The Weird in the Wilds

by Deb Caletti

  “It does seem to,” Henry says, though he couldn’t tell you for sure, even with the hardest squinting he can muster.

  “Maybe we should follow it north a little, toward that lodge we saw,” Jo says. “I’m sure whoever lives there could help us.”

  “I don’t know about that,” Henry says. He’s not sure at all. Safety is never the first thing he imagines, even on a regular day.

  “How do we know who will open that door?” Pirate Girl says, agreeing with Henry. “We’re so close to Rulers Mountain, and that supposed wall.”

  “It looked like a very nice place from up above,” Apollo says, agreeing with Jo. “It would be great to sit by a fire for a bit and have something warm to eat.”

  “There,” Pirate Girl says to Jason Scrum, who stands on his hind legs and shakes off the last of the string.

  “When my mother finds out about this, you’re all going to be in big trouble,” he says.

  The Best Cowgirls

  “You’re welcome,” Pirate Girl says, sticking her knife back into her vest. “Do you know how hard it was to get you out of that? It was like you were lassoed by the best cowgirls.”

  “Come on, guys,” Apollo says. “Let’s at least look at the lodge. Anything would be better than standing out here where anyone can see us.”

  Henry tries to stay hopeful as he and Button follow behind Apollo and Jo, with Pirate Girl trailing, and the gerenuk bounding ahead of all of them. In the distance, he sees a winding river, the river from the cave, he’s sure, which has somehow made its way under, around, or through that Forest of Knives summit. And he sees the lit windows of the lodge growing larger. Button sniffs the whole length of that string. The fur on the dog’s back is up, which sends chills down Henry’s arms. Then again, he’s still in his thin shirt, dampened by rain, and the hole in his shoes has gotten larger and a pebble has snuck inside, and maybe that’s the patter of a shower again, darn it, and—

  Henry nearly bumps into the back of Apollo, who has stopped quite suddenly, and then Pirate Girl nearly bumps into the back of Henry, and Jo has stopped, too, her eyes wide. They are nearly at the enormous log lodge. But this is not what causes Apollo to fly his hands to his mouth in terror.

  “Jason, no!” Apollo cries.

  CHAPTER 22

  The Wall

  The gerenuk’s head is down, and his horns point forward, and one hoof paws the ground. His eyes have taken on a focus the others have not seen in him as a boy or as a beast. And what he has in his sights: two enormous caribou, with enormous antlers rising majestically toward the sky. Enormous times enormous times two caribou—Jason is in serious trouble.

  “Gerenuks are very territorial!” Apollo says, his voice high and squeaky with alarm. Jason grunts, and steam escapes his nose, and Button runs to hide behind Henry’s knees.

  “Eyaaaaw!” Jason shrieks, his horns storming ahead of him. Jo hides her eyes. Apollo cringes. Henry peeks at the scene the same way you do during a movie that’s too frightening to watch.

  The caribou charge. There’s the clicking-clashing clatter of horns locking with horns. It sounds a bit like Rex Zavier’s sword when he attacks the Rebel Army in an exciting episode of Rocket Galaxy.

  One of Those Humiliating Positions Where You’re Forced to Say Uncle

  Only, the lock seems to be permanent, because Jason Scrum can’t move. The caribou antlers have him completely paralyzed. His feet paw the ground, but he can’t go anywhere. He’s in one of those humiliating positions where you’re forced to say uncle.

  “Are you crazy?” one of the caribou yells to Jason, before unlocking him and stepping back. “Is this any way to move through dangerous territory unnoticed?”

  “Wait,” Pirate Girl says. “He talks?”

  “She talks,” the caribou says.

  “Both males and females of the caribou species have antlers,” Apollo says. “Though males have slightly larger—”

  But this is no time for caribou facts. “So sorry,” Pirate Girl interrupts. “It’s just kind of hard to tell.”

  “Brenda is much better looking than I am,” the other caribou says.

  “Oh, Eddie,” Brenda says. She blinks her lashes toward him, and he blinks his lashes back. “Still. This is a dangerous way to behave right by the wall.”

  “The wall?” Henry says.

  “I don’t see a wall,” Jo says.

  “Where?” Apollo asks.

  “Right here!” Eddie says, putting his large velvety nose down toward the ground.

  “Wait. All I see is a piece of string,” Pirate Girl says.

  “Shh!” Brenda says, her eyes alarmed. “He’s very sensitive about it.”

  “He?” All at once, dread begins to creep across Henry’s skin.

  Eddie’s caribou lips mouth the words Vlad Luxor. Jo’s eyes go wide.

  “‘Bad cold sore’?” Jason Scrum guesses. Clearly, gerenuks are terrible lip readers.

  “I don’t understand,” Pirate Girl says. “I mean, this can’t be—”

  The wall? Eddie mouths.

  “‘The gall’?” Jason Scrum says.

  “I’m afraid it is,” Brenda says.

  “But it’s nothing like he said it would be,” Jo whispers. “Nothing at all.”

  Apollo is stunned. “He said it would be magnificent and amazing and high and strong and—”

  “And that it would keep everyone out and him in, because others were awful and a terrible emergency, and—” Pirate Girl says.

  “And it’s—” A piece of string, Henry mouths. He’s just as astonished as everyone.

  “Well, we must pretend it isn’t,” Brenda says. “We must pretend it is a big stone wall where there—of course—can never be a wall.” Brenda rolls her caribou eyes.

  “There can’t? Not even with the most evil magic?” Jo asks.

  “Apparently not,” Eddie says. “Vlad can’t seem to make it happen. Trouble with this, trouble with that! And then, something else, too. Every time they put another brick in the wall, set a stone on a stone, or erect any sort of structure, the strange and ancient Wilds actually quake and shiver, sending the bits and chunks in all directions, quite like Mother Nature herself is putting her foot down.”

  “Oh wow,” Pirate Girl says. “The Wilds are full of mysteries.”

  “So, instead of brick or stones or steel, Vlad’s workers set up this string, this friendly red yarn, with a tiny, tinkly bell on one end, which alerts us when anyone crosses the, um—” Eddie clears his throat. “Wall. We heard the little ting-ding just now and had to come and investigate.”

  “It’s our job,” Brenda says.

  “Your job?” Henry asks. It’s a strange career for two caribou.

  “We patrol the territory. We’re guards.”

  “Guards? But you look like friendly caribou,” Apollo says.

  “We weren’t always caribou. We were forest rangers, and that was our house.” Eddie points one hoof toward the magnificent lodge. “We were there to protect and guard the Wilds, not this silly . . . I mean, magnificent wall.” He winks.

  “We didn’t even know anyone was out here protecting the Wilds,” Jo says.

  Brenda sighs. “For such an important profession, it’s surprising how little attention it gets.”

  “And no one is doing it now,” Eddie says. “You-know-who doesn’t believe in protecting the Wilds or the seas, or our very earth. Poof! He turned us into caribou, and turned our ranger station into his vacation home.”

  “Why caribou?” Pirate Girl asks.

  “We were rangers, and caribou are technically Rangifer Tarandus, I suppose. Likely a built-in part of the spell. Knowing Latin seems unlikely for—” Vlad Luxor, Brenda mouths.

  “‘Third world war’?” Jason Scrum guesses.

 
Henry doesn’t want to ask what he must ask next. “His vacation home? He’s not here, is he?”

  “Oh, please say he’s on Rulers Mountain, ruling.” Jo crosses her fingers on both hands.

  Brenda laughs, her big caribou nostrils moving in and out in the cold air. “He spends much less time doing that than anyone thinks. Right now, he’s fishing in that river, just around the bend, while everyone else bustles inside, getting ready for the big dinner tonight.”

  “He is here,” Jo moans with dread.

  “For a big dinner? Tonight?” Henry asks. His heart begins to thunder, and even on this cool fall day, sweat starts gathering in his pits.

  “Do you remember when Best Farriver used to have those large, elegant parties, where people would come from far and wide to dine with the esteemed leaders of the province? Well, you may be too young, but take my word, they were gracious occasions,” Eddie says.

  “But you-know-who,” Brenda continues, “he wants freshly hunted game from the Wilds, eaten with your hands, and elaborate costumes from days of yore.”

  “If Vlad Luxor is here . . . does that mean Needleman is, too?” Pirate Girl asks.

  Elaborate Costume from Days of Yore

  “Well, yes, of course, but lucky for you, all of Vlad’s people are very busy today,” Eddie says. “Inside, making preparations for a feast. Outside, with their nets and bows and arrows. Thankfully, they’re far north of here and stay at the outer edge of the Wilds. Otherwise, you’d have surely been spotted by now.”

  “When we heard the tiny tinkle of alarm at the border, we came as fast as we could. Of course, we weren’t anticipating an attack by him.” Brenda points with a big shaggy hoof to Jason Scrum.

  “We’re so sorry,” Henry says, because he’s quite used to apologizing for things he hasn’t done.

  “We’re here to help you in any way we can. We know who you are,” Eddie says.

  “You do?” Henry can hardly believe it, the way that he’s gone from being practically unseen to being known by strangers like these two kind, shaggy caribou.

  Brenda whispers again now. “Only forest rangers and spell breakers with important business would risk traveling through the Wilds. What with all the tangly plants and evil spirits . . .” She makes a pretend-scared face at Eddie, and he chuckles a deep, husky caribou chuckle.

  “But it’s not a spirit at all!” Apollo tells them, turning white with the memory. “The Shadow is real. It’s terrifying! A horrific crocodile-like monster! It charged at us!”

  “It charged at you?” Brenda says, her voice full of disbelief.

  The children look at one another. “Well, maybe not charged, exactly . . . ,” Pirate Girl says.

  “Um . . . ah, well,” Jo says, “it walked toward us, and then, when we saw it again, it tried to climb, and then its tail . . .”

  “Thumped? Like a puppy who wants to play?” Brenda asks.

  “A very large and scary puppy,” Jo says.

  “Well, some crocodile monitors are very aggressive and some are shy. You can’t lump them all into one group! You have to get to know them individually, just like people,” Eddie explains. “Jenny—she’s rather playful and quite intelligent.”

  “Jenny?” Henry asks.

  “Yes, Jenny, Jenny!” Brenda says somewhat impatiently. “Eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-nine. Is that her correct specimen number, Eddie? Or is it three-oh-eight?”

  “No, you’re correct. If I recall, eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-eight is our screaming hairy armadillo,” he says. “Jenny is as sweet as a summer day, though it’s much better if people think she’s a frightening evil spirit. Crocodile monitors used to be hunted and skinned alive to make drums.”

  “Drums! How awful,” Jo says.

  “It’s sometimes very dangerous to be an outer or an other, as I’m sure you already know,” Brenda says.

  “The Shadow is a regular, spectacular animal!” Apollo can hardly believe it.

  “A weird animal,” Henry says in wonder.

  “And her name is Jenny.” Pirate Girl grins. “I love the Wilds more and more every minute.”

  “Well, we’re sure you have some important business in the area, whatever it may be,” Brenda says. “And we’re here to help you in any way we can.”

  “Because you need us to turn you back into forest rangers?” Henry asks.

  “Oh, no.” Eddie looks at the children with his warm brown eyes. “We actually quite like being caribou. We want to help because it’s the right thing to do.”

  You can imagine how these words feel to all the children, especially Henry. Even though they’ve just heard some very relieving information about the Shadow, that lodge is up ahead, and Needleman is nearby somewhere, let alone Vlad himself. Those words are like being tucked into a soft feather bed, and served a wonderful warm cup of Deep Cocoa with Plumps.

  “The important business that we’re here for . . . it’s to help him,” Pirate Girl says, hooking her thumb at Jason, who has found a tree to munch on.

  “Him?” Brenda says, with the calm shock only a caribou could muster.

  “He’s not a gerenuk at all. He’s a boy,” Apollo explains.

  “We have to walk him on the line between good and evil, falling on the side of good. Can you help us with that?” Jo asks. “We thought the line was the wall.”

  “There’s no wall, but there is this line.” Eddie kicks the string. “And he certainly has fallen—right smack onto the side of evil, though.”

  “Ugh, you’re right,” Pirate Girl moans.

  We’ve already failed, Henry thinks, and when he looks at Apollo, he sees that same thought on his face. Henry could cry. It’s been a very arduous journey, and the day is getting later and longer, and it’s all been for nothing. Dismay—that awful mix of disappointment and lost hope—sinks into his heart. And then, well, things rapidly get worse.

  Button, who’s been quiet this whole time, tucked behind Henry’s legs, begins to growl. A very serious and threatening growl. The fur crawls up her back like a ridge of unmowed grass.

  “What’s wrong, Button?” Henry asks.

  Ridge of Unmowed Grass

  “Shh!” Brenda whispers. “They’re coming! They’re much closer than we thought.” She paces and paws the ground, and Eddie huffs and lowers his horns, and then . . .

  Oh, you may want to hide your eyes, because this is frightening and terribly sad. Large, scary men, Vlad’s men, emerge from the nearby edge of the Wilds. One has a net over his shoulder, and one has a rope at his hip. But the third . . . he’s carrying a platter with Mr. Reese strapped on top.

  “Chee chee chee!” Mr. Reese cries. “Chee chee chee!”

  “Shut him up,” the man with the net says.

  A tiny apple is shoved into Mr. Reese’s mouth, and now he looks ready for the oven. His eyes bulge in alarm.

  What’s even more terrible—Henry can see that the pockets of Mr. Reese’s lovely apron are filled with nuts. Innocent nuts! Mr. Reese must have gone for breakfast after all, and perhaps got lost. Henry feels a weighty rush of guilt and sorrow. He’d misjudged Mr. Reese, and now look.

  “Mr. Ree—” Jo cries, and Pirate Girl reaches out an arm to stop her. Those men don’t know that this particular squirrel is Vlad’s former left-hand man, the traitor Mr. Reese, who can talk.

  Jo’s eyes fill with tears. “We have to help him!”

  But sadly, the children won’t be helping anyone.

  “Well, well, well,” Needleman says. He adjusts his cuff links and lifts his chin in victory. “Look what we have here. Little brats who have wandered too far from their mommies. Lost in the forest with no trails of bread crumbs to follow home. No one to kiss your boo-boos and cut your meat in tiny pieces and sanitize your precious fingers with special goo. What a tragedy.” He tsk-tsks meanly. “Maybe Vlad will have his
fresh meat after all.”

  CHAPTER 23

  Capture

  In an instant, the spy with the rope makes a single loop around all the children and cinches it tight. The rope cuts into Henry’s stomach, and he feels Apollo’s elbows jabbing his sides, and Button is squished in the middle of them. The gerenuk is still munching the top of a nearby tree, and Brenda and Eddie have suddenly gone full-on caribou, nostrils sniffing the air, eyes staring blankly around, pretending that animals are not the brilliant creatures they are.

  “Let me out of here, you monster!” Jo yells, kicking at the spy with her boots and jabbing her fingers toward Needleman’s face, poking him in the eye.

  “Ow! My eye! You hideous little dirtbag!” Needleman cries as she reaches to scrape her nails down one of his arms. “You nasty, silly, frail little girl!” He smacks her hands away.

  “I’ll show you a frail little girl,” Pirate Girl snarls. “Hit me with your best shot! Fire away!” She scoots and twists and manages to sock him right in the center of his guts.

  His Guts

  “Oof, blrrr.” Needleman stumbles. Henry gets in a blow to Needleman’s knees. “Wrap their arms, you idiot!” Needleman grunts to the spy, who is doing his best to wind another loop around the squirming, fighting children and one twisting dog.

  “LET US OUT OF HERE!” Apollo screams.

  “Are you nuts?” Needleman hisses, grabbing Apollo under his one free arm and pinching hard. “Be quiet! Our esteemed HRM is just up the river! Do you know what he’ll do if he sees that some very particular children have jumped his wall and made their way into his territory? And do you know what he’ll do to me when he finds out that you exist? Shut your mouths immediately, until I can shut them permanently!”

  Right then, in a move Juana Azurduy herself would have been proud of, Jo reaches out again and manages to yank two single hairs on Needleman’s arm, which, as you know, can be extraordinarily painful. “YEEEEOWWW!” he screams.