The Risk Taker

by Cathryn Fox

  “Yeah, she had a doctor’s appointment.”

  Fallon starts walking again. “Are you one hundred percent sure?”

  I touch her arm to stop her. “What are you getting at?”

  She looks ahead, her lashes low, shadowing her eyes. “Nothing. I just didn’t know she had an appointment. She usually told me those things.” She starts walking again, and I keep pace beside her. She goes quiet, and after a long while she says, “It wasn’t your fault, Jamie. You can’t ever think that.”

  “Why not?”

  “You just can’t,” she says and once again I get the sinking sensation that she’s keeping something from me.

  “Have you heard from Sara?” I ask, and when her body tightens, I have my answer. “Why didn’t you tell me?” This is what she’s been keeping private?

  “Actually, I wasn’t sure I should. I didn’t want to ruin your vacation here. You seem happier, Jamie. More like the old you and I like being with that guy.”

  “What did she want?” I ask. It’s not like Fallon to keep things from me. She knows I hate secrets and value trust.

  “She asked if I was with you. I posted a picture on Instagram, and she must have recognized the beach.”

  I look out over the water, my stomach clenching hard. “She liked it here.”

  “Then I…I thought I saw her, but that’s crazy. She couldn’t be here, right? I mean, why would she be?”

  My heart crashes a little harder as I glance around. “You think she’s here?”

  “I don’t know.” She gives a non-committal shrug. “If she is, wouldn’t she have reached out to you?”

  “I’m not so sure about that.” A wave comes up and I jump back to avoid it. “It is possible she’s vacationing around here. She loved this area.”

  “Do you know where she went when she left?”

  I glance up when off in the distance I hear music coming from an open window. Sound really travels here, so I lower my voice. “Probably back to San Diego. That’s where her parents live.”

  “That makes sense.” A beat of silence and then, “Do you…ever think…” she crinkles her nose, like she can’t bring herself to ask.

  “What, that we’ll get back together?”

  “Yes.”

  “She hates me, Fallon.” A tortured noise catches in my throat. “I’m pretty sure a reunion is never going to happen.”

  “What if she doesn’t hate you?” she asks quietly, and looks down like she’s remembering something.

  “She does. End of story.” I swallow the lump in my throat and turn things back to her. “Would finding the perfect man for you and Chase be part of your perfect world?” I ask, redirecting the conversation.

  She gives a fast shake of her head. “I don’t want to date again. I can’t go through that, but yes, when it comes right down to it, I would like Chase to have a father.”

  “And you, Fallon? Do you want a husband? Would that make you happy?”

  “Yes,” she says quietly. “But he’d have to be kind, loyal, loving, and put the needs of his family first.”

  “I didn’t put Sara’s needs first and that’s why she was in the car accident.”

  “No, Jamie. You always put the needs of others first. Always. Believe me, I know,” she says quietly, then she opens her mouth like she wants to say more, but closes it again.

  “You deserve that kind of happiness, you know. You deserve a guy like that.”

  Goddammit, if I don’t want to be that guy for her.

  “Thanks. You do too, Jamie.”

  I shake my head. “No, I don’t.”

  “Life goes on whether we want it too or not. It’s time for us both to move on with it.” She gives me a wobbly smile. “Actually, I change my answer.”

  I give her a perplexed frown.

  “You know what would make me happy, Jamie.” I stare at her, wait for her to continue. She pokes me in the chest, and I capture her hand. Her other hand goes to my face, a soft caress that soothes my tormented soul. Need blows through me like a summer storm. Fuck, I missed her. Missed us. “For you to be happy,” she whispers, her breath shuddering against my skin. “The accident wasn’t your fault, and never once did I think it was. You need to let go of the guilt. You are the best guy I know. The best guy I’ve ever known. No one blames you.”

  “Sara blames me. She wouldn’t have left otherwise.”

  “Not true. I never blamed you and I left. Maybe she just has some things to work out in her head.”

  “Fallon,” I begin quietly as loss and sorrow squeeze my heart.

  “Yeah.”

  “You left. You…didn’t turn to me. I thought…thought you blamed me. You always used to turn to me.”

  She wraps her arms around me and holds me close, loosening the knot of tension between my shoulder blades, and calming the heavy thud of my heart. “Oh, Jamie, no. Believe me, the accident was not your fault. Please tell me you believe me.”

  “But I wasn’t—”

  “No, Jamie. Stop.” A small shaky breath passes her lips as she shuts down my argument. “You need to stop. You need to just trust me, okay?”

  “I do trust you, Fallon. Trust is one of the most important things to me. You know that, right?”

  “I do, and I would never ask for it, if I wasn’t sure the accident had nothing to do with you.” She pounds softly against my chest, tears brimming in her eyes.

  “Okay,” I say quietly, some of the tightness in my chest ebbing away as a small measure of guilt lifts from my shoulders.

  She never left because she blamed me.

  Beneath the moonlight, we hold on to one another like our lives depend on it, and somehow I think it does. She sniffles against my shirt, and lifts her gaze to mine. Streaks of yellow, marbled in her pretty blue eyes, sparkles in the moonlight as the connection between us, the need, becomes emotionally charged.

  “In a perfect world, what would make you happy?” she asks as I rest my forehead against hers.

  Damned if that isn’t a loaded question.

  “To turn back time,” is all I say, and she nods as I put my arm around her and start walking along the shore again. Yeah, if I could I’d go back to many years ago, and make Fallon my girl before Ethan had the chance. But that’s a selfish thought because Ethan isn’t here, and Sara and I lost our unborn baby, and life just isn’t fucking fair.

  But does that mean I can’t have what I really want, can’t move forward…can’t find a new normal. I pull Fallon close. Every fiber of my being tells me there’s more between us than sex. I can’t change the past, and I’m not sure I can ever fully forgive myself. But after being with Fallon—her belief in me filling that hollowed-out spot in my chest, and lightening the heaviness in my heart—I don’t think I can live in that past any longer either. Maybe we can somehow find our normal together and I can be the man she needs, the father Chase needs. Maybe she’s right. Maybe Cole is, too.

  Maybe I do deserve happiness.

  13

  Fallon

  As I pack things up, our glorious week at the beach over tomorrow, I think back to my conversation with Jamie that night we walked along the shore. We talked about what our lives would be like in a perfect world. I love my son more than life itself, but my life with Ethan was far from perfect, and crumbling more with each passing day.

  Jamie told me if he could, he’d turn back time. I can only imagine he meant he’d go back to before the accident, when Ethan was here, when Sara and his unborn baby were living in his house. That was his perfect, obviously. A place where grief and guilt didn’t weigh on him heavily. But it wouldn’t have been perfect for long. Once the baby was born, I’m pretty certain we all would have had lost anyway. My mind rewinds to my phone conversation with Sara. She’d told me she loved him. But him might have meant Ethan, not Jamie. And the baby she was carrying, well…

  Trust is so important to Jamie and I wanted to tell him my suspicions. Lord knows he can’t keep blaming himself for an accident that
wasn’t his fault, but I don’t want to hurt him—it would shatter him to learn my husband and his fiancée were having an affair— a woman knows these things. But I need to have the proof—which undoubtedly exists on Ethan’s phone—before I do or say anything. But what if Sara shows up and wants him back? Will he want her back too? If he does, what do I do? Tell him what I think, or keep my mouth quiet? How could I let my best friend, the man I’ve loved for many years now, go back to a woman who was carrying a baby that likely wasn’t his? I wrack my brain and as my stomach cramps, I work to clear my thoughts, leaving them to mull over later, when we’re back home.

  This is our last night in the gorgeous oceanside cottage, and with Chase sleeping over with the other kids at Nina and Cole’s, I plan to have Jamie all to myself in that king-sized bed. I plan to give him a part of me I’ve never given another, and hope that on some level, he realizes he is the man for me—that we belong together. I spent years hiding what I felt and I can’t do it any more, not after this incredible week in his arms. I can’t pretend this is just sex when it’s so much more. Yes, I’m risking losing my best friend if I’m mistaken about his feelings, but I’m taking a chance that when we leave here, we can be so much more. Jamie just needs to open up, and take a risk on us.

  With Jamie getting Chase settled in for his overnight sleepover, and taking an awfully long time doing it, I finish packing, jump in the shower, and grin as I think about the plan I schemed up today. I rinse the rest of the sand and salty water from my sun-kissed skin, dry off with a big fluffy towel and pull on a sexy little camisole and underwear set that I picked up that day I got the bathing suit. I’ve been saving it for a special night—and this is it.

  I give myself a once over in the mirror, and as I look at my curves, I find beauty in them—thanks to Jamie. I take in the soft pink glow on my cheeks. It’s not from the sun, it’s from blossoming under Jamie’s touch.

  The downstairs door opens, and Jamie calls out to me. Instead of answering, I rush to the dinner gong and hit it. As the sound vibrates through the house, I spread myself across the bed and wait for Jamie to find me. His footsteps pound on the stairs, and I chuckle silently at his eagerness.

  “Fallon?” he calls out. “Where are you?”

  I keep quiet as he rounds the corner and finds me sprawled out for him. A wide smile splits his lip. “I change my mind on the dinner gong. It’s definitely coming home with us.”

  A home with Jamie. It’s all I ever wanted.

  He tugs his shirt off as he enters the room. “Like you said, sex and food, it’s all I ever think about and now I get to bury my mouth between your legs and eat all night long. This is perfect, Fallon. You’re perfect,” he says, and a fine quiver goes through me. His nostrils flare as he comes close. He touches my lacy camisole, rubs it gently between his fingers.

  “This is new.”

  “You like?”

  “I hope you didn’t pay a lot for it.”

  I sit up, a little worried. “You don’t like it?”

  In a move that catches me by surprise, he pulls me to my feet, and my body collides with his. “Oh, you’ve got it all wrong, babe,” he growls his voice dropping an octave as the hunger in his eyes intensifies.

  “I…do,” I say, the need for this man’s hands on my body making it difficult to think with any sort of clarity.

  “I was hoping you didn’t pay too much because I can’t wait a second longer to get you naked.”

  His nostrils flare as he holds the camisole and tears it. I gasp, both shocked and delighted. The man does have a thing for tearing my clothes and I secretly love it.

  “Oh,” I say.

  “If it was expensive, I’ll replace it,” he murmurs softly as he cups my breasts and bends to take my nipples into his mouth. I run my hands through his hair, and throw my head back as pleasure races through me.

  “Not expensive,” I whisper as he laves one nipple and pinches the other. Sensations race through me, settle between my legs. “That feels so good, Jamie.” I hold his head to me, and he pushes a knee between mine, spreading me until I’m sitting on his leg. I grind myself on his thigh and his tortured growl pulls a chuckle from my throat. Truthfully, I love the way he wants me.

  “Something funny?” he asks, as he kisses a path up my neck.

  “Nothing funny,” I say and ride his leg, rubbing and stimulating my clit, in ways that are making me delirious.

  “You like torturing me, don’t you?”

  “I would never do that,” I say as he kisses my ear, his breath hot on my flesh.

  “Maybe I’ll tie you to the bed and jerk off into my hands and make you watch.”

  I tremble. Almost violently.

  Jamie laughs. “Like that idea, do you?”

  “Yes, no, I don’t know,” I say, my mind on an erotic journey as I picture him doing just that.

  He gives me a little shove and I fall to the bed. His grin is devilish as he tears into his shorts, and removes them, kicking them away. “Touch yourself,” he commands in a soft voice.

  He takes his cock into his big hand and strokes from the base to the crown. He grunts something I can’t decipher, and when his gaze drops to the needy juncture between my legs, I slide the lace to one side to expose my pussy to him. “Finger yourself for me. Show me how you do it when you’re alone.”

  I grin. Who knew Jamie was a true voyeur at heart? Not me, but if he wants a show I’ll give him one. I wet my lips and slide my fingers over my clit before I push them inside. A whimpering sound I have no control over escapes my lips, and with unabashed passion, I move my fingers in and out, growing hotter and wetter by the second.

  “Yeah, baby, like that.” He cups his balls and continues to rub his cock, the muscles on his arms tightening as he increases the speed. “I loved fucking you this week. Your mouth. Your tits, and your sweet hot pussy.”

  I moan as his nostrils flare with need. “But baby, I am going to take that virgin ass of yours tonight.”

  Cock still in his hand, he bends and grabs his shorts. He fumbles around in his pocket and pulls out a new tube of lube. I chuckle. “So this is why it took you so long to get back.”

  “I told you we’d fuck like this, but I needed you properly prepared, and we definitely need this.”

  I sit up, open the nightstand drawer and pull out an identical tube, and he shakes his head. “I do love a girl who knows what she wants.”

  He tosses the lube onto the bed, and goes to his knees on the floor. His lips find mine, and his kisses are soft, tender, and if I had to guess, born out of some deeper emotion. My heart beats faster with hope that we can have a future, that Jamie is ready to open up and take risks in life. But I’m not a risk. I love him. I’ve always loved him.

  “Jamie,” I say softly and his big hands trace my curves, a leisurely exploration. Tonight, there is no rush, no frenzied passion. No tonight, he’s taking things slower, and that comes with its own ecstasy. He inches back and his breathing is labored.

  “After tonight, I’ll have been inside you, everywhere.” I nod, and fall back onto the bed. “But first, I want your cum, Fallon. I need to taste you.” He touches my panties and pulls them down my legs.

  “Yes, please,” I say and catch the intensity in his eyes. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen this fierce, determined look on him before. What is going through his mind?

  I want to ask, but lose all focus when he flattens himself on the bed beside me. “I want you to ride my mouth. I want you to take everything you need.”

  He holds my hands to balance me as I straddle his body. His hands slide up to my waist and he pulls me onto his mouth. As he lowers me, the soft blade of his tongue connects with my clit, and I let loose a loud moan.

  “Ride me, baby. Come all over my face.”

  My clit swells and I grind down on him, rocking my hips like I’m a damn porn star as I give in to all the things this man makes me feel. I brace my hands on the headboard and slide against his mouth. He lifts me a bit an
d shoves his tongue inside me. My God, the man knows how to work my body.

  My breath is ragged as his hands leave my hips to cup my ass cheeks and spread them. All week he’s been playing with me a little. Stretching and preparing me for his girth. When he finally takes me like that, in a way no man ever has before, I know he’s going to wreck me—in more ways than one.

  He inserts his finger into my ass, and I back up against it, and rub my clit on his chin. I glance down, and it turns me on even more when I see how wet I’ve made his face.

  I’ve come from clitoral stimulation before, but that was with the help of my vibrator, which is so not going to cut it after Jamie. I slide back, and his finger goes in further, and the bristles on his chin brush against my clit.

  I rock, and move and grind and close my eyes to concentrate on the sweet, sweet pleasure. Beneath me his grunts and groans take me higher and higher, and my heart thuds a little harder, knowing how much he loves eating me and tasting my cum. He moves his finger inside my ass, and the full feeling rocks my world.

  I go up on my knees as my muscles clench, a damn bursting inside me. He shoves a finger into my pussy, giving me something to clench down on, and it makes me come harder than I ever have before.

  “Jamie,” I cry out, shamelessly. “Fuck, Jamie,” I say and he lifts his head to lick my clit, drawing out my pleasure. The spasms slow to a stop and he pulls his finger out and his tortured groan fills me with happiness as he drinks in my cum. He stays between my legs for a long time, and I take my breasts into my hands. I tug on my nipples, pinch them and roll them in my fingers.

  “You’re killing me, babe,” Jamie says and that’s when I realize he’s been watching me touch myself.

  I laugh, but it comes out more like a whimpering moan. Jamie sits up, spends some time with my nipples, then pushes forward until I’m on my back, my legs around him. His nostrils flare as his gaze moves over my face.