ment them. It is only through his own words that we
can realise his feelings. His overwrought nature mag-
nified every shadow, and overbore his strong common
sense. He was morbid, and conjured up suspicions
and anticipations alike unworthy of him. Through-
out his life his geese were too often swans, and his
betes noires, even oftener, demons. His Jeremiads
sound a monotone. He tears his passion to tatters in
a crescendo of self-torture. The man whose bracing
and unblenching nerves were iron in action, who was
shortly to urge " these are not times for nervous systems," grew unstrung and abased when his immense
love lost its foothold for a moment. At first he could
scarcely believe that " Sir William should have a wish for the Prince of Wales to come under your roof";
no good could come from it, but every harm. " You
are too beautiful not to have enemies, and even one
visit will stamp you. . . . We know that he is without
one spark of honour in these respects and would leave
you to bewail your folly. But, my dear friend, I know
you too well not to be convinced you cannot be se-
duced by any prince in Europe. You are, in my
opinion, the pattern of perfection." " Sir William should say to the Prince that, situated as you are, it
would be highly improper for you to admit H.R.H.
354 EMMA, LADY HAMILTON
That the Prince should wish it, I am not surprised at.
. . . Sir William should speak out, and if the Prince
is a man of honour, he will quit the pursuit of you.
. . . The thought so agitates me that I cannot write.
I had wrote a few lines last night but I am in tears, I
cannot bear it." " I own I sometimes fear that you will not be so true to me as I am to you, yet I cannot,
will not believe, you can be false. No ! I judge you
by myself. I hope to be dead before that should hap-
pen, but it will not. Forgive me, Emma, oh, forgive
your own dear, disinterested Nelson. Tell Davison
how sensible I am of his goodness. He knows my at-
tachment to you. . . . May God send . . . happiness !
I have a letter from Sir William; he speaks of the
Regency as certain; and then probably he thinks
you will sell better horrid thought !" "Your dear friend, my dear and truly beloved Mr. T., is almost
distracted; he wishes there was peace, or if your uncle
would die, he would instantly then come and marry
you, for he doats on nothing but you and his child.
. . . He has implicit faith in your fidelity, even in conversation with those he dislikes, and that you will be
faithful in greater things he has no doubt." When
Emma scolded, and sought to pique him by a piece of
jesting jealousy into reason, he reassured both her 1
and himself for a few days; but on February n, ad-
dressing her as " My dear Lady," he tells her that " it is very easy to find a stick to beat your Dog," and to find a pretext for blaming one " who will never forget you, but to the last moment of his existence, pray
to God to give you happiness and to remove from this
ungrateful world your old friend." Three days later, 1 " Suppose I did say that the West Country women wore black stockings, what is it more than if you was to say what puppies all the present young men are? You cannot help your eyes, and God knows I cannot see much." Morrison MS. 514.
EMMA, LADY HAMILTON 355
however, he again changes his note ; he trusts his " dear Lady " to " do him full justice, and to make her dear mind at ease for ever, for ever and ever." But on
February 17 he burst out afresh: " I am so agitated that I can write nothing. I knew it would be so, and
you can't help it. Do not sit long at table. Good
God ! He will be next you, and telling you soft things.
If he does, tell it out at table, and turn him out of the house. . . . Oh, God ! that I was dead ! But I do not,
my dearest Emma, blame you, nor do I fear your con-
stancy. ... I am gone almost mad, but you cannot
help it. It will be in all the newspapers with hints.
... I could not write another line if I was to be made
King. If I was in town, nothing should make me dine
with you that damned day, but, my dear Emma, I do
not blame you, only remember your poor miserable
friend. That you must be singing and appear gay!
... I have read . . . your resolution never to go
where the fellow is, but you must have him at home.
Oh, God! but you cannot, I suppose, help it, and you
cannot turn him out of your own house. ... I see
your determination to be on your guard, and as fixed as
fate. ... I am more dead than alive ... to the last
breath your's. If you cannot get rid of this, I hope
you will tell Sir William never to bring the fellow
again." " 'Tis not that I believe you will do anything that injures me, but I cannot help saying a few
words on that fellow's dining with you, for you do
not believe it to be out of love for Sir William. . . .
You have been taken in. You that are such a woman
of good sense, put so often on your guard by myself
[against] Mrs. Udney, Mrs. Spilsbury, Mrs. Dent,
and Mrs. Nisbet. ... I knew that he would visit you,
and you could not help coming downstairs when the
Prince was there. . . . But his words are so charming
that, I am told, no person can withstand them. If I
Memoirs Vol. 1412
356 EMMA, LADY HAMILTON
had been worth ten millions I would have betted
every farthing that you would not have gone into the
house knowing that he was there, and if you did,
which I would not have believed, that you would have
sent him a proper message by Sir William, and sent
him to hell. And knowing your determined courage
when you had got down, I would have laid my head
upon the block with the axe uplifted, and said ' strike/
if Emma does not say to Sir William before the fel-
low, ' my character cannot, shall not suffer by per-
mitting him to visit.' . . . Hush, hush, my poor heart,
keep in my breast, be calm, Emma is true. . . . But
no one, not even Emma, could resist the serpent's flat-
tering tongue. . . . What will they all say and think,
that Emma is like other women, when I would have
killed anybody who had said so. ... Forgive me. I
know I am almost distracted, but I have still sense
enough left to burn every word of yours. . . . All
your pictures are before me. What will Mrs. Denis
say, and what will she sing Be Calm, lie Gentle, the
Wind has Changed? Do you go to the opera to-
night? They say he sings well. I have eat nothing
but a little rice and drank water. But forgive me. I
know my Emma, and don't forget that you had once
a Nelson, a friend, a dear friend, but alas! he has his
misfortunes. He has lost the best, his only friend, his
only love. Don't forget him, poor fellow! He is
honest. Oh! I could thunder and strike dead with
my lightning. I dreamt it last night, my Emma. I
am calmer. . . . Tears have relieved me; you never
will again receive the villain to rob me. . . . May the
heavens bless you!
I am better. Only tell me you
forgive me; don't scold me, indeed I am not worth it,
and am to my last breath your's, and if not your's, no
one's in the world. . . . You cannot now help the vil-
lain's dining with you. Get rid of it as well as you
EMMA, LADY HAMILTON 357
can. Do not let him come downstairs with you or
hand you up. // you do, tell me, and then ! "
" Forgive my letter wrote and sent last night, perhaps my head was a little affected. No wonder, it was
such an unexpected, such a knock-down blow; such a
death. But I will not go on, for I shall get out of my
senses again. Will you sing for the fellow The
Prince, unable to conceal his Pain, etc. ? No, you will
not."
And here follows, like a lull in the storm, his joy
at hearing from Emma herself that Sir William, " who asks all parties to dinner," was not to have his way; she had resolved to evade the Prince. He cursed the
would-be intruder. Even now he implored her not
to risk being at home that next Sunday evening, but
to dine with Mrs. Denis. If the Prince still insisted
on coming, Emma must be away. But till he had cer-
tainty he would continue to starve himself. He
thanked her " ten thousand times." She was never to say that her letters bored him ; they were ' " the only real comfort of his life." If ever he proved false to her, might " God's vengeance " light upon him.
Parker knew his love for her " who does not ? " He was " all astonishment at her uncle's conduct " ; as for his " aunt," he did not care " a fig for her." He would buy Madame Le Brun's portrait of her as well as
Romney's. Still, the yellow demon had not yet quite
deserted him. He still brooded on imaginary fears
and scenes. "Did you sit alone with the villain?
No ! I will not believe it. Oh, God ! Oh, God ! keep my
sences. Do not let the rascal in. Tell the Duke x that
you will never go to his house. Mr. G. 2 must be a
scoundrel. He treated you once ill enough 3 and can-
not love you, or he would sooner die. ... I have this
1 Of Queensberry. 'Greville.
*This is proof positive that Nelson was aware of Emma's past.
358 EMMA, LADY HAMILTON
moment got my orders to put myself under Sir Hyde
Parker's orders, and suppose I shall be ordered to
Portsmouth to-morrow or next day, and then I will
try to get to London for 3 days. May Heaven bless
us, but don't let that fellow dine with you. . . . For-
get every cross word: I now live." That very night he received the assurance of Emma's staunch determination, however Sir William and Greville might remon-
strate, and his answer breathes a profound and rap-
turous calm : " Your good sense, judgment, and
proper firmness must endear you to all your friends,
and to none more than your old and firm friend Nel-
son. You have shown that you are above all tempta-
tion, and not to be drawn into the paths of dishonour
for to gratify any prince, or to gain any riches. How
Sir William can associate with a person of a character
so diametrically opposed to his own but I do not
choose, as this letter goes through any hands, to en-
ter more at large on this subject. I glory in your
conduct and in your inestimable friendship. ... I
wish you were my sister that I might instantly give
you half my fortune for your glorious conduct. Be
firm! Your cause is that of honour against infamy.
. . . You know that I would not, in Sir William's
case, have gone to Court without my wife, and such
a wife, never to be matched. It is true you would
grace a Court better as a Queen than a visitor."
" Good Sir William," he added, must, on reflection,
" admire your virtuous and proper conduct."
Nelson never forgot or ceased to praise Emma's
conduct in this tickfish transaction. William Nelson
shared his brother's admiration. But the lover holds
her aloft as a matchless example in letters compatible
with the most platonic affection. She is incomparable.
The more he reads, the more he admires her " whole
conduct." The thought of it inspired that " Santa EMMA, LADY HAMILTON 359
Emma " letter written in the May of this very year
on the St. George off Rostock, one excerpt from which,
canonising her as a saint, has been already quoted. It
inspired another uncited passage addressed to Emma a
few weeks later. " I now know he never can dine with you; for you would go out of the house sooner than
suffer it : and as to letting him hear you sing, I only
hope he will be struck deaf and you dumb, sooner than
such a thing should happen ! But I know it never now
can. You cannot think how my feelings are alive
towards you : probably more than ever : and they never
can be diminished."
In strength of will, in picturesqueness, in emphasis,
in courage, it must be acknowledged that Nelson and
Emma were affinities.
The fresh correspondence between Emma and Mrs.
William Nelson is interesting in relation to this
episode, for through it we are enabled to hear Emma's
own voice. It rings out true and clear, confirming
every word that Nelson uttered. There is also here
and there a touch in it of Emma as " stateswoman "
once more. She never relaxed her interest in politics,
and she was still in correspondence with Maria Caro-
lina.
Emma had welcomed Nelson's wish that his sister-
in-law should be with her at such a trying moment.
Unfortunately, " Reverend Doctor " and his wife had ended their stay in town just before the Sunday of the
party which haunted Nelson came round. At Nel-
son's request, however, the little woman, whose
" tongue," he said, " never lay still," returned in the nick of time to fill the blank caused by his departure.
On the very Friday of Nelson's two letters to Emma,
she also took up her own tale to Mrs. Nelson. She
was still in bed with a headache : ". . . It is such a pain to part with dear friends, and you and I liked each
.360 EMMA, LADY HAMILTON
other from the moment we met : our souls were con-
genial. Not so with Tom Tit, 1 for there was an an-
tipathy not to be described. ... I received yester-
day letters from that great adored being that we all so
love, esteem, and admire. The more one knows him,
the more one wonders at his greatness, his heart, his
head booth so perfect. He says he is coming down to
Spithead soon, he hopes. Troubridge comes to town
to-day as one of the Lords, so he is settled for the present, but depend on it, my dear friend, this poor patched-up party can never hold long. A new coat will bear
many a lag and tag as the vulgar phrase is, but an old
patched mended one must tear. ... I am so unwell
that I don't think we can have his Royal Highness to
dinner on Sunday, which will not vex me. Addio, mia
Cara arnica. You know as you are learning Italian, I
must say a word or so. How dull my bedroom looks
without you. I miss our little friendly confidential
chats. But in this world nothing is compleat." And
here Emma's philosophy follows : " If all went on
smoothly, one shou'd regret quitting it, but 'tis the
many little vexations and crosses, separations from
one's dear friends that make one not regret leaving
it. . . ."
On February the 24th Nelson hurried to London
before he finally set out for the Baltic in the second
week of the next month. A note from Emma in this
new series describes his arrival to Mrs. Nelson. The
letter is franked by Nelson himself to " Hillborough, Brandon, Suffolk":
" MY DEAREST FRIEND, Your dear Brother arrived
this morning by seven o'clock. He stays only 3 days,
so by the time you wou'd be here, he will be gone.
How unlucky you went so soon. I am in health so so,
1 Lady Nelson.
EMMA, LADY HAMILTON '361
but spirits to-day excellent. Oh, what real pleasure
Sir William and I have in seeing this our great, good,
virtuous Nelson. His eye is better. . . . Apropos
Lady Nelson is at Brighton yet. The King, God bless
him, is ill, and there are many speculations. Some
say it is his old disorder. . . ."
And on the next day, February 25 :
". . . Your good, dear Brother has just left me to
go to pay a visit to Mr. Nepean, but is coming back
to dinner with Morice, his brother, whom he brings
with him, and Troubridge also. We shall be com-
fortable, but more so if you had been here. Oh, I
wish you was, and how happy would Milord have been
to have had that happiness, to have walked out with
Mrs. Nelson. . . . Our dear Nelson is very well in
health. Poor fellow, he travelled allmost all night,
but you that know his great, good heart will not be
surprised at any act of friendship of his. I shall send
for Charlotte to see him before he goes, and he has
given 2 guineas for her. . . ."
On the following morning again :
" Yesterday I cou'd not, my dearest friend, write
much, and Milord was not yet returned from the Ad-
miralty time enough to frank your letters, and sorry
I was you shou'd pay for such trash that I sent you,
but I thought you wou'd be uneasy. We had a pleas-
ant evening [" and night " erased]. I often thought on you, but now the subject of the King's illness gives
such a gloom to everything. . . . Mr. Addington is
not minister, for his commission was not signed be-
fore the King was taken so ill, so Mr. Pitt is yet first Lord. . . . Our good Lord Nelson is lodged at
Full text of Memoirs of Emma, lady Hamilton, the friend of Lord Nelson and the court of Naples; Page 41