by Tara Lee
“Well, I think you’d should ask Jensen for that to happen,” I tell him, half joking. Chester went to school with my brother, so he knows how protective Jensen can be over me.
He laughs, throwing his head back. I’ll admit that he’s attractive. Nice. He’s someone who wouldn’t treat me like a piece of ass. He doesn’t sleep around, at least that I know of, unlike someone else. I think if my heart wasn’t already attached to Eli, maybe I’d be able to give Chester a chance… but he just isn’t Eli.
“If I was you, Chester, I would stop flirting and stay the fuck away from Charli,” Eli says.
Chester and I both spin around, surprised at his comment.
Chester gives me a weak smile and heads to the other end of the bar.
I hear Hunter chuckle behind us. He knew about Chester’s attempts to flirt with me. He winks at me to lighten the mood. I give him my best fake smile and turn and glare at Eli. How dare he say that? What’s it to him, anyway? He doesn’t want me. He can’t say stuff like that, like he’s staking a claim on me, especially when he made it quite clear he doesn’t want me.
“What?” Eli asks, his lips curving into a cheeky smirk.
Did he hear me, did I say that out loud? Maybe I should have.
“You can’t say things like that,” I say, placing my hands on my hips to show him just how annoyed I am.
“Yeah, I can. Chester isn’t good enough for you, sweetheart.” he says, leaning over the bar.
Sweetheart.
I’m so angry at him, I’m not a violent person but I feel like slapping him right now.
“And you are, Eli?” I say as calmly as I can, raising an eyebrow.
My eyes bore into his. He gives me a cheeky grin and leans in closer to me. He’s so close to my face his breathe blows onto my skin.
Damn him and his glorious aroma that is seeping into my skin.
He smells of whiskey, his drink of choice, I’ve been serving them to him all night.
“Hell no, Charli, but I’m a better choice than fucking Chester.”
What?
“Or any of these other idiots.” He says as he takes a swig off his glass, his Adam’s apple bulging in his neck.
I smile. He’s jealous. He swallows hard again, he shoves back off the bar, blowing out a heavy breath as he stalks off.
I watch as he leaves. I can’t keep up with him, one minute it seemed like he wants me with his actions, then the next he tells me I’m too good for him and he’s back to being an ass. He’s too hot and cold. It’s doing my head in, what does he want from me? Is he not going to be with me but then not allow anyone else to be either? “You okay, Charli?”
Chester asks me, placing a hand on my shoulder. His eyes go to Eli. Mine follow his and my stomach turns, there is some chick hanging off Eli rubbing her hands all over him as he leans in close to her.
That was fast.
I’m not sure if he’s kissing her or whispering in her ear but she’s loving whatever he is doing.
I turn in disgust, rolling my eyes as I do.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I tell Chester and saunter off away to where I can’t see Eli.
I keep busy for the next few hours. I can't see Eli when I look over at their table again, so I assume he left with the girl who was all over him.
It’s okay for Eli to be with someone, but when it comes to me, no one is good enough.
I give up, my heart hurts, why does it only want Eli?
Why can’t I like a nice guy like Chester?
I need a guy who knows what he wants, who knows I’m worth everything.
Whatever Eli does, as much as he drives me crazy, I know my heart will always want him.
Why? Why does my heart want him?
The rest of my night seems to drag. My mind keeps wandering to thoughts of Eli even though I haven’t seen him since he left with the skank.
Since it’s late, Chester offers to walk me to my car. As we walk out I am shocked to see Eli leaning against it. His arms are crossed over his chest and his eyes are fixed on Chester. He has a murderous look on his face, like he wants to tear Chester to shreds.
“You want me to make him leave?” Chester asks, looking down at me. I shake my head, telling him no. It’s Eli. He won’t hurt me, well, not physically anyway.
Eli pushes off my car with force. Making his way to me with a purpose.
Chester and I say our goodbyes and I start my walk towards Eli, cutting him off halfway before he can even think of going after Chester.
I unlock my car and Eli jumps in the driver’s side.
I roll my eyes at him. I’ve been doing that a lot lately, and he brings it out of me.
I rip open the passenger side door with more force then I intended to and slam it shut as I plonk down in the seat.
Eli either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. He simply holds out his hand for the keys. I shove them into his palm and glare out the window as he cranks the engine.
“Seatbelt,” he demands.
I roll my eyes at him, but click my seatbelt into the buckle, anyway.
He pulls out of my parking space. The silence in the car is deafening as we drive to my apartment. I’m thankful he isn’t talking to me because I’m not sure I’d be nice if he did. He had gone off with that woman and now he was here giving me a ride home or more so driving me home in my own car, like he’s my babysitter. Does he think I’m a child?
My stomach rolls as the realisation sets in that I’ll never be enough, I’m not like those other women, he will never see me like that. I’ll never be able to please him the way they do.
He pulls into my spot in front of my apartment neither of us saying anything. He stops the car and gets out, leaving me wondering what the point of this is.
I slowly get out, he locks the door behind me and he stalks to my apartment door, like he’s on a mission. He looks back to make sure I’m following him, when I don’t move he raises his eyebrow at me. It’s a challenge.
I hold the eye roll, I so desperately want to give him and make my way towards him.
“You’re cute when you’re mad,” he drawls.
His voice is like a thick wave hitting me. Why is his voice so damn sexy?
I storm past him and I stand there waiting for him to open my door since he still has my keys.
He stands next to me and I can feel the heat from his body. I smell him, there’s nothing to compare it too, it’s his own smell he doesn’t wear aftershave it’s all him and its intoxicating.
His arm brushes mine as he puts the keys in and opened my door. He pushes it open and holds his arm out for me to go ahead.
“Ladies first,” he says
“You can leave now,” I deadpan.
My heart is beating so hard, I feel like I need to nail it back into my chest.
I feel him behind me, his hands grasp my waist as he spins me around.
My eyes go wide with shock.
“You can hate me all you want baby, but we both know what you want”, he says, pushing me back into my kitchen bench.
He growls, his lips crash on mine. It takes me a moment to realise what’s happening, but as soon as he slips his tongue between my lips asking me to let him in, I open up for him. He twirls his tongue around mine. My body is on fire, his powerful fingers grip my hips as he pushes his hard length into my stomach, making sure I can feel just how much he wants me. He pulls me up, sitting me on my bench. His hands travel up my legs between my thighs, I open them wider for him and he lets out a growl of approval. My skin feels electric from his touch.
The moan that slips from my throat as his fingers gently press into me, Fuck has me so worked up but then he stops, I’m taken back as he pulls away. He’s panting hard, I open my eyes to see him a few feet in front of me pacing.
The distance making my heart hurt, I want him close to me again.
I close my legs feeling a little vulnerable, my lips are swollen from our kiss and I can feel how flushed I am.
Eli gives me
a pained, almost desperate, look.
“I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry,” he says as he starts for my door.
I sit on my kitchen bench staring after him, not sure what to say. What do I say to him? He closes the door behind him and I’m left sitting here, my cheeks flushed, my body craving him, hating him yet again for doing this and then acting like it is a mistake. Is it possible to be in love with someone, but hate them at the same time?
Eli confuses me, my head is all over the place, I can’t keep up. His words say one thing while his actions say another.
Do I bore him, am I not experienced enough for him, can I not give him what the girls at the bar can, is that what it is?
I jump down from my bench after I’m sure he’s gone. I head to my door and lock it behind him. I change into my pyjamas and curl into bed crying myself to sleep.
I just want Eli to give me a chance, to give us a chance?
Chapter 8
ELI
GOING TO CHARLI’S WORK TO take her home was the dumbest idea I ever had. I’d been so worked up I nearly tore her
pants off and fucked her on the kitchen bench.
My cock hates me. He’d been so close to her pussy again and yet again, I’d disappointed him.
Fuck! I am an idiot. I know I’m screwing with Charli’s head. It’s not fair and I know it.
I should explain it to her but how the fuck do I do that?
I sink down on my couch with a glass of whiskey in my hand, another one I don’t need.
I dip my head back while I curse at myself for being an asshole.
I reach for my phone to text Charli but stop myself before I make this even worse.
“FUCK,” I roar.
I want her so fucking bad but how do I get past everything? My past has caused me to hide my heart to never trust a soul. No one, except for Jensen.
I blow out a deep breath as I come to the realisation, my feelings for Charli are deeper than ever I knew.
How the fuck did I let this happen? How I let her drive me so fucking wild, I can’t even see straight?
I am completely fucked. How do I let her go? I know we can’t be together, my past is so fucked up, and I am too fucked up. I can’t bring her into my world and I can’t let her see behind my mask. Every girl I have ever used will never get close. None of them have ever made me feel even a smidge of what Charli can do in one second.
Charli is like a ray of sunshine. Not only is she the most breathtaking woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on, but she is the sweetest, most fascinating creature I’ve ever seen.
I think I’ve been in love with her since I was fifteen. I have denied it for years but I can’t anymore. She is like a bad habit I can’t kick. I need more of her, not less, even though I keep her at a distance most of the time.
I had to stop myself tonight before I had taken it too far with her again. I need her to be sure this was what she really wants.
Maybe she needs to experience more firsts without me.
Who the fuck am I kidding?
No way can I sit by and watch Charli with another man.
My body always hums with pleasure with the chance of release around Charli. But I can’t give in to these thoughts, I could never live with myself.
She is too damn sweet for me but also too tempting. Fuck, I’m stuck between a rock and a girl that makes me as hard as a rock.
The urge to tug her panties down and fill her repeatedly is to damn tempting.
When she moaned it tore me back to reality, back to real life a place where I’m not for her. Am I saving her by being like this? Or am I trying to save myself.
I will always protect my heart, but I’m slowly handing it to Charli.
I downed the rest of my whisky, drinking seems like the
only thing that makes sense now.e
I DIDN’T SLEEP LAST NIGHT my brain wouldn’t shut off. Thoughts of Charli ran through my head all night, keeping me wide awake and hard very fucking hard.
It is six in the morning. I can’t lay in bed anymore, so I may as well get up and go for a run. I need to clear my head because a conversation with Charli is inevitable. I need to figure out how to tell her everything. Where do I even start?
Eminem’s Till I Collapse blasts in my ears. I slow down to catch my breath. I bend over gasping air into my lungs.
Women have always been easy. Why is this thing, whatever it is, I have with Charli so damn hard? I’ve never had trouble telling a woman exactly how I’ve felt before, I guess they never got this close.
I know I’m not a damn saint and I’ve never proclaimed to be one but with her I want to be, I want to be the good guy, the guy she deserves, the one who showed her just how much she means.
I take a slow jog back and get ready for work. Not getting much sleep last night won’t help me today. I have all day to think
of how I will talk to Charli. e
IT IS AFTER SIX AND I know Charli has work tonight. I’m parked out the front of her building, trying to work up the courage to knock on her door. This will be harder than I thought. She may slam the door in my face after what I’ve done the last few times. I wouldn’t blame Charli if she did.
Stop being soft, man up and go talk to her!
I get out of my car before I change my mind and drive off. The walk up the stairs to her door feels like I am climbing
Mount Everest, with the top nowhere in sight. With every step, I feel like I am taking a step towards happiness, but there is a feeling that any of these steps may break. The way I feel now, I’d fall into a deep hole.
Actually, right now, a deep abyss doesn’t sound bad. It’s better than facing how I’ve acted like such a dick to Charli. She may just kick me in the balls for the way I’ve treated her like she is a fling from my past—one of the women I’ve had a onenight stand with. But she is more than that—so much more.
Finally, I reach the top, I stop outside her door. I know she is here.
I lift my hand to knock, before I can the door swings open and there Charli stands like the damn goddess she is.
Her hair is up in a twisted bun. Her expressive green eyes take me in but the frown on her face tells me she isn’t happy to see me.
“Can we talk?” I ask, hoping the door isn’t about to slam in my face.
She bites her lip, thinking about her answer.
“I can’t do this Eli. You’re messing with my head,” she says, gripping her doorknob as if it at any time she will slam the door. I hang my head in shame.
For Charli to say I had hurt her feels like the hardest punch in the gut.
“Fuck, I’m sorry Charli. I don’t mean to mess with you like that. I want you baby, I so desperately do but—”
“But what, Eli?” she yells, shoving me.
Charli isn’t that strong but she still gives me enough force and makes me take a step back.
“I don’t want to ruin you, Charli.” I say. I reach for her arm.
She yanks it away and takes a step back.
She crosses her arms protectively; her eyes are avoiding me at all costs.
She bites her bottom lip, I can see her chest moving with every deep breath she takes.
I take a step towards her and reach for her again. I’m grateful when she doesn’t step back.
I can see the tears falling running down her cheeks.
Great, now I’m also the asshole who makes her cry.
I use my thumb and wipe her tears away her head stays down avoiding me.
“Charli, you have to understand I’m no good for you, I’m wreaked baby and I don’t want to taint you with my shit.”
She looks up at me, her tears still falling she swallows and I can’t help but watch her lips as she wipes her tears away.
She takes another step towards me bringing her arms slowly up to my chest.
“You’re not tainted, Eli.”
She says as her fingers brush over my chest.
She has no idea.
I take her hand in
mine and bring it to my mouth, gently kissing the inside of her palm.
“You might believe that sweetheart but I am. My life hasn’t been easy and it messed with me. I—”
“I don’t need you to tell me anything to change my mind. Whoever you think you are, that’s not the Eli King I know. The Eli King I know…”
I hold up my hand stopping her from saying whatever it is she is thinking. I know what she was going to say but she doesn’t know my past no one does.
Jensen knows a little but not the full extent of it.
“You deserve someone better Charli, I can’t be who you need.”
“Take a chance Eli, please.” She begs me gripping at my shirt.
I stare into her big beautiful eyes it is like I was staring into her soul. She is captivating, pulling me in.
I want her but what good can I do her, she’s perfection and I’m, well I’m screwed up I’ve slept around all my life.
If she knew half the things I’ve done she’d hate me for the rest of her life. I decide right then I can’t do that to her. She can do better than me.
I kiss her head and look at her one last time before I walk out her door.
I need to let her go, it is the right thing to do but how the hell do I do that?
Even though it’s going to kill me I need to move on and forget about her. Just continue being me I’m not going to ruin her perfection.
I get back in my car and leave.
I need to punch something, break something, I just need to just get her out of my fucking head!
Charli will always be it for me but I can’t pretend my past didn’t fuck with me, didn’t mess me up somehow.
Chapter 9
CHARLI
HE WALKED OUT ON ME again. Was that what he wanted to talk to me about? I’m starting to think there is something wrong with me. He keeps telling me it is him, but what am I supposed to think when he keeps ditching me? He won’t
take the chance. I’m sure he thinks I hate him and that I can do better. Eli doesn’t realize that there is no one better for me. It can only ever be us.