Rebirth - Book 1 Rogues Shifter Series

by Gayle Parness

  Chapter Nineteen

  As Garrett drove, I peeked at him nervously. My feelings toward him had changed so dramatically in such a short time. They’d gone from awe to respect to friendship to what? Desire? Or was I in love? I’d never been in love before. Can you fall in love in only a couple of weeks? He’d been my secret guardian for a few years but I hadn’t known he existed until recently, at least not that I’d remembered.

  For the hundredth time, I wondered if this was simply a physical attraction. I took another sneaky glance at his strong, lean build and his brilliant eyes that seemed to pull me directly into his heart. His mouth was turned up at the corners, those lips a siren’s song to mine. Any normal girl would want a guy like Garrett.

  But I was also drawn to what I sensed inside of him: his honesty and compassion. These seemed strange qualities in a vampire—not that I knew much about the undead—but perhaps not so strange in a shapeshifter. When he was changed, he must have retained much of his shifter self. Why had he decided to change at all?

  But I was attracted to him on another level as well, so I tried to puzzle it out as he drove. He got me. We were connected on some deeper layer, maybe because he’d saved my life and given me blood, or because we could both connect to the magic of the ley lines. Or was it something else? Or all of those things?

  I got him too. Hidden behind the professional calm and the occasional arrogant act, there was pain and self-doubt. Something inside him was broken. He was a rogue as much as any of us. I suddenly felt an overwhelming desire to touch him, to mend him. Instead, I clasped my hands tightly together in my lap and looked at the passing scenery.

  “What are you thinking about? You seem a million miles away.” His smile was warm, his eyes crinkling up at the corners in my favorite way.

  I took a deep breath and began, not wanting to put it off any longer. “Something happened this morning that freaked me and Ethan out. I had a crazy dream and we woke up to things flying around the room. I decided that I didn’t have any choice but to tell Ethan about my abilities. I didn’t mention anything private about you,” I added quickly.

  Garrett pulled the car to the side of the road and turned it off. He faced me, giving me his full attention, saying quietly, “Tell me what happened.”

  I told him first about my dream and then about the smashed windows. I ended with everything I’d told Ethan and his promise not to tell anyone. As I spoke, I did my best to stay calm, but the thunder in my chest was probably waking the occupants of the nearby cemetery.

  As if reading my mind, he said, “Your heart is racing. Are you still afraid of me?” His expression was sad, as it often was these days.

  I thought for a moment about how to answer him. “I’ve never been afraid that you’d hurt me, only that I’ll disappoint you and you won’t keep training me. I need your help. I’d be lost if you walked away now.”

  He huffed out a breath. “I’m not going to stop training you. I want you to be able to protect yourself and the team.” His gaze burned into me. “You’re blushing, Jackie. Are you troubled by something I’ve done? You can tell me anything.”

  Taking in a slow breath, I decided to go for it. “When I’m with you I feel—I feel kind of amazing.” Okay, that was lame, but since his expression hadn’t changed, I went on anyway. “I know you’re not glamouring me, because I feel the same way about you even when my wall is up.” I gave him a shy smile, hoping he’d respond in some way.

  Still no reaction. I sighed and plunged ahead, figuring that I couldn’t be any more embarrassed than I was already. “I know that this is one-sided and that you’re not attracted to me.” I lifted my chin, trying to drum up some more courage. “I won’t let my feelings for you get in the way of working with the team.” Jeez, could I sound any more pathetic?

  He finally spoke, his voice a sad whisper. “As Sinc said, the mission comes first.” I nodded, trying to figure out what he meant by that. Sitting so close to him was not helping me relax. I tried to open my window, but realized they were electric and the car was turned off. Breathing in his scent was making me hot and not just because of the car’s temperature. I sat trembling in the seat, looking down at my hands, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut about how I felt.

  “Jackie, please look at me.” I bit my lip and twisted. His beautiful face was mere inches away, his intelligent eyes sucking me in like a whirlpool. “You did the right thing telling Ethan. I’ll talk to him about it. Tonight we’ll work on ways you can block the line energy when you sleep and dream. It shouldn’t happen again.”

  He sighed, turning away, a deep crease forming between his eyes. “As for the other, you’re wrong when you say I don’t feel the same way. I’m incredibly drawn to you. Since I met you in the cabin on the island, I’ve thought of little else. Perhaps it’s the blood or the magical connection between us, I’m not sure. You’re a courageous and compassionate person. In the coming months, you’ll meet other shifter males. I’m sure one of them ....”

  “Garrett ….”

  “It doesn’t matter how we feel, because I’m not right for you. My lifestyle is dangerous and I have enemies. I feed on shifters. I kill when I have to. You’ve seen firsthand what I’m capable of doing in a fit of rage. You’re young. You’ll find another shifter who won’t put your life in danger. I won’t put you at risk.”

  After I’d heard the words, “incredibly drawn to you,” I’d blocked out the rest and started inching closer to him, staring at those perfect lips, loving the way they moved when he spoke, wondering for the hundredth time how they’d taste when I finally pressed mine against them. I placed my hand on his arm, felt the firm muscles beneath his shirt and started tugging him closer. I mean, here was my chance and I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life regretting that I’d never had the guts to go for it.

  He just kept talking and talking about how bad he was for me and how I should stay away from him when we weren’t training—blah, blah, yada, yada. I kept inching closer and tugging him toward me until I was only about ten inches away. That’s when I struck, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him for all I was worth. He was startled and pushed me away roughly. I slid across the seat, hitting the back of my head against the window.

  “Ow,” I rubbed the spot where a bump was sure to form. Suddenly he was there rubbing it for me, looking a little angry and a lot scared.

  “What - are - you - thinking?” His voice almost cracked. “Did you hear one word of what I was saying? I hurt you just now.” Despite the pain, his concern made me smile.

  He cares about me. My thumping heart was doing a happy dance.

  “I heard you say you were drawn to me too. Anyway, it was my own fault; I kind of snuck up on you.” Because he was so close, right where I wanted him, I reached up and touched a thick strand of his hair. It was soft silk, shining in the moonlight coming through the sunroof, smelling sweet and delicious. He grabbed my hand, maybe meaning to push it away, but instead he held it trapped in his as we stared at each other. His fingers twined themselves around mine as his gaze traveled slowly from my eyes to my lips to my neck. His chest rose and fell as he breathed in my scent, and I wondered for the first time what I smelled like to him.

  Dots of silver popped in his lovely blue eyes, a sign that he wanted to kiss me, too. He leaned closer and whispered. “You have no idea what you do to me.” His voice was a sexy vibration, his breath on my throat sending tiny shivers down my body. It certainly wasn’t fear that made my heart jump around.

  “Vampires, werewolves, shifters: we’re all territorial. Once we lay claim to something, or someone, we’ll kill to keep it. We don’t share.” He hesitantly reached out and touched my hair, moving a stray lock behind my ear. “Any relationship between us would have to be exclusive. Is Ethan more than a friend or a team member to you? You seem very close.”

  I took a few moments and thought about Ethan. Did he have strong feelings for me? I loved him like a brother or a best friend, but never more than th
at. Garrett stayed frozen in place waiting for my answer, his face strung tight with tension.

  “I don’t know for sure how Ethan feels about me. I care about him, but I’m not attracted to him—the way I am to you. He’s never tried to kiss me or anything.” My face heated again and I looked down. “I can still work with Ethan and the team; it won’t be a problem for me.” I swallowed hard for courage and tentatively touched Garrett’s silent chest while my heart continued its frantic drumming. His hand holding mine felt cool tonight and instinctively, I knew he hadn’t fed before he came to the cottage earlier.

  I looked into his eyes and found the courage to be honest. “I want to be with you.” I was shocked by the intensity of my feelings, amazed by my brazenness. I wasn’t acting like the old unsure Jackie, yet I’d never felt more like myself.

  “You’re seventeen and have no experience living in our supernatural world.” He shook his head and moved away, staring out the windshield. “You don’t know what you want or whom you want to be with.”

  That pissed me off, so I pushed on his shoulder and he turned his head to look at me again, eyebrows arched. “Don’t patronize me. You think I don’t know what I want? Then you don’t know me at all. I’ve been through a lot more than most women my age or older. Anyway, back in your day, women were married off at 14.” I scowled.

  “Ah, yes, the good old days when we could sell our wives for a few cows or beat them daily if it pleased us.” He smiled teasingly, indicating his hair, clothes, and his car. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m up to date with the customs of modern civilization.”

  I smiled and let go of my anger, reaching out to stroke his hand gently with my fingers. “You wouldn’t be getting some gentle lamb, either. I don’t give up when I set my sights on something.” I rested my hand on top of his and felt him slowly wrap his fingers around mine, all the time staring at me, trying to gage the truth of my words. His expression was mixed: desire in his eyes but his mouth turned down with worry.

  Feeling brave, I asked a question I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer to. “What about you? Are you free? You said you had people that you fed from. Are they your…your lovers?” I looked away, expecting to hear the worst.

  “Vampires feed to survive, but feeding isn’t erotic unless both partners want it to be. I haven’t had a serious relationship with a woman for a long time. I’m considered a freak; a shifter turned vampire. Not a particularly desirable long-term mate. Casual short-term relationships don’t usually interest me.”

  He turned my face toward his with a gentle touch. Specks of silver glistened in his eyes. “This won’t be like human dating. If we do this, I’m claiming you as mine. It doesn’t have to be for always. You’ll probably find that dealing with the reality of what I am is too difficult. This claiming is just a way of committing to remain exclusive while we’re together. We can’t be together any other way.”

  I nodded and smiled shyly at him, then almost laughed. I mean was he kidding? Who’d want to trade in a fancy sports car for a mini van? There’d never be anyone else, at least not for me.

  “Will you still be able to work with me as your trainer?” He was stalling, trying to convince me that I shouldn’t choose him, yet I knew he wanted me. My inner cheetah purred.

  “Yes.” I smiled and grabbed his shirt, tugging on it to try to bring him closer. This time he came willingly. “So in order for us to kiss each other, you have to claim me?” I smiled widely, amazed that this beautiful, elegant man cared for me and even more amazed that I felt comfortable enough around him to be honest about how I felt. I was slightly afraid that if I looked in a mirror, I’d see someone else staring back at me. It was liberating.

  “That’s the deal.”

  “And then I can only kiss you and you can only kiss me, right?”

  “Yes.” He laughed.

  “Then claim away.”

  A gorgeous grin spread slowly across his face, making him lose the serious, mature expression he usually wore and look like the young male he would always be. He took a moment to play with a thick strand of my blonde hair. “Would you like to guess what my animal was when I first changed?”

  I knew as soon as he asked. “A cheetah.”

  And there it was, the other reason I’d spiraled toward him from the moment I’d met him on the island. He’d even said it himself when he was talking about Ethan finding a nice cougar to settle down with. We’re attracted to our own and he was one of mine.

  He pulled me even closer, his delicious scent filling the small space. One hand came to rest gently on my hip, the other traveled to behind my head, long fingers weaving through my hair. “Are you sure?” I nodded, never taking my eyes from his so he would know it was the truth.

  Garrett whispered against my ear, “Jacqueline Crawford, I claim you as my mate.” He pulled my mouth to his and kissed me very gently, almost unsure, his vulnerability making my heart ache and my body catch on fire. Pulling away from me again, he checked my expression one last time for any doubts I might have, but all he saw was me, smiling with unrestrained joy.

  “And I claim you, Garrett Cuvier,” I whispered. It was good to clear that up right from the start. He was mine as much as I was his.

  He laughed softly, caressing my face with a gentle hand, his eyes sparkling with tiny silver gems, his nose taking in my scent as if it was his first meal in centuries. When he kissed me again, there was nothing tentative about it at all.