by K. M. Liss
“Yes but what..? What about last night, more to the point? What was that, Fin? A goodbye fuck?” Tears streamed down my face – my new mascara was probably forming ugly black streaks, but I let the tears flow unchecked. What did it matter what I looked like? People were staring at us as they passed by, seeing my distress and hearing our raised voices, but I was beyond caring what people thought of me. I'd lost all my dignity when I became a hopeless homeless beggar girl.
“I wanted last night to be something good for you to remember, Kate. You can call it a goodbye fuck if you like, but it was supposed to be a special goodbye. “
“Special? You really think I feel special, do you? I now know you never had any intention of taking things further with me. Last night I actually thought we could have some kind of future together. I'd started to hope, Fin - to dream of us. And now, just when I had you within my grasp, or so I thought, I've lost you to him … this Robert. Someone I didn't even know existed! I tell you, I've never felt so un-special as I do right now.”
He held his hands up. “Well that's a shame because it felt special to me. I'll always remember it, like I’ll always remember you. But when did I ever suggest we could be a couple? I'm gay. You know that.”
“You led me to believe there could be a chance for us. By what you did. What we did.” My stomach was churning with such a mixture of feelings, I couldn't even explain how I felt. Confused, misled, betrayed, hurt, enraged, disappointed... throw completely ruined in there for good measure.
“I never meant to lead you on, or hurt you. But what we are is friends, Kate – real close mates. There'll never be another friend like you for me. You're the best. But sometimes friends have to part their ways. And it's not always at a good time. I'm so sorry it's happened right now. But in my position I can’t pick and choose, can I? I have to take this chance with Robert. I've just fucking gotta, don't I? He thinks I've got real talent, you know?”
“What talent?” I ground out nastily.
“I can draw pretty damn good. He's gonna help me to improve that. And being an artist he's got a lot of connections. Don't you see.... this could be my only chance to make something of myself. What else is there? Being a bum-bitch, bending over for every dick who wants a bit of young ass for ten quid a pop, ain't a great alternative, is it? D'you really want that for me?” But I couldn't look at him, because I was drowning in misery. He shook me to get my attention. “Well do ya?” His eyes blazed into mine with fury and pain. I could see he was hurting so badly, so ripped up inside. Devastated as I was, I had to agree, he really had no choice.
“No,” I forced the word from my mouth reluctantly.
“Robert's got quite a lot of money. Opportunities like this don’t come along every day. I've gotta take a chance wiv him...”
Hearing the word money almost killed me. Because now I knew with absolute certainty that he'd spent Robert's money on me.
“Were you with him the night before last? Is that how you earned that hundred pounds?”
“Yeah... I was with him. And I didn’t earn it as such. He gave me the money to sort things out before I left.”
“And you spent his money on me?”
“Does it matter?”
“It matters.”
I turned and fled, full of despair.
I couldn't put my feelings into words. But the strength of negative emotion surging through me, made me feel sick. Finlay's voice echoed in my ears, calling me back as I bolted through the streets, rushing panic stricken through the crowds of people and umbrellas, my eyes a blur of hot tears. I didn't know or care where I ran. What I needed to do was put some space between me and him. To find a bolthole where I could give up quietly, to find some way to end the pain stabbing in my heart.
God... why are you doing this to me?
My throat burned and my sobs grew louder and louder, the tears flowing like a river of misery – I was becoming hysterical.
A life on my own, without Finlay, was a fate worse than death.
I just couldn't take it. All my hope died.
There was nothing worthwhile keeping me here. Or anywhere.
I didn't belong in this world.
With the strength of rage and hysteria bubbling inside me, I dodged through the oncoming tide of people, running until my heart felt like it would burst. I flew along the busy pavements, weaving through spaces as they appeared, bumping into the mass of shoulders, arms and shopping bags clumsily.
I turned my head, to look over my shoulder, but I couldn't see him following. And that was good, because I really didn't want to see him. Ever again.
Through my tears and the soft drizzle of the rain I saw an opportunity to end my torment. There was a gap in the crowds and I didn't stop to think for second. I didn't want to change my mind and to face the bleak future I could see. In a split second of my decision, I ran off the pavement into the path of an oncoming black cab, intent on leaving everything behind.
There was no hesitation and no fear - only a sense of relief that my pain and struggles would all be over soon.
All I wanted now was to be with my mother again - to find comfort and love in her arms. To feel safe, like I had before all the bad things happened.
There was a high pitched squeal of brakes and someone screamed, loudly. I think it might have been me.
The pain as the car hit me was almost unbearable. The taxi threw me up in the air with a force I could hardly believe.
I hit the ground, rolling across the rough surface of the road, scraping my face brutally, my head cracking against the kerb-side with a sickening thud. The metallic taste of blood pooled in my mouth.
I felt shattered all over – agonisingly broken – inside and out.
The sound of voices echoed in my ears, but it was muffled and strange. I couldn't discern any shape or form about me, only blurry shadows hovering above.
I forgave Finlay and wished him the very best of everything.
How could I not, for I loved him more than life itself.
The pain evaporated like a mist rising. I felt calm and peaceful as the silence and blackness carried me away – like I was a pinprick of light disappearing.
My life-force faded fast and I floated away to another place.
A place where I would be safe, where there were no struggles and no more problems.
A place called death.
Dr Sex Series - by K.M. Liss
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I'm a love-a-holic, and also a lover of intrigue and drama. My reading interests are spread across several genres. Romance, Paranormal, Sci-fi, Fantasy, Horror and Erotica which makes for interesting fiction. I love to create real people. People you may find in everyday life. But these people have secrets, hidden depths, torture, and a wealth of other hidden characteristics to their personality. And I love to create steamy passion, a heated encounter that will make you wish it were you.
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