by J. M. Witt
The next morning I woke in O’s guest room. Heated voices were coming from the living room and I wasn’t sure if it was Will or Heath, but the other voice was definitely O. I’d told him everything the night before and while he believed me, he was hesitant to believe Heath had cheated on me. I walked out of the room, still in my dress and found Will and O arguing.
“He’s not coming here. Not while she’s here. She needs space and I’m going to honor that.”
“He’s your brother. You should’ve stayed out of this.”
“The way you are?”
“You guys. Stop.” They turned to me and I agreed with Will. “Will’s right, O. I shouldn’t have come here.”
Will looked at me and said, “I don’t know what the fuck happened, but Heath is a wreck. What did you do?”
My blood was instantly boiling. “What did I do? Fuck you!”
“Will! You should be asking Heath what HE did.” Will looked to O and then back to me.
I grabbed my purse and shoes and headed for the door. “I shouldn’t be here.”
“Whoa, whoa, Lucy, hang on. What’s going on?”
I told him about what I found at the hotel, how he’d missed our appointment. “All I ever wanted was for this to work, with him. Finding him in that room, with her, both of them…” I couldn’t even finish saying it. Sniffling and struggling to breathe I confessed, “I love him. I fell in love with him. And it’s your fault. This never would’ve happened if you’d faced me at the altar or stood me up.”
“What are you talking about?”
Not hearing his question I said, “He’s broken my heart, again.”
“Lucy, I don’t know what you think you saw, but it’s not. He wouldn’t… Not with her. She’s behind this somehow.”
“It doesn’t matter. If he wants it to be over, then it’s over.” I walked away from them and out the door as the tears tried blocking my vision with Will yelling after me.
“Lucy!”
~ Chapter 12 ~
~ LUCY ~
I drove around for what felt like hours listening to the CDs he’d made me and other songs that ripped at my heart. Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart by Ariana Grande was one that I played over and over again. Hesitantly, I pulled into the parking lot behind the gym. His car wasn’t there. He was probably still at the hotel with her. It was better that way. I needed to get my things and go before he returned. Stacey or Jaime would take me in.
I wanted to believe Will; that Stella was behind everything, but how? She’d been fired and was out of the picture. Was it all a cover? If Heath thought he could have us both he was sorely mistaken. For a brief moment of insecurity, I believed that I could handle him having a mistress, if it meant I still had part of him. What the hell was wrong with me? I was losing it.
I was in our bedroom and staring at the bed as memories flooded me. Had I known that our last time together would be our last, I would’ve stayed awake all night worshiping his body as he worshipped mine. I grabbed a bag from the closet and walked to the dresser. My hands were shaking as I tried to pull the drawers open. How had I missed this, that whatever he had with Stella was more than a passing fling?
“Lucy!” The door bounced off the wall as he flung it open. “What are you doing? I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” I couldn’t bear to look at him. “Stacey and Jaime are worried. Where’s your phone?”
I vaguely recalled throwing it at O’s place after the battery died. “Phone’s dead.”
“Lucy. Please, you have to listen to me.”
“Where were you all night?”
“Looking for you.” He stepped closer and I moved further away. “I didn’t think you’d run to O. Shit, I drove up to the lake house thinking for sure that’s where you’d be.”
“I think that I thought O’s would be the first place you’d look for me.”
“We still have so much to learn about each other.”
“It’s too late for that.”
“I’m telling you right now. Nothing happened with Stella.”
Waving him off, I screamed at him. “How could you miss our appointment? We talked about it all week.”
“I told you, I called the office and Cindy told me that you canceled it.” As if he was talking to himself, he said, “She must know something.” Picking me up off the floor, I tried fighting him off. “Come on.”
“Let go of me.”
“Not until we talk to Cindy.”
Dragging me down the stairs, I waited in his office in the back of the gym. A few minutes later he walked in with a clueless Cindy. He started yelling at her and I tried remaining calm.
“Heath, stop yelling at her.” I wanted to believe with all my heart that he wouldn’t go to so much trouble to prove his innocence if he wasn’t. “Cindy. Please be truthful.” My voice cracked, “My marriage is on the line. Did I call you yesterday to relay a message to Heath? Because when I called looking for him you told me he’d left a message for me.”
She stood in silence and I couldn’t get a good read on her. “Dammit Cindy. You told me that Lucy left me a message and that our appointment had been canceled. I’m losing my patience.” He was pacing and then barked out, “Get out. You’re fired.”
Her chin began to quiver and I realized we were both crying for our loss; her job and my marriage. She looked to me as I wiped at my tears. She couldn’t help, my marriage was in shambles. “Ok. I was, oh, God.”
We both yelled at her, “Spit it out!”
“I was in the back with Jeff when the phone started ringing. By the time I made it up front it had already stopped. When I walked past your office a few minutes later, I found Stella in there. She said she was getting the last of her things, then handed me your cell and said that you must’ve left it behind and how lucky for me she answered the gym phone. I didn’t think anything of it. She handed me a post-it with the message I was supposed to give you.”
“Fuck!”
“Oh God.” I collapsed in the chair, my chest heaving as the tears continued to fall.
“I’m sorry. She scares me and she threatened to tell you and Will about Jeff and I. I don’t want to lose my job.”
“That’s enough Cindy. Get back to work.”
“So I still have a job?”
“For now. Now get out!”
She scurried out of the room and shut the door behind her. “I told you!” He started yelling at me about how I should’ve believed him and it just fueled my fire.
Standing, I walked toward the door. “If you think for one minute that’s the apology I want to hear, you’re wrong.”
“Apology for what? I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Stella may have set us up, but you were still naked with her when I found you two. You expect me to believe nothing happened? You have a history.”
“Not like the history I have with you. She’s nothing. And yes, I expect you to believe me. I’m your husband.”
“What about the paperwork? You’re not my match. If I believe you and we put this behind us, can you live with that? Because I can’t live with you continually doubting yourself. You either believe we belong together or you don’t.” He didn’t say anything and after a moment of complete silence, I bit out, “Was this your plan all along?” He just stared back at me blankly and shook his head as if he didn’t know what I was referring to. “Well, you succeeded.”
I left. I took his silence for his answer, that he couldn’t live with it and had no idea what he’d done to me. I wanted him to fight for me and it seemed when I thought he would, he’d just stand down. I didn’t even know what the paperwork would reveal, but I was terrified to find out and it didn’t seem to matter regardless. I needed him to want and need me. If we were going to make it, he had to fight for me, for us. I was back in our room and the tears began flowing freely, again, unable to stop them I just let them fall as I threw my belongings into my bag.
“Succeeded at what?” I began mumbling to myself. How could he not k
now what he did? “LUCY!”
His hand touched my arm and I flinched away from him, warning him to stay away. He took a step toward me and I shoved him back, yelling, “You know what you did. Was this just another game for you? ‘Let’s get Lucy to fall in love with me, again, only this time she’ll know it’s me the whole time’.” I was still pulling items from drawers still rambling. “Congrats. My heart is in pieces, AGAIN, because of you.”
“Lucy. What did you say?”
My head jerked up at him and my hands went to my hips. “You heard me. Just leave me alone. I’ll be gone soon enough and you can get on with your life of breaking hearts.”
I’d turned away from him, unsure what to do next. I felt the heat of his body behind me, knowing he was only centimeters away. Goosebumps ran down my spine as his fingers ran through the back of my hair. I’d never wanted to wrap my arms around him so badly. Of course my urge to physically hurt him was just as prevalent.
“Lucy. You fell in love with me?” I could only manage a sharp intake of breath, mixed with a growl. Like he didn’t know. “Does that mean you don’t love me anymore?”
Was he that dense? Turning to face him, I came nose to chest with him. I took a step back so I could look into his eyes. Wiping the tears off my cheeks, I accused him of being an idiot.
Shoving at his chest with all I had, he barely stumbled back. “No, I don’t love you anymore! Is that what you want to hear?” He seemed confused. “Of course I love you, but…” I lost my train of thought as his lips curled up into a smile.
“But what?” His hands wrapped around each of my forearms and pulled me closer.
“But I can’t be with you when you don’t feel the same. When you won’t fight for me. I don’t need your pity.”
“Pity! I don’t pity you, Lucy.” I couldn’t bear to look at him. “I’m here, fighting for you the only way I know how. I can’t lose you. I don’t care about the paperwork.” His finger came under my chin, requesting me to speak, he pleaded, “Say it again.” My eyes narrowed as I tried to figure out what it was he wanted me to say. “Tell me you love me, Lucy.”
Shaking my head, I pleaded with him, “Please don’t. It hurts too much if you don’t feel the same.” His eyes became fierce and I gave in, though I couldn’t look at him while I said it. “I love you.” He didn’t say anything. Not able to resist, I looked up into his chocolate eyes to find them smiling at me. “All I wanted was a small piece of your heart.”
“You have more than a small piece. You have it all. I love you, Lucy.” My expression showed my confusion, I was sure of it. Leaning down, he put his forehead to mine and repeated his sentiment. “I love you.”
“But, I don’t understand. When you didn’t show up to our session I thought for sure that was your way of saying you didn’t want to stay married anymore.”
“You know why I didn’t show up and I’m not mentioning her name again. I’ll admit I thought for sure you’d want to end things. I don’t think I’ll ever believe that you want me.”
My chest became tight and I was struggling to breathe, “So, I, you want to…”
His expression became concerned as I clutched at my chest. “Lucy, what’s wrong?”
Panting and gasping for breath, I cried, “It hurts, I can’t breathe.”
Guiding me to sit down, he managed to calm me down, taking deep breaths with me. Once I was breathing somewhat normal, he asked, “You’ve been having panic attacks a lot lately.”
“Only around you, it seems.” He kissed my forehead and pulled me into his side. “Heath?”
“Yes?”
“So, you still want to stay married? No matter what the paperwork says?”
Pushing me back slightly, he glued the pieces of my heart back together with one statement. “I never wanted to not stay married, Lucy. I meant what I said that day.” Fingering the charm that hung from my neck, “I’m your anchor and you’re my home.” I’d forgotten it still hung around my neck. “Always have been, always will be.” Wiping the last remaining tears from my cheeks, he confessed, “I was afraid to tell you how I felt before knowing if you felt it, too. Now I know. I love you.”
Smiling, I whimpered, “I love you, too.”
His kiss started slow and soft, but soon we were breathless and clawing at one another. I needed to feel him inside me, beside me, and all over me. He was my match, regardless of what the paperwork said. He was meant to be mine and I was meant to be his. He was mine, my one and only. My love.
~ Chapter 13 ~
~ HEATH ~
The last twenty four hours surely had grey hair sprouting all over my head. I was exhausted from all the emotions. The thought of losing Lucy all because that bitch was determined to ruin my life had me reeling. The only thing I was guilty of was not giving her my heart. How could I when it’d always belonged to Lucy? I hoped Stella found someone to make her happy, but at the same time I believed karma had better plans in store for her.
Lucy stood in my arms, having just bared her soul to me, and mine to her. I loved her, more than she could possibly know. It wasn’t easy for me to say. I think part of me had felt it and known it for years, having kept it bottled up for so long. It was easier to keep it hidden away, but the weight that was lifted from me when I finally told her was liberating.
Cupping her face I looked at her. Her eyes were closed as her hands clung to my waist. Kissing her nose, I whispered, “Why don’t you get comfortable? I’ll be right back.”
Her eyes flew open in protest. “Don’t go.”
Chuckling, I reassured her, “I’m not leaving. I’ll be right back.” She let out a breath as I added, “I expect you on the bed and waiting for me when I come back in here.” Tilting her head, the look in her eyes that called to me like a siren, she just nodded her head and I was surprised at her lack of rebuttal.
Valentine’s Day had come and gone and we’d agreed to not celebrate it until after the appointment with Dr. Phillips. I still couldn’t get over my idiocy. It’d been so easy for me to assume the message I got from Cindy was legit. I’d gotten Lucy a gift and it was in my glove box waiting.
Once in my car, I sat and opened the small box. It was simple and understated, but timeless. I prayed she’d like it. Making my way back upstairs, with the box in my pocket, I heard music coming from the bedroom. I recognized Someday by Nickelback and assumed she was playing one of the CDs I’d made her years earlier.
Walking through our bedroom door, I was stopped in my tracks. She was laying on her side in the middle of the bed in nothing but her bra and panties. With her head propped up, resting on her hand, she appeared to be lost in thought and hadn’t seen me yet. I could stare at her this way forever. The black lace strap of the white bra had fallen off her shoulder and she was fingering the lace of her panties at her hip.
Staring at her, I scanned her body several times. “Kind of a somber song considering we’re celebrating.”
She jumped slightly and smiled up at me. “I like listening to them. Kinda feel like I’m rediscovering a part of you, a part of our youth that I missed out on.” I closed the door and came closer to the bed. Here Without You by 3 Doors Down started. “You know whenever I’d hear this song, I’d think of you too?”
Crawling onto the bed, I confessed, “I dreamed about you all the time.”
She moved to her back and welcomed my body as it covered hers. I sang the words to her as her hands ran over my face and shoulders. Her hands pulled my shirt over my head as I kicked off my shoes.
“It’s only you and me from here on out.”
“I have something for you.” She smiled and waited as I pulled the box from my front pant pocket. Handing her the box, I prayed she’d like it.
She opened it and put a hand on her chest, “Oh, Heath…”
“Do you like it?”
“Heath, I love it. It’s so timeless, like us.” She pulled me down for a kiss without slipping it out of the box.
Pulling back, “Make sure it fi
ts.”
She handed me the box and urged me on, “You do it.” Taking it from the box, I slid the ring on her finger, placing it next to her wedding band. “It’s perfect.” Her eyes met mine, “You’re perfect.”
We took our time that night. Slow and steady, hard and fast, we did it all. Nothing and no one would ever be able to change my love for this amazing woman. She was right. What we had spanned more than two decades and ran deeper than anyone but us could imagine. I prayed God would grant us a dozen more decades together. My only regret was that I hadn’t fought for her sooner. She taught me things I didn’t think I needed to learn.
Glancing at the photo on our night stand, I smiled. My mother had given us an album full of pictures from our childhood as a Christmas gift. We had the biggest laugh over one of me, Will, and Lucy as a toddler. Lucy assumed that I was the one making a dirty face at the beautiful blonde haired toddler, when in fact it was Will. In the picture Will and I are about four years old and Lucy had just started learning to walk. Her arms outstretched, with a big grin on her face as she made her way toward me. Will behind her with the look of annoyance on his face. I don’t think anyone would’ve guessed twenty five years ago how telling that photo would be.
But the one Lucy had framed was my favorite. It was of her and me standing on the beach holding hands. I loved that photo more than words could say.
Several hours later as we laid naked in each other’s arms, the CDs playing over and over again, my favorite came on. “You know the night we watched this movie I told you I loved you.” She leaned up and looked at me in disbelief. “Don’t worry, you were asleep and I knew that when I said it.”
“What were you so afraid of?” I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m sorry I ever let you doubt how I felt, how I feel about you.” A tear slipped from her eye and I wiped it away. “I’ve said some horrible things to you. Can you forgive me?”