On Her Axis

by Jeanette Lynn

  Kertt was a mixture of several beings all rolled into one, resulting in his green colored skin. His mother was human, which would explain his humanoid features and appearance. His father, however, was an odd mixture of half Rellian, one quarter human, and one quarter Amarillan, the mix of blue Rellian and yellow Amarillan giving him his light green skin.

  Kertt didn't have any extra eye stalks like his father did and I was a little surprised by that.

  He looked more human than anything else.

  "No need to play coy with me, my little flower.” His voice had gone low and husky, playing with a few fly away strands of my hair, once again taking another step towards me as he smiled crookedly.

  I side stepped him this time and put my hand on his chest when he started to lean in.

  "Wait!" I blurted desperately, leaning my head back and away from his too eager lips.

  Think, Mags, think!

  "I have a boyfriend!" I shouted out a little too loud.

  "I'm sorry, what?" He paused, pulling back slightly. "Did you just say you have a boyfriend?" Kertt asked, frowning at me and standing back up suddenly to his full height.

  "I do!" I licked my lips nervously, trying to calm my racing heart so I don't fudge this up.

  I'm a terrible liar and I know it.

  Maybe Kertt won't catch on long enough for me to get away with it...

  Kertt smiled down at me and his eyes twinkled.

  "You’re just playing hard to get, aren't you? You do know you're a horrid fibber, don't you, flower?" He leaned in again.

  I put my hands out and turned my head to the side, squeezing my eyes shut in preparation for Kertt's unwanted smooch.

  Two strong arms wrapped around my waist and yanked me into a warm solid chest. Two other equally strong arms wrapped around my shoulders in an intimate embrace.

  I have never been happier to see four pink, hairless, muscled arms in my life!

  "What's wrong, sweet heart? Is this guy bothering you?" A deep husky voice asked in my ear, his warm breath fanning my neck.

  I shivered and looked up into Marre's warm chocolate brown eyes.

  Oh, thank you Jesus! Saved by the Cardanian!

  "No, I'm fine, sugar buns," I cooed at Marre, patting his cheek to cover up his wince at my really bad endearment.

  I told you I was a bad liar!

  Kertt looked startled and then his face turned an odd greenish blue as he gaped at us a little bit. I almost thought he was going to be sick, he turned such a funny color.

  He recovered quickly, though, his shoulders going stiff as a board, his hands fisting at his sides as he fidgeted awkwardly in place.

  "My apologies. Well, I'll just be on my way then," Kertt muttered brusquely, his demeanor screaming his displeasure like a bright, flashing neon sign, a tight smile pasted on his unhappy face.

  He excused himself and disappeared into the crowd.

  I slumped against Marre, huffing out a breath in relief.

  Marre watched silently as Kertt skulked off, an intent look entering his face, his brows pulling together a little as he contemplated something.

  "What's with the green lothario, Mags?" he asked, looking at me seriously, like he was worried Kertt might be truly harassing me and he'd punch his lights out if I just gave the word.

  “He’s not really bothering you, is he?”

  It warmed me considerably that he’d care, all the concern lacing his voice now.

  I turned my head a little in his direction to see him better. I smiled at him reassuringly and gave a small chuckle, enamored with his chivalrous attempt at a rescue and immediate defense, all for me.

  "Hold your horses there, Prince Charming, he's harmless, I swear."

  Marre grunted noncommittally, but continued to stare at me as if he was unsure if he should believe me or not.

  I laughed and pinched his arm, getting a yelp and a return squeeze from his massive, vise-like arms.

  "Eep," I yelped back in surprise, and he barked out a laugh, releasing me, then stepping back.

  Even though he laughed, a frown still furrowed his hairless brow.

  I gave a mock frown back, imitating him as best as I could, and even though he fought it, a smile crept up at the corners of his lips.

  He should be smiling right now. I probably look like a wrinkled lemon trying to imitate his sour expression.

  The stubborn Cardanian, of course, had never graced me with a full-fledged smile, but I felt triumphant that I’d gotten so close.

  I learned from Tawn’s marriage to Ponne that Cardanian males are impossibly bull headed, and if they don’t want to do something, then they aren’t budgin’.

  That’s not the way they see it, of course. No, to them, you’re just being difficult.

  “Really Marre? Would I let some jerk off bother me and not give him the boot?”

  Marre’s frown lifted a little and his tiny smile kicked up another notch.

  "If you say so, Mags," he sighed, in total bologna mode, giving me a full out grin when I pinched him again, just for good measure.

  The sight of it pleased me, warming my insides.

  Hopefully he knows me well enough by now, he figures if Kertt really was an issue, I’d speak up about it...

  I wouldn’t be trying so hard to be polite to Kertt if he was an asshole. After all, it’s not in my make up to pander to jerk offs.

  Treat others the way you want to be treated, you know? And hey, I can be as big a bitch as anyone can be an asshole.

  "You might want to stick with me, short n red, because I don't think your green Don Juan is going to give up so easily.”

  He motioned his head at something off to the side, and I didn’t even need to look to know what he was telling me.

  I glanced behind me anyways and saw my green admirer, glaring openly at Marre, his arms crossed over his chest as he just stood off to the side, trying to stare holes into Marre's head.

  Oooh, boy.

  He was probably waiting for Marre and I to part ways so he could have another crack at me.

  Why is he so adamant about pursuing me, anyways? I never gave him any reason to think anything was going to happen between us.

  Just the opposite, in fact.

  I swear, it must be the Rellian in him peeking out.

  Marre is way bigger than Kertt, in muscles and height.

  Is he really that adamant that he would risk a butt whooping by my giant pink friend if he pissed him off?

  I shook my head at the thought. Some beings have no sense of self-preservation.

  I looked up at Marre, and I do mean up. Jeez, he’s tall.

  "You don't mind the company, sir knight’?" I bantered, batting my lashes at Marre playfully, giving him my best maidenly impression.

  I put my hand to my chest, the back of my other hand draped dramatically across my forehead, like I might swoon at any given moment.

  Marre, the good sport, played along, putting it on thick as he straightened up to his full height and puffed out his chest boastfully, pretending to put his hands on the hilt of his imaginary sword.

  "Of course not, my sweet baking goddess’.” He turned to me with a genuine smile on his harshly masculine face. The warm brown pools of chocolate that he calls eyes were twinkling back laughingly at me.

  I turned a little pink at the endearment, flattered that he'd said it, even if he was just kidding.

  He’s really getting into his role! I thought excitedly.

  He held out his arm and bowed slightly at the waist, a humble expression on his face. His demeanor mimicked that of a gallant knight vying for his fair maiden’s attentions.

  I shook my head disbelievingly at the baking goddess thing, but eating it all up, just the same, as he hammed it up for me.

  “Tis true, my fair Magenta,” Marre murmured solemnly, putting my hand in his, “And may I say my breath escapes me as I look upon your beauty. With hair like a flame and eyes like the clouds after the rain, I find myself lost in the maelstrom that
is your magnificence. I’m swept away with the tide when you grace me with one of your sweet smiles, and I fear I am lost.”

  “Oh,” I breathed on a sigh, and I could feel my insides turn to mush at his compliment.

  It only lasted for about a moment.

  “Dude, you are so full of shit!” I burst out, letting out a small peal of laughter, “But I love it! Tell me more!” I crowed.

  That is the sweetest, corniest... most outlandishly silly, romantic thing anyone has ever said to me! And he’s only playing around, I thought and sighed again, to myself.

  He’s going to make some lucky lady very happy someday, I thought idly. And in stitches. My lips tugged up at the corners as I eyed him, replaying our silly role playing over in my head.

  I let myself fantasize for a moment, what it would be like to be that someone, but squashed it quickly with a nice dose of reality.

  I smiled fondly at him, though, despite myself, and then remembered he was just teasing, playing his part, nothing more.

  We, not just him, were just having a little bit of fun.

  Don’t get any fanciful ideas, Mags. If he’d wanted you he would have said something by now, girly.

  Besides, I like Marre, don’t know how I feel about Perre...

  Perre. Hmm... yeah...

  He’s so disgruntled whenever I see him that I just plain old avoid him now.

  And those two live together... there’d be no avoiding him.

  I don’t know if I could handle living with ‘Marre the gallant’ and ‘Perre the terrible’, both under one roof.

  Didn’t Mol say they were a package kind of deal, too? They shared women or something sometimes?

  I turned a little pink at the thought.

  Did they swap the women around like trading cards or just pass one back and forth?

  Or share?

  My tummy flopped a little.

  Do I even really want to know?

  I contemplated that for a moment and came to an abrupt conclusion- Nope. I don't.

  I gave it one more moment of thought, but my decision remained the same.

  Erm, nah. Nope. Not this fair maiden.

  Marre, sure, I’d like a piece of that, but Perre... Who knows what kinds of kink he could be into in the sack.

  With his dark moods and broodiness, you never know.

  I shivered, trying not to think about it.

  Besides that, even though I’ve never tried it before, I’m pretty sure I’m a one guy at a time kinda gal.

  I don’t know that I even could do something like that, Mr. Grumpy britches, Perre, aside.

  Perre used to be a lot less surly, but the past few months he’s either quiet and broody, or belligerent and moody.

  No, thank you, very much!

  I shook myself out of my ruminations and tuned back into my gallant knight and our role playing.

  Hhmm, role playing...

  I love role playing.

  Hhmm...

  I wonder if he likes it in the bedroom too, I thought as the naughty idea took root in my brain and dirty thoughts filled my over active imagination, flitting about through my mind.

  Who knew Marre, who’s usually so formally stiff, could be so playful and fun when he wants to.

  I have to say, I’m digging this newly discovered side of my giant pink buddy.

  This is the most I’ve ever seen him smile and he has such a nice smile too.

  My eyes kept flicking back to him as he stood next to me, his eyes scanning over the party guests as he took everything in.

  I think he should do it more often, I decided, as his eyes met mine and his lips curved up. Maybe people wouldn’t be so intimidated by him then.

  Marre looked at me questioningly as I just stared at him, waiting patiently for me to proceed.

  I snapped out of it and smoothed down my imaginary skirt. “Oh, yes, sorry, woolgathering. Where were we?”

  Smoothing my hair back, I batted my lashes at him in what I hoped was a coquettish eye flutter.

  Marre gripped my hand firmly in one of his, his six fingers holding my five, and leaned down, brown eyes dancing as his lips pressed gently to the top of my hand, lingering there for a bit longer than I thought was necessary.

  Hey, you won’t hear me complain though, his lips can linger there if they want.

  It felt rather nice, his warm lips grazing my sensitive skin, and I smiled a little at that.

  “My fair baking goddess,” he all but purred.

  I giggled and curtsied, getting back into my character, taking his proffered arm as he stood up to his full height and winked at me.

  “Baking goddess, huh? Never been called one of those before... but I’ll take it!” I winked back at him, giving his arm a little affectionate squeeze, as if to say ‘thanks for making my day, bub’.

  Nothing like someone telling somebody who has an ongoing love affair with her cook book that her food is ‘baking goddess worthy’.

  Doesn't hurt either when he said my hazel eyes look like the sky after a rain.

  I grinned to myself as a warm glow filled me at his compliments, my insides tingling with the warm and fuzzies.

  Yep, I'm a sucker.

  Slightly pathetic, I know, but don't remind me.

  He led me to his table, and I stifled a giggle as he pulled my chair out for me, seated me, and then pushed it back in.

  “Milady,” he murmured, his voice husky and low, whispering softly by my ear.

  Good grief, I think there’s something wrong with me, I’ve never giggled so much in my life!

  It feels good, though, surreal, and it’s nice to be fussed over by so virile a male, and with real manners.

  Something I’m not used to at all.

  “Such a gentlemen, my pink knight,” I joked, waggling my brows at him.

  He winked, smiling rakishly and waggling his brows back, getting another absurdly girlish giggle out of me.

  “Tawn spilled the beans on your culinary mastery earlier, and after sampling all of the fare, that’s what I’ve dubbed you- my baking goddess,” he confessed, his eyes twinkling at me as he gave me a silly look and rubbed his stomach like he was toting a beer gut.

  I ribbed him and laughed. Beer gut my aunt fanny!

  That man is sickeningly fit and uber muscled.

  His muscles probably had muscles.

  I reached over and gave his rock hard tummy a poke and a happy ‘woo hoo’. It startled Marre so much he jumped up and almost fell out of his seat.

  I burst out laughing, choking on my own laughter as he just sat there and gaped at me, wide eyed, for a long moment.

  His expression turned dour quickly as he gave me a suspicious look, his brows pulling low, like he thought I might be having one over on him.

  He didn’t enjoy being the butt of a joke, apparently, and who would? I guess he didn’t know about the little white, baking giggle fiend.

  Poor guy.

  I explained why I’d done that and who I was imitating, and his mouth formed an 'O' of understanding, his frown dissolving instantly.

  I also warned him that if he ever tried to do that back to me, I’d bite his finger off.

  “Can humans do that?” he asked seriously, curiously interested now.

  He was looking intently at my teeth to see if my chompers were even capable of it.

  I gave him a smile that was more a flash of teeth than anything. “Wanna find out, Sugar buns?” I smirked, grinning at him wickedly, running my tongue along my teeth for affect.

  Marre graced me with a sexy smile, letting his teeth flash back alarmingly at me, and let out a lascivious laugh, flicking the end of my nose with the tip of his index finger, his eyes taking on a slumberous quality as he leaned down to whisper gruffly, “And what if I say I...”

  “AAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhh, Ack! OH! OH! OH, MY GOD! Get it Aawwwaayy!!!” Molilah, Neyenn’s wife, screamed as she ran like her ass was on fire, her arms flapping like a chickens wings as she took off around the backyard; effectively
dousing the fire Marre had slowly been fanning into flames.

  Sexy, sexy male my knight is...

  Mol came streaming past again, and I couldn’t help but admire her speed.

  Man, can she book it! I thought distractedly as Molilah screamed and squealed, running about, completely freaked out.

  Darren was chasing after her as fast as his little legs could carry him, holding a giant, purple and blue Cardanian tarantula yelling, “But wait! Aunty MO! Hims wealy, wealy nice! See! See!”

  Somehow I doubt any amount of cajoling would ever convince her of that. Poor Mol’s deathly afraid of spiders.

  Joey was close behind Darren, encouraging his brother.

  “Wun, Darey, wun, she just shy! Show her, Darey, show her! Go! Go! Go!”

  I watched in growing horror as Eilahna came running after her cousins, her pretty party dress now covered in something dark red, her face purple with anger. Her brown and blue streaked hair was free of its stylish pony tail, a flash of color whipping behind her as she ran.

  Oh, god! Was that blood on her dress?!

  I jackknifed up in my seat.

  Is she bleeding? Oh, god, I thought, trying not to freak out and failing miserably. Is she okay? I don’t see any wounds!

  I panicked as I searched her with my eyes, roving over her wildly, looking for any sign of injury.

  She seemed pissed off more than anything, her shrieks confirming my latter suspicions, and I let myself breathe a tiny sigh of relief.

  “I’m going to smother you, Joey Harvick! Cousin or no cousin! And leave my mama alone!” she shrieked, wielding a bottle of revenge laden mustard as she chased after them.

  Uh, oh...

  Neyenn came hobbling up, bringing up the rear with baby Jayelah in his arms and little Coley latched onto his leg.

  I held out my hands, and he didn’t even hesitate to deposit baby Jayelah in my arms.

  He plopped Coley in Marre’s lap, giving us a grateful nod before heading off to rescue his distraught wife from Darren’s ‘friend’, and probably a now panicked looking Joey from a livid Eilahna.

  “Thanks,” Neyenn muttered as he took off.

  I cooed at Jayelah as she blinked up at me, wide eyed, her pudgy little light blue fingers grabbing at a hunk of my red hair.

  I winced as she gave it a hard tug and laughed along with her when she giggled at the look on my face.