The House on the Lake

by Nuala Ellwood

  I put my hand in my pocket and pull out the book that I’ve kept with me ever since they took me away from here. The book that revealed his secrets, that told me I had a mother and a family and a history. I open it up at the page he had marked with an X and read the words that had haunted him since the day he took me from my mother’s arms and brought me to this remote, hostile place in the depths of Yorkshire.

  Your love

  Oh you with fathomless eyes

  Is extreme

  Mystic

  Holy

  Your love, like birth and death

  Is impossible to repeat.

  And as I read those words, words I’ve committed to memory now, I realize for the first time that he wasn’t thinking about her and the kind of love they could have had, he was thinking about his daughter, the wild little soldier, and when that realization sinks in I finally feel ready to say goodbye.

  There is nothing more to see here, just an empty lake and a bunch of old stones. Let the dead rest in peace, I say. I put the book into my rucksack then, lifting it on to my shoulders, turn from Rowan Isle for the very last time. And as I walk towards the woods I feel the wild girl stirring inside me, the girl who has been silent all these years. I see a tiny bairn clutching the hand of a broken man, a stranger who I learned to love, and I realize that this desolate spot in the heart of the Dales made me who I am. He gave me that. As the trees envelop me and a sliver of moon appears in the sky, I remember the words he spoke to me all those years ago: ‘The moon is not afraid, Grace.’ And with that I feel a remarkable sense of courage. I hear the foxes rustling in the bracken, the curlews circling overhead. All is as it should be. I am heading back to where I came from, to the crags and hills and wide-open spaces. There’s nothing holding me back now. I can breathe easy because I know, for the first time in my life, that the only place I belong is out there in the wild.

  I’m coming home.

  THE NEXT THRILLER BY NUALA ELLWOOD

  THE PERFECT LIFE

  We’ve all wanted to be someone we’re not.

  But what if you were caught in the wrong place, at the wrong time, while pretending to be someone else?

  Now everyone thinks you killed him …

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  Acknowledgements

  Huge thanks and appreciation to the incredible team at Penguin: my editor, Katy Loftus, for championing this book from the start and being a constant source of encouragement and inspiration; Rosanna Forte for your excellent insight and advice; Georgia Taylor for your tireless and innovative digital and marketing work; and Karen Whitlock for your meticulous copy-editing.

  I’d also like to thank my agent, Madeleine Milburn, for being there for me right from the start and for always believing in my work. Thank you, Maddy, for being such a constant source of inspiration and sound advice. You’re the best. Thanks also to Giles Milburn, Hayley Steed, Alice Sutherland-Hawes and the team at MMLA for all your support.

  Love and gratitude to all the readers and bloggers who have championed my books over the years. I hope you enjoy reading The House on the Lake as much as I have enjoyed writing it.

  The House on the Lake was written during a period of change and tumult in my life that I couldn’t have got through without the support of some very special people. Love and thanks to Fiona, Adam, Siobhan, Daniel, Catherine and Kat. Your kind words and support have meant so much to me.

  I want to thank my lovely mother, Mavis, who is the strongest person I know. You introduced me to nature at an early age and ignited a spark that has never waned. Here’s to more sightings of our lucky fox!

  Thanks also to my father, Luke, for the walks in the Dales that formed the basis of The House on the Lake. You have been my guide and inspiration all my life, Dad, and you continue to be. ‘Words have value,’ you once told me, and yours will stay with me for ever.

  This book was inspired by the work of some of my favourite nature writers. Thanks and appreciation go to: Sarah Hall, Robert Macfarlane, Olivia Laing, George Monbiot and the memory of the indomitable Hannah Hauxwell, first lady of the Dales. Also, respect and gratitude to Tori Amos, whose song ‘Winter’ was pretty much played on repeat as I wrote The House on the Lake.

  Thanks also to the wonderful writers, publishers and booksellers who have come into my life over the course of writing this novel. To Jane Corry, Emma Curtis, William Shaw, Beth Underdown, Cara Hunter, Simon Lelic, Mel and Richard Drake, Haris Nikolakakis and Irene Sinodinou. I admire you all so much.

  This book is about finding out who you really are, reclaiming your true self and coming home. I’d like to thank Arthur for helping me do the same. Always.

  Finally, I want to thank Luke, my brilliant boy. Being your mum is the greatest honour of my life and I love you all the world and sixpence.

  THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

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  First published 2020

  Copyright © Nuala Ellwood, 2020

  The moral right of the author has been asserted

  The quotations from Nizar Qabbani’s Book of Love are taken from an unknown translation

  Every effort has been made to trace the copyright holders and to obtain their permission for the use of copyright material. The publisher apologizes for any errors or omissions and would be grateful to be notified of any corrections that short be incorporated in future editions of this book

  Cover design by headdesign.co.uk

  Cover photos © Arcangel Images and © Shutterstock

  ISBN: 978-0-241-98516-8

  This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorized distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.