by Taylor Rose
Shocking me.
Scorching me.
Awakening me once again.
All of a sudden, a fight broke out. Two players from opposing teams had dropped their sticks, gloves, and helmets to the ice. Lightning fast. They skated around each other in a circular pattern, trying to find an opening to punch the other. Was that even legal? Seemed so, because the refs were just standing around watching it all take place without doing a damn thing to try to stop it.
My breath froze in my lungs. My hand flew to my chest, grasping the thin fabric of my tank in between my fingers. Within a second, the player from our team grabbed jersey of the opposing player and started punching him repeatedly in the head.
The air left my lungs in a whoosh, taking the tightness in my chest with it. Gasping for breath, I tried to fill my lungs back up with oxygen, needing life to pulse through my body again.
My mind spun while I was trying to put together why I had such a weird reaction to nothing.
What the fuck?
Aqua squealed with delight as the player from the opposing team dropped to the ice, clutching his head in his hands. He was surrendering.
“King, King, King!” Aqua shouted as she jumped and swiveled around on my shoulders while she was fist pumping the air again. That’s when it all clicked into place. The player that was just in the fight was Kingston, number eleven; the number on the jersey my little sister was wearing on her small little body.
Fuck me sideways.
How in the ever loving shit did she actually know who he was? She was only six years old, for fucks sake. Six. She was going to give me grey hair before I turned thirty. I could already tell I was so fucking screwed.
Slowly, Kingston skated across the ice to the penalty box where he would be spending the next five minutes of the game because of this fight. A smile lit up his face, and he was fist pumping the air the same way Aqua had been doing ever since we got here, not giving a care in the world for what just went down.
My mind physically hurt just thinking about everything that had happened since we arrived.
The stadium erupted with cheers, loud and bellowing, causing the sounds of the crowd to bounce from wall to wall of the stadium. Looking up, I craned my neck to get a good visual of what could possibly cause the crowd to make such a ruckus.
My heart stopped beating in my chest.
Fear clawed its way from my heart, spreading throughout my entire body.
The monitor had videos of the kiss cam going around.
Please, dear god don’t land on me. Don’t land on me.
I prayed to the gods above, to any of them who would listen to what I had to say. I’d do anything they wanted, just don’t make me kiss Buzz in front of all these people. All thoughts ceased to exist when the camera landed on me. My breath stopped in my chest for the second time tonight. My face heated up, red blotches blossomed on my cheeks adding to my embarrassment.
I wanted to scream, yell, and cry out all at the same time to let the world know how much life fucking hated me.
Staring at my terrified reflection, I wished I were dead.
But then the most amazing thing happened.
Aqua twisted her body around, and gave me a big fat kiss right on the mouth. Her lips made a smacking sound as she showed her back to the camera. She flipped back around on my shoulders, giggling while fist pumping the air once again with an infectious smile plastered across her face. Not being able to help myself, I cracked a smile too. My beautiful girl had just saved me without even realizing it. I couldn’t help but wonder how I got so lucky to have her in my life. Before I know it, the camera picked another victim, leaving us to laugh together in peace.
I’d never been more thankful for anything in my whole life.
Taking a chance, I peeked over my shoulder. Buzz was still on his phone, unaware of what just went down. I let out a breath I didn’t even realize I had been holding in. I swear, I had a guardian angel today or something.
Aqua and I continued to watch the game, both of us consecutively booing and cheering with all the other fans. I wish I knew what was happening, but hockey had never been my thing. Until now. I was going to have to learn the rules and watch it more. Because instead of it smashing my heart into a million pieces like I thought it would, it brought back the freeing feeling of what it used to be like to skate. It felt like the weight that had been pushing me down had finally lifted. I felt free.
Feeling a tap on my shoulder, I saw that Buzz was staring at me as though he would love to devour me. Ick. Tremors rolled through me just thinking about his eyes skimming my body.
“I have to go take care of something, if I’m not back by the end of the game, go straight home. Don’t fuck with me, Figueroa. I’m not in the mood to hunt your ass down again,” Buzz demanded, while his eyes were undressing me. Ick. Double fucking ick.
Instead of answering, I just nodded my head yes, not able to find my own voice.
“See you at home, honey,” he praised sweetly, kissing me on the forehead. Turning his back to me, he walked down the stairs and straight out of my sight.
He had to be fucking bipolar. How else do you go from threatening someone to kissing them adoringly? You didn’t. But for the first time all night, I took a deep breath and laughed to myself. He was gone. It might only be for a little while, but at least it was something. I’d take anything I could get.
Aqua leaned down, sticking her finger in my ear, trying to get my attention.
“Can I get down now?” she questioned with her finger in her mouth. Her teeth making indentations in her skin.
“Of course, baby,” I murmured.
Putting my hands around her waist, I lifted her off of my shoulders, setting her down onto the ground. She stretched her body, getting all of the kinks from the game out of her system. She climbed on top of the chair next to me and interlocked her fingers with mine. Smart little girl. Why didn’t I think of that from the start? Now, my back was killing me for no reason because she could have just been standing on that chair from the very beginning.
Looking at the clock, I realized that there was less than ten minutes left in the third period. Where did all the time go? Standing next to me, Aqua was screaming Kingston’s name over and over again.
“GOAL!” the announcer screamed to the crowd.
While I was looking at the clock, Kingston scored a goal. Turning my head to the screen, I watched the replay, noticing he made that shot from almost the middle of the rink. The puck soared through the air, landing in the top left corner of the net.
Clean. Cut. Precise.
Butterflies fluttered in my belly.
It was fucking beautiful.
Glancing down, I noticed a security guard walking towards us. A giant tattoo covered the security guards neck. Oh, fuck. What did Buzz do now?
I really didn’t want to deal with his bullshit right now. The guard walked straight up to me and lightly tapped my shoulder, trying to get my attention. Rather than ignore him like I wanted to, I put a tentative smile on my face and turned my head to look at him.
Exasperated, I asked him, “Hey. How can I help you?”
I tried not to seem annoyed, but I know that I failed because he raised his eyebrow at me in confusion.
“Miss, I was told by one of the players to come up here. He wanted to ask if your little girl would like to come down and meet some of the players after the game.” he said, authority lacing his tone. His voice was gritty but powerful in a way I had never come across before.
“Say what?” I questioned him, confused. Did I hear him right? He wanted to take Aqua to meet the players?
“One of the players saw her on the kiss cam, ma’am. He wanted her to be able to come down and meet the team after the game,” he replied with a small smile on his face. His voice seeming more amused now than before.
“WHAT?! Please, sissy! Oh, please! I’ll never ask for anything ever again!” Aqua screamed as s
he got onto her knees, pleading with me to let this happen.
That motherfucker. He said it loud enough for her to hear. Now I would never live down saying no. He smirked at me as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. Ugh, men.
How did this happen? Dear god, give me the strength.
“Fine, but she’s not going by herself,” I declared. I pushed her behind me, trying to take control of the situation. Mama bear was out in full force.
“I never thought she was,” he said confidently. Something about this whole thing felt a little off. Instead of being mad that I was going with, he seemed pleased. It was as if that was in his plan from the beginning. Rather than over think this, I decided to let it go and let Aqua enjoy herself.
How many people could say they’d met a professional hockey team?
“Alrighty then, lead the way,” I quipped, a laidback smile on my face. I guess I could be kind of bipolar, too. Sour one second, and sweet the next. What the fuck ever. I didn’t give a shit what other people thought about me. The only thing in this world that I cared about was Aqua. She shrieked, jumping up and down like she had just won the fucking lottery.
We followed the security guard down the stairs and through an elevator with Aqua clutching my hand like her life depended on it. This was the happiest I’d seen her since our parents passed away. My little girl was glowing. The elevator dinged, letting us know we had reached our destination. I could feel the blood in my veins pump rapidly with anticipation. Following the security guard down to the glass, we stopped right by the main entrance to the rink. I put Aqua back up on my shoulders so that she could see everything that was going on in the last minute of the game.
The Alaskan Arctic Wolves won by one goal, and the whole arena broke out in cheers!
“With the winning goal, Kieran Kingston is this game’s MVP. Give him your love, Anchorage, Alaska!” the announcer exclaimed to the crowd.
All of a sudden, a massive body was standing right in front of me on the ice, his shadow swallowing me up whole. Kingston handed me his stick, then plucked Aqua right off of my shoulders, bringing her with him to the middle of the ice. He started skating around the rink with her in his arms, and while I wanted to be pissed that he literally just stole my sister out of my grasp, I couldn’t be. Aqua was out on the ice with him, and this was probably the best moment of her life thus far. He gave this to her.
She leaned in close to his body and whispered into his ear. His eyes lit up and he nodded his head in agreement. In less than a minute, he hoisted Aqua above his head with his hands wrapped around her waist. Her arms stretched out and her toes pointed. Cheers erupted throughout the crowd, reminding me of how it felt to perform.
Tears prickled my eyes, and before I could contain them, they streamed down my face, rushing like roaring rapids. Never in a million years did I see this coming. Aqua was doing a move in figure skating that I used in my couples skating competitions. How did she know? Sobs raked my chest, uncontrollably shaking my body. I was finding it hard to believe what I had just witnessed. All of the emotions that I’d been holding in since my parent’s deaths came seeping out.
Kingston brought Aqua back to me after her impromptu performance. Setting her down on the floor, she raced over to me and jumped into my arms. I wrapped my arms so tight around her, I was worried she might not be able to breathe.
“Figgy, did you see that? Did you see me fly?!” she murmured, wiggling around in my arms.
“I saw munchkin, I saw,” I wept, tears still streaming down my cheeks. I’d never seen anything more beautiful in my whole life.
“Hey Squirt! You rocked it!” rasped a masculine voice that left my knees weak. That voice was raspy, deep, and gritty. Soulful. It seared down into my soul; screaming at me that it was the voice meant for me. Looking up, I noticed the most fucking handsome man in my whole life. He had to be god’s gift to this earth. Brown, wavy hair that just reached his shoulders, flowing loosely around his face. The most mesmerizing amber colored eyes I had ever seen. A golden brown, like whiskey, with swirls of honey running through them that shined and shimmered with depth. They seemed to see right through the façade I’d put up for years, and actually saw me, for me. A strong chiseled jaw, with light stubble running along it. High cheek bones and a nose that you could tell had been broken a time or two. Straight pearly white teeth gleam back at me, leading me straight to his plump, wind chapped lips.
Holy mother of all things manly.
Holy sex on a fucking stick.
This guy was the most ruggedly handsome man I had ever seen. My mouth dried up just thinking about all of the delicious things I wanted to do to him.
And here I was, a cold, crying heap on the floor.
Great.
God, I must look utterly ridiculous. My jaw had fallen to the floor and my raccoon eyes bugged out of my head. Mascara was dripping down my cheeks and I had a red nose that Rudolph would have been proud to have.
“Hello there, gorgeous. I’m Kieran,” the hotness incarnate drawled, while winking simultaneously. He fucking winked at me.
Snapping out of the trance I was in, I shook my head. I needed to focus on the flirtatious asshole in front of me.
I may want to lick him all over, but I wouldn’t fall all over him like most girls did.
I did have self-control. And self-worth.
But before I could give the sexy mother fucker a piece of my mind, my head started to spin leaving me dizzy.
Pushing Aqua out of my arms, I made room for my body to fall without crushing her. All of the emotions flowing through me must have drained me, because my last thoughts before passing out and hitting the freezing concrete floor were…
Kieran. Kieran. Kieran.
Hockey had always been my release. Flying down the ice, my vice. My underlying weakness. Nothing compared. Nothing.
Not drugs.
Not alcohol.
Not pussy.
Not a damn thing.
I was an adrenaline junkie through and through.
The feeling of adrenaline pumping through my veins was freeing.
All the stress I’d felt throughout my life has been released through skating. Simply put, my blades touch the ice and my spirit soars.
How can a man my age not give a fuck about the opposite sex? That’s the real question, isn’t it?
What guy in his early twenties didn’t want pussy?
The answer was simple. The kind of guy who wanted a fulfilling relationship and not some gold digging tramp.
It wasn’t a secret that I made money. In fact, almost everyone seemed to know that information.
What they didn’t know was that I don’t keep it all to myself. What use would I have for so much money? Wiping my ass with it? Errrr. Wrong answer.
Instead, I put a lot of it to good use in a way I wish more people would do. I donated it to the foster care system.
To improve it.
To help innocent kids that need it.
To give back.
To do everything I could, so that none of them would have to go through what I did.
I fell through the cracks. I was crushed so far into the crack that I had to bloody my fingers by scraping the sides of the walls to pull myself out.
If there had been more manpower at the time, someone could have stopped by to do a routine check. They would have been able to see that it was an unfit environment for a child to live in. But that never happened.
So I do my absolute best to make sure that it never happens again.
Every child’s life was precious. Every child deserved a chance. To fight. To live. To love.
Sometimes being tainted by my past was a blessing in disguise. Good and bad aren't always black and white, yet the grey area smudged between them, not always blurry. But every once in a while, those blurred lines were essential, helping things more than it hurt them as long as you knew what you were doing. And sometimes even if you didn't.
&
nbsp; Plus, there hadn’t been a single woman that I’d met so far that was worth my time. In fact, the more of them I met, the less and less I wanted anything to do with them. Instead, it acted like a repellent that caused me to keep to myself and focus on the important things in life, like helping those in need.
Hookups were all the rage in this day and age, STD’s were transferred faster than the speed of light. Most millennials thought it was their right to have fun when they wanted, where they wanted.
A twenty-two-year-old virgin? Not so much.
Not that I hadn’t had offers.
I had.
And there had been a couple casual hookups. Make outs. Hand jobs. Blowjobs. Just not sex. I wasn’t one hundred percent innocent.
But again, did I want to deal with gold digging whores? No fucking thank you.
There was more to life than wild monkey sex.
There was more to life than money.
Hell, there was even more to life than hockey.
But why waste my time on something that was going nowhere? See my point?
Love was the most important thing in life.
I knew this, because I had none of it growing up. It was the one thing I continued to strive for. To love and be loved in an all-consuming, I would die without you, kind of way. To be so consumed with love, that it pushed away all the hate.
And since I didn’t have that yet… Well…
Plain and simple, I was an asshole. To pretty much everyone.
Because, why not?
I didn’t give a flying fuck.
Being an asshole was fun. Like right this very second.
Using my broad chest and shoulders, I leaned over, pushing the body next to me out of my way, using my weight and size to my advantage. Without him there, I swiveled my hockey stick around and pulled the puck in front of me. Hits were all part of the game, although most of the time they happened against the glass, not in the middle of the rink.