Five

by JA Huss

  I turn on the radio and find the country station my mom listens to when she’s mad at my dad. I blare it. And even though I haven’t listened to this station since I was home last, I recognize the song and sing along. I curse my man along with the singer on the radio. We will not be taken for granted! We will not be left behind! We will not be forgotten!

  When I get into town I realize I have no idea where Cliff might be. And I have no phone to call anyone asking if—

  Wait.

  There he is. Walking up to the front door of Shrike Bikes. It’s closed, so I’m not sure what he thinks he’s gonna do… but I peel into the parking lot, squealing my tires, and slam on the brakes.

  “Hey!” I say, yelling as the window slides down. “Cliff!”

  “Rory?” he says, squinting his eyes and covering them with a hand as he tries to see past my blaring headlights.

  I switch the lights off and get out. “I saw you,” I say. “Leaving the farm. You…” I look down at his hand. “You took my phone.”

  He looks at it. Dumbly. Like he’s never seen it before and has no idea how it got there. Then he looks at me and offers it back. “Sorry,” he says. “I found it out by the pool and the place was dark. I didn’t think you were there.”

  “I was sleeping. I just caught sight of you as you were leaving in your car. I’m so sorry. I got caught up in…” Well, what to say about what I was caught up in? Five Aston’s arms? No. I haven’t broken up with Cliff yet. He still thinks I’m his girlfriend.

  “I was gonna drop it through the mail slot. This is your dad’s shop, right?” He smiles. It’s a nice smile too. Cliff is as handsome as any guy I’ve met. Except Five, of course. “I recognized the logo. All those t-shirts you wear.”

  Right. “Well, that was sweet of you.” I take the phone from him and tab it awake. The Love Notes app is open with a new message from Five. My heart does a wild staccato thumping inside my chest as I wonder…

  “I didn’t spy on you, Rory. If that’s what you’re checking for.”

  “No,” I say, realizing that the message hasn’t been read yet. Realizing that’s not really something Cliff would do. “I never thought that, Cliff.”

  “But…” He swallows hard. Like he has to say something and needs to build up his nerve. “Your phone buzzed while I was holding it. It was… a mistake. I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to see that message, I swear. And now I just want to get the hell out of town.”

  “What?” I’m squinting my eyes in confusion.

  “I mean, I had no idea, Rory. If I had known—”

  “Known what?”

  Now it’s his turn to squint his eyes. And then he looks around. Like he’s checking to make sure no one is listening. “Five.”

  “You know him,” I say. It’s not a question.

  Cliff sighs out a long breath. “I didn’t realize. I’m sorry. I would’ve never have asked you out. I would’ve never have kissed you. I—”

  “What are you taking about? You don’t think I’ve been dating Five all this time, do you? While I was dating you? Cliff, I’m not that kind of girl.”

  Cliff simply shrugs. “It’s none of my business. I’m just gonna go now.”

  “Hold on,” I say, grabbing hold of his arm before he can scoot past me and get in his car. “Just wait a minute. Why are you acting weird all of a sudden? We’ve been friends for years, Cliff. Talk to me.”

  “About what?” he says. And now there’s a little bit of annoyance in his words. “There’s nothing to talk about, Rory. I admit, I must be pretty fucking stupid not to have put two and two together before now. I knew you were from Fort Collins. And of course, everyone knows Five is from here too—”

  “Wait,” I say, putting up a hand to stop his words. “What the fuck are you talking about? Everyone? Who?”

  Cliff furrows his brows at me, the glow from the streetlights casting a sad shadow across his face. Or maybe not. Maybe he is actually sad. “How well do you know Five Aston?”

  “Pfftt.” That is the most ridiculous question ever. “Like… better than anyone, Cliff. We’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember. We grew up together. Since we were babies. He’s been by my side through everything.”

  But it’s a lie, isn’t it? He left me six years ago and I have almost no idea what he’s been doing since then.

  “Then why are you so surprised that your best friend scares the shit out of me? And all I really want right now is to get the fuck out of this town as fast as I can?”

  My mouth drops open in surprise. Just hangs there like that for a few seconds. Then I swallow hard and say, “Pardon me?”

  “You don’t know, do you?” And that expression—that one he’s wearing right now—is more than sadness. It’s pity.

  “Know what?” I say it too loud. But I’m frustrated. “What the hell is going on?”

  “I gotta go,” he says, pushing past me. Not even trying to be gentle about it.

  “Wait!” I say, running after him. But he slides into the driver’s seat of his rental and slams the door before I can stop him. “Cliff!” I say, knocking on the window. But he doesn’t even bother looking me in the eyes. He just… takes off.

  “What the fuck?” I say to the night sky. “Just what the fuck is happening?”

  My phone rings as I stand there in the middle of the Shrike Bikes parking lot looking lost. I glance down at the lit-up screen in my hand. Tab accept. “Hey,” I say.

  “Where the fuck are you?” Kate says, her voice filled with worry and frustration. “I’ve been calling your phone for hours. Five isn’t picking up his phone either. What’s going on?”

  “Sorry,” I say. “It’s a long story.”

  “So you’re at home still?” she asks.

  “No,” I say. “I’m at Shrike Bikes. Standing in the middle of the parking lot. Feeling foolish and confused.”

  “What’s going on, Rory? You disappear all day while some guy asks about you all over town. And where is Five?”

  “I think he’s still out at the farm. At least, that’s where I left him when I took off.”

  “OK, stay right there. I’m coming to get you.”

  “No,” I say, stopping that little idea before it can bloom. “No. I have Five’s car. And I need to go back to the farm and talk to him before I do anything else. I’ll call you tomorrow, OK? Just give me a night to figure all this shit out and then I’ll tell you everything tomorrow.”

  I don’t give her a chance to argue with me, just end the call and get back into my car. I have no idea how this day went so sideways. But the answer to all my questions is back in Bellvue.

  So that’s where I’m going.

  I get back on the road that will take me up north to my farm and get lost in the darkness of the forest surrounding me. The road follows the river, the very river that runs through the back of our property. The very river Five and I have played in our entire lives. If anyone had asked me how I felt about this place before today, I’d say, It’s nothing but a long string of wonderful childhood memories. But now… everything about home feels like a lie.

  My parents, Five… that fucking secret command center his father has hidden underneath his garage. Cliff and his cryptic messages. That weird meeting Five was at in Denver yesterday. Hell, the fact that I’m here and not in the Hamptons with Tera is part of this too.

  I have no clue what’s happening to my life right now, but it feels a lot like a death spiral.

  It’s always been a long drive out to my family farm from town. Thirty minutes. But tonight it feels like I’m making no progress at all. The twisted tree on the side of the road I have been using as the first landmark takes forever to appear. And the little bridge I have to cross feels far away. Each second I remain in the dark about what’s really going on is agonizing.

  My phone rings in the passenger seat and my heart flutters for a second, hoping to see Five’s name come up on the screen. But it’s not Five. It’s Tera. />
  I grab the phone, tab accept and say, “Tera?”

  “Rory?” Her voice sounds small and… frightened.

  “Tera, are you OK? What’s wrong?”

  “I just… please…”

  “Please what? What’s going on?” Why the fuck does everyone have to be so cryptic tonight?

  “Don’t let him hurt Cliff. He didn’t know, OK? Neither of us knew. I don’t pay much attention to what happens with that sort of stuff. You have to believe me. I wasn’t… I didn’t—”

  “God! Fucking! Dammit!” I yell into the phone. But I slow down, because I just passed the little bridge and a twisted canyon road is coming up. With the way my luck is going tonight, I’ll be so distracted I’ll drive the car right into the river. “Would someone please tell me what the hell is happening?”

  I take the first twist in the road, then the moon is blocked out by the tall conifer trees, which isn’t helping my mood any.

  “Tera?” I say. “Tera? Are you still there?”

  “—why we’re friends. You have to believe me. I swear—”

  But the connection is going in and out. And a few seconds later, the phone beeps three times in my hand, letting me know we’ve been dropped.

  I press the tab to call her back, but it doesn’t even ring.

  “Fuck,” I say, pounding my fist on the steering wheel. The canyon is a dead zone. And the signal won’t come back until I’m on the other side, which is where the farm is.

  So I let it go. I don’t know what’s going on with Tera and Cliff, but the answers I need won’t come from them.

  Five is the word of the day today. Five is the man of the hour. Five. Five. Five.

  He’s the one with all the answers.

  I pull into the driveway ten minutes later, the tires making an ungodly loud crunch on the dirt and gravel in the still, dark night.

  There’s no lights on anywhere. Not the pool house. Not the main house. Not the shop.

  I stop the car in front of the house, turn it off, and sit in silence as I look at my phone and find Five’s contact.

  I press send.

  “Hello,” he says, picking up on the first ring.

  “I’m back,” I say.

  “I know. I heard you drive up.”

  “Where are you?”

  “Upstairs.”

  In my room, he means. That’s the only place he could possibly be if he’s upstairs.

  “How did you get in without my dad calling the police from a thousand miles away?”

  “I have my ways,” he says.

  And even though I know what Five does, what he’s capable of—I’ve seen it all first-hand growing up, the apps he makes, the computer code he writes, the way his genius mind always finds a solution to every little problem that comes his way—it’s the way he says this that sends a shiver up my spine. Because it’s different now. Those words are different. They mean something else.

  He sounds dangerous.

  And maybe he’s always been this guy? Maybe he’s always been hiding all these secrets from me? Maybe I’m just too stupid and naive to have seen it before.

  But I don’t think so.

  Something about him has changed.

  “Did you find Cliff?” he asks.

  “Mmmhmm,” I say.

  “What did he tell you?”

  And there it is. What did he tell you? Not, How did it go? Or, Did you set him straight?

  “Not enough,” I say.

  “Hmmm,” is all I get back from that response.

  “Five, what’s going on?”

  He’s silent for a few seconds. So silent I have to check the phone to make sure we didn’t lose the connection.

  “Five?” I ask, looking out at my dark, empty farm. It’s so weird to see it like this. Knowing we’re the only two people here. “Are you still there?”

  “I love that you still have these little tinfoil stars hanging under your canopy.”

  I smile. God, I haven’t thought about those stars in like… forever.

  “I wish we were kids again,” he says. “I wish I had never gone to any of those summer programs and stayed here with you for every second instead.”

  “Just tell me,” I say. Because it’s very clear to me now, he has something very bad to say. He just doesn’t know how to say it.

  “I don’t even know where to start, Princess.”

  “From the beginning?” I ask. “Isn’t that always the best place to start?”

  “I’m not really sure where that is.”

  I frown into the night. Look up at my bedroom window. There’s no flutter of a curtain to tell me he’s watching. No familiar face peeking out. “Five, no matter what’s happening, I need to know, OK? I really do. I get what you were trying to do down in your dad’s secret…”—God, what to call it except a—“lair.”

  He laughs. It’s so familiar, I laugh too. But they are two small laughs. Two sad laughs.

  “You were trying to show me that this life isn’t what it seems, right?”

  Silence.

  “And… we’re not who we think,” I continue. “But I’m strong, Five. I’m tough. I know how to shoot a gun. I’m pretty damn good at it, in fact.”

  “I know,” he says. “Your mom made sure of that.”

  I can almost hear a smile in those words. So I sigh. “Please tell me. I won’t judge you. You know that, right? I’m always on your side, Five Aston. No matter what.”

  “Do you have any idea why I left six years ago and never came back?”

  I shake my head. But of course he can’t see me. So I swallow down the lump forming in my throat and say, “No. But you’re going to tell me now, right? You’re going to tell me everything and no matter what it is, we’re going to be OK.”

  More silence. Long, drawn-out seconds of emptiness.

  “Five?”

  “I think you better come upstairs, Princess. I think you’re gonna need to look me in the eyes when I tell you the truth.”

  That whole sentence echoes in my head for what seems like an eternity.

  “Rory?” he says.

  “OK,” I say, getting out of the car. And before I can say anything else, the call drops with three ominous beeps.

  I walk to the front door, key in my code to unlock it and disarm the alarm, and go inside.

  I look up the stairs, at the darkness beyond, and hesitate.

  I don’t really want my little fairy tale life to be shattered. I’d much rather live in the little fantasy my parents created for me.

  But it’s time to grow up, I realize. It’s time to accept certain truths as fact and move forward.

  So whatever Five Aston has to tell me up in my childhood bedroom… whatever horrible thing it is… I’m going to deal with it the way my mother taught me.

  Like a fighter.

  Chapter Sixteen - Five

  Her shadow appears in the doorway like a ghost caught in the past, her long, blonde hair falling over her shoulders as she pauses in the threshold of something new. Like the secret I’m holding captive in this room might bite.

  “Come here,” I say, scooting over on the bed to make room for her.

  But she hesitates. Because it most definitely will bite.

  “Five—”

  “Just wait, Rory,” I say, opening my arms wide. “I just want you to sit with me for a second.”

  She sighs.

  I know that sigh. It’s such a familiar sigh. It’s the sigh she gives me when I leave her behind. It’s me telling her goodbye when I left her for middle school and she had to stay behind at St. Joseph’s for another year. It’s me telling her ‘see ya later’ every summer when I had big important things to do when all she wanted from me was my time. It’s me, six years ago, making decisions for both of us.

  This is the sigh of a woman who is weary of my bullshit. And I don’t blame her one bit.

  “Please,” I say. “Those answers you want so bad aren’t going anywhere, Ror. Trust me. A five-minute time out
from the grand game isn’t gonna matter. It won’t change anything. It won’t kill anyone. It won’t have any consequences.”

  “No?” Rory asks, stepping into the room. “Then why am I getting the feeling that five minutes is going to make all the difference in the world right now?”

  I say nothing. But in my head I’m begging her to just sit down. Lie next to me. Be still, be quiet, be mine again—

  “Cliff has the impression you’re a dangerous guy.”

  I inhale. Exhale. Deal.

  “Why is that, Five?”

  “Did you…” I have to take a deep breath before I can continue. “Did you watch the video I sent you?”

  “What video?”

  Well, good. If I have to tell her, I’d rather tell her in person. I try to look her in the eyes and find… I can’t. I’m not ready for this moment. But then a small light flicks to life next to me and I realize I’m holding my phone and I’ve accidentally touched the screen. Look at all the little icons. All the pretty icons I’ve created over the years. And then my gaze rests on one in particular.

  “Are you going to answer me?” Rory asks, a hint of anger already surfacing.

  I press the pad of my finger on the graphic, then randomly find another spot on the screen until—

  Rory’s phone buzzes in her hand. I glance up at her just in time to see her brow furrow as she looks at her screen.

  And then she smiles.

  I sent her a Love Note. I have no fucking clue what that Love Note said because the whole point of the app was for it to be written for you. But I do know that the guy who wrote those love notes wasn’t this guy I am now.

  Fifteen-year-old me was a much better guy than twenty-two-year-old me.

  “You’re a Class A fucking dork, Five Aston.”

  “Guilty,” I say.

  Which is the wrong thing to say—because I forgot I was on trial.

  “Hey,” she says, looking down at her phone. “What’s this? There’s a video inside the Love Notes…”

  She doesn’t need to play it. It starts automatically.

  I listen to my recorded self as I try to apologize. Try to make things right but just fuck it up worse.