by Taylor Rose
“Kieran Kingston!” the principles nasally voice bellowed through the speakers. Everyone was as quiet as a mouse, pretending I didn’t exist, except for Mary-Beth who was standing in the very front ready to take my picture.
Taking a deep breath, I walked across the stage. One foot in front of the other.
“That’s my boy!” Mitch slurred from the back of the crowd. Holding a beer can in one hand, the other hand trying to stabilize his body from falling. He was so drunk he was barely able to stay standing.
Shit fuck.
My shoulders dropped, my head dipped down and my footsteps moved faster. I needed to get the hell out of here.
I couldn’t believe this shit. Well, actually I could. And that was what made it so much worse.
A throat cleared, making my head snap back up. Cooper was standing by his mom, with his hands crossed across his chest. The muscle of his check ticking.
Getting the hint, I straightened back up. Shook hands with the principle, a smile plastered on my face.
Mary-Beth cooed while snapping a couple of shots of me on the stage. Pride etched across her face. She didn’t give a shit that Mitch had crashed the party. If anything, that made her even more proud of me.
A genuine smile spread across my face, knowing that nothing Mitch did would make Mary-Beth think any less of me.
Thank fucking god .
At least someone in this god forsaken town didn’t give a flying fuck.
I let out the breath I was holding in, the air whooshing right out of my lungs.
Straightening my spine, I walked off of the stage straight towards Cooper and Mary-Beth.
“Kieran sweetheart, I’m so proud of you,” Mary-Beth said breathlessly. Her voice was light and airy, while her eyes held the world on her shoulders.
“Thank you, ma’am,” I replied, while shaking hands with Coop.
Mary-Beth tisked, her annoyance clear.
“Now dear, you know not to call me that,” she said exasperated, both arms falling to her sides.
Cooper cleared his throat next to me stifling a cough.
“Thank you, momma,” I sighed, giving up on trying to be cordial. If that’s what she wanted me to call her, then that’s what I would call her.
She beamed at me, tears shimmering in her golden brown eyes.
“One more picture,” she begged, pushing Cooper and I together until we had our arms on each other’s shoulders. “Say cheese!”
We both said cheese without complaint, and smiled for her picture.
I looked at Cooper, my eyes pleading with him so that we could leave. Like now. I just wanted to get out of this town.
Start anew.
And all of that bullshit.
You know?
Get a fresh start.
He held up a finger, letting me know he only needed another second until he was ready. Thank god.
A crash sounded, drawing my attention. Looking over, I noticed Mitch was still here.
Mother fucking fucker.
Taking a deep breath, I started walking over to him. I wanted to try to get him to go home, to leave here. It was over, and there was no need for him to be here in the first place. As I got closer, I realized he wasn’t alone anymore. Standing in the shadows of one of the buildings was a voice talking to him.
Curiosity got the best of me. Fuck it.
I crept closer, hoping to get a chance to hear what they were talking about. In all of the years I had lived with Mitch, I had never seen anyone come over to the house to see him. No family. No friends. No girlfriends. Nothing.
“Which one’s yours, brother?” the voice from the shadows asked. “Isn’t he some kind of hotshot or something?”
Mitch belly laughed loud and hard until he was coughing, caused by his years of chain smoking.
“You missed him,” Mitch slurred. “He ain’t nothin’ special. Ya hear me?”
“Oh big brother, what little you know. He may be nothing to you, but he’s someone. Trust,” the man in the shadows grunted.
“You’re wrong,” Mitch snapped. “He’s good for nothin’. Never been good for anythin’. Made sure he was good for nothin’, just like dad did to us.”
Mitch lifted his beer to the sky, saluting who the fuck cares. A small puddle of beer flew from his can, landing on the dirt ground.
Laugher rumbled from the shadows. Creepy and hollow. The sound caused the hairs on my arms to rise, every nerve ending in my body was standing at attention. The kind of laugh that made your skin crawl. Evil.
“Just like dad?” the man in the shadows asked, his voice hesitant.
“You betcha, brother,” Mitch agreed.
“Good fucking job, brother!” the man in the shadows exclaimed. Not an ounce of sarcasm in his voice.
Using his free hand, Mitch made a fist and moved it closer to the shadows. A fist popped out of the shadows, and knocked together with Mitch’s fist.
Bile threatened to rise up my throat.
Sick fucks.
They just fist bumped to all of the torturous things Mitch put me through.
Sick. Fucks.
Not wanting to hear the rest of their fucked up conversation, I turned on my heels and walked as fast as I could to where Cooper and Mary-Beth still were.
“You ready?” I asked Cooper the second that I was within hearing distance. Glancing at his mom, he leaned down and kissed her forehead.
“Love you, momma,” Cooper hummed.
“Love you too, baby boy,” she sighed. “I love both of my boys.”
She squeezed my hand as she walked by me. Trying to pull me from my inner spot in hell, in which I had just been sucked into. I was stuck in my mind, reliving all of the awful things Mitch had done to me. It was like I was pulled into a vortex and I was unable to climb out.
I walked up to Cooper’s truck, pulled the passenger door open, and climbed into the seat. Without thought, I slammed the door closed. A loud, ringing thud sounded from the impact.
Rather than ask me what was going on, Cooper got in the car and started the engine. His truck purred to life, vibrating our seats. He’d been around me enough the last few years to know that sometimes I just needed the quiet. To know that sometimes, I was stuck.
“Let’s go,” he mumbled, turning the volume on the radio higher than normal. Probably to drown out my silent brooding.
“Good fucking riddance,” I growled.
To the town that kept me prisoner.
To the town that taunted me.
To the town that used me as a punching bag.
To the worst town in the fucking world. Literally.
Good fucking riddance.
My feet were killing me. I clutched my little sister’s hand while we walked through the sea of people. Her name is Aqua. Every step we took, a blinding pain shot through my feet. Whose brilliant idea was it for me to wear heels tonight? Oh yes, that asshole of a boyfriend I have. Well, kind of boyfriend would be a better term.
Buzz – yes his name was actually Buzz – was my on and off again kind of boyfriend.
You know when you meet someone who seems perfect? Too perfect? And it’s hard to believe that it’s true? That’s how I felt when I first met him. Our parents were killed in a car accident about two years ago. Aqua and I were both devastated. The kicker of the whole situation was that our parents never had a life insurance policy. So at the ripe age of eighteen, I became Aqua’s sole care provider with nothing to my name. On top of not getting a settlement after our parents were killed, our house wasn’t paid off, which then went into foreclosure. They left no will. Nothing. The only thing that we had, was my beat up 1998 Honda Accord.
At the time, Aqua was only four. We went from having loving parents and a home, to having nothing. Using the money I had saved from my career as an ice skater, I made sure we had a roof over our heads. It may have only been a hotel, but at least it was something.
I had just assumed
that Aqua would be my responsibility. That is, until a social worker appeared at our hotel one day to assess how she was doing. This social worker was Buzz himself, and he seemed so sweet and caring at the time. He explained that Aqua was going to have to go into foster care because my parents left no will, and named no next of kin. After everything Aqua had already been through, how could they take her away from the only family she had left?
No. I wasn’t going to allow that to happen.
So I told Buzz exactly what I wanted; custody of my younger sister.
Being the nice guy that I thought he was, he helped me do exactly that. I had to get a job, and get Aqua and I into an apartment. He helped me get a job at the shelter, and within a month, Aqua and I had our own place. What they don’t tell you is how much money you have to spend on a lawyer and all of the documents that you need to get custody. It drained my life savings, leaving me with nothing but custody of my sister, and the minimum wage job I had to get, to prove that I was stable enough for her to live with me.
Buzz took pity on us and came over regularly to hang out. Throughout the whole process, he was such a sweetheart, always making sure we were alright, stopping by with groceries and other necessities. It was like he was my own personal super hero. He had such a handsome face and kind eyes. So when he asked me out on a date, it took everything inside of me to not jump up and down screaming yes. We seemed to fit together like puzzle pieces, until the honeymoon stage of our relationship was over. Then everything went to hell.
The first time we got into an argument, he punched me in the face, leaving a huge purple bruise on my cheek. I kept control of my emotions, even though pain radiated through my face. He apologized profusely, saying that it was an accident.
I stayed because I thought I was in love with him.
I stayed because I was afraid.
I stayed because the thought of taking care of Aqua by myself was terrifying.
I stayed because I was stupid.
So fucking stupid.
Then the beatings became regular and for no reason at all. He gets more creative each time and instead of seeing kindness in his eyes, I see flashes of evil in them.
I tried to get away once, taking Aqua with me. We drove for days, putting as much distance between us and him as we could. When I finally felt like we were safe, I found a hotel to catch up on my sleep. I woke up to Aqua’s cries, and saw Buzz standing over her, kicking her in the stomach. Instead of beating me, he was beating her. Fury raced through my veins. I wanted to stop him, but there was nothing I could do.
To fix her.
To fix me.
He kicked her until she passed out from the pain. He told me that she was being punished for my sins. That it was my fault he had to hurt her. Right then and there, my heart shattered into a million pieces. I knew there was no getting away from him.
Everyone says that once you step foot on the dark side, you have more fun dancing with the devil and all that. They were fucking wrong. The dark side swallows you whole. You’re drowning in darkness, praying to finally catch a glimpse of the light again. You’re living in your own personal spot in hell, being tormented by the fact that you know you’ll never get to the light, and that you’re stuck in the dark abyss forever. All hope is pulled from your mind, leaving you broken beyond repair. A soulless shell of the person you used to be.
I felt a tug at my hand, and I’m pulled from my thoughts of the past. My whole body shuddered, trying to shake the awful feeling I got when I thought about how I got to this place in my life. I looked down and smiled when I saw Aqua jumping up and down. She was pointing inside the building we were waiting in line for. Her blond hair moved around her head as she twisted her body around to see everything as fast as she could. Who would ever have thought that she would be so excited to see a hockey game? Not me. I was dreading this whole experience.
Aqua was wearing a small youth sized jersey that Buzz had bought for her. It was so big, it fell to her knees, but she looked so fucking cute wearing it. It was a long sleeve black and red jersey with a white wolf on the front. It said “Arctic Wolves” along the breast and had the number eleven on the sides of the sleeves. On the back, it had the name Kingston plastered in big, white block letters. That must be the name of one of the players. The closer we get to making it inside, the more excited Aqua got. To my left, Buzz shook his head and rolled his eyes at her; like she was some kind of annoyance. I puffed my cheeks out and let a breath of air out through my mouth. I didn’t understand him. Why spend the money on the tickets and a jersey for her if he only got annoyed with her? Fucking jackass. Let the poor little girl be happy about something in her life. Why did he even come if he was going to act like he hated being here? I knew the answer, though. He’d never let me out of his sight, so if I was here, he would be here too.
When we got to the front of the line, a shiver shook my body. A lady scanned our tickets and explained how to get to our seats. As soon as we walked through the doors, a wave of frosty air smacks me right in the face. My cheeks turned a bright red, reminding me of frostbite. I looked down at Aqua and see she had no problem with the change in temperature. Now I could see why all of these people were wearing jerseys. That must be how they kept warm. And here I was wearing a small tank top and jeans with strappy sandals. I was going to become a human popsicle. Goosebumps broke out across my arms and I was counting down the minutes until we could get the hell out of here.
The smell of greasy food flowed through the stadium, making my tummy rumble with want. We ate before we got here because the food here had to be expensive. I had to save every penny that I could just in case there was another opportunity to escape him.
We weaved our way through all of the people standing in line, making it up two flights of escalators. Finally, we were at the very top of the stadium. Buzz walked ahead of us, leading us to where we would be spending the next couple of hours watching a sport that made my chest ache.
To this day, anything that had to do with blades touching the ice brought me to my knees.
Crippling me.
Crushing me.
Because it used to be something that completed me.
It reminded me of everything I gave up to take care of Aqua. Not that I regretted it, it just hurts to think about something you love so much and not be able to do anything about it.
We reached our section, and the employee there told us exactly how to get to where we needed to go. After climbing what seemed like a billion more stairs, we were finally at our seats. Sitting in the very last row of seats; the nosebleeds.
Why even come here to sit all the way up at the top? None of this has made any sense to me.
By the time we were actually sitting, the game had already started. Buzz was sitting on his phone, not paying attention to anything or anyone around him. Aqua was standing on her tip toes, jumping up and down trying to see what was happening out on the ice. She couldn’t even see what was going on because everyone sitting in front of her was so much taller than her. Feeling a tug at my hand, I looked down at her. I leaned down to see what she wanted, and when I got close enough, she grabbed my face in her cold little hands, making me shiver with the contact.
“Sissy, I can’t see,” she whined, with little tears shining in her eyes. Hearing her voice crack with such emotion pulled at my heart strings. Taking a deep breath, I tried to rein my emotions in. The last thing she needed to see was how upset seeing her sadness made me. I turned around, scanning the arena to see if there was anything I could do to help her see, but was met with a cold metal wall. An idea strikes like a light bulb being turned on. A smile formed on my lips, knowing how happy I could make her.
“Munchkin, wanna get on my shoulders?” I asked her, knowing this way she would be able to see everything, but wouldn’t be blocking anyone else’s view at the same time. Having her sit on my shoulders would be brutally painful after a while, but I would do anything for my little angel.
�
�Please, oh please!” she squealed, lifting her little arms up in the air. She was shaking them around uncontrollably with excitement. Without having to be asked twice, she jumped up and wrapped her arms around my neck, giving me a hug that melted my frozen heart within seconds. Bending down so that she could safely climb on, she scurried up my back and wrapped her legs around my head. I leaned up against the cool metal wall, to not only support her weight, but to also give me something to anchor to.
She wiggled around with excitement, fist pumping the air with her little hands exclaiming victory because now she could see without any problems. Warmth spreads through my chest knowing that I was able to do something to make her so happy. Now I am stuck having no choice but to watch the men skate around the ice. This was something I was hoping to avoid at all costs.
Aqua knew that I used to skate, but she was too young to really understand what that meant. She didn’t know that I used to live on the rink, sometimes twenty plus hours a day.
Practicing.
Perfecting.
Preforming.
She didn’t know that I was one of the best female ice skaters in the country, or that I had been on the United States Olympic team, competing against nationally ranked skaters all over the world, or that I not only placed, but walked away with the gold. First fucking place. In the winter Olympics of 2014 in Russia. A week before my parents died, causing my whole life to change.
What she did know, was that we never, ever, mentioned it to Buzz. It was something he couldn’t know about. If he ever did find out, he would use it against me, blackmail me to get what he wanted. Considering he already got way too much from me as it was, it was something I would take with me to my grave.
I watched mesmerized, as all of the players glided on the ice, leaving etchings of their skate blades embedded into the ice. Shavings of fluffy, white ice flew through the air around the arena like a whirlwind.
After watching them for a couple of minutes, I realized how different this sport was from the sport I used to compete in. They beat on each other, had to depend on their teammates, and had to hit this tiny little black puck around the ice with a curved looking stick. How in the world did they even see it? It was so small, and got passed around so fast that it looked like a black blur on the white icy floor. It actually blew my mind. It must be really difficult to do that with accuracy. And that was coming from someone who lived skating on the ice for years and years on end. How did they do it? Before I realized what happened, I became enamored in the game as much as Aqua. Watching the teams as they played with electricity buzzing through my veins.