by Shawn Lane
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he called through the door, and then dressed and went back home to his own, lonely, dark house.
Chapter 2
Noah yawned the next evening as he opened his front door. What a crappy day he’d had.
The piss-poor end to last night hadn’t helped. He’d thought about little else all day at work.
He opened up the laptop sitting on his dining room table and turned it on, then headed into the kitchen to heat up a frozen pizza.
Oh, yeah, such a glamorous life.
He twisted off the cap of the beer he’d taken out of the fridge and carried his pizza to the table. Already an instant message awaited on the screen.
Hey, Sly Cat, where have you been?
Hi, Charlie2, sorry been busy, he typed. Took a swig of his beer.
Okay, so making up a name to talk to Charlie hadn’t been the smartest thing he’d ever done. But Charlie refused to talk to Noah.
It’s okay, I’m glad you’re here now. How was your day?
Crappy. What about you?
If Charlie found out Sly Cat was Noah he’d be pissed. Probably wouldn’t be friends with Noah anymore, let alone sleep with him. Depressing thought. He took another sip of beer.
At first he’d just done it to see if Charlie would guess it was good old Noah. But to his surprise Charlie had really started talking to him. About his pain, his dreams. Stuff he wished Charlie had talked about with him directly. Yeah, okay, it was him, but Charlie didn’t know that.
Sad. Didn’t do much of anything, Charlie said. I was going through the closet in my bedroom and I found some old family photos. I ended up spending hours going through them.
I’m sorry. Feel any better now?
Being able to talk to someone helps. There’s no one I can talk to usually.
Noah bit his lip and made himself type, Boyfriend?
His heart pounded hard in his chest; he felt far too warm for the temperature in the room. He wanted to take the word back, too afraid of what Charlie would type.
I don’t really have one, Charlie said. There’s a guy in the neighborhood I have sex with sometimes, but that’s it. I don’t talk to him about anything personal. It’s not that kind of relationship. Really I’m not even sure how much longer we’ll continue. He’s a bit much for me.
Noah closed his eyes, certain the words on the screen pierced his heart. He wanted to scream. He stood and walked away from the offending computer. Insanely, he was tempted to throw it across the room. Like he could pretend it wasn’t Charlie who’d typed the words, felt them.
He clenched his fists. He wished he could punch something. He wasn’t a violent guy. It was stupid, but Noah still wanted to punch the wall.
The instant message beep sounded and then sounded again.
Noah leaned against the wall, his head back, eyes closed, trying to pull himself together. What had he expected? Happily ever after for him and Charlie? That only happened in movies or books, and only for straight people.
An instant message beeped again.
Noah straightened from the wall and sat back down in front of the computer. On the screen were three messages.
What about you, Sly Cat? You have anyone special?
Sly Cat?
Are you there?
Noah typed, I’m here. Sorry.
Good. Do you have a boyfriend?
No. I thought I did.
What happened? Charlie asked.
He broke my heart.
Wow, that sucks, Charlie typed. Do you want to maybe meet some time?
Noah finished off his beer. He couldn’t do this. Couldn’t make himself talk to Charlie. Not now. Maybe not ever.
His cell phone rang and he pulled it out of his front pocket to see who it was. His flamboyant friend, Kevin.
Noah flipped it open. “Kev? Hang on a second.”
He typed, Charlie2, have to go now. I just got a phone call I have to take. See you. He turned his laptop off before Charlie had a chance to respond. “Hi, Kevin.”
“Hey, girlfriend,” Kevin said cheerfully.
Noah smiled a little. “What’s up?”
“Just my usual Friday night call. I know you always say no to going out with us, but I’ll never stop asking.”
“Where are you going?”
There was a long pause, then Kevin asked, “Are you serious?”
“Sure, why not? Might be fun. You going to Buddy’s?” Buddy’s was a West Hollywood gay bar Kevin and his group of cronies often went to on Friday nights.
“Of course. You really want to come? I’ll pick you up in like an hour.”
“Okay, I’ll be ready.”
Noah closed his phone and walked to his bathroom. Somewhere in one of the drawers he had contacts he’d bought but never bothered to wear. Now seemed like a good time.
* * * *
Noah opened the door to Kevin about an hour and fifteen minutes later. Kevin had never been known to be punctual.
Kevin’s dyed red hair had been cut short and spiked on the top with enough mousse to supply three or four beauty salons. He wore a shirt he’d cut off at midriff length and skin-tight red leather pants. Noah rolled his eyes.
“Hey, babe,” Kevin said, embracing him and kissing him full on the lips. “Looking good! The men will be all over you.”
Noah frowned. He’d just put on a casual buttoned-down shirt and jeans. “Should I change?”
“What? Hell, no. You look divine. Ooh, no glasses. I may be all over you.”
He laughed. “Give me a break, Kev.” He grabbed his leather jacket. “You did bring a helmet for me right?”
“Sure, babe, it’s on the back of the bike.” Kevin gestured to his parked motorcycle.
When they reached the bike, Noah’s eyes bugged out when he saw a pink motorcycle helmet.
“I am not wearing that.”
Kevin laughed. “That one’s mine, girlfriend. There’s yours.” He pointed to a brown one hanging off the back.
“Thank God.” Noah shook his head. “Are you really going to wear that?”
“Yeah, why not?”
“For one thing it clashes with your red pants.” Noah put on the brown helmet.
“It does, you’re right. Didn’t think about that.” Kevin shrugged. “Oh, well.”
“Sometimes, Kev, I wonder if you’re for real.”
Kevin started the bike. “Of course not, hon, what fun would that be? Be sure to grab on to something hard.”
* * * *
Noah fell into bed just after three in the morning. He was exhausted. Kevin and his friends had way more energy than he did. He felt old at twenty-three. But, he couldn’t deny he’d had a lot of fun.
He’d had way too much to drink and did way too much dancing and flirting. He’d even had several propositions. Noah declined those. He didn’t screw anyone he’d just met in a bar.
Charlie hadn’t tried to call him, of course. Charlie always left it to Noah to contact him. Well, not anymore. He was done with this crush or whatever it was.
Okay, so he was too much for Charlie. Well, maybe Charlie wasn’t enough for him.
Noah lay awake, staring at the ceiling. He’d thought he was tired, but now he couldn’t manage to sleep. Too pumped up from dancing and flirting, he guessed. And a little turned on, as well. Where had he put the butt plug after finally taking it out of the package?
He scrambled off the bed and searched in his bottom dresser drawer. Success! He returned to the bed, lubed up and inserted the plug, and then went to work on his cock. He tried to conjure up some of the hot guys he’d danced with at Buddy’s, but instead the man he thought of as he stroked up and down his length was Charlie.
Noah was angry with himself for it, too. It had the desired effect, though, and as he increased the speed of his hand, his balls tightened, and a tingling spread up his spine.
“I hate you, Charlie,” he groaned as cum splurted from his cock.
* * * *
Charlie glanc
ed at the time on his computer clock. Nearly seven o’clock and no Noah. Again.
He hadn’t heard from or seen Noah since Thursday night, and it was now Tuesday night at seven.
“Jesus, Noah, I’ve never known you to hold a grudge this long,” he said out loud.
He hadn’t been that surprised when Noah didn’t show up the first night after their fight or whatever it was. Charlie figured he needed a night to get over what an ass Charlie had been.
But nothing Saturday, Sunday or Monday either. And not today.
Charlie pushed away from the computer desk and grabbed up his cell phone. Definitely on and definitely no message. Or missed calls.
He found Noah’s cell number and hit send. It rang two times, three times.
“Hi, this is Noah’s phone. Leave a message.”
“Noah, this is Charlie. Can you call me, please?” He disconnected and threw down the phone.
He sank onto the couch and turned on the television. He’d lost contact with everyone now. Sly Cat had disappeared. Charlie figured he’d freaked out when he asked to meet him. Probably was some old married guy messing around on the computer without his wife knowing.
It hurt a little when Sly Cat stopped talking to him. But really, Noah’s not talking to him hurt more. A lot more.
Worse, he fucked up with Noah, trying to be flippant or whatever it was. But Noah was always there. Always. He should be there now.
Charlie got off the couch, grabbed his house keys and left, heading to Noah’s house. If Noah wouldn’t come to him, he guessed he’d go to him.
Charlie rang the bell. Waited to hear footsteps. Rang the bell again. Over and over. A little obsessively he acknowledged.
No Noah.
He pounded on the door this time. “Noah? Open up.”
Charlie’s gut twisted. No lights were on in the house, so he guessed it was possible Noah wasn’t home. But, it was Tuesday. Where would he be on a Tuesday?
He turned away and trekked home, feeling like a giant stupid ass. And he was a little worried, too. What if something bad had happened to Noah?
Charlie realized he didn’t know any of Noah’s friends. He had no one he could call to find out if Noah was all right. What the fuck was the matter with him? How could he just not know anything about Noah like that?
When he got inside his house, he picked up his phone again and punched Noah’s number.
“Hello?”
Charlie froze, staring at his cell. That was not Noah’s voice.
“Hello?” This time the voice sounded very sing-songy.
“Um, Noah?” Charlie asked.
“Just a sec, hon. Noah! There’s someone calling you, babe.”
Babe?
There was a very lengthy pause and Charlie could swear he heard whispering.
“Charlie?” This time it was definitely Noah.
Relief flowed through him knowing Noah was okay. He wasn’t lying dead in a crashed car or something.
“I…I just wanted to make sure you were all right,” Charlie said, his voice sounding weak and hoarse to his own ears.
“Oh, sure. I’m fine.”
Charlie felt like a damn fool. Getting worked up over what? He sat down. “Good. I’m glad. I hadn’t heard from you so I just wanted to check.”
“Yeah, I’ve just been busy and stuff. How are you, Charlie?”
Noah sounded distant. Charlie didn’t like it one bit. He rubbed his chest. “Fine. Who…who answered your phone?”
Noah laughed. “Oh, yeah, that’s my friend Kevin. He’s a little extreme. But he’s harmless.”
“Mostly!” Someone yelled from wherever Noah was.
“Yeah, mostly,” Noah agreed, laughing again. “Hey, listen, they just arrived with our dinners, so I’ll talk to you later. Okay?”
Charlie opened his mouth to reply, but realized Noah had already disconnected.
He swallowed heavily, unable to get rid of the painful lump in his throat. He supposed he could call some of his own friends and see them.
Charlie snorted. All of his friends were gone. In the past two years, he’d managed to push them all away. All except Noah. Now he’d even managed that.
Chapter 3
Noah took a large swallow of his coffee and quickly put away his phone. He was well aware Kevin stared at him from across the booth an all too knowing look on his face. Hoping maybe Kevin would drop the subject, he stabbed into his Caesar salad and glanced around the small, dimly lit bistro.
“Who was the guy with the dreamy voice?”
Noah sighed. He should have known. “Charlie.”
“Charlie from the neighborhood? The guy you’ve known and wanted all your life?” Kevin smirked. “Don’t tell me you got lucky?”
“Give me a break, huh? We’ve…been together, but things aren’t going well.” He shrugged, trying to pretend it didn’t matter. He took another bite of his salad, chewed, and swallowed. “What about you? Are you still seeing Raphael?”
Kevin waved his hand. “Oh, him. No. That’s over. And good riddance, too.”
Noah smiled. “What happened?”
“Too much of a princess. Way too high maintenance.”
“And that was a problem?” Noah murmured.
“You know I have to be the high maintenance one in any relationship.”
Noah laughed. “Yeah, I do.”
Kevin grinned and bit into his hamburger. “Anyway, Raphael is history. So, what’s really up, babe?”
“Hmm?”
“You’re laughing a little too merrily at my lame jokes and clichés,” Kevin said, stuffing a fry into his mouth. “I’d hate to see you become as jaded as me. This Charlie is really getting to you, huh?”
Noah’s heart twisted. “Yeah.”
“Are you in love?” Kevin asked a little mockingly.
“So what if I am?”
“Is he?”
“No,” Noah whispered.
* * * *
Charlie didn’t really know why he was at the cemetery. Sure, he knew his parents were buried there. It was why he’d driven ninety minutes from home. But he hadn’t been there since they’d been put in the ground. He didn’t understand people who visited graves as though their loved ones were actually there.
Yet, here he was.
Charlie dropped to his haunches next to their twin graves and set down two bouquets of flowers. Maybe it was part of that thing shrinks called closure.
He didn’t think it was fair he’d lost both his parents when he was only twenty-one. It wasn’t supposed to be that way. Life sucked sometimes.
Certainly bad stuff happened to other people. He knew that. But did so much have to happen to him?
If God hadn’t taken away his older brother when Charlie was six, he might have had a brother to share the pain with. Unfortunately, Charlie’s parents had told him that God needed his brother more than they did. Bullshit.
What was that saying about God not giving you more than you could handle? Well, Charlie thought that was bullshit, too.
In a way, staring at their graves made him realize it was real. Not that he had any doubts, really. But seeing the headstones brought it to stark reality.
He was a grown man now and needed to grow up. Needed to stop feeling so sorry for himself all the time. Charlie sure as shit knew that. Easier said than done, though.
Charlie stood and glanced around the quiet graveyard. A few hundred feet away an elderly couple hunched over a headstone. And beyond them a large gathering of people, indicating a funeral was in progress.
Someone touched his arm. Charlie turned around and found himself face-to-face with a very small elderly woman. She had a humped back and her white hair had been pulled into a tight bun. She had a small bouquet of carnations.
“I haven’t seen you here before,” she said, smiling a little. She glanced down at his parents’ graves. “You knew Mr. and Mrs. Banks?”
Charlie swallowed. “Yes. I’m…I was their son, Charlie.”
“Oh.” She nodded. “I expect you’re wondering who I am.”
“Yeah.”
The woman bent down and placed the carnations on his mother’s grave. She straightened. “Many years ago now I used to babysit your mother.”
Charlie stared, his stomach dropping. “You did?”
She smiled. “It was a long time ago. I was out of the country when you had the funeral, but I’ve been by here a few times since then. Anyway, hearing about her death was quite a shock.” She paused, studying him carefully. “But I suspect you know that.”
Charlie could only nod.
“We didn’t see each other near enough when she was alive, you know. People can be so silly. If you’d only known how little time you had with someone, you’d do things different. Wouldn’t you?”
“Yeah,” Charlie whispered. “Yeah, you would.”
She patted his arm. “I’ve taken enough of your time. I’ll leave you to have your time.”
“Thank you for coming to see them,” Charlie managed to say. He watched her walking away until she disappeared from view.
Really, he was wasting time and heartache here. No matter how much he might want to bring the dead back, it wouldn’t happen. And he couldn’t pretend some Internet gamer could be something more than typed words on a computer screen.
He’d lived in the dark alone for too long. What he needed was a live, breathing person. He needed to talk to Noah.
* * * *
Noah waved as Kevin rode off on his motorcycle. These late nights were killing him. He was not the pile of burning energy Kevin had always been.
He glanced at his watch, using the porch light to illuminate it. One in the morning. An early night for Kevin. Noah laughed and turned the key in his front door. He noticed the blinking red light of his answering machine as soon as he closed the door.
“Hello, Noah, it’s me,” Charlie said. “I know you don’t want to talk to me now because I was such a dick to you. I tried to apologize that night, but you locked yourself in the bathroom. Anyway, I really hope you can forgive me. I need a friend.”
“Fuck,” Noah said. Charlie sounded so sad. He pushed the button on the machine to tell him what time Charlie had called. Three hours earlier. He pulled out his cell and noticed he had a missed call from Charlie, too. It was too late to call him now.