by LM Terry
Slowly the tightness in my chest eases and air fills my lungs.
“That’s it, nice and slow,” Raffe says running his hand slowly up and down my back.
Dirk sits back on his heels, lighting up a cigarette. His eyes swirl with mixed emotions. His attention is pulled towards the warehouse, he stands quickly. My dad and Dan rush towards us. Dirk tries to push them back, but my dad is having none of it.
He lowers himself to the ground in front of me, studying my face, concern all over his. I can’t speak. I can’t move. I can’t anything. He doesn’t ask me to. He pulls me towards him and then lifts me in his arms. Once we are inside he gently lays me on my bed. I roll away from him.
The door clicks shut before I feel the bed shift as he sits down beside me. “Is this about Katie?”
I don’t say anything.
He sighs. “Jesse, I know you probably don’t see me as your dad yet. I want you to know that I see you as my little girl. You will always be my little girl. Please tell me how I can help you.”
“I can’t do this anymore,” I whisper.
“What can’t you do, hon?” He leans over me and brushes strands of hair that are stuck to my cheek from my tears.
“Anything.” I roll over to face him. “I’m so tired.”
“Let me take care of you…and Katie.”
“I have school and…”
He cuts me off. “I’m going to handle all of it. You just rest.” His hand lays against my cheek.
“Okay,” I whisper, giving in.
He stands to leave but I grab for his hand and pull him back down. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“What do you see when you look at me?”
“My beautiful, smart, baby girl.”
I offer him a small smile.
He shuts the light off, pausing at the door. “Goodnight, Jesse.”
“Goodnight, Dad.”
He places his forehead against the door jamb. “I’m going to do right by you. I’ll make everything right. I promise.”
Sleep doesn’t come easy to me. I toss and turn. Eventually I wander to the window. There are a few adults sitting around a fire by the lake, but it looks like everyone else is tucked away in their tents. I hope Katie is okay. What if she gets scared?
The door to my room opens and Raffe peeks his head in. When he sees I’m standing in front of the window he steps inside, closing the door behind him.
“I thought no one could enter my room,” I tease lightly.
He stands beside me, both of us looking down at the lake. “He sent me here.”
My head swivels towards him. He slowly turns to meet my eyes, he isn’t lying.
“I’m fine,” I say, getting back into bed. “You can report back that I’m in my bed safe and sound.”
He pulls the only chair in the room up towards the head of the bed and takes a seat, staring at me quietly.
“I’m not talking about tonight, Raffe,” I say, stubbornly crossing my arms over my chest.
“Good thing I didn’t come here to talk about that,” he says, giving me one of his panty melting smiles.
I roll my eyes. “Then why are you here?”
He leans over resting his forearms on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him. “Things are going to change and it’s going to happen fast.”
My fingers dig into the blanket. Raffe’s words sound ominous.
“When I was thirteen I ran away from home. I thought my parents were assholes with too many rules. So, I ran away with a friend. We both thought we were going to make it big in LA. We were going to be models. She had been approached by an agent. But, you know what we found instead?”
I shake my head back and forth, entranced by his story.
He laughs lightly hanging his head, his hair flops over his eyes. It takes everything in me to keep my hands from reaching out and brushing it away with my fingers. He glances up, his piercing blue eyes glowing against the moonlit room. “The only thing we found in the city of angels were a whole lot of devils.”
My mind immediately goes to the Desert Devils. The entire group of them are nothing but pure evil.
“You were hurt?” I ask hesitantly.
He nods. “It’s a long story. One I’m willing to share with you but that’s for another time. Right now, I just want you to hear how it ended.”
He leans back running his hands through his unruly blond hair. My wide eyes focus on him, hanging onto every word.
“One night a man had me pinned against a brick wall in an alley behind a club. The bricks had rubbed the entire side of my face raw.” He pauses to watch as I trail my fingers lightly over the injuries on my own face.
His eyes drop closed, his jaw tightens. I notice his chest expand as he takes a deep breath. When he releases it, he continues, “One minute he was behind me and the next he wasn’t.”
My breath catches. Dirk
“When I turned around I found the most frightening man pummeling the one who had held me to the wall.” Raffe tips his head back over the chair to stare at the moon rising high in the sky through the window. “He took me.”
“What do you mean he took you?”
His head drops back, his eyes locking on mine. “Dirk. He took me.”
My head pulls back. Slowly I pull the covers up over my chest. I don’t want to hear anymore.
“He’s going to take you too,” he says, deadly calm.
My heart races. My dad won’t let him take me. What does that even mean? Like he’s going to kidnap me?
Raffe tips his head as he watches my reaction.
“I don’t understand. What the fuck do you mean?” my voice rises to an embarrassing level.
“I’m going to put this the way he put it to me all those years ago.”
I nod quickly. Gripping the blankets to my chest.
“If you were to get bit by a rattlesnake and Dirk found you he would first prevent the poison from spreading to the rest of your body.” His eyes darken, he slides forward in his chair resting his hands on the edge of my mattress. “Then he would make a small cut near the bite and suck out the poison.”
My heart full out stops. What? Slowly I edge off the other side of the bed.
“Jesse, you have to get the poison out or it will kill you. I know you are scared but I’m going to be there with you.” He sits perfectly still. He doesn’t try to reach for me.
“My dad isn’t going to go for this. No way. Dirk can’t just take me.”
I back towards the door, away from Raffe. He may be beautiful but right now he is scaring the shit out of me.
A sliver of light cuts across my floor. My muscles tense. Raffe’s eyes refuse to let me go.
Dirk wraps his arms around me from behind. His gravelly voice whispers in my ear. “The easy way or the hard one? Choose.”
I stare at Raffe. This is not fucking happening. My dad is here. Dan is here. If I scream they will come and stop this insanity. Raffe slides his gaze to Dirk’s. He nods to him the same time I open my mouth to scream. A needle sliding into the side of my neck stalls the sound in my throat.
What the fuck? Dirk releases me and I stumble to the bed, my hand flying to the sting in my neck. I feel more betrayed than I have in my entire life. Raffe climbs on the bed with me. “Don’t be scared. It will be fine. Everything is fine,” he repeats over and over, I think more for himself than for my benefit.
I glare at Dirk as warmth spreads through my body, lulling my muscles to relax. I hate him. I hate him. His calm mood ring eyes are the last thing I see as I fall into a deep sleep.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Dirk
◆◆◆
You’re probably wondering how I got Bill to agree to this.
You see Bill hates anything meth.
I’ll break it down for you in simple terms:
Meth killed Jesse’s mom.
Bill killed a Desert Devil because he sold bad meth to Jesse’s mom.
Jesse
is now an orphan because mom is dead, and dad is in prison.
Jesse goes to live with grandparents.
He believes grandparents are murdered by the brother of the meth dealer he killed.
Jesse gets hurt in the first foster home.
Jesse gets hurt at St. Mary’s.
Jesse gets hurt at her aunt’s…. assumingly by one or god forbid more than one Desert Devil.
Now here comes the real kicker.
As I’m relaying to Bill that his little girl was trying to murder a priest tonight, dressed full out like a goddammed skeleton, Jake comes back from his time with Katie’s mom.
The bitch was so messed up she spilled everything. She rambled on about Jesse and how sometimes she isn’t Jesse.
I don’t have to spell this out for you do I?
As soon as we put two and two together we discovered Jesse is the one and only…she is the Sugar that supplies all of Trap County with meth.
Not much surprises me but I’ll be honest, this shocked even me.
Bill blew his fucking lid.
You know I’m sure there is a good explanation for all of this. He can’t see that right now.
I can.
So, here we are.
Jesse was coming with me either way but having his blessing makes this much easier. For me anyway. Not so much for her.
Jesse is starting to stir, so I sent Raffe out for a walk. It’s best she learns what she is in store for from me. I’m in charge here and she needs to know that.
She rolls onto her back and stretches leisurely. Her raven hair spreads over the pillow, a sharp contrast to the white of the sheets. Jesse’s mind must be catching up, she stills and then bolts upright. Her eyes snag on mine.
“You,” she growls low from the back of her throat. Her eyes narrow as she pictures all the ways she wants to be mean to me.
I don’t say anything. Keeping my eyes leveled on her, I don’t allow her a glimpse of the fire burning in my blood. She is the sexiest damn woman I’ve ever seen. Her anger only enhances her appeal.
“How dare you fucking drug me.”
Slowly I lean forward in my chair. “Says the woman who drugs all of Trap County.”
Her anger vanishes replaced by guilt. Which gives me my first answer. She didn’t want to sell drugs in Trap. None the less she did. Yes, that is past tense. No way in hell is she getting near that shit again.
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” she says, not meeting my eyes.
I stand sending her shuffling back against the headboard. I toss the little baggies with her logo on them at her feet. She stares at them, her hand unconsciously rubbing over her face, searching for left behind makeup.
Sitting at the end of the bed I watch her closely. She sighs in defeat. Her eyes hesitantly seek mine again.
“It’s not what you think.”
“I’m not thinking anything.”
Nervously her eyes roam the room. “Where are we?”
“My cabin.”
“Which is where?”
“In the woods.”
Her eyes narrow again. “You can’t keep me here.”
When I don’t say anything, she scoots off the bed cautiously, keeping her eyes on me. She edges to the banister that overlooks the living room. She gasps as she takes in the view out the floor to ceiling windows. She spins to face me. “What the hell, Dirk?”
I get up and jog down the stairs. She follows but instead of following me into the kitchen she heads towards the front door. “There’s nothing but trees and things that would like to eat you for miles. So, unless you want to be something's dinner I suggest you don’t go out unless you are with Raffe or myself.”
She pauses with her hand on the doorknob. Jesse glances around, assumingly looking for Raffe.
“He’s taking a walk. Don’t worry he knows what he’s doing. He’s been here before.”
She hugs herself, defeat creasing her forehead.
“Come eat.” I push a plate of fresh fruit and toast across the breakfast counter.
“Dirk,” she says, choking on my name. Her face contorts at the emotions she is struggling to keep at bay. She breathes deeply before continuing. “Please, take me back. Katie needs me, my friends need me.”
I sit down opposite her plate, pointing to it.
She must think if she complies I will let her go, because she rushes over and sits down shoveling food into her mouth. Maybe she thinks she can talk some sense into me. Sorry, not happening. When she takes the last bite, she gazes at me expectantly.
After several awkward minutes of silence, she tosses her napkin onto the breakfast bar angrily. “Now what?”
I put my cigarette out in the ashtray blowing the last bit of smoke into her face. She waves it away, visibly annoyed with me. I chuckle lightly.
“Well?”
“You tell me what I want to know.”
“Fine. Sure. What the fuck do you want to know?” She rolls her hands to hurry me, like she has somewhere to be.
“Why haven’t you asked Bill where he was all those years?”
“Because I don’t care.”
I tap my lighter on the counter. “Why not?”
“Does it fucking matter? He wasn’t there. Period.”
“Do you think things would have been different if he had been?”
“Duh, of course things would have been different.” Her eyebrows crease together. Suspicion is creeping up on her.
“How?”
“Dirk, Jesus Christ. I don’t have time for this.” She stands up but there is nowhere for her to run.
“Sit down.”
She doesn’t. I slowly rise from my seat. That makes her think twice and she parks her ass back in the chair. I drop back into my own, throwing the picture of her and William onto the breakfast bar between us.
She grimaces, turning away.
“Do you think that would have happened if he would have been there?”
“We both know it wouldn’t have,” she says quietly.
“And you’re angry at him for that?”
“I’m not angry anymore.”
“No?”
“No.”
“What exactly did the priest make you and William do?”
“I’m not doing this, Dirk.”
“You are.”
She shakes her head back and forth frantically. “You can’t make me talk.”
“Let me rephrase. What did you hate most about it?” I place my hands behind my head waiting for her response. I don’t really expect her to answer much today. She’ll fight me for a few days until she realizes we aren’t going anywhere. That’s the difference between me and a therapist. They don’t give a shit if takes you ten years to get all the shit out of your system. Every appointment puts dollars in their pocket.
She bites on her bottom lip battling with herself. There is a natural desire to purge yourself of the poison. It’s embarrassment and fear of rejection that keeps people silent. Predators know this, it keeps their victim’s prisoners in their own minds.
She surprises me by answering.
“I hate that William felt…feels guilty about it.”
Jesse is something else. Always worried about someone other than herself. “What do you feel about it?”
She thinks about it. Her eyes raise to the ceiling as she stumbles around in her memories. “Confused,” she simply says.
I nod giving her space to explore that feeling.
She levels her eyes on me. “What do you see when you look at me?”
This is a question I’ve been expecting. She’s asked Raffe, Dan, Bill and now me.
“What do you really want to know?” I counter.
“I want to know what the fuck you see.” She bangs her tiny fist on the counter.
“No, you don’t. You want to know why men keep hurting you.”
Her body tenses. Bingo.
“Let me ask this. When you meet a man like the ones who have hurt you do you know before it hap
pens?”
“Not with Rick but the others…yes.” Her eyes bounce over me.
“So, you think since you can sniff them out that they are somehow doing the same to you? That they know you are a victim.”
She nods, the first of many tears begin to pool in those beautiful green eyes.
“You’re a smart girl, Jesse. You know they see the exact same thing everyone else sees. The same thing you see when you look in the mirror. The difference is the rest of us look beyond that. They don’t.”
Her head tips to the side, her lip trembling.
“When those fucks look at you they see a beautiful young woman with curves in all the right places. Big green eyes filled with tears. Tears they love because they know they are for them…because of them.”
She squirms uncomfortably, her arms wrapping around herself to hide the attributes I pointed out.
“Raffe was right though. They don’t see you.” I get up and walk around the bar crouching down in front of her. “You.” I jab a finger in her chest.
“When I look at you I see the beauty they see but I see so much more. I see the way you bite your lip when your nervous. I see the tiny gold flecks hidden in the green of your eyes. The light freckles across your nose, letting me know how much you enjoy being outside. I see the way you study the world around you. I see you noticing colors and lines. I see your mind creating images. I wish I could take a peek in there just to get a glimpse of the beauty you are imagining.”
Her cheeks turn pink at my words. She blinks, forcing tears to spill down her cheeks.
“You are not the problem. They are. You are nothing special to them. They hurt you because you crossed their path. Unfortunately, that’s the way it works.”
“Wrong place, wrong time,” she whispers.
“Or, you could change the way you look at it. Could it be the right place at the right time? If none of that would have happened, would you have been there to save Katie?”
“I didn’t save Katie.” She leans away from me turning her face to stare out the windows. “She got hurt because of me.”