by Tara Lee
My heart wants Eli, it always has. When I picture my future, it is with him.
I’m sitting on my couch downing a tub of ice cream. I need to work tonight, but I’m not in the mood to be around people.
My phone rings, taking my mind away from Eli.
I pick it up, it’s my best friend Aria. Talking to her usually helps so maybe it will this time.
“Hey.”
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
She knew me too well. I can’t hide anything from her.
“It’s him again, isn’t it?”
I sniff through my tears. I’m tired of crying over Eli.
“Sweetie, what have I told you? You deserve better. If he can’t see how amazing you are it’s his loss. Do you want me to go kick his ass? Because, I will. Bitches may think I’m a spoiled rich girl, but that doesn’t mean I won’t kick a guy’s ass, especially when he deserves it.”
I laugh.
It feels good to laugh.
“No, you don’t need to resort to violence, calm down warrior princess.”
She laughs even though I call her it all the time it still gets a laugh out of her.
“I mean it, though. I will go kick his playboy ass for you. He’s an idiot, sweetie.”
“He keeps saying it’s him not me. What does that even mean?” I tell her.
Aria releases a huff.
“What a bunch of bullshit, Charli. You give up on a guy when they say shit like that. Let his ass go. Trust me, you deserve better than to be someone’s second thought,” she says.
I twist my fingers as I think about what she’s said.
“Maybe you’re right?”
“Duh, of course I am.”
I smile even though I know she can’t see me.
Maybe she is right, maybe I give up on pursuing Eli. Maybe I should just give up on all men until the right one comes along.
“Thanks. You always know what to say.”
“Of course, I do, I’m pretty wise you know.”
We both laugh.
“Okay. Honey, I’ll talk to you soon and remember don’t let that man get to you, show him you no longer care and it will probably drive him crazy trust me, he’ll be wanting you by the end of next week.”
“Okay. I love you, talk soon.”
“Love you, too.”
I hang up. She’s right. I need to be strong and not cave.
Even though I crave Eli with every fibre in my body I need to show him what he’s missing.
Life is about taking that step, grabbing onto what you believe and being true to yourself.
E
THE BAR IS PACKED WITH people. I have barely been able to have a break, let alone think about Eli.
He hasn’t come in tonight. Maybe he is avoiding me?
Naked by James Arthur is playing. It’s a song about someone giving themselves to an unrequited love, no matter how many times they break their heart or tell them no. Hmm, doesn’t sound like anyone I know?
I listen to the lyrics as they speak to me. This is how Eli makes me feel. Yeah, this song is written for Eli and me.
My eyes fill with tears as I try to blink them away. I don’t want to cry anymore tears over him.
I feel like I could stand naked in front of Eli, and he still wouldn’t make a move. He would still act like he doesn’t want me, even though I know he does deep down. He wants me as much as I want him.
I feel the connection; surely, he does too. It’s not just me, is it?
There’s something there between us, I know there is.
I know Eli’s unsure of relationships. I know he closed his heart off years ago.
But I’m worth taking a chance for, aren’t I?
I know he’s worth taking a risk, for letting myself become vulnerable by getting into a relationship. I’d give up everything to be with him. Why won’t he do the same for me?
Life is about making mistakes, taking risks, falling in love not closing your heart off to the world.
Maybe all the romance books I’ve read over the years have clouded my judgement. Maybe things that happen in books don’t happen in real life.
I stand up after getting the bottle of vodka from under the bench when my eyes meet a woman’s. She stands in front of me. She’s pretty, with blonde hair and a petite body. She looks like someone Eli would go for.
Don’t go there, Charli.
“What can I get you?”
I ask her with a big smile on my face.
“You’re Charlotte, right?”
I pinch my eyebrows together. How does she know my name? I’m not wearing a name badge.
“Yes.” I say slowly, wondering who she is.
The smile on her face tells me she is pleased that she has found me.
“He’ll never want you, you know that, right?” she says, pulling her hair over her shoulders.
Her breasts practically fall out of her top. She glares at me through this entire exchange, and I wonder who this chick is.
“Excuse me?” I ask.
Her posture changes from sweet to snarky in seconds.
She places her hands on the bar, her long fingernails scraping across the wood, as she leans toward me only inches away from me. She sticks her tongue out the side of her mouth with a smile on her face like she had won a big prize and she is pleased with herself.
“You’re too sweet for him. He likes it rough, and he likes to fuck… Not make love.”
I want to wipe that smug look off her face.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know who or what you’re talking about?”
She laughs and it catches the attention of a few people at the bar.
I look around hoping no one can hear what she was saying.
My eyes come back to her as she rolls her eyes at me.
“Oh please, you’re not that naïve, are you? Like Eli would ever go for a girl like you? I mean, you’re not even his type. He likes girls like me, who know how to fuck, who know how to ride his cock, the way he likes it. Who can give him all the pleasure he craves.”
I feel my stomach twist. I was right. Eli has been with this girl before.
Tears sting my eyes. My entire mouth goes dry, and I bite the inside of my cheek. I don’t know what this chick thinks she’ll get by taunting me like this. It’s a known fact that Eli sleeps with anything willing and female, and he never does it twice.
Crap.
I need to stop thinking this way, but has he been with this girl more than once? Her sneer makes me wonder if she thinks she owns him.
“Told you.” She says, licking her lips provocatively. “Honey, you didn’t think you actually had a chance, did you? Eli doesn’t do relationships. He’s not starting with a girl like you. You wouldn’t know what to do with him. He’d break you. He takes me so deep, I’m sore for days after. He likes making girls gag while they suck his massive, juicy cock. Do you even know how to give a man a blowjob?”
This is quickly turning into a pitiful show. I want to turn away from her, but I can’t. The bitch knows it; she’s enjoying my discomfort.
I swallow trying to get the images of this chick with Eli out of my head.
It’s torture.
“He has fucked me outside this bar, against a wall. He loved it. He called my pussy magic. I sucked his cock like a porn star. Would you fuck him in public? It’s one of his biggest fetishes.”
The tone of her voice is mocking, like she loves torturing me.
I wouldn’t have sex in public. It’s a private thing between two people. I never knew how low Eli’s standards are. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t made a move with me. I won’t do the things this girl claims she has.
Maybe I am too boring for him. Maybe he did like it the way she says.
“Did I hit a nerve?” She asks, smiling like she won.
Maybe she has won. I can’t compete with a woman like this.
“He’s all yours,” I tell her and walk out the back.
I need a moment. It’s becoming harder to
hold back my tears. I don’t want to let her see me cry.
I hear her laughter as I make my way out the back
I feel sick, vomit threatens to spill out on the floor in front of me.
As I wipe my eyes, Chester walks in. Not what I need right now.
“You okay, Charli?” he asks, placing a hand on my shoulder.
“Yes, I’m fine.” I lie. “Just a little overwhelmed I think, I’m a little tired that’s all.”
He nods but I can tell he doesn’t believe me
“He doesn’t deserve you. You know that, right?”
I stare at him in confusion.
“I can treat you the way you deserve to be treated Charli, we’d be so good together,” he says as his hand touches my hand. I glance down at our hands as his mouth moves closer to mine. It all feels wrong. I pull back just in time, before his lips touch mine.
“Chester,” I say softly.
He brushes the hair that has fallen from my bun over my ear and his thumb caresses my cheek.
“Just one kiss, Charli. That’s all it would take for you to forget about him.” He leans in and I turn my head, trying to keep his lips from touching mine.
His lips brushed my cheek and he groans.
“Come on, baby, one kiss.”
“Chester, no.” I said pushing him off me.
He sighs and shakes his head.
“What do you see in him? He can’t give you what I can and he certainly isn’t interested.”
“I—” I stumble with my words, what do I tell him? Sorry, you don’t do anything for me? He doesn’t stir my body like Eli, his scent doesn’t drive me crazy and his smile doesn’t light up my universe.
“I’m sorry.” I say.
I twist my hands in front of me, hoping he won’t push the matter.
He huffs and walks back out the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I’m thankful he didn’t push me further or try anything more.
I know Chester is interested, but for him to try and kiss me? That’s new.
I look up at the clock and sigh. I still have an hour before I go home.
“Hey, are you okay?” asks Megan, the only other female that works here.
I wipe my face, trying to hide my tears. My tears start falling and I can't stop them. Megan puts her arms around me holds me while I cry. She says nothing while I sob on her shoulder.
I stop sobbing, and I pull back. She takes her thumbs and wipes my eyes, giving me a nice, big smile.
“There now, you don’t look like a raccoon.” She says.
I laugh.
“Want to talk about it?
I shake my head I don’t want to be rude but we are not that close at least not yet, she only started working here two months ago.
Megan is older than me by a few years. She’s a nice girl, we have become kind of friends, but this is something I’m not quite ready to discuss with her.
“I’m here if you want to vent or if it’s boy trouble,” she said in her southern twang. “All I know if it’s boy trouble, whoever he is, he’s done gone and lost his damn mind. A cute thing like you deserves a king, not a boy. Be careful, Charli. Men have a way of taking our hearts, and we never truly get them back once we give a piece of ourselves to someone like that.”
“Thank you,” I say, my voice soft.
She smiles and squeezes my hand.
I let out a sigh pull myself back together and walk back out
to the bar. E
TONIGHT HAS BEEN TOO MUCH. First, that chick and now Chester, both telling me what I already feared. Eli will never want me.
Maybe I should stop believing in a fairy-tale…the one where Eli is my Prince Charming, and that he’ll swoop in to slay the dragon. I don’t think he’ll ever save me.
It’s time I accept the reality that fairy tales aren’t real. Eli is not my Prince Charming; he isn’t going to ride up on a horse and rescue me. He isn’t going to see past his insecurities.
He is a player, and always will be.
I always thought I could be that girl for him.
The one who sets him straight…the one who makes him
change his ways.
I’ll never be that girl.
Maybe someday the right girl will come along for Eli, but it
won’t be me.
Chapter 10
ELI
SHE WANTS US TO TAKE a chance. Should I Try? Can I be a boyfriend? I’ve never been a boyfriend before. I had walked out on Charli again.
I think she hates me now.
I keep telling her she is too good for me and that I don’t
deserve her.
I’m not sure I even believed that shit anymore. Yeah, I’m
tainted but can I try for her? Can I do this us thing?
I fuck, it’s what I’m good at. I’ve shown plenty of women a
great time. I’m a gentleman. They get what they want out of it;
some of them multiple times.
Maybe a relationship with Charli can be something special? What did she say, take a chance?
Maybe it is time I take some chances. Charli isn’t like the
other women I’ve been with in the past. Even if you put them all
together, she is much more than they are.
They had all wanted more, a relationship but I’m not looking
for more with women who aren’t Charlotte. She is my angel, she
always has been. E
CHARLI IS HERE. I AM on my lunch break, but I am outside her apartment. Is this classified as stalking?
She is probably asleep since she worked last night. The bar keeps her up until three in the morning on the nights she works.
Maybe this is a bad idea, and I need to leave. No, I am here to talk to her. I have to do this no matter what. I can’t walk away, not again. I don’t want her to hate me but the truth is she may already.
I get out of my car and make my way to her door.
I knock softly in case she was asleep… I hope she is asleep.
Maybe I should come back later?
I turn and start walking back to my car
This was a stupid idea.
I hear her door open
I slowly turn and I’m breathless, I nearly collapse to my knees. Charli is all rumpled from sleeping, her hair is in a messy bun and she has on the sexiest pyjamas. They’re little shorts and the sexiest shorts I’ve ever seen. Her nipples are poking through the material of her top.
Calm the hell down before you get hard.
My breathing escalates she’s looking at me with a frown on her face her lips look so soft and kissable.
“Eli?” Her voice is a whisper.
“What are those?” I say as I made my way towards her and pointed at her pyjamas.
She looks down, confused.
“My pyjamas,” she says.
Damn, she’s so cute.
“You need new ones,” I tell her with a chuckle
“What! Why?”
She asks, stepping aside to let me in.
My arm brushes against hers as I pass. She tenses up.
I’m kind of tense myself, especially after seeing what she sleeps in.
I stop in the middle of her lounge room in front of her couch and sit down patting the seat next to me.
“We need to talk.”
“We have, Eli. You’ve said all you wanted to say to me, I know how you feel. I’ll leave you—”
I hold my hand up, stopping her.
“I know what I said, but I was wrong,” I say, waiting for her to sit next to me.
Her eyes widen. She’s either in shock because she can’t believe what I just said, or she’s planning on hitting me.
“You’re right. I’m scared, okay? I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’ve never wanted that life, but with you? It seems possible, scary as fucking hell, but possible. This is all new to me.”
“It’s new to me, too,” she says as she places her hand on my thigh. Her hand feels right there,
like it has always belonged.
“I mean, I may suck at this, what if I’m a terrible boyfriend?” I ask, trying to keep my eyes off her amazing legs.
Her smile lights up her entire face. A little giggle escaped her lips. She’s laughing at me, I’ve never done this. I’ve never poured my soul out to a woman and she’s laughing at me.
“This isn’t funny,” I say, standing up.
“I’m sorry for laughing, but you’re cute when you’re trying to explain yourself,” she says, standing.
She places her hand around my forearm. The electricity between us is like a magnetic pulse, connecting us. Consuming us.
“Is this what it’s like?” I ask.
“What do you mean?”
“Feeling this way about someone? Not being able to control yourself, not being able to think straight. You can’t even form a sentence because they take your breath away.”
Her smile is back again and I can see her cheeks turn a rosy red colour.
She shrugs placing a stray bit of hair behind her ear.
“Is that how you feel about me?
I’m the one smiling now.
I lift my arm to her face and caress her cheek.
“You make me crazy, insane crazy, I want to kiss you every second of the day and hold you in my arms. My heart beats so fast when you’re around, it’s as if I can’t even control my own body when you’re near me.”
She’s staring at me now with her mouth open wide to what I’ve just confessed.
Yeah, this woman is making me crazy, alright.
“I want to kiss you,” I whisper.
“Okay.”
She lifts her chin upwards and closes her eyes.
This is it, no going back.
I want this with her.
My lips brush hers.
“So damn soft.”
A moan escapes from her as she leans in closer to me, I can feel her nipples through her top, teasing me. Begging me. My free hand rests on the small of her back pushing her into my body as my tongue captures hers. Our tongues twirl as we kiss, I gently take her bottom lip between my teeth and pull. She let out a moan that sends my dick hard instantly.
Charli’s hand wrap around my neck, as her fingers play with the ends of my hair. She pushes against me and pauses. I know she feels me. She slowly backs away, breaking our kiss.