The Weird in the Wilds

by Deb Caletti

  “Look,” Apollo whispers.

  Ugh! Not again! BIG WALLS MAKE US GRATE! the scrolling sign says, over and over.

  “Grate,” Pirate Girl snickers. Henry stifles a giggle, too, but there’s nothing funny about it. Besides, they’ve all learned an important thing—one can reach the height of evil with a large brain or a small one.

  A Large Brain or a Small One

  “Come on, children,” Mrs. Dante says, urging them past that dreadful sign.

  Once the scrolling words are behind them, the good cheer resumes. Rinaldo Francois, from La GreenWee restaurant, crosses the square, his fashionable shoes clip-clipping on the cobblestones. He kisses Mrs. Dante on both cheeks, and bows to the children, accidentally giving baby Otto the perfect chance to grab a fistful of his hair.

  “Aie!” he says as Mrs. Dante uncurls Otto’s tiny fingers. “May you have a wonderful day, my friends!”

  Finally, Jo Idár, her mother, Isabelle, and her two sisters, Luna and Lola, step from the big red doors of Rio Royale, the restaurant Jo’s mother owns, and where the Idár family lives upstairs. Henry still finds it a little hard to talk when he first sees Jo’s long, shining black hair. She’s an exceptionally beautiful and fierce spell breaker. His heart flutters like a flower petal in a breeze when he sees her. This morning, under her puffy blue jacket, she wears a T-shirt featuring a warrior on a horse.

  “Awesome glasses, Poll,” Jo says. “Bye, Mom.”

  “Goodbye, my pumpkin,” Isabelle Idár says to Jo, kissing her cheeks and hugging her. “Goodbye, noodles,” she says to Jo’s little sister Luna, kissing her next. “Have a great day, sprinkles,” she says to Jo’s littlest sister, Lola, kissing her, too, and zipping her jacket to her chin. “And this is for you,” Jo’s mother says to Mrs. Dante, handing her an astonishing cake in pink cellophane. “It’s a Cranberry-Craving Élégante Surprise, which is always a happy surprise!”

  “Oh, Isabelle, thank you!” Mrs. Dante says, and now they are kissing and hugging, the two nicest and best mothers Henry can imagine in the whole world. Next, Jo’s mother beams at each of the Dante children, and then gives a special smile and wink to Pirate Girl, who winks back, ever so pleased.

  Finally, Isabelle Idár puts her warm hands on either side of Henry’s face and looks hard into his eyes with her own brown ones. “Have a perfect first day, little bean,” she says, before going back through the two red doors. Henry’s heart explodes in fireworks. He gets a nickname, too! He loves Jo’s mother so much.

  “Look, Jo. Something wonderful,” Pirate Girl says, and hands Jo her DoublaVay Saye, her Zoo Chew in the shape of an alligator, and her Stretch-a-Mile.

  “Wow,” she says. “Yum!”

  Right then, Henry realizes another thing that’s changed for the good, in spite of Vlad’s terrible new obsession, and Henry’s horrible-as-ever parents, and the lasting feeling that danger is everywhere. As they turn left at the edge of town—just before Huge Meadow, which leads to the Circle of the Y, where one road leads down to the lighthouse and one road leads up to Rulers Mountain, where beyond that is the whole Hollow Valley and the Wilds and the Jagged Mountains—Henry thinks of the ever-so-slight bounce in the steps of the shopkeepers as they greeted the children. Their shining eyes. The quick lift of a smile. It’s the same way he feels when he visits his grandfather, Captain Every, or when he sees the beam of the lighthouse. It’s hope. The tiny glow of faith that maybe things won’t be this dark forever.

  The townspeople feel that glow of hope because of them, Henry understands. They turned Rocco back into a boy. And, well, shortly afterward, there was also that unfortunate and unsuccessful attempt to turn Mr. Reese, Vlad Luxor’s former left-hand man, from a squirrel back into a human as they promised, but never mind that. Hope does not require perfect outcomes in order to glow, which is one of the nicest things about it.

  Rocco makes armpit farts all the rest of the way to school. Coco tries to step on the backs of his shoes. Lola and Luna are holding hands and skipping and singing their favorite song at the top of their lungs: Baby Arugula! Oh, Bay-bee Ah-ru-gu-la! Apollo keeps his head down, but Jo and Pirate Girl are chatting away about the speed of jaguars versus tigers. When they reach the curve of grass that leads to the steps of their school, Mrs. Dante kisses each of them goodbye. She counts to three, and Lola, Luna, and Coco grab hands and race to where the little kids line up.

  “Come along, Button,” Mrs. Dante says, but Button refuses to budge. In fact, she sits down beside Henry and fixes Mrs. Dante with her firm gaze. “Well, all right. I suppose no one will mind this particular dog at school.” She ruffles Button’s furry chin before setting off for home with Rocco and Otto.

  After all of his first-day jitters, Henry can’t wait to go inside. He walked to school with friends, and he received delightful surprises, and Jo’s mother gave him a nickname. He has his favorite teacher this year, the kind and thoughtful Ms. Fortune. The fall air smells delicious. The treats have kept him full and warm. His feet shush when they walk through fallen leaves. The tiny feeling of hope—Henry has it, too.

  But autumn is a season of change. Tick, tock. The clock hands fall forward. The leaves transform into brilliant colors and then drop, turning to a smushy, rotten black. Branches that are so fluffy and orange go bare and spiky. The yellow light turns gray. The pleasant chill in the air turns icy. Fall is a beautiful doorway of illusion, because once you’re through it, there’s only winter and more winter.

  Right then, a big gust of wind rushes through like a terrible ghost in a hurry. Henry looks up. The sky has turned silver and the trees at school are shushing and swaying. A spinning flurry of leaves are carried off. Button’s ears fly back, and Pirate Girl puts her hand to her red kerchief so it doesn’t blow away. Henry’s hope turns to unease, because that’s the thing about change—it can happen in a second. Bad to good. Good to bad. In fact, change is coming very soon.

  No. It’s coming right now.

  “Oh no!” Jo says in horror. “Oh no. Look!”

  CHAPTER 2

  A Weird and Terrible Spell

  Suddenly, Henry can see two awful people. First, Jason Scrum, the meanest boy in his school. He’s standing right smack in front of them with his hands on his hips. Jason wears his usual camouflage pants and denim jacket, and his haircut is the scariest one of all the possible choices.

  All the Possible Choices

  Jason Scrum is an even meaner bully than Arthur Farley, or even Ginger Norton. Arthur Farley and Ginger Norton are sneerers and taunters and name-callers, same as Jason Scrum. But Jason has a way of finding the cruelest and most hurtful names. He says the kinds of things that drill far, far down into your heart, things that make you cry and feel small, and even make you wonder if what he says is true. He’s made Henry and Pirate Girl feel this way many, many times, and even Jo and Apollo, too. Jason is also the sort of bully that other bullies flock to. They buzz around him like flies on cow manure. And like cow manure, you try to step around him as carefully as possible.

  On this morning, though, stepping carefully around Jason Scrum will be totally and completely impossible. He’s standing directly in their path, and he’s staring straight at Apollo. He’s got that look on his face, as if a rocket of nastiness is about to be launched.

  You’d think that walking past Jason Scrum would be the worst of the worst, but when Jo said Oh no! she meant OH NO! It’s awful, and you may want to squinch your eyes shut, because there’s an even bigger bully than Jason Scrum strolling right down the road in front of their school. The biggest bully. The most evil and frightening person alive.

  Vlad Luxor.

  Vlad Luxor himself, sauntering as if he doesn’t have a care in the world, because he doesn’t. When you’re the most powerful meanie that exists, the most horrible of horrible mortals alive, care is something you can just toss aside, as if it’s a snotty Kleenex.

 
Oh, it’s dreadful. The ants flee into sidewalk cracks, and the wind tries to blow away, and even the ground seems to tremble in an earthquake-like shudder. Thank heavens the little children have already gone inside! Henry shivers in terror. Beside him, Apollo and Jo and Pirate Girl do, too, and Button hovers behind Henry’s knees. Henry’s so scared he can barely look, but when he peeks, he sees that Vlad Luxor is wearing a velvety purple tracksuit. His stomach splurches over his waistband like a half-filled water balloon, and he has a gold crown in his poof of soft swirly hair. He’s carrying a bag from Cadabra. Ah! The poor people in that store!

  Now Vlad Luxor reaches into the bag and takes out a garish gold hand mirror. He gazes into it, smoothing his bristly brows and smiling at himself with his yellowed teeth. And then he keeps staring into it as he walks, transfixed by his own image, as if he’s gazing at an especially hypnotic picture.

  An Especially Hypnotic Picture

  He stumbles a bit, because it’s hard to gaze admiringly at yourself and walk at the same time. Honestly, it’s hard to do anything very well when you’re constantly admiring yourself, let alone wield enormous power. Still, right then, the children are lucky, very lucky, that Vlad Luxor is mostly preoccupied and sees only his own image. If they’re all as quiet as they can be, maybe he won’t even glance up at the school. All around Henry, the children stop screeching and running around. They freeze in place. The teachers stop blowing whistles. Crows stop cawing, and woodpeckers stop pecking, and worms stop worming.

  But one person doesn’t stop what he’s doing: Jason Scrum. It’s like he doesn’t even notice Vlad Luxor walking right toward them, which seems impossible. But Jason is so involved in his cruelty that he doesn’t see his own end coming, which is a rather common occurrence for bullies throughout history.

  “Apollo Dante!” Jason Scrum sneers. “What are you wearing?”

  They all have bigger worries with Vlad Luxor right there in the distance, of course. Still, Apollo’s face crumples, and Pirate Girl’s cheeks flame with anger, and Henry’s heart aches for Apollo.

  “Are those glasses?” Jason cackles. “Four-eyes, four-eyes,” he sings. “That’s what you get for being a bookworm!”

  “Ignore him,” Jo whispers as softly as she can.

  Jason Scrum’s face is twisted, because cruelty always makes a person ugly. Across from him, Apollo, full of despair, stands next to Jo and Henry and Pirate Girl and Button, who are all edging closer and closer together because Vlad is getting nearer and nearer with each step. The wind picks up. It blows hard enough to swirl the leaves right at their feet, and it howls through Henry’s thin clothing.

  Vlad Luxor is almost in front of the school. Pirate Girl’s fingers slip into Henry’s and grip hard. You can almost feel Vlad Luxor right there, like you feel the flu—a puke-y, fever-y wrongness. But Jason Scrum only sees Apollo’s glasses.

  “How many fingers am I holding up?” he taunts, raising two fingers and waving them around.

  Apollo’s eyes fill with tears.

  “How do you even see out of those things?” Jason Scrum taunts. “Hahaha! You look so weird.”

  And this is when it happens: Change. Magic. A certain event smushing with another event, causing a fateful shift.

  Because at the exact moment those words leave Jason Scrum’s lips, Vlad Luxor reaches the grass hill in front of the school. Jason’s words are loud, very loud, since a hush of fear has fallen over the whole schoolyard. You look so weird sounds like YOU LOOK SO WEIRD.

  Henry gasps. It’s one of those times when you know exactly what’s going to happen before it even does. Henry flinches and squinches his eyes shut just as he hears Vlad Luxor roar.

  “WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?”

  With one eye, Henry peeks at Jason Scrum, and what a sight. Jason Scrum’s own eyes have gone wide as dinner plates, and his mouth is open, and he’s turned as white as a sheep in a snowstorm. What is more horrible, but also a little bit great, if Henry is being honest, is that Jason Scrum is so terrified that his knees are practically knocking together.

  “I— I— I . . . ,” Jason Scrum says, which is about the worst thing he could say.

  “YOU, YOU, YOU? DO YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU?”

  “I m-meant . . . ,” Jason stammers. “What’s weird is—” He points his finger, which is now about the worst thing he could do, because the finger that’s trying to point at Apollo shakes and wavers and trembles in the air, hovering in the general direction of Vlad Luxor himself.

  “ARE YOU CALLING ME WEIRD?” Vlad Luxor thunders. “I’ll show you WEIRD, you hideous little brat.”

  Jo has turned away so she doesn’t have to look, and Apollo covers his face with his hands. Henry shuts his eyes hard again, and lifts his shoulders in protection. Pirate Girl’s fingers tighten around his. Beside him, Button whimpers.

  “There! That will fix you,” Vlad Luxor mutters. Henry hears him tromp off, and when he dares to open his eyes once more, Henry sees that their kind teacher, Ms. Fortune, is in the doorway of the school, with tears streaming down her face. Apollo has gone still as a statue, looking utterly astonished. And where Jason Scrum had just been standing, there is now one of the weirdest creatures you’ve ever seen in your life.

  One of the Weirdest Creatures You’ve Ever Seen in Your Life

  CHAPTER 3

  The Weight of Duty

  Holy panini!” Pirate Girl says.

  “Wow! What is THAT?” Jo breathes.

  “I believe that’s a gerenuk, also known as a giraffe gazelle, Litocranius Walleri, native to East Africa,” Apollo says.

  What a shocking sight! “His neck is very giraffe-like,” Henry says.

  Pirate Girl snickers, and in spite of the terrible and scary thing that’s just happened, Henry gets the giggles, too. Even normally unfunny words like giraffe-like seem quite hilarious. “Pee-yew,” Pirate Girl says, and plugs her nose.

  Boy oh boy, Pirate Girl is right. Forgive this dreadful request, but right now you should imagine a horrific odor: barnyard plus cauliflower plus the slime layer at the bottom of the garbage can.

  “Oh, that smell,” Apollo says. “That’s from the scent glands below his eyes that release a tar-like substance. Gerenuks also have them on their knees and between their hooves.”

  “Gross,” Jo says.

  “Children!” Ms. Fortune cries. “Children, come here! Come here at once!”

  In his shock, Henry almost forgot about their wonderful teacher, who’s gesturing madly, trying to get their attention. This is harder than it sounds, with her left arm in a cast. They all heard how it happened: She broke it climbing a tree while searching for her beloved parrot, who’d gone missing.

  Henry, Apollo, Jo, and Pirate Girl rush to her. Button doesn’t, though. She’s barking and running circles around the now-transformed Jason Scrum, as if he’s a particularly tall and long-necked dog who might want to play.

  Ms. Fortune leans down and whispers, “Children! Children, I know that you have special, um, skills. You have to help him!”

  “We do?” Pirate Girl says.

  “Captain Every told us that we can’t help everyone,” Apollo says oh so quietly. “Only certain people, when we get a specific, definite knowing that we must. It’s much too dangerous otherwise.”

  “Each, um, situation is very involved, according to Captain Every,” Jo whispers. “It could take days.”

  “If we tried to right every wrong, there’d be no time for school and homework and reading for fun, that’s what Grandfather said,” Henry adds, even though he’s never allowed to read for fun at home. Still, putting themselves in peril in order to help Jason Scrum . . . even wanting to . . . well, it seems like Ms. Fortune is asking them to do something nearly impossible, let alone unwise.

  Something Nearly Impossible, Let Alone Unwise

  “I like him th
is way,” Pirate Girl agrees.

  “He’s a child,” Ms. Fortune whispers. “And you’re . . .” She doesn’t dare even say it—spell breakers.

  “He looks fine to me,” Apollo says.

  “Maybe a little weird, but weird is his favorite word,” Pirate Girl says.

  “That’s for sure,” Apollo says.

  “Maybe all spells aren’t bad,” Jo says.

  Henry wonders if Jo is right. Jason Scrum always calls Henry weird, for being too thin and too quiet, and for dodging speeding balls during recess, and for wearing shabby clothes. It really hurts his feelings. And now look. Jason Scrum’s neck is very, very thin. Even so, a weighty crush is filling Henry’s chest. He’s not sure what it is. Duty, maybe.

  “And I doubt he can call anyone names anymore,” Pirate Girl says. “What kind of sounds do gerenuks make, Apollo?”

  “Wow, I can see my house from here,” Jason Scrum says.

  The children look at one another. Pirate Girl rolls her eyes. “Ugh, great,” she says. “He speaks.”

  “Man, who just dropped a stink bomb?” Jason waves one hoof in front of his scent glands. “It wasn’t me.”

  “Please! Children.” Ms. Fortune stares hard at them with her warm brown eyes. “He’s one of your classmates! This is a tragedy! Isn’t this”—she whispers again—“your duty?”

  Tookie

  As soon as she says that word, the very one Henry had just been thinking, that crush in his chest gets stronger and more sure. And poor Ms. Fortune! Her face is wet with tears. Honestly, Henry can’t bear it. So many awful things have happened to her already. Her broken arm, that attack of appendicitis last year. And Henry’s heart split right in half every time he saw one of those flyers about the missing Tookie.