, experiences and things that show up in your life during this these 3 weeks. Especially things that fill you with that same feeling of appreciation and bliss you get from looking at your things of beauty.

  The Goddess Speaks

  You have moved yourselves already from where you were before.

  You have taken the first, faltering steps of accepting the enormity of your power.

  The next step, my beautiful ones, is acceptance of what is, and a gentle turning away from judgement of what is.

  See with an unbiased eye and an open mind, and find one good thing in all you observe. Just one.

  When you find it, my blessed sister goddesses, when you find that one thing that’s good, just bask in it. Let it soothe you and bring you joy. Look away from it only to see if there might be other good things to bask in, because this feels so good. It feels so good to focus on what’s good.

  And then, the good will multiply, and your next step comes as the veil is lifted from your eyes and you realize the truth of your power —whatever you focus on grows and spreads like flowers over the desert after the rain. “It’s real,” you’ll whisper. “I create with my attention.” And then it dawns on you that you can choose where you put your attention.

  And now you begin to think about the world as you want it to be, and you become hopeful.

  And that hope grows as you see little pieces of your dream popping into existence all around you.

  And you realize, I’m doing this. I’m really doing this! And now your hope becomes certainty. You know the world you dream about will come, because it’s happening.

  And when you reach that point where you know beyond any doubt that it must come to be, it will be. In the very instant the belief occurs to you, it will be. You’ll see it all around you. And it happened so silently, almost as if it was there the whole time and it only took you this long to be able to see it, as the veils from your eyes were removed one by one. (This is the true meaning of the Dance of the Seven Veils. To see truth, you must release all illusion.)

  It’s all there, the whole time. You just have to focus your vision to see it.

  You just have to adjust your frequency to match it, to pull it in, to be able to receive the signal.

  It’s beaming to you. It’s beaming its frequency like a radio tower, out, out, out.

  But you’re like SETI, with your antennae turned the wrong way.

  You can tune yourself to it.

  You just tune yourself to it.

  Pretend, like when you were little.

  Write it like you’d write a story, precious ones. Oh, how I love you. Write it like you'd write a story.

  Now go tune yourself.

  * * *

  Chapter Three

  The Habit of Making the Most of What We Have

  * * *

  Appreciate : to increase the value of

  —Merriam-Webster Dictionary

  I had a used Nissan Murano that I loved, but the mileage was climbing and parts were dying, one after another. I looked for a replacement vehicle and found I couldn’t afford one. In fact, it was in looking for a different car that I realized everything I was looking for was what I already had. My aging crossover had a moon roof, heated leather seats, in-dash navigation, and a Bose sound system. So my husband and I decided that since a new vehicle with all of that was out of our price range, we’d fix up the one we had. We bought parts and my sweet, sweet hubby Lance, who I love like the sun, repaired everything that was wrong.

  He is brilliant. And also drop-dead handsome and has dimples that would melt the scales off a dragon. (I told you, this stuff works.)

  For Christmas that year, my Lance surprised me by making over the Murano’s entire interior. He put in custom fitted two-tone black and red leather seats, and covered every hard surface in a shiny red, black and gray houndstooth pattern made of carbon fiber. He added a matching steering wheel cover and floor mats, too. He installed a remote starter and satellite radio.

  I fell madly in love with my ride all over again. I couldn’t stay out of the thing. I had such a great time enjoying my Murano for the next few months, all fixed up and gorgeous, that I felt like I was driving a Mercedes.

  Then one day, it just died. Just like that.

  We had to call for a tow, and the nearest garage was located at the dealer where we’d bought her, long before.

  We were towed in, and I was wondering why this had happened. I had got over wanting a new car. I had truly been making the best of my old car, and had done such a good job that I had truly fallen in love with it. I’d decided I really didn’t need a new ride after all.

  And then I saw a shiny new Murano, platinum edition, moon roof, heated leather seats, heated steering wheel, heated mirrors. I didn’t even want to ask how much, but I did. It was the previous year’s model, as it turned out, the very one I’d looked at before and couldn’t afford. It was still brand new, but even newer ones were coming out and they had to make room. It was deeply discounted, and the payments, once they calculated them, came in at less than we’d spent on repairs for the past year. And I don’t include our beautification costs in that. It was literally less per month than we’d spent on essential repairs.

  We also got quite a lot more for our trade-in than they’d offered us the last time we tried, because of all the love Lance had put into my older ride.

  So let’s break down what happened, because there’s wisdom in it. (There’s wisdom in everything, if you take the time to look for it, and that’s a useful bit of wisdom right there.)

  The Take-Away

  I was frustrated with my breaking-down car, and could not afford a new one. There was no way for me to move from the wavelength of “frustrated with my car” to the wavelength of “I love my new car.” Those two vibrations are too far apart.

  We made peace with keeping the old car. Then prettied her up so much that I loved her again. I loved her so much I forgot all about needing a new car. I had successfully changed my vibration. I had tuned into “LoveMySweetRide 101.4 FM.”

  Suddenly, I couldn’t afford NOT to get a new car that was even better than the one I’d had. It was no longer impossible. It had become not only possible, but necessary. And the only thing that had changed was my attitude toward the car I already had.

  This is the power of making the best of what we have.

  Wishes manifest when we get so good at loving where we are that we’re no longer so worried about manifesting them.

  So when there is something I want in my life that isn’t happening, I’ve learned to take a step back and look at what I already have. I make up my mind that yes, eventually I am going to get this shiny new thing. I accept that it will come to me when the time is right. But in the meantime, I might as well enjoy things as they are right now. And so I go about doing that in spades.

  Appreciation Vs. Gratitude

  Gratitude is wonderful. It means feeling grateful, giving thanks. But true appreciation isn’t just gratitude. To truly appreciate something is to bask in it, to revel in it, to relish it. Being grateful for a slice of peach pie isn’t the same thing as slowly savoring every delicious morsel. That’s appreciation. And everything we take time to appreciate in this way, grows in value to us.

  * * *

  Assignment 3

  Bliss Up Your Stuff

  * * *

  Pick anything in your life that you’ve been wanting to replace and make it your goal to fix it up in every way possible. Paint isn’t pricey. Elbow grease is so valuable no money can buy it. And imagination is the most powerful tool of all.

  Furniture old and ratty? Patch it up, make new slip covers for it, cover it with a mash-up of fascinating sofa pillows
collected from flea markets and lawn sales, or make them yourself.

  Walls looking rough? Spackle is cheap and easy to figure out. Paint, too. Scour thrift stores for unique pieces to hang, pieces that reflect your taste and personality, things that will give you joy every time you look at them.

  I had a friend with plywood floors. She couldn’t afford the hardwood she wanted, so she painted the floor a base color, then flicked paintbrushes dipped in other colors to create a spatter effect. She covered the whole thing in poly, and people thought it had been created by a decorator.

  The imaginative headboards I’ve seen people make, the shelves, the mantles—there are no limits to what you can do to beautify your space.

  Not creative? Find ideas on Pinterest. Talk to people. Read crafty blogs. You pick things up.

  Just pick one thing you’ve been wanting to replace, and make it the best you possibly can. When you get to the point where you love it so much you no longer feel so strongly about replacing it—the newer, better version will arrive.

  But more importantly, you’ll have learned how to be happy without it. You’ll have learned unconditional joy. You’ll have learned that your mood doesn’t ever again have to depend on what you have.

  Journal the project you choose, and more importantly, your feelings about it. Include before & after photos if you like.

  The Goddess Speaks

  What most of you have not yet grasped is the understanding that you are me. The spark you call soul is a bit of me, which I poured into the form you call your body. You are Goddess incarnate.

  And so, like me, you create by your own power. It is a power that beams forth like a light you can’t observe with your physical senses. I can see it very easily. Small children can see it, but not with their physical eyes. It’s more a feeling. An energy. Animals and birds can see it just the same way. When someone falls in love with you, they see it fully. You glow to them.

  And your power is so easy to wield.

  What you love becomes more lovable.

  What you value becomes more valuable.

  What you treasure becomes more of a treasure.

  What you focus on grows in size and frequency and momentum, in direct proportion to the size and frequency and momentum of your focus upon it.

  So look at what you love. Bask in it, bathe in it, surround yourself in it, smile whenever you see it gracing the lives of others. But never, child, never ever look very long upon that which you do not love.

  * * *

  Chapter Four

  The Habit of Healing Relationships

  * * *

  It’s as easy as 1, 2, 3.

  Accept that it’s not your job to make the other person happy.

  Accept that it’s not the other person’s job to make you happy.

  Focus exclusively on what you love about the other person.

  Let’s take these one at a time, because they are deep, deep lessons and they take a lot of thinking and pondering and most of all practicing to really get. And even then, there’s more. These teachings are like the layers of an infinite onion. You peel one away, there’s another underneath. And there’s no end to that. I’m still peeling and will be for the rest of my lifetimes. And so will you.

  It’s Not My Job to Make Anyone Else Happy

  Each lifetime is a sacred thing. Divine Spirit chose it, created our body, and poured itself in, in order to experience physical life.

  I want to pause here to define some terms. I believe that I am part of a much larger being. I refer to that being as my Soul, my Spirit, and my Higher Self. But a less mystical term might be Divine Consciousness. Consciousness pervades all existence, experiencing itself through every nanoparticle of it. My understanding is that my physical body gives my own little piece of that Consciousness, my Soul, a vehicle through which to experience all things physical. And I further believe that my Soul and yours are parts of the Whole, or what we call Source, God, Goddess, or The Universe, Divine Consciousness.

  I think the vastness of my Soul could never be contained within a single physical body, but still, my body is filled with it, and powered by it. Just so you know what I’m talking about as we move on.

  My Higher Self bought the ticket and booked this cruise in the physical world. But me, the smaller me, the me that is my personality, who identifies with this body, this voice, this attitude, this career, this lifetime, that me, is Captain Stubing. It’s up to me to make sure she (my Higher Self) gets her money’s worth. I want to show her a good time.

  I can’t do that by trying to live somebody else’s life for them. I can only do it by living my own life in the way that makes me happiest.

  I don’t say no to my girlfriends when I really want to say yes, even if I think my hubby would prefer I stayed home. I’m not in servitude to anyone except my own Higher Self. The experiences that my Soul is longing to have, those are my work orders. That’s the boss talking to me. This is what I came for. Girl’s night out, or a movie with a grandchild or a lunch date with one of my daughters.

  I do not deny myself my dreams because of anyone else. Not even my spouse. Can you imagine how much I’d resent that someday? Can you even imagine denying ourselves the chance to follow our dreams because we think our partner would be happier if we didn’t? Can you imagine putting what we think someone else might prefer, above what we know our own Spirit craves? Does it make any sense to do that, when we really peel away the layers and look at the question?

  First of all, there’s this. I can’t possibly make someone else happy. Most of us think we can. But it’s not truly possible. We can’t know what they want, because we are not them. We can’t perceive from anyone else’s perspective. Perspective is one to a customer. So chances are, I don’t really know what my hubby would prefer anyway. And if I had someone in my life who would be upset by me being the pilot of my own boat, I’d need to think about whether to abandon ship.

  I hasten to add that doing wonderful, kind, thoughtful things for the person we love feels amazing. Seeing our beloved’s face light up. Watching them unwrap that gift we put so much thought into and seeing them shed a tear of joy because our gesture touched them so deeply. These are wonderful moments, and moments I treasure.

  Doing loving things for the people we love is a joyful expression of our feelings for them. That’s never a bad thing. It’s making their happiness (and therefore, their unhappiness) our responsibility that can become a problem. These are two very different things.

  So, we have permission to make ourselves happy, and not to bear the burden of anyone else’s well-being on our shoulders. More than permission. It’s what we’re here for. We get to do what we want, chase our dreams, and co-create a beautiful life with a partner who’s okay with that.

  But we also have to be okay with the flip side.

  It’s No One Else’s Job to Make Me Happy

  Here are some things some of us say to the person we love most. I’ve been guilty of some of these myself. I’m not judging. I’m learning as I go and sharing what I’ve picked up so far. Try not to flinch.

  You’re spending too much time on (fill in the hobby that irritates you most) and not enough with me!

  Your diet is terrible. I’m going to force you to eat healthier.

  You don’t know how to dress. I’m going to pick out your clothes from now on.

  PLEASE, for the love of all that’s holy, shave that beard!

  You need to earn more money.

  Over my dead body, you’re getting a motorcycle!

  Oh no you’re not spending Sunday watching football. I made plans.

  Look, our partners are independent beings, not extensions of us. My husband’s Higher Self, his Spirit, poured a part of itself into his body, in order to come into this lifetime and experience things that would give him joy. And some of those things might be video games or football or junk food. I have no right to judge the value of those things, nor could I possibly hope to understand their value to him. I can’t feel wha
t he feels. I can’t know from his perspective. To him, it’s valuable. It’s bliss-giving. It’s his job to get as much bliss as he can.

  So in our relationship, we do our best to give each other the space to do and be and have exactly what we want to do and be and have.

  Better yet, I strive to be one of the things that gives my partner bliss. And he is one of the things that gives me bliss. Apart from that, however, there must be autonomy and respect.

  Each being’s authority over her or his own life is absolutely sacred. Allowing our own will and well-being and joy and bliss to be violated by the will of another, or trying to impose our own will over another’s life, are equally illogical and harmful to the spiritual advancement of both partners.

  Some Examples

  Susie’s waiting for Eric to ask her to the annual summer picnic. He always goes with his family, and she’s sure that if he’s serious about her, he’ll ask her along. But she knows he won’t, because Eric can be dense about these kinds of things. He probably won’t even think to ask. She’s already thinking about how angry she’s going to be if (when) he doesn’t ask her. She’s even rehearsing the scathing words she’s going to say to him once he’s committed this crime. In the meantime, though, she never says a word indicating she’d like to go with him to the event. She's just waiting for him to screw up.

  In this example, Susie’s expecting Eric to fail, planning for Eric to fail, so Eric can’t do anything but fail because people will usually live up (or down) to our expectations of them. Susie needs to ask herself if she cares more about wounding Eric with her words while acting the injured party, or being Eric’s date for the picnic. If she does, then all she has to do is tell him so.